Sam I Am Blog

My Newspaper of News, Lifestyle,Culture

Posts Tagged ‘Satan

Filipina Did ‘Stop The Pope’

leave a comment »

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Glyzelle Palomar,12, a Filipina street child managed to “Stop The Pope” with one question.

For five days, Pope Francis I got treated like “God On Earth.”

“God On Earth”

The pope’s every whim was catered to. People rushed to be in the pope’s presence. Whether “He” opened his mouth to yawn or speak people rushed to hear every word. Every sentence he spoke was taken down and “Worshiped” as “Gospel” and “Holy Truth.”

The Pope didn’t sing one note like a rock star and, yet, the “Groupies” and “Faith Fools” lined the streets.

The Pope did not “Walk On Water” and had to wear a yellow poncho in the rain because raindrops still fell on his tall, fat, old body.

The Pope did not “Raise Anyone From The DEAD” — “No Lazarus Productions.” People in the Philippines still “Died” with “The Old Holy Faker” in country.

The Pope did a Mass for “The Super Typhoon Yolanda Dead” and all the “DEAD” bodies remained asleep in the earth. No one arose.

TV cameras were trained on the pope and the graves, so it would of been obvious if anyone began to dig their way out of their graves; they did not.

Alas, Lazarus was a “No Show” for “The Power Of The Pope.”

The Pope did not “Part The Pacific Ocean” to walk from Leyte back to Luzon and into Manila. Typhoon Amang actually cut “The Pope’s Visit” to Tacloban City short, so that he had to fly back to Manila.

The Pope who is “On The Record” as supporting “Exorcists” in “The Church” didn’t use any of his time to “Exorcise” a single evil entity in a nation were the culture is rich in stories of Satan and his legions of monsterous demons, devils and denizens.

The Pope did not “Exorcise” a single demon, devil or possessed person in the Philippines, during his visit.

I feel wonderful, incidentally, “Thank You” for asking.

For all Pope Dope’s prayers, “Signs Of The Cross” gestures, “Blessings,” communion wafers and passing out of “Holy Water”, I did experience some “Disgust “ that so many people could be so “Stupid” to believe in the old fool so completely.

However, now, that Pope Dope has flown his holy hind end back to Rome — I feel fine. “Thank you.”

The 21st Century Holy Men just are not as impressive as the “Old Fictional Holy Men Of The Holy Bible.”

Still, the phony Holy Men Of The 21st Century still have “The Personality Power” to turn large numbers of people : “Pope Dope Stupid.”

The Five Days In January 2015 In The Republic Of The Philippines became “The Longest Non-Stop Orgy Of Public Bureaucratic Religious Butt Kissing In World History.”

The International News Media — The Global Religious Cheerleaders — was as shallow, naive, and gullible as any patient in a mental asylum because like the superstitious minions they bowed down to kiss “The Old Holy Faker’s Feet” with every news dispatch, report and continuing television coverage of the pope.

The Last Time A Public Orgy Of Insanity was so widely accepted and venerated was during the reign of The Roman Empire’s Emperor Caligula.

Emperor Caligula had been a successful Roman general who came to power on “The Death Of Emperor Tiberius”, his great uncle and “Adopted” grandfather. History points out the first six months of Caligula’s reign as noble and moderate.

Of course, Catholicism and Christianity “Conquered” The Roman Republic through “Stupidity”, so, world history, now, refers to the rest of Emperor Caligula’s reign as sadistic and perverted.

Alas, Caligula didn’t have streaming video, social media, computers, cell phones, and global news networks to report his every perverted whim like the pope does.

Thus, Emperor Caligula is considered a “Bad Guy.” Pope Dope, of course, instead of being considered a perverted old religious dictator is considered a Holy Man.

Pope Francis I is tall, fat and old.

The World’s Number One Ranking Holy Man can “bamboozle” and “scam” anyone on the planet with a smile and a few, nice words.

Yet, a poor Filipina street child “Stopped The Old Holy Faker” in his tracks with a question.

Like the children’s story of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” it was a child, who pointed out the obvious and made a fool of the emperor.

Glyzelle Palomar,12, a Filipina street child, “Made A Fool Of Pope Francis I,” because he did not answer a simple question.

The reported question was, “Why does God allow child prostitution ?”

The Pope did not answer. . .right away.

The news story claims that the pope quit speaking English, revered to Spanish for a few moments (perhaps, it is easier for ‘The Old Argentine Bar Bouncer Turned Holy Man’ to ‘cuss’ in Spanish.).

“Harry The Holy Man” —- Pope Francis I had began receiving “Broadway Red Carpet Headlines”, the instant he waved from the window on the airplane on the runway.

The pope had to come up with some type of answer for the child, which would play well with the World Media and “The Faith Fools”, so no one realizes the holy con artist was just in country to rip off wallets and purses and keep “The Faith Fools” as “zombies” to the phony faith headquartered in Rome.

“Yes, Glyzelle, God Does Allow Global Child Prostitution.”

The real answer is simple.

Pope Francis I is a religious man and he did not give the child “The Real Answer.”

“The Universal Religious Default”

Anytime, any place on Earth, a holy man or a holy woman is asked a religious question they cannot answer —- they go to “The Universal Religious Default” to “Pass The Buck To Dead Jesus Christ” or “Fictional God.”

The answer is “Always” a variation of “God Works In Strange And Mysterious Ways” or “God Has A ‘Master Plan.’”

The ‘Truth” is holy men and holy women have absolutely “No Idea What God’s Master Plan Is.

The Ancient Religious Fiction Writers Never Came Up With A Logical Happy Ending.

“The Laws Of Science”

God does not work in strange and mysterious ways because the universe and planet “Works” based on the logical laws of science. Once in a Blue Moon an “Exception” to a “Law Of Science” happens, but, it is rare, and, in time, it is discovered it was the understanding of the science that was incorrect and not the action.

Super Typhoon Yolanda “Killed”, at least, 6,300 Filipinos based on “The Laws Of Science In Action.”

Glyzelle, the pope did not answer your question because he did not want to tell you “The Truth.”

“Why does God allow child prostitution ?”

“Yes, Glyzelle, God Does Allow Global Child Prostitution.”

God is fiction.

There is “No Tangible, Real World Evidence Anywhere On Planet Earth That God Almighty Is Real And Alive.” People need the “Fictional Idea Of God” to give them Hope and Faith.

Glyzelle, the world is full of good people and bad people. The bad people do not care who they hurt as long as they get their way and their needs are met.

Bad people are willing to pay money to buy children to use as “Slaves” at home, in business, or for sexual entertainment.

God is fiction. God can’t stop bad people.

The real people in government have to “Want” to stop “Child Prostitution” worldwide.

However, Glyzelle, authorities around the world look the other way and ignore the issue because “Sex For Money” is an ancient practice as old as the planet and “The Illegal Money From Sex — Prostitution” is as important as “The Legal Money From Sex — Marriage” to maintain “The World Economy.”

Glyzelle, “Good People Do Not ‘Buy’ Children To Use For Sex.”

There was another obvious reason the pope would not give you an “Honest Answer” to your question : “Pedophile Priests.”

“Pedophile Priests”

In the 1980s, people who had been “Sexually Abused” as children by priests, nuns, monsignors, bishops, archbishops, and cardinals went to the government and legal authorities around the planet and filed civil and criminal cases against “The Criminals Of The Cloth.”

All religions in the 1980s, “Lost A Lot Of Money” because many religious officials were “Convicted” as “Child Molesters.”

The Roman Catholic Church “Survived” because it is an ancient multinational religious corporation with the pope as “The Chief Executive Officer.” “The Church” quickly “Closed Ranks” and senior officials figured out ways to end, delay or stop investigations.

Since Catholicism is a strict, bureaucratic religion and government, it was fairly easy for “The Church” to “Shut Out” government officials.

Other religions like Baptists, Lutherans, Methodist, Pentecost, and Mormons do not have the financial power or organization to shut out governments, so sometimes the “suspected minister” or “suspected preacher” was sentenced to prison.

“The Criminals Of The Cloth”

“The Church” —- Catholicism —- always “Rescued” their priests and nuns by keeping them out of prison.

Glyzelle, the pope could not give you an “Honest Answer” because he would have to admit that “God Is Fiction” and that “The Church” is as “Guilty” of “Child Molestation” and “Child Prostitution” as any criminals on the planet.

“The Church” has spent millions of dollars and billions of pesos over the decades to protect their “Criminals Of The Cloth.”

Glyzelle, never loose your “Courage.” Glyzelle, never loose your “Curiosity In Life” and continue to ask difficult questions and search for answers.

Glyzelle learn to be “Careful” in whom you ask questions of.

Glyzelle,Your “Honest Question” embarassed the pope.

The pope would not and could not give you an “Honest Answer.”

An “Honest Answer” would suggest that “Religion Worldwide Is A Scam”, and it would remind people of “The Corruption Of Catholicism” which was rampant in the 1980s, when “Pedophile Priests” always seemed to be in the headlines.

One young “Doubting Thomas” in the Philippines “Stopped” The Planet’s Most Famous Old Religious Snake Charmer “dead in his tracks with a simple question.”

The Global Media Of Religious Cheerleaders down played the event and decided to ignore the child, for the most part, and put the lame religious response to the question.


 

“My Eternal Wish For The United States Of America Is Americans Never Become “Muslim Morons” Or “Pope Dope Stupid.”
— Samuel E. Warren Jr., American Writer


 

Humanity’s Evolution Towards Global Religious Slavery And Stupidity Remains On Course.

Look at “Today’s” World News Headlines “The Religious Wars” continue around the planet in 2015.

The World is in “World War III.”

People do not recognize “The War” because they still have a naive “Faith” in their “Cowardly Leaders” who have “Sold Out” their nations for wealth and phony economic promises of global stability.

The seriousness of “World War III” has not sunk in, yet, because the Islamic State, al-Qaeda, Al-Qaeda In The Arab Pennisula (AQAP) or The Iranian military is not, yet, in a position to carry out definite,daily strategic and tactical attacks of Western citizens on the soil of Western nations.

The handwriting is on the wall; it is simply a matter of time.

In the first two “World Wars”, the United States was asleep at the wheel. The current World War is no different.  This time, America has a “Coward” for president, who has no idea how to keep America’s borders safe.

President Barack Obama’s biography states that he spent some years growing up in Indonesia, a Muslim country, so Americans are naive to expect “Muslim Mikey” to have their best interest at heart when it comes to “The Prophet Mohammed” and “Allah.”

Obama’s Administration has continued to “Down-size The Military” while the Islamic State Threat is real in The Middle East and Global Terrorism continues to run rampant around the world.

“Wise Up, Americans,” Obama is “Benedict Arnold 2015 !” Obama’s interest in America isn’t patriotic.

You take a kid who got shipped from country to country in his childhood and you expect him to take “Roots” as a national leader ?

Work with your congressman and senators to “Take Back The White House.” Keep in mind, the next election is still several months away, so stay alert, read up on George Washington, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, and study up on personal self defense.

“The Survivalists Of The 1970s and The 1980s”, were wrong about “The Enemy”, but, not “The Fact” that “Freedom” is always “Threatened When You Let Your Guard Down.”

The aggressive effort to “Stop Americans’ 2nd Amendment” and take America’s guns is an important “Conquest” objective.

Look at World History, especially in the 20th Century, any time a dictator is on the rise, the “Peace Freaks” and “Jesus Freaks” arrive to tell you to lay down your weapons.

Any American Politician who is against you owning and using your gun is “A Traitor ! ”

Guts,Guns, Farmers, Fishermen, Blue Collar Workers, and G.I.s have always kept America Free !

All The World should ‘Stand Up Against Religious Stupidity And Slavery !”

Perhaps, people have become so “Stupid” they long to “Kiss The Pope’s Butt” and to put their faces in the dirt and their butts in the air for Allah.

I “Hope” children always remain intelligent enough to question old religious fools, who play on the emotions of people to get at the wallets, purses, real estate, and the minds of intelligent adults.

Sam

Advertisements

Written by samwarren55

January 21, 2015 at 11:21 PM

Posted in Bloggers, Blogs, Business, Current Events, Editorial, Family, God, Leyte, Money, Opinion, Patriotism, Philippines, Soap Box Political Opinion, Soap Box Religious Opinion, Tropics

Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

24th Wedding Anniversary

with 2 comments

Editor’s Note — I wrote this editorial on my Wedding Anniversary for my wife. I had problems logging into my Word Press blog accounts on that day. Thus, the editorial stayed on my hard drive until I could get logged into publish the article.
Word Press seems to have updated their publish system, since my last editorial, so the format of this editorial may look different than previous posts.
Samuel E. Warren Jr.
_____________________________________________________

24th Wedding Anniversary

Today, Sunday, July 20, 2014, Christy Warren, my wife, celebrates her 24th Wedding Anniversary. Wait, a minute. . .my wife ? Holy Cow ! That means I’ve been married 24 years today also.

I need a minute.

Okay. The shock has passed.

I am surprised I am celebrating 24 years of marriage. I was a single man. I liked being a single man.
My first marriage was “Made In Hell.” Actually, I made the Supreme Mistake of walking down the alise of the neo-Gothic cathedral of The School Of The Ozarks at Point Lookout, Missouri, back in the late ’70s.

I made it a point to ‘Forget’ that so-called “Wedding Day.”

The Lesson Of My First Marriage was simple: I will Never, Ever get married again. Two-and-a-half miserable years of being “Locked” into “Holy Wedlock”, is the reason Why I Don’t Fear Hell. I spent everyday in Hell for two-and-a-half, long, miserable years. I dreaded sunrise each day.

Once my divorce was granted, I made myself “The Promise.”

The Promise was simple: “Never Again.”

At age 24, I won back my “Freedom.”

I never had any intention of ever getting married again.

I was “Free !” I was single, again.” I had a good job in the United States Air Force. Thanks to Uncle Sam, I do my job, salute smartly and I could travel the world. I did.

Again, I was a Single American. I was fortunately to be a Single American G.I. I loved my job in Public Affairs because I got to live my fantasy as “The Reporter.”

I lived to write. My mentor Master Sergeant took the time to really “Teach” me how to use a camera to take news photographs for the newspaper. I worked at it and became a photojournalist. I wrote the stories and shot the photos, which ended up in print in a base newspaper. My Life was complete. I was Whole. I was Happy.

The day came when Uncle Sam handed me a set of orders for duty in the Pacific. Hallelujah !

The Ozarks country boy ends up at Kadena Air Base, Okinawa. I had heard my father’s stories about World War II in the Pacific. I had heard other veterans War stories about duty in the Pacific. I did some interviews and published some of those stories. When Uncle Sam gave me the orders, I had my camera bag packed before my duffel bag and I was ready to catch the aircraft on the runway.

While stationed on Okinawa, I noticed and met some of the Most Beautiful Women On Planet Earth.

I met Koreans and Filipinas. I got a temporary duty assignment to the Kingdom Of Thailand, so I met beautiful Thais, Cambodian and Laotian women.

I was in my 20s and 30s, so I was as “Handsome” as I was ever going to be. Fortunately, the striking blue uniform and my Battle Dress Uniform made even an average looking guy like me appear like a handsome Hollywood heart throb.

Still, I had “No Intention Of Never, Ever Getting Married Again.”
At Clark Air Base, Republic of the Philippines, I fell in love with the tropical climate, the country, the base, and my job. I was a Single American G.I., whose blood flowed and his heart pounded, so I naturally noticed I was “Ground Zero” in the Pacific version of Heaven. Everywhere I looked — Filipinas.

A Single Man In Paradise surrounded by beautiful women realizes Life is more fun and meaningful when it is shared.

One Filipina caught my eye. Christy had a Farah Fawcett-Majors shag haircut. Her eyes sparkled. Her smile was diamond bright sunshine.

She wasn’t tall. Still, she caught my eye and I could see her as a “Playboy” or “Penthouse” centerfold in my mind.

Christy might have known two words in English. Language was definitely the barrier. I learned broken Tagalog and she busted through the barrier and learned English quickly.

One of the things I noticed about my future wife was her independence and sense of style. In the Asian culture, women usually are shy and taught to stay in the background. Christy was one of the few Asian women I had ever met, who did not do the cultural “Docile Routine.”

When it came to style, Christy had the eye of a fashion designer. She knew how to mix and match colors that caught my eye and made other men turn their heads.

We began to date. I suddenly realized, “Jackpot !”

I knew “If” I didn’t marry Christy I would always regret the decision. I wanted someone I could “Love” and share my Life with.

Women came and Women went. I was a single man. I knew, Christy was “The Woman!” I didn’t want to see her, “Go.”

I proposed.

She made me wait.

I kept at the job and wondered “If” she would take me up on my offer.

She did.

Friday, July 20, Nineteen Eighty Nine, the presses rolled. “The Philippine Flyer” came “Hot Off The Press !”

In the best tradition of American Newspaper Editors And Reporters, I had told Christy, “The newspaper comes first !”

My Wedding Day was scheduled to happen — after “The Philippine Flyer” came off the presses. Show Time was 10 a.m., at the Justice Of The Peace office at The Main Gate of Clark Air Base. I and everyone of my witnesses and people from my office were in position.

The only thing missing ? The Bride.

Christy was having “Second Thoughts.”

The clock ticks. Time passes.

I smiled a lot.

The smiles helped to hide my nervousness.
I remembered the stories about being “Left At The Altar.” I remembered Dustin Hoffman in the movie, “The Graduate.”

The witnesses were getting restless. The Justice Of The Peace did some more paperwork to pass the time.

I got restless.

At 1 p.m., my “Bride” walked through the door. Heaven retired an “Archangel” that day. Christy was a heavenly vision. She wore a simple white dress with the traditional Filipina “Imelda Marcos Filipina sleeves”, which rise an inch or two at the shoulder seam.

Filipina First Lady Imelda Marcos made the dress style internationally famous, so, at least, Military Americans got in the habit of describing the dress as “The Imelda Dress” or a Filipino dress with “Imelda sleeves.”

Christy wore her long hair up to create a bun at the back described as Chinese style. I describe her holding mechanism as “Chopsticks”, for lack of a better descriptive term.

Christy was “Perfect.”

24 Years Later — My Bride, Christy is still “Perfect.”

The only thing my bride lacked was “Wings.” I looked at her and my mind’s eye supplied the feathery, ivory angelic wings to match her dress.

“I do.” The two most important words I ever uttered in my life, I spoke that day.

When I die, I doubt I go to Heaven. I don’t care. I’m a redneck Texan. I grew up in the Hillbilly Ozarks. I am an arrogant American. I love my country and my flag.

The Texan Warrens and The Missouri Ozarks’ DeLongs taught me the most important thing in Life is to Live It and Love Your Family.

The Day I Step Out Of This Life and stand before God or Satan and am expected to make a statement about my life, I already know, what I will say:

“Sir, with all due respect, I enjoyed every second of my Life. I had the Best Mother any Son or Daughter could ever ask for.”

” I am grateful for my father. I hit the celestial jackpot of aunts and uncles when it came to DeLongs and Warrens. The Universe hit me hard at times in Life.”

“I am not a religious man. However, I got The Best Wife that any man, in the past, present or future, could ever imagine or ask for. Christy Saldana Warren might not have been an archangel, but, she has always been, My Goddess. My wife has always been my strength, my heart and my soul.”

“If this is Judgement Day; so be it ! I ain’t askin’ for ‘Squat.’ I just want The Universe, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, The Christian God and whatever other deities, real or imagined, which live in The Universe to realize I loved Christy Warren with my heart and blackened soul. I thank The Universe for my son, Samuel Ranilo Warren. I thank The Universe for my daughter, Donna Junea Warren.”

“My children have ‘The Best’ of their beautiful Filipina mother. I truly hope, my children have inherited some of the redneck arrogance, cynicism, skepticism, independence, stubbornness,and courage of their American Warren and DeLong ancestors and their ‘Hell-raising’ father, so they will achieve their own personal greatness in their lives.”

“Therefore, God, Satan, with all due respect,my Life is better than I could of ever hoped for. Faith, Hope, Beauty, Joy, Happiness — I had it all.”

“If you gentlemen dieties wanted me to suffer — you messed up ! I found ‘My Wife.’ I found ‘My Life.’ Christy Saldana Warren. I lived on the planet Earth. But, I Never really Lived until I woke up each morning and looked into Christy’s face.”

“My world. My Life. My Soul. I lived as a man. My wife completed me. No silly reward or No eternal punishment can ever separate my from The Love Of My Wife Christy On Earth.”

“Send Me To Heaven ! Send Me To Hell ! Cast My Atoms To The Far Reaches Of The Universe ! I will have the last smile. I had ‘The Best Mother Of Mankind.’ No Eternal Punishment Will Ever Torture My Sinner’s Soul because I had ‘The Best Wife Of Mankind’ — Christy Saldana Warren.”

In the United States, it is never easy to find the Love of another person.

In the Republic Of The Philippines, Love might be totally ignored because people are taught to believe in a God creature or his underling, rather than open their eyes and search for the soul that adds to or completes their Life.

My Life has taught me that Love is The Soul Who Completes You.

Christy has not always agreed with me. Christy, at times, has definitely disagreed with me. We have had our loud shouting matches at each other. However, I would never want to imagine My Life Without Her.

Thus, God or Satan — real or not — does not worry me. None of the deities of Mankind frighten me. Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, The Christian God can all take a bus to Brooklyn and drown themselves in The Atlantic Ocean. I do not “NEED” or “WANT” any of the silly religious fantasies and mythologies of The World’s Old Tired Organized Religions.

I stood at “Ground Zero”, the day that Super Typhoon Yolanda, came to my barangay in the Philippines. I heard the winds howl. I saw the intense white light around the door frame. The door busts open three times. Three times I rushed put my shoulder to the door and closed it.

None of the phony Gods Of Mankind had ‘The Power’ to take me.

I love my wife and family. The phony Gods didn’t get me and they had their chance.

Super Typhoon Yolanda didn’t take me and I gave her three chances when I grabbed the door and shut it.

Thus, “If” I ever do stand before one of the false Gods Of Mankind or Satan, I will be respectful: I was born a Texan and “Respect” is ingrained in my DNA.

I will not “Fear” because I was raised in the Ozarks by a proud “hillbilly” mother, who taught me “Love IS Family” and “Family IS Always Love.” Relatives who betray you; aren’t family — they are just biological lifeforms who have a lot of the shared RNA and DNA.

Marriage can and does “Create A Special Mystical Strand Of RNA and DNA”, which flows through the blood and enhances the organs to evolve a human into a special, unique human, who lives for his or her family.

In the final analysis, I have, no doubt, I could look God or Satan in the eyes and present my final statements.

“My wife,Christy made me welcome each sunrise. Everyday with Christy was an adventure. We had our ups. We had our downs. We always had ‘The Love.’ Christy gave me two beautiful children, Samuel Ranilo Warren and Donna Junea Warren. The Universe knows ‘My Goddess’ is Christy Warren — my heart, my soul, and my Life.”

Thank You, Christy for 24 Wonderful Years Of Married Life. Thank You, Christy for 24 Years Of Life. Christy, You are “My Goddess.”

I love you, Christy.
Sam

Sam,God,Satan New Year Proposal by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

leave a comment »

 

Book Two

Sam,

God,

Satan,

The

New Year

Proposal

TICK TOCK TRAVEL TIME_resized

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

God brought me to a Time and Space Dimension, outside the realm of The Real World.

 

God and Satan sometimes “Shoot The Breeze.”

 

Today, New Year’s Eve, God decided to select a human to attend the session.

 

It is obvious, that this brainstorming session is setting the stage for A New Year’s celebration unlike any other.

 

Satan did not like the location, so He teleported all of us to His penthouse in another dimension.

 

God in his white tuxedo seems to have a New Year’s Proposal in mind.

 

God crushes out his cigar butt in the ashtray and finishes off His brandy. He stands up.

 

Satan, Ole Buddy. You are just too serious. It is time to lighten up and party. I’m thinking a uniform change is in order,” teases God.

 

No !” Satan shrieks. “No ! I sense where you are going. The idea is not warranted and it certainly is not funny.’

 

God spread His legs into a Parade Rest stance and lifts up His head. A supreme ball of intense white light radiates from within His solar plexus.

 

Satan smirks, “His sense of humor will be the death of me one of these centuries.”

 

The rays of light cascade around God’s human form for a moment and then vanish.

 

Call me, ‘Goddess,” proclaims God, who now, stands embodied in the form of a tall, large redheaded woman in a floor-length eveining gown.

 

Satan shakes his head, “You just had to be a Momma’s Boy; didn’t you.”

 

An unseen force thrusts Satan back and He is on His knees on the floor staring up into a pillar of intense energetic blue light. “Alright. Alright. I get it.”

 

The light vanishes. Satan stands up in the stance that God had used. An intense orb of yellow, then, orange, then, blue light casts our rays around His body. “This isn’t funny,” he groans.

 

Satan drops to his knees and stretches out on the floor. The light radiates under Him against the floor for a moment and then vanishes.

 

A large, tall black woman lies on the floor in the place of Satan.

 

Goddess sashays over and looks down. “The process requires an intense amount of focused energy. If you don’t fight it; it is harmless. Poor Satan, all these centuries and sometimes He forgets to roll with the flow.

 

Satan slowly sits up. “Call Him, Santanna,” remarks God. God reaches down a hand.

 

A flustered Santanna rises to her feet. “i can do it. You and your silly little jokes and pranks.”

 

Goddess grins, “When I do it; it is jokes and pranks. When Satan does it, of course, it is procedure, rules, regulations, i.e., business.”

 

Why,” asks Santanna ?

 

In this dimension of Time And Space, we did The Universal Macho Male Bonding Exercise,” smiles God.

 

You guessed it, Santanna. Sam is a Momma’s Boy. In his Real World dimension, he can and does relate to a woman, whom he trusts, loves and respects. Santanna you are long overdue to feel some human emotion.”

 

Santanna looks down at the evening gown.

 

Goddess steps back and looks at Her evening gown. “Exquisite.”

 

She smiles at me. “Since I plucked this design out of your mind, Sam, you get to explain it.

 

Santanna moans, “Great. Time out for Fashion Week In The Mythic Zone.”

 

I know my terms won’t be fashion terms, but, I’ll try to explain the style and design. Goddess wear a full-length evening gown of satin blue.

 

The bodice is, essentially, a strapless bustier. It is an exaggerated M design to suggest the natural peaks and valleys of a woman’s breast.

 

The M provides two functions. First, it calls attention to the breasts. Second, it can provide a Public or a Privacy function.

 

If you wish to suggest, but not reveal, then, you choose the Superheroine Style that stiffly towers over the breasts and casts a shadow to conceal them.

 

Goddess wears “This is The Freedom Of The Press Style. “ The wearer has nothing to hide.

 

The large M cut design simply shields the breasts behind reinforced comfortable material. The design is suppose to gently lift the breasts and allow them to rest on a comfortable material shelf that feels as natural as if a woman is lifting up her own breasts.

 

To provide the support a woman’s breasts stand out like the prow of a ship. “The design to allow the breast to stick out forward is intentional. Men are men. Women are women. God purposely designed the bodies to be different.

 

The physique of a man’s body and the physique of a woman’s body should always be celebrated.

 

Under the breast is layers of cottonballs arranged to provide a cushion to allow the breasts to stick out forward and rest comfortably. It is the only idea I could come up with to replace an underwire. I’m sure someone in the industry can refine the design.

 

Santanna snickers, “We get it, Sam. You are a breast man.”

 

Goddesses frowns at Santanna.

 

I step out and gesture at the cup area of the evening gown. “If I knew more about synthetics, then, I might have been able to suggest a Kevlar, diamond, lycra or latex alloy or composition that would be sewn into the lining and really protect the breasts from injury.”

 

I point to the bodice. “The body of the garment is suppose to be comfortable because at a formal social fuction then you should look impressive and still be comfortable.”

 

My concern is the way the material is gathered together at the small of the back. I had hoped the overall design would allow for a more natural flow like how drapes hang straight down.”

 

It looks like some of the material may have been bunched and is creating an unnatural padding situation. Perhaps, a heavier weight of satin would provide the vertical flow, although sharkskin would probably be cheaper and maybe easier to work with.”

 

Regardless, I chose to embed two structural supports at the side of the garment to allow the bra section to remain suspended. When a woman puts her arm down to her side you do not see the support.

 

I believe with an evening gown a woman should have the matching gloves that extend half way up past the elbow.

 

I step to the back of Goddess. “The back is open to reveal the shoulder blades. I imagined this peaked V at the bottom of the bustier bodice, to allow the material to flow natually over the posterior.” I hunker down tto show how the material hangs down to the instep. “At least, the design rides to an inch or two above the instep.”

 

I look up and Santanna shakes Her head. “Sam, you really need to get out of the house more often.”

 

Goddess reaches down and help me to my feet. “Pay no attention, Sam. Some people and some entities are just wet blankets.”

 

Goddess winks and whispers. “I think you are on to something. You should sketch it out on paper and go from there.”

 

I shrug. “Basically, it was just a mental exercise. You see an actress at the Academy Awards on TV and you imagine designing her a more eye-catching andcomfotable gown.”

 

Santanna claps and steps forward. “I’m really going to be interested in how you explain this design.”

 

Like the previous evening gown, it draws attention to the woman’s breasts. It has the strapless M design.

 

The inverted W calls attention to without demanding attention. The red satin evening gown material flows down to full-length.

 

I etched in embroidery at the side seams of the bra to outline the front panel of the dress.

 

The gold embroidery suggests an Oriental flavor. I used oversized peal snaps at the seams to suggest a Western flavor.”

 

I open one of the snaps. “ The snaps work. They are in line from the armpit to the top of the hip. Two rows of three snaps are above the top of the hip to prevent the dress from accidentally coming apart in public.

 

This is my East Meets West Evening Gown.”

 

The front panel hangs down. The two inch wide Oriental design originates at the top of the hips from the bottom of the structural piping and flows down, along the bottom and up the other side.”

 

I step back and point at the thigh. “ The graduated slit of the evening gown allows the wearer seductive freedom of movement. Here, of course, Santanna has decided to go with black hose garters to Her nylons.”

 

Santanna steps forward thrust around Her shoulders and casts a seductive look over Her shoulder. “I have to hand it to you, preacher man, you really know how to design a comfortable evening gown.”

 

Then, Santanna winks, “You are going to have to pay attention to the shoes though. “

 

High heels may go with everything, but they are not always the comfortable footwear choice.”

 

I step back and look at Goddess and Santanna. “Thank you.”

 

For what,” smirks Santanna ?

 

It is always nice to see an image from your imagination in The Real World. . .or, at least, in a realistically virtual dimension.

 

Goddess smiles and steps back. She lifts up Her hair and it flows. She smiles into the ornate silver full-length mirror.

 

Roman women’s formal hairstyles were hard to beat. They did make every woman look like a goddess.” Goddesses’ hair finishes and a large silver ornamental comb appears at the back of the hairstyle.

 

Santanna smirks at Goddess. “The Punk Rocker, Spike and Mohawk look I take it are out for this evening gown.”

 

Fine.” Santanna firmly plants her feet on the floor and the scattered strands of hair rise to create a formal Korean hairstyle.

 

The large ornamental gold and jade dragon comb appears in the hair.

 

You know, professor, I think, I’m going to spend more time looking in on your mind.

 

I got a tall, busty, black bodybuilder physique out of your subconscious. The end result is I like how this dress hangs and swings on my body.”

 

Santanna don’t try to intimidate Sam. It is New Year’s Eve. We want to party. I think Sam is in the inner reflection mode.

 

Goddess gestures to me. I step up and take her hand. Santanna steps up and takes mine. “Relax, human. You ain’t my type.”

 

I step forward and the two buxom women in evening gowns stroll toward my front porch.

 

Goddess laughs. “Relax, Sam. You don’t have to worry about your neighbors. We are still doing the old spatial time displacement routine. We are at a level in your world, but we are still transparent.

 

Santanna staggers around on the heels and finally reaches the porch. Santanna takes off the heels and drops them on the porch.

 

The guests in the Real World look for the disembodied sound. Santanna smirks.

 


“Shoes, gentlemen. If we ever play this game again. We bring along a shoe designer.”

 

Santanna sits on a porch railing and begins to massage her feet. “My dogs hurt.”

 

Santanna roughly massages the bottoms of her feet. “Ouch,”

 

Santanna stands up and looks at the evening gown.

 

Well, if I have to be in this ridiculous skin wearing this ridiculous get up I really want to look like a woman. . .”

 

Santanna thrusts out her hip and places her hand on it. “Goddess is American 38G Cup,” Santanna proclaims and smiles.

 

Santanna’s breasts start to grow. “Santanna will be an American 40 G Cup,” Santanna proclaims.

 

Santanna swishes her hips and walks up behind me to breathe on my neck. Santanna whispers her best Mae West voice in my ear, “What do you think, big boy ?”

 

Goddess rises and walks forward. “Stand down, Santanna. If only the humans of earth could see The Ultimate Evil Of The Universe has gender issues. And, He, She still has trouble playing it off.”

 

Santanna nods. “Fine. Gender switch is an issue with me. Lilith will scatter my atoms across the universe if she sees me like this.”

 

God laughs. “You are immortal.”

 

And, Lilith is creative,”

 

God nods. I step forward and Pseudo Sam, the genetic golem, becomes a part of me.

 

I stand back in The Real World. I smell the food and notice the hunger in my stomach.

 

I sit down at the head of the table. Goddess stands to my right and places Her hand on my shoulder. Santanna stands to my left and places Her hand on my shoulder.

 

I express my Real World appetite. The Universal Energy flows in a circle inside me. I look at the porch railing in the distance and there is the momentary reflection of Goddess and Santanna standing by my side.

 

Once everyone finishes eating. The men move to an area to talk. The women sit at the table and talk. I step to the porch, look out into the night and light a cigarette,

 

I exhale the smoke.

 

Suddenly, my golem strolls toward the men.

 

Goddess, Santanna and I watch. “The TV is tuned to the New Year’s Eve countdown. The men are drinking tuba and the women are drinking wine.

 

Even without the spatial time dimension, I doubt anyone would notice us,” remarks Goddess,

 

Oh, no, Goddess. The way you look in that evening gown, you would definitely stand out, “I comment.

 

Goddess smiles. “This is New Year’s Eve. My wife is shopping somewhere in Paris for the evening and your wife, , ,” Goddess looks at Santanna.

 

She is at some party in Florence or Milan. She mentioned something about swinging by Greenwich Village or Haight Ashbury. I swear that goddess is lost without the 1960s.

 

We had better watch Lilith or She is going to gesture and re-create Woodstock right next to The Dome Of The Rock in The Holy Land,”

 

Goddess laughs. “Lilith isn’t the loose cannon, you think She is. You just get jealous whenever She negotiates a successful business deal that you overlooked. Bottom line, She has better control of her emotions than you do.”

 

Santanna leans against the porch railing and massages the bottom of Her feet, “I’m getting out of this ridiculous evening gown.”

 

You will do no such thing,” admonishes Goddess !

 

Relax,Satan ! Every millennium or so, we owe it to ourselves to do something unusual for New Year’s Eve. Who says we can’t put a little Halloween into New Year’s ?”

 

Santanna eases her right foot down on the porch, “I did like the feel of my tux.”

 

Goddess shakes her head. “You are not fooling anybody, Satan.”

 

While you have one presence here, I am aware that you are have your cloned presence suited up in a variety of tuxedos and dinner jackets and are in attendance at various New Year’s Eve Parties around the globe.”

 

Santanna grins. “The problem with being the Dark Half Of The Creator is I am the half, which means that you always know what I am up to.”

 

Goddess laughs. “Ah, the challenge of being a twin.”

 

Santanna slides off the railing and limps around in Her stocking feet. “With only a little time left until the New Year, I’m curious. If you aren’t going to pursue a career as a shoe designer in the New Year; do you have a direction?”

 

I nod. “Yes.”

 

Goddess smiles. “Speak your mind, Sam. Satan’s bark is often worse than His bite. He does have a talent for getting the right people to spread the word to enhance His “EVIL” reputation.”

 

Goddess smiles, “But, even with a reputation; sometimes you have to put your money where your mouth is. He usually comes up short on the follow through.”

 

Says you,” smirks Santanna.

 

Actually, I was going to give Satan credit for snakes, lawyers, Rap music, jocks and computer games,” I smile.

 

Goddess chuckles. Santanna bursts out in laughter and gestures. The porch lengthens and a round dining table with a lace table cloth appears.

 

Two bottles of champagne are in the silver chilled ice buckets standing by the table. A bucket of ice with tongs sits in the middle of the table.

 

Santanna grins at Goddess, “You might want to do your thing and slow time in The Real World. This sounds like fun.”

 

Goddess nods. I notice people in The Real World dimension, do seem to be moving slower.

 

We sit at the table. “I give you credit for snakes. A truly worthless lifeform that causes problems, spreads venom and kills numbers of people each year.”

 

Since the snake bite fatalities of a single incident don’t rank up there with bomb explosions; humanity at large doesn’t pay attention.”

 

Santanna nods. “They are worthless. I figured within a week, the slow-witted humans of old would have had them wiped out from the planet.

 

Of course, it only took one fool to look at a snake and decide it reminded him of a certain part of his anatomy.”

 

Santanna laughs. “There have always been stupid people in the world. But, for an ancient twit to look at an ugly snake and make that connection is the height of stupidity.

 

Of course, other slug-witted humans come along and the next thing you know, the nuisance creation genetic material is being plugged in as a symbol in stories and religious cults.”

 

Santanna hold up Her hand and the silver cigarette case appears. “Lawyers,” smirks Goddess. Santanna lights her cigarette and offers me one. I accept. I light the cigarette and exhale.

 

Lawyers,” I smile.

 

Granted. A lawyer does solve problems. The catch is when they solve a problem, often they are only setting things up to create more and bigger problems.

 

Humanity will never evolve to the point to where people can compromise, so, unfortunately, you will always need the occupation of a lawyer in humanity.”

 

Santanna grins, “Rap music is cuss words set to noise.”

 

I nod. “Simple. When it starts up, the promoters whine that once society rejected to rock and roll, jazz and other forms of music. No one wants to be guilty of stopping a valid art form, so suddenly you have rhythmic noise pulling down big bucks,” I decree.

 

Santanna leans across the table and looks me in the eye, “Jocks ?”

 

I lean across the table and look Santanna in the eye.

 

Pure Satanic Genius,” I grin.

 

The gladiators were true athletes, who used their brain and brawn to earn their freedom,” I point out. Santanna and Goddess nod.

 

I lean back in the chair and blow a smoke ring. “A jock is a man or woman, who never grows up. As a child, they are usually a bully or hang out with bullies.

 

They may make tons of money playing in public, but, they never really do anything for anyone other than themselves.

 

People buy into the whole silly fairy tale because it is suppose to be physical fitness.

 

Jocks are just supreme time wasters that drags along tons of people with them to waste their money and lives on primitive grunt and groan theatrics,” I explain.

 

Santanna laughs loudly and wipes at a tear in Her eye.

 

Goddess lights a cigarette. “Sam, why do you think Satan created computer games.”

 

I was yanking His chain,” I grin.

 

Computer games can be important to teach hand and eye coordination and to teach someone how to use a computer, the Internet and other tasks,” I explain.

 

A major downside of humanity is how quickly humanity can get addicted to something.

 

Whether a computer game is simple or complex, if the right person sits down in front of the screen, hours of their lives slip away wasted and unused.”

 

Everyone fights boredom. Computer games are a great way to fight it.”

 

When the entertainment becomes an obsession then it is a habit, which is an addiction, which is basically a way to waste large chunks of your life. Everything in moderation.” I smile.

 

Santanna laughs loudly. Goddess exhales smoke and grins. “I have a game for you.” Goddess winks. “If you were granted immortality and God status, what would you change ?”

 

World peace,” teases Santanna

 

I shake my head. “World Peace is a silly fantasy. No way to achieve it on an earth full of humans,” I retort.

 

Really,” inquires Santanna. “Do tell.”

 

God could wave His hand and walah, suddenly there would be Peace throughout the world.

 

Peace is boring. Everyone would deal with their happy, happy, joy,joy modes for a few hours, days, weeks, months. Humanity might even make it to a decade.”

 

Sooner or later, one person, a few people, or a group will get upset or disgruntled over something. Dissension Discontent, Disappointment, Discord. Disagreement.”

 

I shrug. “Whether it is one person, a few people or a group; once people don’t see eye to eye on an issue and they can’t reach an agreement, then, the stage is set for all that negative energy to grow and multiply.

 

World Peace is an unrealistic fantasy of humanity.”

 

Santanna lies back in the chair and points at Goddess. “If you did have immortality and God-like powers what would you do ?”

 

I smirk. “Grant my wife, immortality and God status.”

 

I inhale and exhale the smoke. “Then, I would convince Christy move to a distant planet in the universe. There we could try to enjoy our immortality.

 

Of course, once we got to the planet, we might give up the immortality to return to a mortal life. Life without end, never sounds as attractive in your senior years as it does in your youth.”

 

Santanna waves her cigarette. “Humanity. If you had to use your God powers for humanity what would you do ?

 

Honest,” I ask ?

 

Honest,” grins Santanna.

 

I look at Goddess. “I would thank God for the magnificent opportunity, but I would request not to be given The Power.”

 

Yeah, right,” smirks Santanna. “You have been offered The Power to be a God and you turn it down.”

 

I nod. “As a child, I was optimistic about humanity. I have lived in The Real World.

 

People don’t want to be “Holy.” People just want to live their lives.

 

People don’t even really care about “The Big Picture” issues of Life unless they think it will affect them.”

 

At Christmas, people go out of their way to help the homeless. Pick any day of the year before the Christmas season and people usually ignore or don’t think about the homeless.”

 

There are people, who can live their lives and still help others.”

 

You don’t know where to start,” grins Santanna ?

 

I wish I could be more optimistic about the human race,” I smile.

 

Unfortunately, in the Grand Scheme Of Gods, You, Satan have The Best Job. You get to put obstacles in front of people and challenge them to overcome them.”

 

I look at Goddess. “With all due respect, God has the worst job because He gives people the benefit of the doubt and tries to help them.

 

People usually only really drop to their knees to “worship”, during an extreme personal crisis. God always gets the short end of the stick.”

 

Santanna frowns. “You want my job ?”

 

No. It is obvious you, Satan, enjoy your job immensely.”

 

If I had The Power and could fly, teleport between dimensions, change the molecular structure of items just by thinking or wishing about them. . .obviously, all these aspects of The Power would be great to have.”

 

Imagine being a human with super hero powers. The catch is the universe expects you to use those powers to help your fellow humans.”

 

But, when you try to help one human, then, sometimes you cause problems for another human. It is a proverbial, endless loop cycle,”

 

The temptation, then, is to become just a selfish God intent on satisfying your own needs.

 

You can be human and be selfish; you don’t need God-like powers to be selfish,” I explain.

 

I shrug. “I want to live out my little,mortal Life and then go Permanent Change Of Station into The Afterlife.”

 

Goddess leans on the table and looks me in the eyes. “If you were offered The Power Of Creation And Immortality To Be A God; you would reject it ?”

 

I nod. “Yes.”

 

Where humanity is concerned. Evolution is a slow process. Earth is a classroom. People live and learn lessons. “

 

I doubt humanity will ever evolve anywhere near being “Holy” or a God-like status. It is too easy for humans to get sidetracked by trivial issues in The Real World.”

 

Santanna grins. “I have to hand it to you, human. It is rare, when I meet a human, who has actually examined their hopes and dreams.”

 

Goddess rises from the table and walks around the porch. Santanna watches.

 

Santanna looks around. “Retirement is nothing like you expected,” Santanna asks ?

 

Not in my wildest dreams,” I reply and open one of the cold bottles of rum.

 

Can I help,” offers Santanna ?

 

Probably not,” I grin.

 

Santanna snickers, “You’re still holding that Misawa Air Base thing against me; aren’t you ?”

 

I nod. “Until The Day Eternity Ends.”

 

Santanna shrugs. “Life is a slow pace in the country, huh ?”

 

I nod. “I’m not going to ask for your help, if that is what you are waiting for. I simply, don’t have any issues that require your level of expertise,” I smile.

 

Nothing,” whines Santanna ?

 

I sip the rum. “For the last year, it has been frustrated dealing with the electric company.

 

But, electric companies, internet service providers, cell phone companies, telephone companies, satellite companies – they are all alike. They give you ho-hum service and send you a huge bill each month.”

 

The electric company. Is that a request ?”

 

No. It is not a request,” I emphasize.

 

I understand the challenges the electric company faces. Weather, terrain, budget – I know all those issues play into the kind of service a company can provide. I get it.”

 

Nonetheless, every business in the world ends up with the dead weight employees, who get their game down pat. They don’t rock the boat and stay under the radar.

 

The dead weights go high enough to be comfortable, but, never high enough to be noticed. Then, they sit back and “Fat Cat” off the system. They collect a paycheck for the least amount of work possible.”

 

Santanna smiles, “You think one of the electric companies in Leyte has gone ‘Fat Cat’?”

 

I shrug. “As a human, I’m not impressed by their so-called service.”

 

I’m sure an Immortal, perhaps, a God, might have the opportunity to see behind the press releases.”

 

Santanna leans across the table and grins. “Are you sure this is not a request ?”

 

This is not a request,” I emphasize.

 

I am simply calling your attention to a matter that may have escape the attention of God and Satan.

 

I’m sure one of you or both of you might check out the matter when you have time on your schedule,” I explain.

 

Santanna sits up in the chair and sips Her liqueur, “Sam, do you think we will do any business in the coming year ?”

 

I shrug. “Anything is possible, I guess.” I reply.

 

Good enough,” grins Santanna.

 

Goddess returns and sits down at the table. “Remodeling ? Renovation ? What are you thinking,” asks Goddess ?

 

Inspiration,” I reply. “Once I am inspired I will move ahead with an idea.”

 

My wife, Christy is a pro-active person. She has an idea; she goes for it. My drawback is I stroll toward an idea. I don’t charge, head-first into it.

 

The last couple of years. I have tried to be a nice guy and be kind of laid back.”

 

In the New Year, I’m going to pursue the dream Christy and I want. I’m ready,” I proclaim.

 

Santanna holds up her hand and an open bottle of Benedictine brandy appears. A glass appears in her hand and She pours the liquid. “I like the irony.”

 

The story s that the Benedictine monks came up with the drink. The story isn’t true, but, it has been told so often that the brandy is associated with the monks,” Santanna teases and takes a swig.

 

A champagne flute appears in Goddess’ hand and She sips. “A few minutes until the New Year,”

 

A cold bottle of rum appears in my hand. I sip.

 

Goddess leans against me and whispers, “Remember, even in the tropics, there is a colds and flu season.”

 

Goddess steps forward and stands in front of me. She looks me in the eyes.

 

Your mother asks that I pass along her love,” smiles Goddess, who raises Her arms and an intense beam of light radiates from each palm into my body for about five minutes.

 

Santanna stands up and steps to the other side of the table. She uses her half-filled crystal glass to point at the TV screen. “The countdown to the New Year has started.”

 

I stand up. Goddess winks at me. “You will be okay.”

 

Everyone yells, “Happy New Year !”

 

I stand near the TV. Everyone is shouting, “Happy New Year !”

 

I embrace and kiss my wife, Christy.

 

I look up.

 

A cold shiver runs up my spine, I hear Santanna’s whispered smirk in my ear, “Go get ’em, country boy !”

 

A feeling of warmth causes me to turn and look at the porch entrance. The rest of the guests are laughing and talking and watching the TV coverage of the New Year being celebrated at the precise instant in various locations in the Philippines.

 

Santanna nods, smiles and fades into the dimension of Time and Space.

 

Goddess appears and smiles. “ Samuel, you are more ready than you realize for this year.”

 

I watch Goddess fade into the dimension of Time and Space and only a small dot of light remains.

 

Christy steps up to my side. “Look, a lightning bug.”

 

Happy New Year, honey.” I put my arm around her.

 

I watch the firefly flutter around past the banana plant.

 

The firefly flies further out into the yard into the night.

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

“The Exorcist” October Creature Feature

with 12 comments

OCTOBER CREATURE FEATURE

 

THE EXORCIST

 

The film that transformed an obscure Church ritual into a sought after global profession

MV5BNzYwMDA0NTA3M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDcwNDY3Mg@@._V1._SX338_SY500__resized

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

In my lifetime from October 1955 through mid-December 1973,in the United States, if you needed an “Exorcist”, you would have few real options.

 

You could buy a plane ticket to go to the Vatican and try to convince a priest or the Roman Catholic Church hierarchy.

 

You could try and find someone who knew a root worker or conjurer in New Orleans, Louisiana, who might be willing to help you.

 

You could try and contact someone who had a friend, who lived out in San Francisco, California and was into “The New Age Movement.”

 

If you seriously needed an “Exorcist” before 1973, in the United States, you really had to look under every stone to find one and hope you could find someone who had an understanding priest in the Roman Catholic Church, who would take you seriously enough to actually look for an “exorcist.”

 

The Real Deal Exorcists

 

William Peter Blatty’s 1971 novel, “The Exorcist,” had aspects that were inspired by the actual Exorcism of Roland Doe in Maryland in 1949. Jesuit Priest, Father William S. Bowdern and Father Walter Halloran were the real exorcists.

 

There have been television shows that talked about the original exorcism and one fact all seemed to agree on is the family basically had to beg the church for an exorcism. The practice of exorcisms had become essentially a ritual that had been left in the past.

 

The “resurrected” ritual of exorcism did much not only for The Church, but for all churches. William Friedkin’s film, “The Exorcist” based on Blatty’s novel put God back up on the marquee that got people going back to all kinds of churches, temples, synagogues and mosque because Satan was real again.

 

Rosemary’s Baby” and “The Omen” were child demonic films of the late 1960s and early 1970s that also got people’s attention.

 

What always got me about “The Exorcist” was how such a “normal” little girl could be possessed ?

 

Effective Evil Effects

 

There were no Hollywood Computer Generated Images for movies in the 1970s, production and special effects people had to do create the effects the old fashioned way ‘– “They had to be creative.” Now, people smile at the “pea soup” that gets shot out of Regan’s mouth in the movie, but, it was one of those “Wow” moments in theaters in the 1970s.

 

The fashion sense, or lack there of, of the 1970s does much to make a film look dated, but, the story, the actors, actresses and effects did such a magnificent job Regan MacNeil, the possessed girl, is one of those Halloween characters in the shadow between vampires, mummies, Frankenstein and zombies that no one wants to think about because she just might be “The Real Deal after all.”

 

Face it, no one wants to have to tell their father or mother, “We won’t be coming home for Christmas because your granddaughter is possessed by Satan.”

 

The real fear of The Exorcist movie is that maybe, just maybe, your child could be possessed by Evil. The movie really does turn that parental fear into the worst case scenario by the use of suspense and the creative use of effects. It is little wonder why this movie has become an American Cult Classic.

 

You factor in the notion that you have a veteran priest, who has dealt with and faced Evil at various times and is ready for the battle. Then, you add the young doubting priest to the mix, who believes he is more “a man of science” than “a man of the cloth.” Basically, he let the Church pay for his education, so he could become a successful psychiatrist. Stepping into the ring, Satan has the upper hand and the odds are all in His favor.

 

Temptation Of Teenagers ?

 

Ellen Burstyn, who plays the actress mother, wants the best for her daughter. Linda Blair, who plays Regan Mac Neil, the daughter, is the average All-American Girl for the 1970s.

 

I grew up on a hog farm in the conservative Midwest of the United States of America, known as the Ozarks, right smack dab in “The Bible Belt.” My family, friends and neighbors went to the Baptists and Pentecostal churches. Some crossed the line into Taney County to go to Branson or into Greene County to go to Catholic churches, Lutheran, Methodists and Presbyterians.

 

The preachers and pastors of Stone County, Missouri took their “hellfire and damnation” lessons to heart and knew they were the First Line Of Defense against Satan and His Demonic Legions.

 

Thus, in the Ozarks and the Midwest, you never expected to see Satan walking down the highway or shopping for groceries in the local supermarket. But, in the 1960s or 1970s, if you are writing a story, script or play – how would you get Satan or any of his demons to realistically appear in the literary work ?

 

Demon Dare

 

As decadent and liberal minded as New York City was suppose to be in the 1960s and 1970s; there had to be a way to get Evil into the script and the movie. The All-American Fall Guy – the Ouija Board.

 

In the US, in the 1960s and 1970s, it seemed there were only two real ways for Evil to show up. Teenagers had to figure out some way to do “Satanic Rituals” or go to the store and pretend to be nave enough to buy and use a Ouija Board.

 

In this film, the Ouija Board is the culprit that is “The Three Mile Island” incident that starts demonic radiation leaking into the MacNeil home and poor Regan glows with it.

 

Use of the Ouija Board, helps explain how an East African demon gets through US Customs without a passport and visa. Then, again The Department Of Homeland Security is a story that doesn’t happen until the beginning of the 21st Century.

 

Max von Sydow, who stars in the role of Father Lankester Merrin really does come across as the devout veteran priest, who is ready to stare the demon in the eye and send it back to Hell.

 

Jason Miller as Father Damien Karras does an excellent job as the young priest, who really believes he is a long lost psychiatrist in his soul. One of the story twist is suppose to have the young priest broken up about his mother’s death. I didn’t get the message in 1973 and I haven’t gotten it since.

 

On screen the first time you see the aging, invalid mother, the film mom is sort of already a citizen of “The Twilight Zone” looking to move into “The Outer Limits.” Without more details or a back story to show the mother and son relationship, that story line to me wastes film. I’m a Momma’s Boy, so I’m critical.

 

Actor Titos Vandis, in the role of the young priest’s uncle works with Miller to pull off the story line, but, that is an area where I believe the movie falters and probably gets forgotten about in the overall bouts with the demon. In this movie, the mom character was dead before she was written into the script and she seems just as dead up on the screen.

 

Exorcist Era Excitement

 

This is the movie that “Really Did Start It All.” The obscure term, “exorcist” smoldering in the Vatican archives, “purified” the way for an American religious revival in Catholic and Protestant Churches and created battalions of televangelists and legions of lay (and lame) exorcists throughout the globe.

 

Satanic Seventies ?

 

The ongoing, relentless, never-ending Vietnam War had made young Americans jaded, cynical and skeptical. Grandparents and parents looked at the grandchildren and children and wondered if maybe “alien astronauts” had abducted” and switched their kids because “The Generation Gap” was the real deal.

 

Generations of Americans spoke English to one another in their homes and yet the message was like “A Day At The United Nations Without Translators “ – No one understood ‘nuthin’.

 

America’s politicians in the 1960s were the kind of leaders that people rushed to build statues to. By the 1970s, Americans politicians seemed to be like “used car dealers that you couldn’t get rid of.”

 

The Godfathers

 

America had the traditional movie and sports celebrities of their generation in the early 1970s, but, the “Godfather” movies did “the kinder, gentler dance” for Organized Crime. J. Edgar Hoover had gotten long in the tooth and the organized crime bosses of America had their own brash, public style that had to be the envy of America’s “stale bread politicians of the early 1970s.”

 

While American underworld figures weren’t holding their daily press conferences at their mansions, they were out and about and people couldn’t get enough of their exploits in the streets of America. The irony is the Crime Rate in America was pushing people to believe “Vigilante Justice” might not be such a bad solution as long as you don’t get caught. “Dirty Harry” had become the ideal lawman of America.

 

Nix on Nixon

 

Nixon had no use for the American news media and the American news media had no use for Nixon, other than the political cartoonists, who thrived on daily demonizing his facial features.

 

After Watergate, nothing Nixon said really mattered. The press didn’t seem to believe a word he said and his approval rating with the American public dropped faster than a bad day in the stock market.

 

 

 

Then, of course, Men in America actually got to wear something other than white shirts and black ties. Unfortunately, the Men’s Fashion Scene of the 1970s “overdosed” America’s fashion sense – too much, too soon. Wide ties, wide lapels, bright colors for men’s suits, white belts, white shoes, hounds tooth sport coats thrown into the mix with polyester and wide collars on mien’s shirts. Plus, there was the jogging suits to wear, even if you never intended to go jogging. And denim flared jeans and denim flared bell bottoms were still on the drawing board for the seventies fashion scene.

 

The early 1970s had America’s scurrying like mice on an exercise wheel – they just weren’t sure where they were suppose to be running to.

 

Demonic Days

 

If you look back at 1973, you wonder if someone on Satan’s staff had decided to literally “set the stage” leading up to the release of “The Exorcist.”

 

January 22, 1973 – US Supreme Court rules on Roe versus Wade and overturns states’ bans on abortion.

 

The Vietnam War “Officially Ends” January 27, 1973 with the signing of the Paris Peace Accords. Nixon tries to take credit for the peace agreement. The American news media and many Americans actually see Dr. Henry Kissinger, America’s First Jewish Secretary Of State as the man who got the deal.

 

November 5, 1973, the term, “Shuttle Diplomacy” entered the American culture and described the efforts that Secretary of State Kissinger made in the Middle East at the end of the Yom Kippur War to help keep the region stable.

 

Despite Secretary Kissinger’s hard work to keep the Arab states and Israel living in a somewhat peaceful existence – some religious critics started shouting that Secretary Kissinger could be, “The Anti-Christ.”

 

March 29, 1973, the last United States soldier leaves Vietnam.

 

May 17, 1973, I wear the cap and gown and graduate from Galena High School, Galena, Missouri. It should have been a proud moment for God and Satan. It was a proud moment for me. By June, I was in college at the School Of the Ozarks, Point Lookout, Missouri.,

 

The US bombing of Cambodia ends June 1.

 

July 12, 1973 – The National Archives Fire – The entire 6th floor of the National Personnel Records Center in St. Louis Missouri is destroyed by a fire. Countless US Navy and US Army records are lost, which will affect World War I, World War II, Korean War and Vietnam War military people and their families for generations to come in the area of honorable discharges, military retirement pay and documentation of earned and awarded military decorations.

 

Egyptian and Syrian military forces attack Israel, September 11, 1973, to start the “Yom Kippur War,” in the Sinai Pennisula and the Golan Heights. I am working at KSOZ-FM, to work my way through college. I look through the large plastic window at the huge gray Associated Press teletype thrusting down the keys to announce the start of the War. I’m excited about the story.

 

I rip off the yellow sheet of news copy and hand it to someone in the newsroom. They nod and comment, “Another War in the Middle East.”

 

I understand now, why no one rushed to get it “on air” as breaking news. It was the 1970s, and there was always bad news coming out of the Middle East.

 

I saw the War as a possible start to “Armageddon.” Everyone else in the newsroom just saw it as more bad news from the Middle East to be read after the day’s latest Watergate story.

 

The Yom Kippur War ends October 26, 1973.

 

October 10, 1973, “The Saturday Night Massacre,” Richard Milhouse “Tricky Dick” Nixon fires Special Watergate Prosecutor Archibald Cox and Deputy Attorney General William D. Ruckelshaus.

 

No matter What Nixon did – The Watergate Break-In June 17, 1972 – would not go away and each day’s newspaper brought a new “Watergate” headline in the continuing scandal.

By December 23, 1973, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries, OPEC, had doubled the price of crude oil at the pumps – just in time for “Christmas.”

 

American theaters flip the switch and Warner Brothers “The Exorcist “ flickers on to movie screens December 26, 1973.

 

By November 1979, Iran’s Ayatollah Khomeini labeled “America, The Great Satan: in a speech. Khomeini was the 1970s version of Al Quaeda’s Osama bin Laden.

 

In the early 1960s, Khomeini used his criticism of the Shah of Iran Pahlavi to rise to power among his Muslim followers. The Shah exiled him and he spent more than 14 years in exile between Paris, Turkey and Iraq. Khomeini did not like that the United States Government had close relations with Iran and that the Shah had moved to modernize Iran.

 

When you look back at 1973, it seems like God had gotten dropped off for church bingo and Americans weren’t sure if they were going to pick Him up or hand Him His “Pink Slip.”

 

Satan At The Box Office

 

The film brought in $66.3 million from theaters in the United States and Canada. It currently stands as “The Top Grossing R Rated Film Of All Time.”

 

The Exorcist” movie proved to be the “shakeup” that got God back in His penthouse and kept Him on as the CEO Of Heaven. “The Exorcist” woke up and scared Americans.

 

Before the movie appeared in theaters, many Americans were like Actor Lee J. Cobb in the role of New York City Police Department Detective Lieutenant William F. Kinderman, something is wrong and you just can’t put your finger on it.

 

The approach worked for Cobb’s detective’s role in the movie and outside the theater in the streets of America, “something was wrong and no one knew how to put a finger on it.”

 

The Medical Men

 

Arthur Storch, in the role of the psychiatrist and Barton Haymen as Dr. Samuel Klein are the classic American “Medical Men” of the 1970s, “Of course, Science has an answer for it.” But, when Regan’s condition doesn’t respond to medical treatment, one of the doctors blurts out something about an “exorcist.”

The time devoted to the “Science” and “Medicine”approach in the movie is smart because by the 1970s doctors and scientists had taken to their academic pulpits and “preached” to anyone who would listen that science and medicine would find the cure for all the ills of humanity.

America’s New Prophets

America’s Psychiatrist were on a roll. Sigmund Freud had got them out into the limelight. People seemed hungry for the latest development from the psychiatric world. Hollywood didn’t let the fad pass by; they cranked out movies as fast as they could about doctors and psychiatrist saving the day.

Psychiatrists were America’s New Prophets. It did seem doctors, scientists and psychiatrist had an answer for everything.

The Supernatural” remained the chink in the psychiatrist’s armor. The responses of : “superstition”, “imagination”, and “all in your mind” worked until something happened before your eyes.

Find An Exorcist In The Yellow Pages

Before the movie, your best bet to find an “exorcist” would be to seek permission to search the Vatican archives for a vague reference to an “exorcist.”

After the movie, “Exorcists In America were thicker than hairs on a dog’s back.” At the current rate of growth in a few years America will probably be turning out as many exorcists as we do lawyers and doctors.

No doubt, none of the televangelists of the 1970s and 1980s will ever give “The Exorcist,” “Rosemary’s Baby,” “The Omen,” or any of the other religious horror TV or movie spin-offs an honorable mention, but without “The Hounding Hell Horror Of The Satanic Silver Screen,” some of those preachers would of stayed on cable TV and still be going through the Ozarks trying to arrange “Brush Arbor Revivals” and church pie suppers.

A 21st Century Exorcist ?

Hollywood is silly if they don’t already have plans to do an updated version to compliment, but not compete with the original movie.

A new version could not compete because Linda Blair’s Regan MacNeil character had her unique unspoken, “I’m not going away. . .ever” look, near the end of the movie.

The silly 1970s wardrobe makes “The Exorcist” dated, but, hey, even in the 1970s, “We had to wear clothes.”

Casting Directors – Stellan Skarsgard has earned the right to be Father Merrin in an updated version. In Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist,” Mr. Skarsgard became the role. In “Exorcist:The Beginning”, he became Father Lankester Merrin, Roman Catholic Archaeologist Priest.

Now, if the Department of Motor Vehicles could just get Mr. Skarsgard ‘s name on his new license right and the Vatican would quit sending him offers for another exorcism overseas.

Darling Demonologists”

In another more contemporary version, it would be nice if the screenwriter could write in a way to bring in a senior ranking demon with more established credentials in religious history, which would allow for even more suspense, special effects and (probably) a bigger budget.

And, since the “Name Of The Game Is Horror”, a senior ranking demon could up the on screen body count to stress the possibility that today’s dog walker shouldn’t count on being tomorrow’s “Darling Demonologist.”

Exorcist 2013 Script Session

Quick, get Warner Brothers on the phone. I’ve got it.

Camera Fade In: Regan’s granddaughter graduates from Oxford and returns to the US to visit “granny.” They are doing the girl, “shoot the breeze” conversation routine. Suddenly, Regan’s youngest granddaughter comes up out of the basement with something in her hands.

You guessed it, America!

Sometimes the old literary devices are the best. All together now, “Ouija Board !”

They chuckle. Of course, granny has had a wonderful life and completely forgot about the initial possession (and probably The Exorcist” spin-off movies after the original).

They open the box, take out the board and begin to play.

Too late “Granny” remembers.

The granddaughter is now “possessed.”

Granny whips out her cell phone hoping that she still has an exorcist priest on speed dial.

The granddaughter does her contortions routine, while the youngest granddaughter jumps up and down screaming.

From here on out. . .it is up to the Hollywood screen writers. You guys and gals run with it. But, go for a demon, who usually gets top billing, with “name recognition.”

800px-Petersdom_von_Engelsburg_gesehen_AB

St. Peter’s Basilica from Castel Sant’Angelo showing the dome rising behind Maderno’s facade. Public Domain Photograph

 

Exorcists Resurrection

The Vatican is now admitting, “Exorcists exist” and is training them. Meanwhile, in the United Kingdom, a group of British school girls seem to be blurring the line between Fact,Faith, Fantasy and Fiction.

Based on the “Darling Demonologists” ages, someone should hand them an old mystic text and point to the section on teenagers,hormones and, “Oh, Look ! Puberty and Poltergeist ?”

Five Star Rating

The Exorcist” is an American Cult Classic, as it should be. Hands down I give it a Five Star Rating and remind viewers it carries an R rating.

For your Halloween viewing this is definitely a movie to watch on All Hollow’s Eve or the night before.

Incidentally, when you swing by Wal-Mart to pick up your Twizler’s and Junior Mints, you might want to make a quick stop at the church to make sure you have a crucifix and rosary beads handy. May, as well pick up a little Holy Water. . .to be safe.

Sam

 

 

Exorcist Information Links

 

Exorcism of Roland Doe

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exorcism_of_Roland_Doe

Father Walter Halloran

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_Halloran

The Story of a Modern-Day Exorcist

By Gilbert Cruz Monday, Mar. 16, 2009

 

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1885372,00.html


British School Girls Exorcists

We’re not like normal teenagers’: Meet the exorcist schoolgirls who spend their time casting out DEMONS around the world


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2024621/Meet-exorcist-schoolgirls-spend-time-casting-demons-worldwide.html

 

 

 

 


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Written by samwarren55

October 18, 2012 at 7:23 PM

Posted in Bloggers, Blogs, Creature Feature, Editorial, Movies, Opinion

Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

October Creature Features Satan and The Exorcists

with 2 comments

October Creature Features Satan and The Exorcists

 

Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist

220px-Dominion_A_Prequel_to_the_Exorcist_poster

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

The movie, “The Exorcist,” started it all. In the early 1970s, American troops were still being sent overseas to serve in the Vietnam War, which had “no end in sight.” Students on college campuses kept protesting “American involvement:” and calling for the US Government to “End The War: and send the troops home.

 

The Vietnam War had served to make people skeptical, jaded and cynical. Religion was “out of fashion” and a younger America simply was not believing in “Good or Evil, “ “God or The Devil.”

 

Science was suppose to have “All The Answers.” In the late 1960s and early 1970s, “Psychology” had come to the forefront as being able to provide all the answers. Everyone in America, it seemed, “wanted to be a psychiatrist.”

 

Hollywood cashed in on the “psychiatry fad” and made movie after movie like “Raising Cain,” where psychiatry was suppose to be able to explain everything about the human mind and human nature.

 

Then, the original “Exorcist” movie arrived in theater. People started going back to church. Once again, people felt “The Need For God” and “A Fear Of Satan.”

 

An one of the lesser known rituals of the Catholic church had suddenly taken center stage and people were talking about “exorcisms” and “exorcist.”

 

The movie, “Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist” is a good horror movie. The story basically centers around the character of Father Lankaster Merrin, who is the archaeologist priest who looses his faith and really has to “dig” to find it.

 

The 2005 movie casts Stellan Skarsgård in the role of Father Merrin and he does an excellent job in the role.

 

There is a young teenage boy in the movie, who get possessed by the demon, which would be understandable if the plot line was designed to show how the young teenage boy fought against the demon inside him; the story doesn’t go in that direction.

 

Actor Ralph Brown plays the Sergeant Major in the film and gives an outstanding performance of an enlisted military man willing to step up and take charge on behalf of his troops and his major.

 

The major problem with this film as a demon creature feature is I got the feeling, “Satan was out of the office, On Vacation” and a low-ranking demon took the call and tried to “wing it” on the Evil aspects in the movie.

 

As a horror flick goes I give it three stars overall.

 

 

Exorcist: The Beginning

220px-Exorcist_the_Beginning_movie

 

Magnificent,” is the word I use to rate this film, which is also a prequel to the original “Exorcist” film. I liked everything about this film. It is a creative horror film. Many of the original actors from “Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist” are in this film.

 

I consider “Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist” to be a filmed dress rehearsal for this movie.

 

Actor Stellan Skarsgård is Father Lankaster Merrin, the Roman Catholic priest archaeologist in this movie as well as in the “Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist” flick.

 

In this movie, Merrin is a “down on his luck” priest in a bar. Actor Ben Cross walks into the bar as Semelier, a mysterious man to makes Father Merrin an offer he can’t refuse. Mr. Cross has such style in playing villains that automatically I suspected he might be portraying Satan incarnate.

 

The story, the set, the costumes, the cast — everything works in this movie. The disappointment is the Sergeant Major was written out of this movie.

 

This movie and “Dominion” uses special effects to tell the story and in both movies the special effects add to, but do not take away from or overwhelm either story.

 

In this movie, obviously, Satan was back on the job and ready for his close up. The movie allows the viewer to sense the demonic presence and sense it is just around the corner.

Crows, also called, ravens represent an ominous aspect of the supernatural. The crows are everywhere in this movie, when you seem to least expect it.

 

Skarsgård as Father Merrin wants to be left alone to unearth this buried church. He isn’t interested in giving Communion or hearing confessions, but he is curious about the archaeologist who started the dig, who went mad and ended up hospitalized in a sanitarium in Nairobi.

 

What is a film without a leading lady ?

 Izabella Scorupco plays Sarah, the doctor, who tempts Father Merrin’s heart and soul.

Merrin and Sarah both carry their demons from World War II. She lived in a concentration camp and he. . keeps remembering what the Nazi officer told him, “God, isn’t here today, priest.” Then, he sees the muzzle flashes of weapons in his mind.

 

Actor James D’Arcy in the role of Father Francis certainly seems like an able-bodied young Vatican administrator sent to look over Father Merrin’s shoulder to protect the interests of the Church.

 

Children in a movie seem a sure way to get a movie either a G rating or make it attractive to a younger audience.

Obviously based on the gore in the movie, the plan was not to get a G or PG rating.

 

Remy Sweeney, a little boy plays Joseph, the little boy, in this film. He should of got an Academy Award because he played a little boy the best way to play a little boy by being a little boy.

He is convincing in the role he plays from the moment he begins. He adds to the story and is a part of the story without ever taking away from the story.

Izabella Scorupco in the role of Sarah, definitely earned every cent of her paychecks for this movie. She displayed a wide range of acting talent from the dedicated doctor to the troubled woman. . .and, then, she gets possessed.

 

Professional movie critics didn’t seem to like either one of these films. I believe “Exorcist: The Beginning” is a credit to the original “Exorcist” movie and does a wonderful job of laying the foundation for that movie.

 

Mr. Skarsgård lives the role of Father Merrin in the movie and “redeems” the priest who finds his faith and pride in his face to face with Evil. Thus, when Semelier, remarks “Merrin.” The Roman Catholic Exorcist Priest corrects him, “Father Merrin.”

 

I rate this movie a Five Star Creature Feature. The realistic scary Halloween makeup of the demonic creature is worth Five Stars, in addition, to my rating for the movie.

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

God, Satan, Sam Go To The Movies

with 3 comments

October Creature Feature Movie Reviews

God,Satan,Sam

Go To The Movies

MV5BMTcxNTAxMTMzNF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjQ1MDAxNA@@._V1._SX640_SY947__resized

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

God brushes his hand over his new crew cut and flicks the dandruff off the shoulder of his tailored navy blue shiny sharkskin business suit. He rubs his chin and smiles that his five o’clock shadow has yet to appear. He lifts the silver carafe and pours himself a piping hot cup of coffee. He loosens his navy blue tie and unbuttons his shirt collar.

He takes the coffee cup and walks toward the plush white sofa. The expensive chessboard is set up for a game on the table, centered in front of the sofa.

Satan, a handsome man, who sports jet black hair and a cleft chin, strolls to the bar and lifts the glass decanter bottle by the coffee pot.

There is some Benedictine brandy in the short bottle,” offers God.

Satan snickers. “Thanks. I love the warm feeling it gives you gong down, but, the Benedictine monks and I never seem to see eye to eye.”

Satan’s Big Date

Satan adjusts his starched French cuffs and glances at his cuff links. He looks into the large wall mirror and briefly fidgets with his bow tie. To a mere mortal, the man in the expensive tuxedo would seem to be a successful bodybuilder.

Big date,” asks God ?

Working,” grins Satan. “It’s Wednesday. It is ‘Hump Day’” for the mortals. You know, the middle of the work week. They are over the ‘hump” and on a down hill slide to the weekend. Fro me, this is a great time to hit the bars and cause the mortals to do silly things like drink too much at the bar.”

God rises and walks up to the bar to get the coffee pot and cups on the silver tray. “Surely, you have time for a quick chess game before you have to put your ‘hooves’ to the grindstone,” teases God.

Satan laughs and sips his whiskey. “You are one of a kind –”

— Thank you,” God interrupts.

It wasn’t a compliment,” snickers Satan.

God shrugs and grins.

Satan picks up the crystal whiskey decanter and walks toward the sofa. “I have the whole planet coming apart at the seems and you want to play a chess game.”

God steps behind the bar, kneels down and opens the small refrigerator. “Bless her heart. My wife, Zera, she is a jewel.” He reaches in and takes out the silver platter of prepared sandwiches.

God and Satan Shoot The Breeze

This is a great hotel. As efficient as their housekeeping staff is they don’t take the love and time to make sandwiches as scrumptious as what Zera makes.” God smiles broadly and places the tray of sandwiches on the coffee table, in front of the chess table.

I can see it on your face, Satan. You are thinking if I am such a happily married God what am I doing hanging out in a hotel room. It is the whole October, Halloween, time of year. I get in my part The Veil Between The World mode and start to wonder if maybe sometime I shouldn’t just do a little more tweaking and allow some celestial events to move ahead of schedule.

Zera reminds me the physical laws of the universe are there for a reason. She’s right, of course. Still, around Halloween, I get in my “What If” mode. So, sometimes this time of year, I show up in The Real World or another realm for a few days to just chill out and get a fresh perspective on things. Who would think centuries of working in the universe could be so demanding and taxing on your life force ?

Satan pours himself another drink and smiles.

Let me see, if I’m getting this right. You. God Almighty. Creator of the Universe. What, after umpteen centuries, you decide to have a mid-life crisis ?

And, hello. You represent all the goody goody stuff of the universe. You call me, Satan, Lord Of The Underworld ? Where did you ever get the idea that we should hang out together?”

God grins. “You are so full of yourself sometimes. I ain’t asking you to help me throw a birthday party. I’m just saying in the Immortal Entity Realm, it is not like we have tons and tons of relatives and family members to hang out with.”

True,” grumbles Satan.

Sometimes it is just nice to talk to another Immortal Entity. It is not like we are going to go deer hunting together and we aren’t going to go float fishing in The Real World. I just wanted to ‘Shoot The Breeze’ with you.

By the way, help yourself to some sandwiches. Tuna. Egg. Ham salad. Chicken salad. Ham. Roast beef. Hero sandwiches. Club sandwiches. There is even, some baloney and cheese sandwiches. Zera is a wonderful cook.”

What know peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,”Satan sneers.

Satan’s Marital Problems

You’re just jealous,” teases God. “Lilith would do right by you, if you ever paid attention to her.”

Lilith ! Do right by me ! You are unreal ! I am The Prince Of Darkness ! I am The Lord Of Evil ! I am the Embodiment Of All Things Bad In The Universe –”

— How is that working out for you anyway,” teases God, interrupting Satan’s diatribe ?

You think, what I send her roses and suddenly The Queen Of Evil is going to get misty eyed and want to have a romantic dinner.”

It works for Me, the angels and the mortals. You should try it,” grins God, reaching for a sandwich and leaning back on the sofa.

Satan pours himself another whiskey. “I told you I have the planet coming apart at the seams. You didn’t hear me.”

I heard you,” smiles God. “I chose to ignore you. You forget, I win. Pick the game, time and again, I always win. You always “Overthink” everything. You are the ‘Supreme Control Freak.”

God and Satan Talk Politics

After eons, millennium and centuries, you still haven’t figured out, I beat you the instant I gave the mortals “Freewill.” They get to make their own choices; right or wrong. That is why they always beat you, Satan.

You, Satan, keep doing the Hitler, Hirohito, Saddam Hussein, Idi Amin, Mommar Gadhafi, Osama bin Laden, crazy man, nut job, dictator, call the shots routine and you still don’t realize that “Freewill” is the “Hope” and “Faith” that humanity always hangs it’s hat on,” elaborates God.

Maybe,” grumbles Satan, who grins, “I have an Ace in the hole.”

You have the American Presidential Elections in November. Big deal. If I looked at it closely, I might be worried. You are getting better at getting close to politicians and making deals with them. You learned a lot in “The Cold War,” Satan.” God grins and puts his feet up on the coffee table.

The Cold War,” “The Domino Theory,” the whole “A-Bomb Scare” and “Doomsday Paranoia,” I do have to give you credit. The whole global propaganda and paranoia is, indeed, a stroke of genius. You know how to make people scared of their shadows. But, you forget, people still “think” for themselves. Mussolini ended up on a meat hook and Gadhafi, in the frozen food section, of a freezer.

Americans are always skeptical and cynical of their politicians. They will vote in November. And, they will get what they deserve. The Americans need their election process just like the British need their royal family. Politics in Asia, keeps changing even faster than you can keep up with it, Satan. The global financial crisis has got everyone wide awake. They just aren’t sure what to do next.”

God and Satan Talk Finances

Satan grins. “Money.”

Try one of the sandwiches,” God offers. “Zera makes a great egg sandwich. You will have to get your own catsup, mustard and relish. I left it in the ice box.”

Satan sits down on the sofa and picks up a chicken salad sandwich. “I do my thing in the global financial markets and you are done for,” threatens Satan.

Do I look worried,” smiles God. “You don’t know a Bull or Bear Market from your own zodiac sign. For eons, you have been trying to understand Capitalism and Free Enterprise and then, you, wimp out, and resort to bank robbers, terrorists and tempting accountants. Face it, Satan. You are a small picture, guy. You never go for The Big Picture. You are to into instant gratification.”

God stands up and picks up the receiver on the telephone. “Time to call room service. I’m thinking a big, juicy hamburger that it takes to hands to hold. French fries. Make that three burgers. It was a long day and I have an appetite. What about you ? There is a menu there. This hotel has some great foot long hot dogs.”

Hump Day

Satan finishes his sandwich and rises. “Nah.” He glances at his expensive wristwatch. “I’ve gpt to get on the job.”

God laughs. “Chill. It is only 6 p.m. You know, the party people don’t hit the clubs until 8, 9 or 10 at the earliest. Right now, the people in the bars are the guys who are blowing off the day

The old, It was a rough day. Their boss is a bum. Someone else got the promotion. And, of course, the, “Thank God, It Is Hump Day” crowd, who are ready to write off the rest of the week. This early in the evening, people are just crying in their beer.

It is still too early to pick on the church types, who have their Wednesday evening services because they are doing choir practices and the young people are doing their youth ministry and testimonial work.”

God’s Chess Game ?

God orders the hamburgers and hangs up the phone. He nods at the chess board. Satan shakes his head No.

Get over, JOB,” God smiles.

That was eons ago. You were still a newbie to the whole Lord Of Darkness occupation. Job worked for a living, so when you made him the “World Is Yours”, you have just won the Powerball of the Universe lottery; he knew it was a scam. He had a hard life and nothing came easy. Come on, one chess game. You have plenty of time. It is not like, you or I punch a clock.”

Satan frowns and sits on the sofa. He picks up the black rook and turns it in his manicured fingers. “I get to be white,” he challenges.

Fine. You get to be white,” acknowledges God.

Satan scowls and puts the piece on the board. He stands up and puts his hands on his hips.

Something else,” mumbles Satan. “Let’s do something else other than chess.”

Satan’s Ouija Board

God grins. “You don’t like board games. Other than the Ouija Board – and, you cheat at it.”

Satan smiles. “I’m a bad boy. What can I say?”

We can’t discuss politics and religion. In politics, you get mad and always toss a politician, out in front of the media to be exposed, or try to set the person up to be harmed. We talk religion and the next thing, I catch you trying to set up racial profiling and influencing public policies on women’s rights and gender issues.”

God smirks. “Honest. Satan, you are too transparent. I see you coming a mile away. If mortals paid attention, they would notice you have the covert skills of a drunk elephant.”

Satan waves off the remark. “Fine ! I don’t want to do chess. We never agree in out discussion on politics and religion. So, what do we do ?”

God and Satan Choose Movies

God picks up the remote and points it at the huge wide screen TV. “Cable, satellite, CDs, DVDs, VCRs; you decide ?”

No one watches VCR tapes anymore,” grumbles Satan.

You’re kidding. I have a whole room of VCR tapes. But, I do have a few angels, who are transferring them to CDs and DVDs. My eight track tapes and cassette tapes still work great for music. But, it is getting harder to find parts for the machine,” observes God.

Satan shakes his head. “Just click the remote. Let’s watch the news.”

God shakes his head No. “I know you. You get too upset watching the news. Besides, you always put your two cents in and I can never hear the report.”

God stands up and waves his hand. The wall on the right opens and shelves from the floor to the ceiling appear with movie DVDs.

I’m not picking the movie,” protested Satan. “The combined television episodes and movies of the world. It would take me decades to find a movie. Besides we never agree on what to watch.”

Send Out For Sam

God smirks and waves his hand. A man appears in a polo shirt, walking shorts and flip flop sandals.

Satan, I believe you know Sam.”

Sam,” God nods and smiles. I stand and nod at God and Satan. “Forgive my appearance. I wasn’t expecting company.”

God laughs. “I’m sure I can put you at ease.” He gestures and I stand comfortable in a stylish three piece dark blue suit. God points at the collar. “Not too tight ?”

No sir, “ I answer. I notice the tie in the reflection on the wall. “Nice Windsor knot.”

Thank you,” God answers.

Satan shakes his head. “All the movie critics of the world at your beck and call, You blink your eye and poof, here is a top notch Hollywood or Sundance movie critic.” Satan points at me.

You get this guy. What’s his credentials? What he has been watching movies since he was big enough to turn on the TV?”

Actually, yes sir. I have been watching TV and movies and paying attention to them most of my life,” I answer.

Satan scowls. “Rhetorical. Human. I’m thinking God is messing with my head. Is it okay, with you, human, if I yank the Creator of the Universe’s chain?”

God laughs. “Satan, he gets in the modes, Sam. Between us, I think, he’s probably jealous of his wife, Li;ith. Plus, I get the feeling that he is probably just a tad guilty about the way he’s been treating her. You know, he gets so wrapped up in his Universal bad guy image. Sometimes, he takes work home with him.”

Sam The Movie Critic

Satan shakes his head. “Ha. Ha. Let’s all have a good laugh at Satan’s expense. Now, then, please answer my question. Why this guy ? An American blog writer in the Philippines. This is the guy, You, God Almighty, Creator Of The Universe, pick to find a movie for you. Why ?”

God laughs. “It is October. Sam has been burning the midnight oil to write movie reviews for Halloween. He does it for his readers; why wouldn’t he recommend a movie to The Forces Of The Universe ?”

Satan scowls and looks at me. Then, he smiles. “I do know you. You really loved to party down in the 1970, 1980s and 1990s.”

I still do, sir.” I answer and smile.

Satan grins and walks back to the sofa. God leans back on the sofa.

Amaze us, mortal,” challenges Satan. “Just a moment,” he cautions and gestures.

The room automatically transforms into a classic theatre. I stand on stage. The plush sofa is the front row seats. The long heavy curtains and the large silver screen identifies the room as a theater.

Satan,” God frowns and points at the flames leaping up around the edges of the stage.

Satan sneers. “Mortals, at least, some, think you have a sense of humor.”

I do,” smiles God. “I just don’t always appreciate your sense of heating and air conditioning.”

Say it again, Sam,” teases Satan.

Gentlemen, since I am here, obviously, you aren’t looking at the recommendations of contemporary movie critics. I grew up in Missouri and Missouri boy, Walt Disney became famous for his cartoons and family entertainment movies. If you wanted a Disney flick or a G rated family movie, you wouldn’t call me.”

God nods. Satan snickers.

Satan, you know I don’t do “romantic comedies,” I appreciate animated movies, but not anime, so that genre is out.”

God grins. The theater curtains part and action and sci-fi movie clips transition quickly across the screen in the background.

God, sir, you know, I love action movies, mysteries and science fiction. Since you made reference to my ‘Sam I Am Blog” I know that you are aware that I have been writing movie reviews for October and Halloween.”

Satan, obviously, you remember horror flicks that I have forgot.”

Decades of them, no doubt,” he grins.

Suddenly, in the background, on the silver screen behind me a plethora of horror movie clips flash across the screen.

My guess would be, God, doesn’t mind watching a horror flick now and then. But, if you pick the movies, Satan, sir.” I shrug. “God would probably have to watch all the “Saw” movies, “Jeepers,” and then, the two of you would debate on watching the “Halloween”MV5BNjkwMjcxNDc0MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwOTYxMzQ3._V1._SY317_CR0,0,214,317_ series, the “Friday the 13th” series, as well as probably the “A Nightmare On Elm Street” series. Plus, I would imagine, Satan would go for “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” MV5BMTIwNjQ2MzUyMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMTMyNjk4._V1._SX263_SY475__resized 

Satan looks at God. “Sam loves his exposition; doesn’t he ?”

He is in the moment,” smiles God. “Let him run with it.”

Satan leans forward on the edge of the sofa. “The envelope, please ?”

God laughs. “Ignore him. He has no patience. I keep telling him to cut back on his daily kerosene intake.”

I want to watch a Halloween movie before Halloween,” protests Satan.

The Rite,” a great movie. Sir Anthony Hopkins plays a priest. “The Order,” not the Jean Claude Van Damme action flick set in the Holy Land, but the Heath Ledger movie.

The Order

MV5BOTk5NDA5MzAzNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNDk3Njk5._V1._SX337_SY500__resized

The Order.” A great story, where Ledger plays a young priest. Three cheers to the actor that plays the “Sin Eater.” You really don’t see the “Sin Eater” in a lot of contemporary Hollywood movies. That is a shame. A Sin Eater can be every bit as interesting as a vampire and a lot more interesting than the old “Let Me Eat Your Brains Zombies.”

God laughs. Satan raises a finger. “Are we getting to the point sometime in October.”

I smile. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Today is Wednesday, on earth, anyway. With your permission, I’ll give you a creature feature for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday –”

— What no Saturday input, “ snickers Satan,

Fine, Sam,” smiles God.

Wednesday. The Order. Heath Ledger does a wonderful job of playing a young man caught between Heaven and Hell. The fact he portrays a priest points out how hard it is to live in The Real World and try to live by the Old Rules of religious dogma.”

I look at Satan. “My guess is you, sir, inspired the writer to create the Dark Priest in this story.”

Satan grins, “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.”

Satan leans forward. “I’m curious. What is it about this film that makes it so memorable to you ?

Heaven and Hell. Good versus Evil. The story is a flip of the coin because you are never sure who is going to choose, which path. The sin eater really confuses the overall story because it is hard to decide if he is a good guy or a bad guy. And I kept guessing to the end, which way the young priest would go.

The Order, may not be a blockbuster that raked in the dough, but I suspect it will become a cult classic because it has all those issues of youth, choosing a path and the conflict of ‘Damn If You Do And Damn If You Don’t.’”

Satan nods and leans back against the sofa. He looks at God. “Okay. So, sometimes Sam surprises even me. I figured he would comment on the photography and special effects.”

The Prophecy

MV5BMTI1NDczMzk4OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMzE1MTM5._V1._SX260_SY475__resized

Thursday, I would recommend, “The Prophecy.” Actor Christopher Walken is scary as an archangel. This is another of those stories that makes mortals feel like they are always caught in the crosshairs of a shooting match between God and Satan.”

Monkeys,” laughs Satan. “If it is the movie, I think it is, Walken as the angry archangel always criticizes humans and calls them “monkeys.”

Some actors really seem to become the roles they play. I could believe Christopher Walken as an archangel. But, after watching this movie, if Christopher Walken was an archangel – I would be one mortal that would never upset him,” I admit.

I nod at Satan. “In some movies, sir, you are always portrayed as a creature that wipes out everything in the path and could careless about the results. In this movie, the actor that portrays you allows you to come off like a serious businessman, who realizes he has to pick and choose his battles. The Prince Of Darkness is portrayed as a serious and intelligent entity, who has a plan to rise above his station in the Universe.”

Satan grins, “Touche.”

Friday ?” God smiles.

Constantine

MV5BMTE5NDk5NTUyN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNzUyMDA3._V1._SX485_SY720__resized

Constantine, sir. A great Keanu Reeves film. I love the gold ‘God Gun” in the movie. It is creative to put a round cylinder on a cross and blow away the bad guys.”

MV5BMjE5OTEwNDI2NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzExOTI3MQ@@._V1._SX380_SY500__resizedFire power,” snickers Satan !

True,” Sam admits. “The story is awesome. The exorcist is in bad need of a vacation. He is ready to toss in the towel on his place in the never ending battle of Good and Evil.”

The Woman

The woman,” sighs Satan. “There is always a woman.” Satan smiles and gestures. He is transformed into an attractive big, beautiful, buxom, blonde woman in an low cut, strapless V neck red evening gown. The massive diamond necklace and matching earrings glow.

God shakes his head. “Satan, sometimes you are a real ‘Drama Queen.”

Satan strolls over to me and leans up against my shoulder. “There is a woman in this film.”

Yes, sir. . .er. . .mam.”

Rachel Weisz plays a dual role as a detective and a victim. She is crucial in getting Keanu Reeves as the exorcist to move forward to help her to solve the case at hand and battle half demons and half angels in the process.”

Satan in the guise of a wealthy woman continues to act in the role of a seductress and moves around me. “Why would I want to watch a film where the hero and heroine is sending demons back to Hell ? ”

They do it in style,” I answer. Keanu Reeves is wonderful in the role of the exorcist. He knows what need to be done. He is just fed up with the whole Good versus Evil contest. But, when the time comes for the rubber to meet the road. He acts. He is a man on a mission. So determined that nothing in Heaven or Hell is going to stop him. In the movie, he goes literally, “straight to Hell.”

MV5BMjEzMjUxNzA4NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNTY1ODkyMQ@@._V1._SX409_SY500__resized

The graphics of being in Hell is intense. You will unbutton your shirt collar and get up to get a glass of water. The hell graphic is so intense, you wonder why your TV isn’t melting.

There is a scene where Rachel Weisz has to lie in a bathtub of water. I found it intense. Anytime someone is under water and doesn’t appear to be breathing, then, you want to gasp for air or rise to the surface. The story needs to hold you under to make a point. The movie makes the point.

I step back and nod respectfully at Satan, “Well, sir. The actor, who portrays you, Peter Stormare, does so in a manner that makes you seem a skilled diplomat. He is dressed in a stylish white suit, which means Lucifer , a.ka., the devil, a.k.a, Satan does not always have to wear black.

And, in the “Constantine” movie’s Lucifer has his own style, which means that even though Lucifer is immaculately dressed, he is barefoot.

Who but The Prince Of Darkness would dress to the nines and then go barefoot?”

Satan nods and changes back to the man in the tuxedo. “It is nice when mortals portray me as a man with a plan rather than some kind of loose cannon kill crazy psycho.”

With respect, gentlemen there you have it. Wednesday, The Order with Heath Ledger. Thursday, The Prophecy with Christopher Walken. Friday, Constantine with Keanu Reeves.”

God nods and the table, in front of the sofa, fills with two buckets of popcorn, two large drinks and an assortment of candy bars. God raises his hand and The Order DVD materializes in his hand.

Sam, would you like to join us for an evening at the movies,” asks God.

I would love to, sir. But, I really need to work on another creature feature movie review article for Halloween to post for my blog readers.”

Understood,” he smiles.

God raises his hand. The large red theater curtains part to reveal the huge silver screen. God snaps his fingers and the light above flickers as the opening attractions appear on screen.

God looks at me. “If you are ready ? I’ll send you back.”

Yes, sir. Thank you.” God raises his hand.

Wait ! Before you send Sam back. Saturday,” Satan exclaims.

Sir,” I ask ?

Not that I would have time to waste on some movie on Saturday,” Satan explains.

Saturday is one of my busy days. Come Saturday, I am always on the move. But, just for the sake of discussion, if I did want to see a creature feature on Saturday what would you suggest ?”

Sir, there are plenty of vampire, zombies and monster movies for creature features that you could choose for Saturday,” I reply.

Satan nods. “Okay. Okay. Okay. But, if we stick for awhile longer with demons as creatures, off the top of your head, what movie comes to mind.”

A Devil’s Advocate

MV5BMTcyMzI3NDM4Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTUxOTYzNA@@._V1._SX336_SY500__resized

I smile, “A Devil’s Advocate.”

A Devil’s Advocate,” Satan repeats the name with a smile.

Satan looks at God, “I hate to admit it. As mortals go, I find myself sometimes thinking Sam, here, isn’t such a bad guy for a mortal.

Hang on a second. Mouthpiece. Shyster. Those are words for lawyers. The phrase, “Philadelphia lawyer,” is a phrase for lawyer. Umm, devil’s advocate, as I recall is a phrase for lawyers.”

Satan frowns at me. “I ask for a horror movie and you give me a lawyer movie.”

Satan frowns at me and straightens out his arm to point at God without looking. “Mr. Creator Of The Universe, over there, is the one with a sense of humor. I don’t have a sense of humor. I’m the guy people say who has a short fuse. I am legendary for getting hot under the collar. Tell me, Sam, we are on the same page, here.”

I nod, “Yes,sir. A Devil’s Advocate is a horror flick.”

Satan steps back and looks at me. “Horror flick,” he reminds me.

Yes, sir. It is a horror flick. It is about lawyers,” I smile.

In America, lawyers are usually thought to be creatures. Therefore, the lawyers as creatures meets my criteria for creature feature. Some of us, Americans, even think of lawyers more as demons than humans.”

Sir, as Satan, The Legendary Prince Of Darkness, I would imagine that you could appreciate this movie. First, in this movie, in The Real World, you are a senior partner of a law firm. Your firm is making money hand over fist. You have the best of all worlds and no one can stop you in the Real World because all the talented and smart lawyers work for your firm.

Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron are the lawyer and his young wife, who are rocketing to stardom through the American legal system. There are numerous twist and turns throughout the movie.

What Charlton Heston did for Moses and The Ten Commandments, Al Pacino does for Satan in the role of John Milton, a lawyer, in A Devil’s Advocate.

Satan, the devil, arrives on screen larger than life. He is an outgoing, vivacious, person who never apologizes for being and acting human. It is obvious, the devil enjoys the weaknesses of being human. The irony is you can be bad and have the good life.”

Satan grins. “Sam, do I detect a note of admiration and respect in your voice.”

Yes, sir. Daddy is a Texan. I was taught Southern hospitality. Momma is a hillbilly, who always demanded I ‘respect’ my elders. I’m in my 50s, but, I know that you and God are much older than I, so, sir, I have to respect my elders and you, gentlemen, are my elders.”

Admiration,” teases Satan. “This movie makes you admire me; doesn’t it ?”

Not admire, sir. Understand. The movie points out that while it is really easy for humanity to choose the easy way and the negative choices; it is wiser to follow the longer road to positive choices. In this movie, Satan is humanized because he understands the fears and the needs of people.”

Satan grins. “You enjoyed the payback in the movie. You like it when the bad guys get what is coming to them.”

Always, sir.”

I look at God, “With all due respect, sir, I have never been a ‘turn the other cheek kind of guy.’ No offense.”

No offense taken, Sam. Remember, I still have my Old Testament moments, even today.” God smiles.

God raises his hand to send me back.

Wait !” Satan points at me. “I don’t want you to spoil the ending of this movie for me, but, I sense you really do enjoy this movie. You have admitted that you like watching the bad guys get what is coming to them.

I sense you like the special effects of the film. It is obvious you like the story overall. But, I’m still getting a feeling that you think this is one of those movies that brings it all together.”

I nod.

Don’t ruin the ending for me, but what brings this movie all together.”

I laugh. “The reporter ?”

Reporter ? What reporter,” ask Satan ?

I grin. “ Ask my wife. Ask my cousin, Donna. Ask any of my family and friends and they will tell you, I considered it my life’s calling to be a reporter. I love being a reporter. Being a reporter, is all I ever really wanted to do in life. Being a reporter, is my “dream job.”

I love it in a movie, when the reporter triumphs over all the odds. I could relate to the reporter in the movie. In this movie, the lawyers all do their own thing. They choose their Heaven and Hell. The smart guy is the reporter.”

Satan shrugs, “What reporter ?”

God laughs. “Watch the movie.”

I nod at the Junior mints box on the table. “May I ?” God nods. “Go ahead, Sam.”

I pick up the box of Junior Mints and step back to be sent back to The Real World.

Satan grimaces, “What reporter ?”

I smile. “The reporter in the movie brings the story around from the beginning to the end. He gets the last word.”

I feel the phase procedure begin. I wave at God and Satan sitting on the sofa, in front of the theater stage. God smiles and nods.

The Legendary Forces Of The Universe begin to become a distant blur, in front of my eyes. I feel my body begin to move back through Time and Space to The Real World,

In the distance, I hear Satan mumble, “What reporter ?”

Sam

 

%d bloggers like this: