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“Opal” The Hog Farmer by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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Parental Portrait for Christmas

 

Opal

The Hog Farmer

OPAL M DELONG WARREN_resized

 

Opal

Missouri Hillbilly

Opal M. DeLong Warren, would proudly proclaim to someone she had just met, “ I am a Missouri Hillbilly.” Opal may not be The Show Me State’s First Woman Hog Farmer, but, she should certainly be in the rankings as “One Of Missouri’s Most Prolific Women Hog Farmers.” From 1960 until 1982, Opal had 25 sows of the Yorkshire, Hampshire and Duroc breeds that raised litters of pigs that averaged 12 to 18 pigs per litter. Of the awards that she earned in her lifetime, one of her favorites was the year, the Galena Chapter of the Future Farmers of America presented her with a Chapter Farmer Award.

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

In 1960, momma and I moved to a farm in Missouri. Through the years, her herd of hogs would expand to 25 sows of Yorkshire, Hampshire and Duroc breeds.

 

Our United Nations of Pork would welcome litters of 10 to 18 pigs, running, rooting and squealing over the landscape for 20 years.

 

In the process, the 10 acres of land would come to resemble the lunar landscape thanks to the dedicated snouts of hogs rooting into the soil. The air was always fresh and clean.

 

Of course, when the wind shifted and the aroma of hog manure assaulted your nostrils, people would always reconsider their “Tom Sawyer” and “Little House On The Prairie” philosophies of “Life In The Country.”

 

The Good Ole’ Days Of Pork Production”

 

Hogs always got the “bad publicity” for the smell of livestock manure in the country. Every time people “pushed” to implement “Planning and Zoning” one of the favorite fairy tales that the critics would shout is, “You don’t want your neighbor to put in a ‘hog farm’, next to your property.”

 

The Planning and Zoning argument is silly. If you have a “sensitive nose” – stay the hell away from a farm !

 

Hogs always got the bad publicity. Yet, all farms have barns, barnyards and feed lots. It does not matter if the farm is a dairy farm, a cattle farm, a mule farm, a horse farm, or a horse ranch, livestock takes care of their daily body functions. When the breeze shifts, your nose will notice. Manure is manure and it always smells bad.

 

Nonetheless, the 1960s through the early 1980s were “The Good Ole’ Days Of Pork Production,” when hog buyers through the country would stop by and pay you top dollar for a litter of well-fed feeder pigs ready for market.

 

Lost In Place

 

Green Acres” was one of my favorite television shows as a kid. Eddie Albert played the New York City lawyer, who moves to the “boonies” to live the simple life of a farmer. There was a major element of truth to the script; you really do need “a successful lawyer’s salary if you want to be a farmer in the United States.”

 

Hungarian bombshell actress, Eva Gabor played the role of the New York City socialite wife, who was miserable living out in the “boonies” on a farm. The actresses discontent is another major element of “truth”: rural life is not as convenient as city life.

 

In Galena, Missouri in 2011, the nearest hospital was at least 40 miles away in Springfield, Missouri and Aurora, Missouri. There is also a hospital about 25 miles away in Branson, Missouri. Medical emergencies rely on the ambulances and sometimes medical helicopter flights.

 

The nearest pizza in the rural area around Galena in 2011 was about five miles away at Speedee’s in Galena or 10 miles away in Crane, Missouri.

 

In the rural surroundings of Galena, Missouri, after 8 p.m., you will have to wait to the next day or get in the car and drive to Springfield, Branson West or Branson if you want a pizza, taco or movie.

 

The Biggest Gamblers In The World

 

A curious irony of life in the Midwest is the conservative, religious culture is against “gambling”; yet, farmers are some of the ‘Biggest Gamblers In The World” because nature and weather always seems to be “rigging the deck” against farmers.

 

Everyday is a “Gamble” for a farmer because nature, weather, falling crop and livestock prices can leave a farmer and his or her family homeless in a couple of years.

 

Cash Cows Of Farm Finances

 

ARMCHAIR FARMER Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr._resizedA cow will have one calf a year, while an old sow can have two to three litters a year with the number of pigs ranging from six to 18.

 

In farming, cattle are usually considered as the “Cash Cows of Farm Finances” in raising livestock, but, in southwest Missouri in the 1960s, it was easier to get into hog farming. Hogs provided a stable, consistent revenue stream which allowed a farmer to expand into other areas of livestock production like beef cattle. Momma’s hogs provided the money for her to get a herd of about 50 Black Angus cattle. Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

It takes about a year to raise a beef heifer or steer to the size to send to market. It takes a few months to raise a pork litter of pigs to the size to send to market.

 

If you have the land and the money then buy your Stetson, boots, high priced tractors, babe magnet farm pickups, fancy stock trailers and invest in a herd of horses or cattle.

 

If you have a small budget and need to get into livestock farming quickly, buy you a couple of sows, rent you a couple of acres of land away from nosy neighbors and planning and zoning bureaucrats and get into hog farming.

 

Farming is a business like any business with it’s own up and downs. Cattle and horse farming is like trying to build a multinational, global corporation overnight. Hog farming is like realizing you need a small business to build into a global corporation.

 

Momma grew up on a farm, so she knew that hogs is your best overall money-making agricultural investment.

 

Chicken farming and turkey farming makes money, but, there is a sizable investment in building the big, long chicken and turkey houses for poultry. Raccoons, foxes, wolves and snakes love chicken and turkey, perhaps, more than people, so the “hen house” and turkey houses have to be designed to keep out these types of wildlife.

 

Crop farming takes a lot of land and you have to rely on the weather to give you the right amount of rainfall and sunshine at the right time. Weather never cooperates with farmers.

 

Plus crop farming takes several months to get the seeds in the ground up to a harvest height. If the weather doesn’t get you, then, falling prices and insect pests will. After the American Civil War, a small pest,called the “boll weevil” kept cotton crop production down in the south until during the 1980s.

 

Hog farmers usually stand a greater chance of success than other types of farmers based on the investment needed to get up and running and the ability to keep things up and running over time.

 

As you make money, then, you can invest in cattle or crops and consider setting aside your rubber boots for the hand tooled leather cowboy boots to wear to the stockman’s club.

KEROSENE LANTERN 3505 STATE HWY 176 YARD SALE_resized

The Coal Oil Lantern

Farmers in the Missouri Ozarks usually called the lanterns, “coal oil lanterns”, instead of kerosene. In the 1960s, in southwest Missouri, electricity wasn’t always stable, especially when heavy snowfall had tree limbs freezing, breaking off and taking down power lines for two to three days at a time. The lanterns provided light in a hog shed at night, which came in handy when an old sow was giving birth to a litter of pigs. By the mid-1960s, Samuel E. Warren, my father, used his electrician skills to put lights in momma’s hog sheds. Still, we kept a lantern, in the corner of the sheds, just in case the lights went out. Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Thank God For Hogs

 

Momma’s hogs put me through grade school, high school and let me chill out in college until I signed up for a military career.  

 

Around 1965, momma got some Black Angus cattle, which made money. But, the real dollars and sense of southwest Missouri farming for our family from the 1960s through 1980 came from the hogs.

 

Opal M. DeLong Warren, my mother, the business woman, knew the secret of financial success is saving and managing your money whether you work in public or are self employed. I should of learned these lessons earlier in life.

 

Perhaps, now, that I have written down these lessons, people will read and understand the common sense Ozarks logic, so that you never go hungry or thirsty and you don’t always have to worry about the roof over your head at night.

 

As long as people enjoy a good steak or a slice of ham, farmers will have jobs. In my country boy opinion, vegans and vegetarians are welcome to their plants and pasture grasses.

 

Keep in mind, though on any farm I live on, “The cattle have first choice at the pasture grasses. The vegans and vegetarians will just have to settle for the blades of grass in my front yard.”

 

And, come breakfast, I usually have a “hankerin’” for some pork chops, ham,sausage,and bacon.

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Written by samwarren55

December 20, 2012 at 9:35 AM

Posted in Bloggers, Blogs, Business, Ecology, Editorial, Family, Food, Money, Nature, Opinion, Real Estate - Warren Land, Stone County History

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Gaddafi served up as Dinner Dummy Dumplings

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Editorial: Gaddafi served up as “Dinner Dummy Dumplings”

Libyan Citizens:

Celebrate !

Celebrate !

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

In the 1970s, Americans snickered at Gaddafi. No one took him seriously. He was a windbag egghead wannabee terrorist trying to get his picture in the newspaper or on a magazine.

On the global scene, he was a banty rooster strutting and crowing hoping to grow up to be a recognized and respected Rhode Island Red Rooster of the Middle East.

Alas, his global obituary came down to “Dinner Dummy Dumplings.” He got his neck wrung – big time.

When Libyan citizens finally plucked his feathers, they even temporarily stored his carcass in a freezer. Ah, the irony of the “chicken terrorist” who left the hen house long enough to attempt to flee the freedom fighter foxes on his trail.

I was on active duty in the 1980s when President Reagan exercised “Common Sense” and “Responsibility” and gave the orders for the Gaddafi Surprise. I came into the office in the morning and everyone was talking, and people were looking at the newspapers that the U.S., had hit some targets.

Before the attack, Gaddafi had a major case of Ayatollah Khomeini Diarrhea Of The Mouth and was blaming the United States for all the evils of the world. He parroted the popular phrase of the era about the United States being “The Great Satan.”

To his credit, President Reagan issued the orders and everyone on the globe got to give their ears a rest. As I remember, the attack killed Gaddafi’s wife, a son and left him with some shrapnel in his body. Gaddafi shut his big mouth for a long time.

Thus, when the Libyan people finally executed Gaddafi, I am one of those politically incorrect people, who applauded their actions. Gaddafi was an evil man who got what he deserved – in spades – just like Saddam and Osama bin Laden.

In the Ozarks, only a fool would cry if you kill a poisonous snake. You never just let the poisonous snake slither away because it is a real world threat that can slither back and injure livestock or kill pets or family members with it’s venom. You take a chopping ax to the snake, blow off the snake’s head with a double barrel shotgun, run over it in a hay baler, or run over the snake with a farm pickup and no one calls the Stone County Coroner to determine the snake’s cause of death. Thus, when you see a news story a few days later that officials are looking to prosecute Gaddafi’s assassins – I wonder why ?

Give Gaddafi’s assassin or assassins a medal, shake their hands, pat them on the back and thank them for having the guts to do what many people in the world wish they could do for years. In Gaddafi’s case, the suspected assassin or assassins were doing necessary house cleaning – they simply took out the trash.

Naturally, you want to give the assassin or assassins a courteous reminder that under normal circumstances in the civilized world you can’t go around killing your average scumbag.

Gaddafi was a human. He was also a rabid dog that didn’t get put down by shrapnel in the 1980s when he was trying to make a name for himself as the Global Bad Guy. In theory, The Rule Of Law applies to everyone. In reality, some sickos may look human, but their actions make them anything but human.

Terrorists, young or old, in my opinion, are the exception to The Rule Of Law because they are the poisonous snakes that spread their fatal venom around the globe; so allow the world to look away long enough – for someone to wield the ax, squeeze the shotgun trigger or slam the pickup accelerator to the floorboard and squash a terrorist snake once and for all.

Creatures like Gaddafi should have their official death certificates contain a statement like: “He stayed too long at the party and was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” And list the Official Cause Of Death: “He upset too many people for too long. End of Story.”

My personal idea of a state funeral for Gaddafi: Place his remains in the nearest dumpster and drop the dumpster in the local sewer recycling plant. At least, all the manure finally gets processed together.

The kind of hatred that Gaddafi spread in the 1970s up until his death makes me wonder why anyone would care who killed him or how he died ? The idea that people intend to waste money and time to initiate an investigation into the Death of Gaddafi is ludicrous.

At the end of World War II, Italian citizens rose up against Benito Mussolini and he ended up on a meat hook in a public square for all the world to see. People saw that he was dead with their own eyes and for a time the buzzards got to feast on his flesh. He too was considered an evil man. I don’t recall the Italian Government initiating an investigation into The Death Of Mussolini. Perhaps, they decided to waste their time and money to rebuild their nation.

Gaddafi’s Death means an old terrorist snake is dead. An old dead copperhead in the field means it will no longer breed or spread it’s poisonous venom. In the Ozarks, when we kill an old copperhead, we smile and Thank God that’s one less old snake to worry about, even if we don’t dance in the streets.

Of course, in the Ozarks, Old Timers would usually burn the snake where it was killed to keep other snakes away. It may be an old wives’ tale, but it seemed to work because it would seem like years before you would ever see another snake near the spot where you killed the old copperhead.

In Libya, I would hope that the citizens took the time to celebrate and dance in the streets to remind other global war criminals, terrorists, and dictators that eventually citizens of any nation can rise up against any old poisonous terrorists snakes.

Sam

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