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Isolation

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Isolation

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Isolation is one of the dumbest ideas of the human race.

You have those times in Life where you think you "Want" to be "Isolated" from your fellow humans.

You don’t.

What you want is time to step back, take a breather, refocus your mind and "Get Back In Your Life."

Isolation is not possible in "Your Life" on a day to day local basis or even in your day to day role as a Citizen Of Planet Earth.

Once you emerge from the womb, You give up "The Isolation Of Your Life."

However, even the isolation in the womb is a fantasy because the emerging child is "Connected" to the mother. Once you emerge from the womb, You are truly "Connected" to the world.

I find the comments of news stories humorous whenever they suggest that the United States should be "Isolated" or revert to the old policies of "Isolationism" because the idea "NEVER WORKS."

As a person, you can find ways to "Shut Yourself Away From The World" for a few hours or a few days.

If you dare, you can shut off your cellphone.

I have had my moments of "Privacy."

Once I even took a few days military leave just to take a "Breather" from the Normal Daily Human Rat Race. I stocked up on coffee and cigarettes. I was in my artistic phase and wanted the time to work on my own comic book idea.

I had my white, bond paper, my Number 2 lead pencils, ruler, protractor and my imagination. I sat in my off base apartment and "drawed" for a couple of weeks. I had a roommate, so I wasn’t completely alone. However, he had a job, so he was gone, during the days.

After a few days, I began to experience "Cabin Fever." I had separated myself from the world. Yet, it seemed like the world was closing in on me.

I had become a monastic monk in Bossier City, Louisiana and wasn’t even watching TV or the evening news.

In ’82, we humans still had a "Caveman Culture" because computers were still several hundred dollars for the "Game Geeks" and the aspiring bureaucratic administrators of the world.

Telephones were still devices that sat on a piece of furniture. In movies, you see rich characters out in LA, who have their "Car Phones", but most of the telephones were in homes, phone booths and office buildings around the planet.

The Grandparents Of The Cellphone, Facebook And Twitter Generations were usually ham radio station operators or truckers, who loved their "Citizen’s Band radio." America’s truckers, who roll the 18-wheel semi tractor trailers across the nation from coast to coast had their "CBs."

The fad spread and the "Good Ole Boys Of America" would hang a CB beneath their dash in their farm pickups and their hunting pickups and CBs were "The Rage" until the car phones evolved and ended the market.

Isolation, as a person was easier to carry out in ’82.

However, the idea of "Isolation" is stupid because you should never "Unplug From Your Life", regardless of the reason. Life is "Too Precious." Life is "Too Short."

Throughout US History, Americans tend to "Freak Out" and call for the United States to revert to the stupid policy of "Isolationism."

In World War I, Americans sat on the continent, while the "World Burned." Once the oceanliner"Luisitania" was sunk at sea; Americans realized, "You Can Not Hide From War." War will find you.

In World War II, Americans sat on the real estate. The World Bleeds And Burns. Egomaniac Emperor Hirohito Of Japan crossed the line — "He Stabbed America In The Back."

Pearl Harbor was "An Act Of Cowardice Carried Out On The Orders Of A Half-Blind, Runt Madman." It happened on a Sunday, when that era of Americans would be in church.

America’s World War I policy of "Isolationism" failed. The end result is America had to play "Catch Up" and people had to make sacrifices to attempt to enjoy their day to day lives.

America’s World War II policy of "Isolationism" failed. The end result was Americans were really behind the power curve and had to play "Catch Up" to hope they would survive the War.

For those Americans who are naive enough to believe "The United States Of America Can Ever Be ’Isolated’ From International Affairs", here, is a piece of advice: "Wise Up."

The United States land mass is too large to be overlooked. America has always been a "Nation Of Immigrants", so to believe that immigrant Americans are going to turn their backs while their former homelands are in flames is just silly.

Even Americans, who emerge from the womb on a real estate location in the United States cannot afford to ignore International Affairs. Granted, the old Cold War rhetoric of a Chinese tank rolling through San Francisco may not seem logical in the 21st Century.

The old Cold War rhetoric of Soviet troops from Moscow parachuting into pastures in Stone County, Missouri may not seem that realistic in the 21st Century.

The reality is technology has made the planet smaller.

The irony is people don’t really "Talk" or communicate with one another anymore because the blurbs encouraged by social media plays on people’s busy schedules and the cliche mentality of people.

We "Talk" or "Text" on cellphones, but those communications are more like "Slogan Slinging" and not real conversations.

The Facebook and Twitter "blurbs" are essentially "Sophisticated Cave Man Grunts" that allow us to pretend we are "Connected" with the people around us and our world.

In the ’50s,60s,70s, and 80s, people would sit at kitchen tables, in their living rooms or at a bar and cuss and discuss the affairs of the world. Usually the conversations would pass time and provide an exchange of ideas. Sometimes the conversations might get "emotional" or "heated", but you always came away with an outlook, a viewpoint and a feeling that other people also cared about life on the planet.

Now, people "Slogan Sling" cliches on facebook, twitter and "Pretend" they are communicating with one another.

As a Citizen Of Planet Earth, you can look forward to "Future Isolation" in a graveyard plot with a headstone. Then, again, since you might be buried next to someone else — you can not even expect "Isolation" in the graveyard.

As a Citizen Of Planet Earth, forget the "Isolation" silliness and enjoy your life.

As a Citizen Of Planet Earth, realize that it is "Stupid" to believe that international affairs going on in The Capitols Of The World each morning have an effect on your life, directly or indirectly.

The History Of The Nations Of The World point out that "War Is The Way Of The World." Sooner or later, a nation or nations resort to War.

Don’t kid yourself. War isn’t going away.

You can whine that the United States Government should not care about the state of War in Syria. You might have a valid point. However, the inevitable outcome of the Syrian Civil War will affect the international affairs of the United States.

You can get upset that the United States Government has taken a position on Crimea and the Ukraine, but the actions by Russia will affect American policy, which always manages to translate into domestic events that can impact the economy in a positive or negative way.

The US Government is not going to step away from international affairs because paranoid Americans want to believe that stepping back from global affairs will improve the local economy.

Uncle Sam refuses to do "Isolation" because nations that become "Isolated", eventually become the real estate of another country.

Pay attention to the news each day, so that when the time comes that War is the reality, you will be prepared to survive.

Isolation does not work.

Isolation does not work for nations.

Isolation will not work for You. Go ahead, take the risk: Enjoy your life.

Shame Email

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Editor’s Note: Facebook Family and Friends, I got an email from a reporter friend about an article that will seize your emotions. If you have an iota of humanity, compassion or kids — then, you SHOULD read the email that I posted on my "Sam I Am Blog" because it looks at what a Filipina reporter witnesses as the differences in two cultures in response to a National Tragedy. The focus of the article begins with the sinking of the South Korean ferry and the "teenage lives" lost in the tragedy.

Editor-In-Chief

Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Shame
SKETCHES By Ana Marie Pamintuan (The Philippine Star) | Updated May 2, 2014 – 12:00am

A day after a ferry carrying hundreds of high school students sank on its way to a resort island in South Korea, my lunch meeting with a Korean expat was canceled.
Earlier this week a Korean told me why: their entire nation is mourning for the dead and missing in the sinking of the ferry Sewol, and people consider it inappropriate to enjoy fine meals or entertain in restaurants. Concerts and other fun activities have also been canceled.
While business is down in South Korea as a result, the situation is expected to persist as the retrieval of bodies moves slowly. Retrieval has been difficult, I was told, because of an unusually rapid tidal current or stream at the site that can move at around 20 kilometers per hour, compounded by stormy weather and icy waters.
The Koreans are considering raising the ferry from the seabed, but the logistics are daunting particularly because of that rapid stream, even for a nation that is home to three of the world’s largest shipbuilding companies (Hyundai, Samsung and Hanjin heavy industries).
“We are so ashamed,” a Korean expat lamented to me recently, citing the behavior of the ship crew, their government’s response and the regulatory failure that contributed to the tragedy. The expat said it is a painful learning experience for Koreans.
For a number of Pinoys, on the other hand, the Korean government’s response is impressive enough along with the nationwide mourning and public expressions of remorse and shame over one maritime accident.
South Korea’s prime minister apologized and resigned over the disaster, while the vice principal of the students’ high school, who was rescued from the ferry, was found hanging with his belt from a tree near the school gym.
The fisheries minister and coastguard chief spent an entire night with angry parents in a tent on the beach explaining their agencies’ responses to the disaster. The deputy coastguard chief was also taken to the tent from his temporary office by irate relatives of the victims.
President Park Geun-hye herself, her popularity sagging in the wake of the accident, has publicly apologized for her government’s “insufficient first response” and failure to curb the regulatory “evils” that contributed to the disaster.
Some reports said the addition of cabins on several decks to accommodate more passengers made the 20-year-old ferry unstable in the powerful current. The ship, which carried 476 people, was reportedly overloaded.
The ferry captain – among the first to be rescued by responding coastguard personnel – and 14 of his crew have been arrested. The billionaire owner of the company that operated the ship is under investigation. The offices of his company and its affiliates were raided and documents confiscated as a probe got underway on the group’s finances.
Maritime regulators are also under investigation not only for administrative lapses but also for possible corruption. There is suspicion that regulators colluded with the company for the modifications that made the vessel top-heavy and unstable.
Compare this with what happens when a ferry sinks in our country. When the ferry Doña Paz collided with the oil tanker Vector off Marinduque on Dec. 20, 1987, it took 16 hours for rescuers to arrive, by which time most of the passengers and crew had drowned, died in the explosion and fire from the cargo of gasoline and other petroleum products on the Vector, or devoured by sharks in Tablas Strait.
Because of the inaccurate ship manifest, there is still no verified number of the dead and missing, estimated at 4,386.
It took more than a decade for the official probe to be completed, with Doña Paz owner Sulpicio Lines and Caltex Philippines, which chartered the Vector, absolved of liability. The Vector was found at fault and ordered to indemnify the victims.
I don’t remember anyone, however, being arrested, tried in court or publicly apologizing for the tragedy, considered the world’s worst peacetime maritime disaster. No maritime or regulatory official was punished, suspended or fired. No one resigned, much less committed suicide.
We can argue that Korean society is different, but this is not only a cultural thing. Our problem is also systemic. The Doña Paz disaster failed to result in dramatic reforms in our maritime industry. After the collision, we still saw deadly maritime accidents almost every year, in fair weather or foul, with several of the ships also owned by Sulpicio Lines.
The deep sense of shame can be found in other societies. Yesterday in California, for example, Mike D’Antoni quit as head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers after two seasons of unimpressive performance by the team.
In our country, those in charge of sports development have clung to their posts through many years of unimpressive performance by Philippines athletes, including their worst ever in the Southeast Asian Games.
All natural disasters here are dismissed as acts of God, with no one taking responsibility for failing to mitigate the impact, such as by preventing illegal logging.
In any disaster, the immediate response is to pass the buck, to deny responsibility. Remember what happened in the Rizal Park hostage mess. In the end it was an official who wasn’t even there during the fiasco, Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada, who had to apologize to Hong Kong for the deaths of their tourists.
Crooks in government, even when presented with incontrovertible evidence of wrongdoing, will never admit it all the way to their grave, and will be sorry only that they got caught.
Suicide? Homicide is more likely; woe to whistle-blowers.
Shame? Not in this society. Some of the individuals accused of plunder (plus an ex-convict) and other high crimes even hobnobbed with US President Barack Obama at a pricey Malacañang dinner paid for by Pinoy taxpayers.
In our society, thieves and those responsible for public misery never say sorry or quit. They aspire for high office, and they often win.

Sam,God At The Tailor by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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The Prologue

of

Book One and Book Two

 

Sam,God

At The

Tailor

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

The handsome, well-dressed man in the tailor-made business suit sits relaxed in the chair in the small tailor shop.

 

He peers up at me through his fashionable glasses and smiles. He gestures to the chair, beside him, and I sit down.

 

God,” I whisper ?

 

In the flesh,” he chuckles. “Welcome to Luzon. Manila, actually. Technically, we are in a tailor shop in Bulacan,” he grins.

 

God turns his head and whispers, “Good Morning, Sam, Ole Buddy.”

I settle into a chair beside God. He nods at the young Asian tailor taking the measurements of the young boy.

 

God takes off his glasses and uses the frames to point at the young boy. “Fernando Dantes is getting measured for a new school uniform.

 

Tomas Tolentino, the young bespoke tailor, is learning the art of becoming a professional tailor. Tomas has five brothers and three sisters.”

 

God winks at me. “It is the Philippines. In this country, they really take the phrase, |”be fruitful and multiply,” to heart.

 

Obvious, economic considerations aside, Tomas is a dedicated young man, who is working hard to make a future for himself and is working on a plan to help support and educate his siblings,”

 

God looks at me. “I figured you had some things on your mind. The old year ending and the new one beginning.”

 

I frown. “I realized since I retired most people don’t even know I exist, but, my wife might miss me.”

 

God chuckles. “The nice thing about being The Creator Of The Universe is you have all the particle physics, quantum physics, string theory and all those other fancy,smancy scientific scholastic theories and natural laws that languish at the back of your mind.

 

Long story short. You are here. At home, there is a genetic golem that is your twin. Your stand-in clone will be you at that point until you return.

 

My clone ?”

 

God laughs. “Haven’t you ever wished there was more than one of you ?”

 

All the time. Especially, back in the days when I was on duty. I took that whole “Fate Of The Free World Rests On Your Shoulders” literally,” I admit.

 

Indeed, you did.” God admits.

 

Relax. I remember you made regular visits to a tailor shop in Okinawa. Even, in Thailand, you used free time to get suits made at the tailor.”

 

I nod. “In the single days, I believed clothes impressed the ladies. The suits did.” I smile. “I did appreciate my tailor-made suits and I loved the comfort and the fit,”

 

Young Dantes dashes past us and out the door. Tailor Tomas Tolentino smiles at God.

 

God points at me. “My friend is overdue for a new suit of clothes. It is my belated Christmas present to him.

 

Three Suits, three shirts, and three ties. Then, we’ll look at the handkerchiefs, shoes and accessories.”

 

Okay, Mr. Godwin.”

 

I step into position. The young tailor uses his cloth tape measure to take the measurements and write down the numbers in the notebook on the desk.

 

I know you have had a year of challenges,” remarks God, still sitting in the chair. “Give me an idea of where you want to head in the new year.”

 

Overwhelmed. All year long,” I remark, my arms outstretched for the tailor to take the measurements.

 

Everyday seemed like an uphill battle. The nice thing about the holidays is you crawl in your cave and lick your wounds,” I retort. God sits in the chair and jots notes in a small notebook,

 

I feel like a gun shy dog, who is shot at and missed. It is one of the few times in my life, where instead of moving forward, I want to turn around and walk back,” I explain.

 

The tailor slips the tape measure under my arms and around my chest. I put my arms down.

 

God nods. “What can I do ?”

 

I grin. “You are a big player in the world economy; fix it.”

 

He laughs. “Even as we speak, people are working on it. Actually, they are ‘arguing’ about it, but, sooner or later, they will have to settle down and be rationale.’

 

God stands up and watches the young tailor work. The tailor takes my neck measurement. I turn around. I feel the tape from the back of my shirt collar go down the small of my back to my belt. The young tailor jots the measurements in his notebook.

 

My guess is your business plan for the year is you want to get everyone on the same page and moving in the same direction,” remarks God.

 

Leadership is a challenge in any culture and when you have a language barrier that only complicates understanding.

 

One of the most difficult tasks is to try to get people to share and work toward a common dream.

 

The tailor measures around my waist and looks at the measurement. He looks up at me and smiles. He takes the waist measurement again.

 

Your tape measure is right. I’ve always been skinny. I’ve always had a slender waist,” I explain. The young tailor nods and jots down the measurement.

 

I shrug. “This year was rough. I feel empty. At this point, I look at the next year as “switch to auto pilot” and hope the turbulence does not slam me into a mountain.”

 

God nods. “It was a rough year for a lot of people. I’m surprised that you are still on the mat.”

 

I grin. “If you stay down, then, you don’t get beat up.”

 

Seriously, the lumps and bruises don’t heal as quickly when you get older. And, disappointment is a difficult emotion to deal with at any age.

 

The real pain is the disappointment, when you get in the ring, you swing for a dream. You figure out too late that the fight is fixed.

 

Everyone apparently thought they would hit it big; if we failed. We failed at what we tried to accomplish. The naysayers lost out too, which serves them right for their lack of support.

 

I was naive. As a child, I learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. As an adult, I should have been more pragmatic and cynical about my fellow citizens,”

 

In the 20th Century people had The Cold War and The Atom Bomb Paranoia. Still, families usually stuck together, despite the persistent paranoia.

 

The early 21st Century seems to have become a global “Dog Eat Dog” culture that relies on the selfish paranoia of the individual, rather, than the strength of family.

 

The young tailor measures the cuff of the trousers and glances up at me.

 

Tomas, you have to forgive my friend he is an old skeptical reporter turned philosopher,” smiles God. The young man nods,

 

The young tailor makes a few quick pen strokes to sketch out the overall design on the notebook page and smile up at me.

 

I have your measurements, sir. Do you want to go ahead and choose the material for your suits.”

 

God speaks up. “I’ll choose the cloth and the fabrics.” I step over and sit in the chair.

 

God takes off his sport jacket and lies it across the desk. He removes his cuff links and puts them in his left trouser pocket. Then, he turns up the sleeves and steps into position.

 

The young tailor smiles. “Mr. Godwin, I already have your measurements.”

 

God grins. “I know. The holidays. I always tend to put on weight, which makes my shirts and trousers tighter.

 

I think we need to revisit my neck size, my last blue satin dress shirt is a perfect fit, but. I think the neck size is about a quarter of an inch too tight, even unbuttoned.”

 

The young man nods and goes to work with his tape measure.

God looks at me. “The Manila to Tacloban City cargo truck idea wasn’t a bad idea.”

 

A day and a half to two days to transport cargo from Manila to Tacloban City is a decent idea,” I admit.

 

Of course, you have to consider the condition of the roads. The wear and tear on the vehicles,and even though it is the tropics, weather conditions are still a factor.

 

Heat, in terms of temperature. Salt, in terms of salt air and how it works on steel and iron, in terms of a truck chassis.

 

Employees means you have to know how many you need, especially, mechanics to keep the trucks on the road.

 

How expensive are the trucks going to be ? Do you buy, rent or lease the trucks ?”

 

God smiles. “You did your homework.”

 

I nodded. “It was a great idea on paper. Of course, the devil is always in the details.

 

The big detail is everyone had details to add to the idea and project. The day to day operating budget only pointed in one direction: mine. I was not in the mood to change my last name to Risk.”

 

Christy has a good head for business on her shoulders,” God acknowledges.

 

She does. She knows how to put any project together and get it to work as long as people are willing to work with her,” I admit.

 

Teamwork isn’t always a concept that translates. Sometimes people only see the short=range quick peso. People don’t always see The Big Picture of trying to build for the future.”

 

The new year means I’ll stick to what I do best – writing and photography.” I grin. “Perhaps, I will inspire someone.”

 

The young tailor puts the tape measure around God’s chest a second time and looks at the measurement.

 

God laughs. “It is all the fruitcake and egg nog of the holidays. The food and drink does a number on the physique.”

 

God straightens up and looks forward for a moment. He glances at me.

 

Another year of writing and photography, then,” He asks ?

 

It is what you put me here to do,” I observe.

 

He smiles. “You, my son, thought you could make a difference in the world by the stories you would write.”

 

The foolish optimism of youth, no doubt,” I reply.

 

God chuckles. “That is what I admire about ‘youth’ the ‘utopian optimism’ to look at the world and see what it should be and not what it really is,” remarks God.

 

The young tailor carefully takes the measurements and then takes them again before jotting them down.

 

God remarks, “Now, that the holidays are ending, I guess it is time to hit the gym again.” He winks at me.

 

The young tailor jots down the measurements on the notebook and steps through a back door in the shop.

 

God fidgets with the open collar of his dress shirt. “I could use a little more starch in this shirt,” He observes.

 

I appreciate the suits and shirts,” I admit rising out of the chair. “I’m curious though, I figure with the whole switch from one year to the next you would have your hands full.”

 

God glances over his shoulder. “Nice thing about ‘The Creator Job’ after ages of new years, millennium scares and the whole switch from one year to the next, “ God pauses for a moment to listen for the tailor’s footsteps.

 

You kind of get your procedures down and know how to roll with the flow.”

 

God looks at his reflection in the shop window and raises up his chin and turns his head from side to side. “Human life is often about image.”

 

I always enjoy my fittings at the tailor. Your tailor is meticulous in creating your suit,” remarks God.

 

You look good in the suit, but, every time you put on the suit; it is the tailor’s reputation that stands out to the world.

 

Tailors and dressmakers may well be the last bastions of craftsmanship left in The Real World,” proclaims God.

 

Tailor Tolentino comes out of the back with two suits in plastic bags. He beams. “Mr. Godwin, your suits are ready.”

 

God smiles like a little boy at Christmas. The young tailor motions to the dressing room. “Feel free to try them on and see if I need to make any alterations.”

 

God takes the suits and walks toward the dressing room.

 

You and Mr. Godwin are friends,” the young tailor asks ?

 

We have been friends for so many years, I can’t even begin to count all the years,” I remark.

 

He has a very definite opinion on fashion and what he wants.”observes the tailor.

 

I nod. “It is safe to say, you will never meet anyone with more style and panache. He knows what he likes. He knows what he doesn’t like.”

 

Mr. Zeus Godwin is definitely a man, who knows the value of a peso and how to get every centavo out of it.”

 

God steps out in the double breasted gray business suit with the slender pin stripe. “This is a masterpiece ! The fit is exquisite.”

 

God grins and rubs a button. “I can pick this suit up on Tuesday of next week. I would like you to take a look at the buttons.

 

My thought is the thread might not be strong enough. You might want to check with an older tailor, I believe it was beeswax that was added to thread to make it stronger.

 

Beeswax,” remarks the young tailor. God steps back into the dressing room to try on the other suit.

 

The young tailor looks at me.

 

I smile. “Mr. Zeus Godwin, knows all. Mr. Zeus Godwin sees all,” I tease.

 

The fact that he is here means you must really be a tailor of merit.”

 

The young man shrugs and smiles. “It is one of those strange stories of Life. The day I went to be measured for my first school uniform. The tailor was being precise in his fitting of a priest in a robe.

 

The tailor checked the hem a couple of times and adjusted how the robe draped on the priest’s instep.

 

The priest told the tailor it was a great fit, but, the tailor convinced the priest to let him make a couple of alterations.

 

Suddenly, a high-ranking Philippine National Police officer and his wife rushes into the shop.

 

The woman was in tears. The poor lady she was coming apart at the seams. She was talking mile a minute Tagalog and crying like it was the end of the world.

 

The man had a doomed looked and put his dress uniform on the desk. The woman had heard of an inexpensive tailor, who could do uniforms in a rush. She had convinced her husband to go to the tailor.

 

I watched the tailor calm the woman down and look over the uniform with the officer.

 

The officer tried on the uniform. The pants were waiting for the flood pants,” smiles the young tailor.

 

The jacket was tight through the chest and the sleeves were short. The uniform look like it had shrunk in a washing machine.

 

My mother put her hand over my mouth, so no one could see me laugh.

 

The tailor hunkered down and used his tape measure to check the hem in the pant’s legs.

 

Then, he stood up and went and took the jacket off the mannequin in the window.

 

He held it up to the officers back to check the width of the shoulders. Then, he suggested the officer try on the jacket.

 

In a few moments, the officer returned and the tailor checked the balance of the jacket and the sleeve length. I saw the officer smile.”

 

The young tailor smiles. “It was a complete catastrophe. Yet, the tailor assured the officer that he could fix the length of the pants and make a slight alteration to the jacket, so the officer would have the uniform for the next morning.”

 

The young tailor closes the notebook on his desk and looks at me. “Like they say, that is the rest of the story.

 

I started hanging out around the tailor shop and noticed how happy people where and how they smiled when they had on a shirt, suit or dress that was made for them.”

 

Pure Michelangelo,” chimes God stepping forward in the navy blue business suit.

 

He flicks the lint off the sleeve and smiles. God smiles at the buttons on the suit sleeve cuff. “Savile Row. The last time I wore a business suit that felt this comfortable I had it tailored for me on Savile Row.”

 

God nods. “Now, let’s look at the bolts of cloth and pick out the material for the shirts.”

 

Tailor Tomas Tolentino smiles. “Wait just a moment, I have put some material back for your next visit, Mr. Godwin.” The tailor turns and steps out the back.

 

God looks at me. “Are you ready for the new year ?”

 

Ready or not, it will come,” I tease.

 

That it will,” God grins. “You put one foot in front of the other and move forward like you always do. You will be back up and running in no time,” God advises.

 

I nod. “I know, no one is getting any younger. I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and realize that this is the point in life that I am suppose to be at.”

 

It is the assurance that your journey in Life brings you to a point to where you feel you are suppose to be.”

 

I nod my head up and down. “Now, I get why God takes me with him to a new tailor.”

 

To shoot the breeze with a mortal and do the cosmic male bonding routine,” teases God.

 

Perhaps.” I grin. “I would interpret it as a Life lesson. When Life doesn’t fit, don’t hesitate to make alterations.

 

Everyday may seem like it is off the rack, but, you should be able to tailor it to fit.”

 

Hemmed in and restricted by seams; you need to find a way to let it out and add some elastic to life.”

 

You shouldn’t always feel like Life is ready to wear and you don’t get to make any changes or decisions.”

 

If you get steamed, relax; you can iron out the wrinkles in your Life.”

 

Like a tailor, take your measurements, look at your patterns and decide how you want your Life to be sewn together.”

 

If you need help, find the tailor, or the professional, who can help you do the job.”

 

In the grand scheme of the Universe, Life can be tailored to allow you to dress for success in almost any event.”

 

God laughs. “Writers. I love you guys and gals. You take a simple act and put universal meaning to it,” remarks God. He lowers His eyeglasses and winks.

 

The tailor returns with the cloth. God smiles, “Now, for the dress shirts.”

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Sam,God,Satan New Year Proposal by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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Book Two

Sam,

God,

Satan,

The

New Year

Proposal

TICK TOCK TRAVEL TIME_resized

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

God brought me to a Time and Space Dimension, outside the realm of The Real World.

 

God and Satan sometimes “Shoot The Breeze.”

 

Today, New Year’s Eve, God decided to select a human to attend the session.

 

It is obvious, that this brainstorming session is setting the stage for A New Year’s celebration unlike any other.

 

Satan did not like the location, so He teleported all of us to His penthouse in another dimension.

 

God in his white tuxedo seems to have a New Year’s Proposal in mind.

 

God crushes out his cigar butt in the ashtray and finishes off His brandy. He stands up.

 

Satan, Ole Buddy. You are just too serious. It is time to lighten up and party. I’m thinking a uniform change is in order,” teases God.

 

No !” Satan shrieks. “No ! I sense where you are going. The idea is not warranted and it certainly is not funny.’

 

God spread His legs into a Parade Rest stance and lifts up His head. A supreme ball of intense white light radiates from within His solar plexus.

 

Satan smirks, “His sense of humor will be the death of me one of these centuries.”

 

The rays of light cascade around God’s human form for a moment and then vanish.

 

Call me, ‘Goddess,” proclaims God, who now, stands embodied in the form of a tall, large redheaded woman in a floor-length eveining gown.

 

Satan shakes his head, “You just had to be a Momma’s Boy; didn’t you.”

 

An unseen force thrusts Satan back and He is on His knees on the floor staring up into a pillar of intense energetic blue light. “Alright. Alright. I get it.”

 

The light vanishes. Satan stands up in the stance that God had used. An intense orb of yellow, then, orange, then, blue light casts our rays around His body. “This isn’t funny,” he groans.

 

Satan drops to his knees and stretches out on the floor. The light radiates under Him against the floor for a moment and then vanishes.

 

A large, tall black woman lies on the floor in the place of Satan.

 

Goddess sashays over and looks down. “The process requires an intense amount of focused energy. If you don’t fight it; it is harmless. Poor Satan, all these centuries and sometimes He forgets to roll with the flow.

 

Satan slowly sits up. “Call Him, Santanna,” remarks God. God reaches down a hand.

 

A flustered Santanna rises to her feet. “i can do it. You and your silly little jokes and pranks.”

 

Goddess grins, “When I do it; it is jokes and pranks. When Satan does it, of course, it is procedure, rules, regulations, i.e., business.”

 

Why,” asks Santanna ?

 

In this dimension of Time And Space, we did The Universal Macho Male Bonding Exercise,” smiles God.

 

You guessed it, Santanna. Sam is a Momma’s Boy. In his Real World dimension, he can and does relate to a woman, whom he trusts, loves and respects. Santanna you are long overdue to feel some human emotion.”

 

Santanna looks down at the evening gown.

 

Goddess steps back and looks at Her evening gown. “Exquisite.”

 

She smiles at me. “Since I plucked this design out of your mind, Sam, you get to explain it.

 

Santanna moans, “Great. Time out for Fashion Week In The Mythic Zone.”

 

I know my terms won’t be fashion terms, but, I’ll try to explain the style and design. Goddess wear a full-length evening gown of satin blue.

 

The bodice is, essentially, a strapless bustier. It is an exaggerated M design to suggest the natural peaks and valleys of a woman’s breast.

 

The M provides two functions. First, it calls attention to the breasts. Second, it can provide a Public or a Privacy function.

 

If you wish to suggest, but not reveal, then, you choose the Superheroine Style that stiffly towers over the breasts and casts a shadow to conceal them.

 

Goddess wears “This is The Freedom Of The Press Style. “ The wearer has nothing to hide.

 

The large M cut design simply shields the breasts behind reinforced comfortable material. The design is suppose to gently lift the breasts and allow them to rest on a comfortable material shelf that feels as natural as if a woman is lifting up her own breasts.

 

To provide the support a woman’s breasts stand out like the prow of a ship. “The design to allow the breast to stick out forward is intentional. Men are men. Women are women. God purposely designed the bodies to be different.

 

The physique of a man’s body and the physique of a woman’s body should always be celebrated.

 

Under the breast is layers of cottonballs arranged to provide a cushion to allow the breasts to stick out forward and rest comfortably. It is the only idea I could come up with to replace an underwire. I’m sure someone in the industry can refine the design.

 

Santanna snickers, “We get it, Sam. You are a breast man.”

 

Goddesses frowns at Santanna.

 

I step out and gesture at the cup area of the evening gown. “If I knew more about synthetics, then, I might have been able to suggest a Kevlar, diamond, lycra or latex alloy or composition that would be sewn into the lining and really protect the breasts from injury.”

 

I point to the bodice. “The body of the garment is suppose to be comfortable because at a formal social fuction then you should look impressive and still be comfortable.”

 

My concern is the way the material is gathered together at the small of the back. I had hoped the overall design would allow for a more natural flow like how drapes hang straight down.”

 

It looks like some of the material may have been bunched and is creating an unnatural padding situation. Perhaps, a heavier weight of satin would provide the vertical flow, although sharkskin would probably be cheaper and maybe easier to work with.”

 

Regardless, I chose to embed two structural supports at the side of the garment to allow the bra section to remain suspended. When a woman puts her arm down to her side you do not see the support.

 

I believe with an evening gown a woman should have the matching gloves that extend half way up past the elbow.

 

I step to the back of Goddess. “The back is open to reveal the shoulder blades. I imagined this peaked V at the bottom of the bustier bodice, to allow the material to flow natually over the posterior.” I hunker down tto show how the material hangs down to the instep. “At least, the design rides to an inch or two above the instep.”

 

I look up and Santanna shakes Her head. “Sam, you really need to get out of the house more often.”

 

Goddess reaches down and help me to my feet. “Pay no attention, Sam. Some people and some entities are just wet blankets.”

 

Goddess winks and whispers. “I think you are on to something. You should sketch it out on paper and go from there.”

 

I shrug. “Basically, it was just a mental exercise. You see an actress at the Academy Awards on TV and you imagine designing her a more eye-catching andcomfotable gown.”

 

Santanna claps and steps forward. “I’m really going to be interested in how you explain this design.”

 

Like the previous evening gown, it draws attention to the woman’s breasts. It has the strapless M design.

 

The inverted W calls attention to without demanding attention. The red satin evening gown material flows down to full-length.

 

I etched in embroidery at the side seams of the bra to outline the front panel of the dress.

 

The gold embroidery suggests an Oriental flavor. I used oversized peal snaps at the seams to suggest a Western flavor.”

 

I open one of the snaps. “ The snaps work. They are in line from the armpit to the top of the hip. Two rows of three snaps are above the top of the hip to prevent the dress from accidentally coming apart in public.

 

This is my East Meets West Evening Gown.”

 

The front panel hangs down. The two inch wide Oriental design originates at the top of the hips from the bottom of the structural piping and flows down, along the bottom and up the other side.”

 

I step back and point at the thigh. “ The graduated slit of the evening gown allows the wearer seductive freedom of movement. Here, of course, Santanna has decided to go with black hose garters to Her nylons.”

 

Santanna steps forward thrust around Her shoulders and casts a seductive look over Her shoulder. “I have to hand it to you, preacher man, you really know how to design a comfortable evening gown.”

 

Then, Santanna winks, “You are going to have to pay attention to the shoes though. “

 

High heels may go with everything, but they are not always the comfortable footwear choice.”

 

I step back and look at Goddess and Santanna. “Thank you.”

 

For what,” smirks Santanna ?

 

It is always nice to see an image from your imagination in The Real World. . .or, at least, in a realistically virtual dimension.

 

Goddess smiles and steps back. She lifts up Her hair and it flows. She smiles into the ornate silver full-length mirror.

 

Roman women’s formal hairstyles were hard to beat. They did make every woman look like a goddess.” Goddesses’ hair finishes and a large silver ornamental comb appears at the back of the hairstyle.

 

Santanna smirks at Goddess. “The Punk Rocker, Spike and Mohawk look I take it are out for this evening gown.”

 

Fine.” Santanna firmly plants her feet on the floor and the scattered strands of hair rise to create a formal Korean hairstyle.

 

The large ornamental gold and jade dragon comb appears in the hair.

 

You know, professor, I think, I’m going to spend more time looking in on your mind.

 

I got a tall, busty, black bodybuilder physique out of your subconscious. The end result is I like how this dress hangs and swings on my body.”

 

Santanna don’t try to intimidate Sam. It is New Year’s Eve. We want to party. I think Sam is in the inner reflection mode.

 

Goddess gestures to me. I step up and take her hand. Santanna steps up and takes mine. “Relax, human. You ain’t my type.”

 

I step forward and the two buxom women in evening gowns stroll toward my front porch.

 

Goddess laughs. “Relax, Sam. You don’t have to worry about your neighbors. We are still doing the old spatial time displacement routine. We are at a level in your world, but we are still transparent.

 

Santanna staggers around on the heels and finally reaches the porch. Santanna takes off the heels and drops them on the porch.

 

The guests in the Real World look for the disembodied sound. Santanna smirks.

 


“Shoes, gentlemen. If we ever play this game again. We bring along a shoe designer.”

 

Santanna sits on a porch railing and begins to massage her feet. “My dogs hurt.”

 

Santanna roughly massages the bottoms of her feet. “Ouch,”

 

Santanna stands up and looks at the evening gown.

 

Well, if I have to be in this ridiculous skin wearing this ridiculous get up I really want to look like a woman. . .”

 

Santanna thrusts out her hip and places her hand on it. “Goddess is American 38G Cup,” Santanna proclaims and smiles.

 

Santanna’s breasts start to grow. “Santanna will be an American 40 G Cup,” Santanna proclaims.

 

Santanna swishes her hips and walks up behind me to breathe on my neck. Santanna whispers her best Mae West voice in my ear, “What do you think, big boy ?”

 

Goddess rises and walks forward. “Stand down, Santanna. If only the humans of earth could see The Ultimate Evil Of The Universe has gender issues. And, He, She still has trouble playing it off.”

 

Santanna nods. “Fine. Gender switch is an issue with me. Lilith will scatter my atoms across the universe if she sees me like this.”

 

God laughs. “You are immortal.”

 

And, Lilith is creative,”

 

God nods. I step forward and Pseudo Sam, the genetic golem, becomes a part of me.

 

I stand back in The Real World. I smell the food and notice the hunger in my stomach.

 

I sit down at the head of the table. Goddess stands to my right and places Her hand on my shoulder. Santanna stands to my left and places Her hand on my shoulder.

 

I express my Real World appetite. The Universal Energy flows in a circle inside me. I look at the porch railing in the distance and there is the momentary reflection of Goddess and Santanna standing by my side.

 

Once everyone finishes eating. The men move to an area to talk. The women sit at the table and talk. I step to the porch, look out into the night and light a cigarette,

 

I exhale the smoke.

 

Suddenly, my golem strolls toward the men.

 

Goddess, Santanna and I watch. “The TV is tuned to the New Year’s Eve countdown. The men are drinking tuba and the women are drinking wine.

 

Even without the spatial time dimension, I doubt anyone would notice us,” remarks Goddess,

 

Oh, no, Goddess. The way you look in that evening gown, you would definitely stand out, “I comment.

 

Goddess smiles. “This is New Year’s Eve. My wife is shopping somewhere in Paris for the evening and your wife, , ,” Goddess looks at Santanna.

 

She is at some party in Florence or Milan. She mentioned something about swinging by Greenwich Village or Haight Ashbury. I swear that goddess is lost without the 1960s.

 

We had better watch Lilith or She is going to gesture and re-create Woodstock right next to The Dome Of The Rock in The Holy Land,”

 

Goddess laughs. “Lilith isn’t the loose cannon, you think She is. You just get jealous whenever She negotiates a successful business deal that you overlooked. Bottom line, She has better control of her emotions than you do.”

 

Santanna leans against the porch railing and massages the bottom of Her feet, “I’m getting out of this ridiculous evening gown.”

 

You will do no such thing,” admonishes Goddess !

 

Relax,Satan ! Every millennium or so, we owe it to ourselves to do something unusual for New Year’s Eve. Who says we can’t put a little Halloween into New Year’s ?”

 

Santanna eases her right foot down on the porch, “I did like the feel of my tux.”

 

Goddess shakes her head. “You are not fooling anybody, Satan.”

 

While you have one presence here, I am aware that you are have your cloned presence suited up in a variety of tuxedos and dinner jackets and are in attendance at various New Year’s Eve Parties around the globe.”

 

Santanna grins. “The problem with being the Dark Half Of The Creator is I am the half, which means that you always know what I am up to.”

 

Goddess laughs. “Ah, the challenge of being a twin.”

 

Santanna slides off the railing and limps around in Her stocking feet. “With only a little time left until the New Year, I’m curious. If you aren’t going to pursue a career as a shoe designer in the New Year; do you have a direction?”

 

I nod. “Yes.”

 

Goddess smiles. “Speak your mind, Sam. Satan’s bark is often worse than His bite. He does have a talent for getting the right people to spread the word to enhance His “EVIL” reputation.”

 

Goddess smiles, “But, even with a reputation; sometimes you have to put your money where your mouth is. He usually comes up short on the follow through.”

 

Says you,” smirks Santanna.

 

Actually, I was going to give Satan credit for snakes, lawyers, Rap music, jocks and computer games,” I smile.

 

Goddess chuckles. Santanna bursts out in laughter and gestures. The porch lengthens and a round dining table with a lace table cloth appears.

 

Two bottles of champagne are in the silver chilled ice buckets standing by the table. A bucket of ice with tongs sits in the middle of the table.

 

Santanna grins at Goddess, “You might want to do your thing and slow time in The Real World. This sounds like fun.”

 

Goddess nods. I notice people in The Real World dimension, do seem to be moving slower.

 

We sit at the table. “I give you credit for snakes. A truly worthless lifeform that causes problems, spreads venom and kills numbers of people each year.”

 

Since the snake bite fatalities of a single incident don’t rank up there with bomb explosions; humanity at large doesn’t pay attention.”

 

Santanna nods. “They are worthless. I figured within a week, the slow-witted humans of old would have had them wiped out from the planet.

 

Of course, it only took one fool to look at a snake and decide it reminded him of a certain part of his anatomy.”

 

Santanna laughs. “There have always been stupid people in the world. But, for an ancient twit to look at an ugly snake and make that connection is the height of stupidity.

 

Of course, other slug-witted humans come along and the next thing you know, the nuisance creation genetic material is being plugged in as a symbol in stories and religious cults.”

 

Santanna hold up Her hand and the silver cigarette case appears. “Lawyers,” smirks Goddess. Santanna lights her cigarette and offers me one. I accept. I light the cigarette and exhale.

 

Lawyers,” I smile.

 

Granted. A lawyer does solve problems. The catch is when they solve a problem, often they are only setting things up to create more and bigger problems.

 

Humanity will never evolve to the point to where people can compromise, so, unfortunately, you will always need the occupation of a lawyer in humanity.”

 

Santanna grins, “Rap music is cuss words set to noise.”

 

I nod. “Simple. When it starts up, the promoters whine that once society rejected to rock and roll, jazz and other forms of music. No one wants to be guilty of stopping a valid art form, so suddenly you have rhythmic noise pulling down big bucks,” I decree.

 

Santanna leans across the table and looks me in the eye, “Jocks ?”

 

I lean across the table and look Santanna in the eye.

 

Pure Satanic Genius,” I grin.

 

The gladiators were true athletes, who used their brain and brawn to earn their freedom,” I point out. Santanna and Goddess nod.

 

I lean back in the chair and blow a smoke ring. “A jock is a man or woman, who never grows up. As a child, they are usually a bully or hang out with bullies.

 

They may make tons of money playing in public, but, they never really do anything for anyone other than themselves.

 

People buy into the whole silly fairy tale because it is suppose to be physical fitness.

 

Jocks are just supreme time wasters that drags along tons of people with them to waste their money and lives on primitive grunt and groan theatrics,” I explain.

 

Santanna laughs loudly and wipes at a tear in Her eye.

 

Goddess lights a cigarette. “Sam, why do you think Satan created computer games.”

 

I was yanking His chain,” I grin.

 

Computer games can be important to teach hand and eye coordination and to teach someone how to use a computer, the Internet and other tasks,” I explain.

 

A major downside of humanity is how quickly humanity can get addicted to something.

 

Whether a computer game is simple or complex, if the right person sits down in front of the screen, hours of their lives slip away wasted and unused.”

 

Everyone fights boredom. Computer games are a great way to fight it.”

 

When the entertainment becomes an obsession then it is a habit, which is an addiction, which is basically a way to waste large chunks of your life. Everything in moderation.” I smile.

 

Santanna laughs loudly. Goddess exhales smoke and grins. “I have a game for you.” Goddess winks. “If you were granted immortality and God status, what would you change ?”

 

World peace,” teases Santanna

 

I shake my head. “World Peace is a silly fantasy. No way to achieve it on an earth full of humans,” I retort.

 

Really,” inquires Santanna. “Do tell.”

 

God could wave His hand and walah, suddenly there would be Peace throughout the world.

 

Peace is boring. Everyone would deal with their happy, happy, joy,joy modes for a few hours, days, weeks, months. Humanity might even make it to a decade.”

 

Sooner or later, one person, a few people, or a group will get upset or disgruntled over something. Dissension Discontent, Disappointment, Discord. Disagreement.”

 

I shrug. “Whether it is one person, a few people or a group; once people don’t see eye to eye on an issue and they can’t reach an agreement, then, the stage is set for all that negative energy to grow and multiply.

 

World Peace is an unrealistic fantasy of humanity.”

 

Santanna lies back in the chair and points at Goddess. “If you did have immortality and God-like powers what would you do ?”

 

I smirk. “Grant my wife, immortality and God status.”

 

I inhale and exhale the smoke. “Then, I would convince Christy move to a distant planet in the universe. There we could try to enjoy our immortality.

 

Of course, once we got to the planet, we might give up the immortality to return to a mortal life. Life without end, never sounds as attractive in your senior years as it does in your youth.”

 

Santanna waves her cigarette. “Humanity. If you had to use your God powers for humanity what would you do ?

 

Honest,” I ask ?

 

Honest,” grins Santanna.

 

I look at Goddess. “I would thank God for the magnificent opportunity, but I would request not to be given The Power.”

 

Yeah, right,” smirks Santanna. “You have been offered The Power to be a God and you turn it down.”

 

I nod. “As a child, I was optimistic about humanity. I have lived in The Real World.

 

People don’t want to be “Holy.” People just want to live their lives.

 

People don’t even really care about “The Big Picture” issues of Life unless they think it will affect them.”

 

At Christmas, people go out of their way to help the homeless. Pick any day of the year before the Christmas season and people usually ignore or don’t think about the homeless.”

 

There are people, who can live their lives and still help others.”

 

You don’t know where to start,” grins Santanna ?

 

I wish I could be more optimistic about the human race,” I smile.

 

Unfortunately, in the Grand Scheme Of Gods, You, Satan have The Best Job. You get to put obstacles in front of people and challenge them to overcome them.”

 

I look at Goddess. “With all due respect, God has the worst job because He gives people the benefit of the doubt and tries to help them.

 

People usually only really drop to their knees to “worship”, during an extreme personal crisis. God always gets the short end of the stick.”

 

Santanna frowns. “You want my job ?”

 

No. It is obvious you, Satan, enjoy your job immensely.”

 

If I had The Power and could fly, teleport between dimensions, change the molecular structure of items just by thinking or wishing about them. . .obviously, all these aspects of The Power would be great to have.”

 

Imagine being a human with super hero powers. The catch is the universe expects you to use those powers to help your fellow humans.”

 

But, when you try to help one human, then, sometimes you cause problems for another human. It is a proverbial, endless loop cycle,”

 

The temptation, then, is to become just a selfish God intent on satisfying your own needs.

 

You can be human and be selfish; you don’t need God-like powers to be selfish,” I explain.

 

I shrug. “I want to live out my little,mortal Life and then go Permanent Change Of Station into The Afterlife.”

 

Goddess leans on the table and looks me in the eyes. “If you were offered The Power Of Creation And Immortality To Be A God; you would reject it ?”

 

I nod. “Yes.”

 

Where humanity is concerned. Evolution is a slow process. Earth is a classroom. People live and learn lessons. “

 

I doubt humanity will ever evolve anywhere near being “Holy” or a God-like status. It is too easy for humans to get sidetracked by trivial issues in The Real World.”

 

Santanna grins. “I have to hand it to you, human. It is rare, when I meet a human, who has actually examined their hopes and dreams.”

 

Goddess rises from the table and walks around the porch. Santanna watches.

 

Santanna looks around. “Retirement is nothing like you expected,” Santanna asks ?

 

Not in my wildest dreams,” I reply and open one of the cold bottles of rum.

 

Can I help,” offers Santanna ?

 

Probably not,” I grin.

 

Santanna snickers, “You’re still holding that Misawa Air Base thing against me; aren’t you ?”

 

I nod. “Until The Day Eternity Ends.”

 

Santanna shrugs. “Life is a slow pace in the country, huh ?”

 

I nod. “I’m not going to ask for your help, if that is what you are waiting for. I simply, don’t have any issues that require your level of expertise,” I smile.

 

Nothing,” whines Santanna ?

 

I sip the rum. “For the last year, it has been frustrated dealing with the electric company.

 

But, electric companies, internet service providers, cell phone companies, telephone companies, satellite companies – they are all alike. They give you ho-hum service and send you a huge bill each month.”

 

The electric company. Is that a request ?”

 

No. It is not a request,” I emphasize.

 

I understand the challenges the electric company faces. Weather, terrain, budget – I know all those issues play into the kind of service a company can provide. I get it.”

 

Nonetheless, every business in the world ends up with the dead weight employees, who get their game down pat. They don’t rock the boat and stay under the radar.

 

The dead weights go high enough to be comfortable, but, never high enough to be noticed. Then, they sit back and “Fat Cat” off the system. They collect a paycheck for the least amount of work possible.”

 

Santanna smiles, “You think one of the electric companies in Leyte has gone ‘Fat Cat’?”

 

I shrug. “As a human, I’m not impressed by their so-called service.”

 

I’m sure an Immortal, perhaps, a God, might have the opportunity to see behind the press releases.”

 

Santanna leans across the table and grins. “Are you sure this is not a request ?”

 

This is not a request,” I emphasize.

 

I am simply calling your attention to a matter that may have escape the attention of God and Satan.

 

I’m sure one of you or both of you might check out the matter when you have time on your schedule,” I explain.

 

Santanna sits up in the chair and sips Her liqueur, “Sam, do you think we will do any business in the coming year ?”

 

I shrug. “Anything is possible, I guess.” I reply.

 

Good enough,” grins Santanna.

 

Goddess returns and sits down at the table. “Remodeling ? Renovation ? What are you thinking,” asks Goddess ?

 

Inspiration,” I reply. “Once I am inspired I will move ahead with an idea.”

 

My wife, Christy is a pro-active person. She has an idea; she goes for it. My drawback is I stroll toward an idea. I don’t charge, head-first into it.

 

The last couple of years. I have tried to be a nice guy and be kind of laid back.”

 

In the New Year, I’m going to pursue the dream Christy and I want. I’m ready,” I proclaim.

 

Santanna holds up her hand and an open bottle of Benedictine brandy appears. A glass appears in her hand and She pours the liquid. “I like the irony.”

 

The story s that the Benedictine monks came up with the drink. The story isn’t true, but, it has been told so often that the brandy is associated with the monks,” Santanna teases and takes a swig.

 

A champagne flute appears in Goddess’ hand and She sips. “A few minutes until the New Year,”

 

A cold bottle of rum appears in my hand. I sip.

 

Goddess leans against me and whispers, “Remember, even in the tropics, there is a colds and flu season.”

 

Goddess steps forward and stands in front of me. She looks me in the eyes.

 

Your mother asks that I pass along her love,” smiles Goddess, who raises Her arms and an intense beam of light radiates from each palm into my body for about five minutes.

 

Santanna stands up and steps to the other side of the table. She uses her half-filled crystal glass to point at the TV screen. “The countdown to the New Year has started.”

 

I stand up. Goddess winks at me. “You will be okay.”

 

Everyone yells, “Happy New Year !”

 

I stand near the TV. Everyone is shouting, “Happy New Year !”

 

I embrace and kiss my wife, Christy.

 

I look up.

 

A cold shiver runs up my spine, I hear Santanna’s whispered smirk in my ear, “Go get ’em, country boy !”

 

A feeling of warmth causes me to turn and look at the porch entrance. The rest of the guests are laughing and talking and watching the TV coverage of the New Year being celebrated at the precise instant in various locations in the Philippines.

 

Santanna nods, smiles and fades into the dimension of Time and Space.

 

Goddess appears and smiles. “ Samuel, you are more ready than you realize for this year.”

 

I watch Goddess fade into the dimension of Time and Space and only a small dot of light remains.

 

Christy steps up to my side. “Look, a lightning bug.”

 

Happy New Year, honey.” I put my arm around her.

 

I watch the firefly flutter around past the banana plant.

 

The firefly flies further out into the yard into the night.

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Sam, God, Satan New Year’s Eve Analysis by Samuel E Warren Jr,

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Book One

Sam,

God,

Satan

New Year’s Eve Analysis

TICK TOCK TRAVEL TIME

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

I hold the hot cup of coffee.

I take a deep drag of the cigarette and stare into the dense jungle vegetation in front of me.

I step out on to the porch.

Two bright globes of light appear on the horizon and transform into two human figures.

 

The first man to step out of the light is handsome, in his mid-20s, sports the physique of a bodybuilder. His parted sandy hair and cleft chin makes him a stereotype for a Hollywood leading man of the 1940s.

 

He wears a white double breasted tuxedo jacket. A pink carnation is visible on the lapel. The tied white satin tie compliments the collar of the formal shirt. The ruby studs in gold glow in the distance.

 

His white tuxedo trousers display the stripe along the out seam. His glossy, shined white western boot footwear I am certain is a message that he shares my fondness for the footwear – pointed toe and all.

 

I am surprised to notice he is wearing a white evening waistcoat over the formal shirt. The style of his tuxedo jacket, there is no need for the vest, other than, perhaps, personal choice.

 

I watch the jangle of the gold watch chain and realize the vest has a smaller buttonhole for the end of the watch fob. The tradition of the unbuttoned bottom button is maintained.

 

His broad smile has already arrived ahead of him. He strides confidently through the jungle vegetation through the porch.

 

The second man is less enthusiastic about his visit.

 

Combed jet black hair frames a handsome face. He shares the youth of the mid-20s and the bodybuilder physique. His evening attire displays his precise convention for tradition.

 

He wears a midnight blue tuxedo. The tied black bow tie is a conservative size to compliment and not compete with the collar of the shirt. His determined walk reveals that the painted on formal shirt is being held in place by shirt garters attached to his dress socks.

 

The shirt displays traces of movement, but maintains the painted on appearance, which means he is wearing shirt garters attached to his dress socks.

 

The buttoned tuxedo jacket gives only a hint of the cumber bun. The responsive rise and fall of the tuxedo trousers suggest the man is wearing formal suspenders beneath his coat.

 

His precise attention to detail makes the tuxedo seem painted on. The black onyx in silver studs of the formal shirt matches the cuff links. The gold wristwatch is worn to impress.

 

The white satin handkerchief peaked in the breast pocket is no surprise. The single rosebud boutonniere swaddled in baby’s breath is pinned on the lapel, which has no buttonhole. The boutonniere is strategically placed to attract the eyes of the ladies.

 

The highly polished black western boots means he was told to wear boots. His dubious look ripples toward the porch.

 

I put out my hand to the first man. “Welcome, God.”

 

Hey, Sam. Happy New Year’s Eve.”

 

Thank you, sir.”

 

I put out my hand to the second man, who gestures it away with his formal walking stick. He takes a step and his boot slides into the mud.

 

Welcome, Satan,” I reply.

 

He scowls at me and steps up on the porch. “This was not my idea. God said I should come with Him. You know me, I’m not fond of mortals.”

 

Any friend of God’s is a friend of mine,” I smile.

 

I didn’t say I was a friend of God. He just told me I should come with Him,” elaborates Satan.

 

I’m honored and surprised you gentlemen would show up here for New Year’s Eve.”

 

I will be leaving later, I’m sure,” sneers Satan.

 

God laughs. “You will have to forgive Satan His rude manners. The holidays always gets Him down.”

 

Coffee, soda, water, can I get you something to drink,” I ask ?

 

We’re fine,” smiles God. He looks around at the decorations on the porch. Satan hunkers down, grumbles and wipes the mud off his boot.

 

God sits on the porch railing and looks at me. “This isn’t what you signed up for is it, Samuel ?”

 

No, sir,” I answer, in my yellow short sleeve barong and denim jeans. “I had a Beverly Hills mansion on the Leyte beach in mind. Of course, with the fickleness of nature, I would probably only live there about a week before the ocean would swop in and wash it out to sea.” I smile. “You have taught me Life is always changing.”

 

Satan looks up and glances around. “One place is as good as another.”

 

Satan looks at God, “The evening is young and I’m ready to party.”

 

Cool your jets,” orders God. “You don’t have a hot date. You don’t even have a plan for the evening. Your biggest decision all day was in the selection of your wardrobe. Can’t you just be among mortals without always having an agenda ?”

 

I don’t know,” replies Satan. “I really have never tried. You know me, I’m the King Of Soap Operas.”

 

‘Asawa, taste this,” implores Christy, who holds up the steaming table spoon. “Umm. Good.”

 

Does it need salt, she asks ?

 

No, honey. The shrimp fried rice tastes fine.” I smile.

 

You, okay. I noticed you have been standing there awhile just staring out into the jungle,” she asks ?

 

I’m fine. New Year is coming. I’m thinking. Always thinking about new story ideas. It is a writer thing.” I smile. Christy heads back into the kitchen.

 

Obviously, Christy does not see God and Satan.

 

Writers and storytellers understand the multiverse concept that allows you to stand on your porch in The Real World and converse with entities in another dimension.

 

If you’re doing “The Taste Tester” routine,” Satan snickers, “forget ‘The Boys Night Out’ because Momma ain’t going to give you a Kitchen Pass.”

 

God smiles and gestures. My genetic golem stares back at me holding a hot cup of coffee and a burning cigarette. “Understudy time,” chuckles God. “He will do the things you do and say the things you say because he is a shade version of you designed to operate on The Real World level.”

 

God grins at me. “Congratulations. You’ve just been upgraded. You are now at a different vibrational frequency. You can see them, but they can’t see you.”

 

Am I in trouble,” I ask ?

 

God laughs, “Of course not, Satan and I know that if there is any place on earth that we can just chill out and shoot the breeze, chew the fat and just talk, it is where you live.”

 

I visit some people and they freak out. Satan visits people and they usually really freak out. We visit you and you are respectful and courteous. You don’t have the traditional preconceived notions of God and Satan. You give us the benefit of the doubt.”

 

You are a strange mortal,” quips Satan.

 

God nods at me. “Sam you have never learned the meaning of the term, “hold back.” If a question comes to mind, then, you ask it. If a comment comes to mind, then, you say it. You have the same approach with mortals and deities; except with us entities you add the courtesy titles into your comments and responses.”

 

Satan frowns and throws up his arm. Walls rise. A shiny hardwood floor appears under my feet. Two black plush sofas are arranged in a semi circle around a coffee table. A wall-sized big screen TV is on the wall at the end of the room. A gaudy, glassy, chrome, silver industrial theme fills the room. An outer wall becomes vertical sheets of glass.

 

Satan steps to the end of the room and a bar rises up around him. God looks at Satan.

 

What,” smirks Satan ? He grins and sits a glass pitcher on the counter. “Want a martini ?” He looks at the labels of the gin and vermouth bottles that appear.

 

Sam, I know you want a martini. I make them really dry,” He smiles.

I’ll wait,” I reply.

 

Satan shrugs. “Suit yourself. You guys are wasting a good new year’s eve.”

 

God sits on a sofa. He reaches inside his dinner jacket and takes out a pack of cigarettes. He lights one.

 

I light a cigarette.

 

I’m curious, Sam,” He smiles.

 

Sir ?”

 

The previous year have you thought about it,” He asks ?

 

I nod. “Everyday.”

 

Talk to me,” He offers. “Christy and I came back to the Philippines to be with her family. Her mom wanted her to keep the family together. My mom always told me family was everything.”

 

And,” God asks ?

 

Families change,” I shrug. “Times change. Over time, I guess the whole concept of family has changed. Humanity supposedly is in the process of evolving. I don’t mean to be a pessimist; but, I’m not sure humanity is evolving. I;m beginning to think, humanity is like a gerbil on an exercise wheel. We run in place and tell ourselves we are moving up the rungs of the ladder.”

 

Satan places his bulbous glass pitcher of martinis on the silver antique serving tray. The filled ice bucket, tall bottle of green olives, and a cocktail toothpick container. He places the tall, inverted pyramid martini glass on the tray. Then the carries the tray to the coffee table.

 

He pours a mixed martini into the glass. He uses the silver ice bucket tongs to plop two ice cubes into the liquid. He thrusts a cocktail toothpick into two olives and drops them in the martini. He raises the glass and smirks. “I love my martinis shaken. . .like my humans.”

 

Satan gets comfortable on the end of the sofa across from me. He sips His martini. “Mortal, I have a question for you.”

 

Sir ?”

 

I have watched you through the years. When God enters someone’s presence they usually tremble, go all weak at the knees, They never look Him in the face, Often, they drop down with their face in the dirt and their butts sticking up in the air, They start all their shrieking, groaning, crying, moaning, pleading, begging and theatrics. I enter the presence of humans and it is basically the same reaction plus I sense centuries of fear pouring from the pores of their bodies. “

 

God smiles at me, while Satan pauses in his narrative to sip His martini.

 

God enters your presence. I enter your presence. You do not act like the majority of the mortals. You look us in the eye. You offer us your hand. And, you welcome us. Why is that ?”

 

Respect, sir. I respect God. I respect You, Satan.”

 

Satan frowns. “Why don’t you tremble in Fear ?”

 

I smile. “With all due respect, sir, Daddy is a Texan. Momma is a Hillbilly. I was taught to respect people, not to fear them.”

 

God burst out in laughter. Satan scowls at me.

 

With all due respect, sir, the old prophets got it wrong. They preached “The Fear Of God.” You do not Love someone you Fear. Why would you want to Love someone you Fear ? Love and Respect should always be one and the same If you Respect, understand and admire someone, then, you should be capable of giving Love to that person or entity. If you have to Fear a person or entity then the person is not worth knowing and the entity is not worth worship.”

 

Satan shifts on the sofa and leans forward to look me in the eye.

 

You do not fear, me ?”

 

As a child, sir, I was taught to Fear You. The Global Mindset is You Fear Satan. As an older adult, I am Leery of you. You have your own agenda. I doubt it is in my best interest. However, while the World credits You with complete Evil, I realize an important scientific principle that if You were the complete entity of negative energy that You are suppose to be, then, You could not exist because that much negative energy would destroy itself. Your ultimate success would be your oblivion.”

God laughs loudly. “For the scientifically-challenged, Satan, Sam, is saying if your bark was really as bad as your bite, your own rabies would of killed you centuries ago.”

 

Satan whirls around and his face flashes anger to God. “I get it !”

 

He scowls back at me, “You should Fear me, mortal. A mere thought and your molecules are in the wind. You cease to exist”

 

I nod. “With respect, sir. You do not have to threaten me to destroy me. A mere thought and I am no more. If you have decided to destroy me, then, no amount of pleading, begging, protestations, oaths, prayers, whining, crying, groping, lying on the ground or crawling around on the ground will save me. Let us forget the Soap Opera theatrics and cut to the chase.”

 

Satan frowns, sips his martini. He eats his olives and sips His martini once more. He sits the glass on the coffee table. He unbuttons His tuxedo jacket, and leans back on the sofa with a smirk.

 

Sam, you are one arrogant human. The only reason I can appreciate, and even tolerate such mortal arrogance, is because it has been eons since I met a human, who did not cringe in fear the instant that I materialized in their presence.”

 

Satan removes His slender silver cigarette case from inside His jacket pocket. He takes a cigarette and offers me one. I take a cigarette. He takes the lighter from his pants pocket and lights His cigarette. He hands me the lighter. I light my cigarette and hand Him back His lighter that He places by His cigarette case.

 

He points His lit cigarette at me. “This is what I mean. A simple gesture. I offer you a cigarette and you accept. You have any idea through the ages, how many times I have offered a human a cigarette and they have turned me down ? The Fear of humans, their paranoia, their insecurity that is what enslaves people. They are prisoners of their own mind.

 

Granted, I always have my own agenda. Nonetheless, even Satan is capable of protocol, civility and manners. Anyone who is aware of my reputation realizes I don’t need a cigarette lighter to burst someone into flames. Nor, do I need Freon or Liquid Nitrogen to chill them into oblivion.” Satan smiles.

 

Satan,” God interrupts. “You were the One who said He didn’t want to talk religion, spirituality or business tonight.”

True,” Satan remarks. “I seldom find a ‘thinking mortal” to talk to. Most humans just regurgitate what has been preached at them since Day One their Lives began. This human actually tries to form thoughts to think for himself. It is rare to find a human that tries to use the brain God gives a human.”

 

I shrug. “I am, who I am, sir.”

 

God rises and crushes out his cigarette in the huge glass astray on the coffee table. In an instant, the ashes disappears and the glass sparkles once more. “You, gentlemen, talk.”

 

God steps back and unbuttons His white tuxedo. “Since Satan tends to like ritzy penthouses, I imagine this establishment,is at the very least, below us a five star hotel, which means there is a complete catering staff. Translation. I’m going to find a menu and call, Room Service. Can I order anyone else anything ?”

 

Satan turns and points at the back wall to the bar. “There is a menu on the counter.”

 

Satan pours himself another martini and offers me one. “No, thank you. I would appreciate some coffee, when it is convenient”

 

A silver serving tray of a hot pot of coffee, a creamer and a sugar bowl appear. Six plain white china coffee cups appear on their saucers. I pour a fresh cup of hot coffee. Satan settles back on the sofa with His fresh martini. He sips.

 

I take it, you do not believe the traditional human, global views of Satan.”

 

No, sir. The ideas are silly.” Satan laughs. “Please, explain. I am anxious to hear this,” He leans forward and lights a cigarette.

 

I light a cigarette. “First, sir. The old prophets meant well, but they tried to stack the deck in God’s favor. You are suppose to be God’s arch enemy. The old prophets claim that you are a fallen archangel. That can not be. An archangel, even the senior most ranking archangel of Heaven, would never have The Power to triumph over God. They stacked the deck in God’s favor.

 

Satan smirks. “You don’t think I could defeat God ?”

 

I smile. “What I believe is irrelevant. In order for You to be the Supreme Threat to God, You would have to be an entity, who shares the ability to acquire and use The Power Of The Universe. I have no doubt that You, sir, are more than capable.”

 

Then, why haven’t I,” teases Satan ?

 

Why would You ?” Satan smiles and leans forward to look me in the eye. “What would you have to gain ? Triumph. Victory. You win. Then, the work of rebuilding begins. You would have to institute some type of government and create a framework for the various segments of humanity. With all due respect, sir, Your area of expertise is negative energy; not positive energy. Even in Chaos there needs to be a level of Order or the anarchy and destruction becomes an endless loop of creation and destruction.”

 

Satan smiles widely and sips His martini. He leans back against the sofa and stretches out his arms. “You have it all figured out,” He asks ?

 

I shrug. “I have figured out what I needed to understand for my Life to make sense. An Eternal War is not only insane, but, silly because nothing would ever be achieved. The violence, pain and suffering would be never-ending. A Constant State Of War is Complete And Total Chaos because the process of creation and destruction is never-ending. It is a cycle with no beginning and no end. War. All War has to end, otherwise, War has no meaning and Peace has no meaning.”

 

Satan grins broadly. He stands up and removes His tuxedo jacket. He lies it on the back of the sofa and sits back down. He crouches over the coffee table. I sip my coffee.

 

I am intrigued, mortal. You reject that I am a senior-ranking archangel. You reject that I am the Ultimate Military Commander Of All The Evil Forces In The Universe. I sense you respect, but, don’t buy into the whole “Aristocratic” view, so you won’t be impressed by my titles of “Prince Of Darkness” and “Lord Of The Underworld.” Tell me, then, what or who do you think I am ?”

 

For the record, sir, you want me to express my ‘honest opinion’ and you will hear it out before you react ?”

 

Satan smirks. “Okay. I’ll let you have your say before I get upset and turn you to ash on the sofa.”

 

What or Who do you think I am ?”

 

I sip my coffee and sit the cup on the saucer.

With all due respect, sir, I believe, You are The Dark Side Of God.”

 

Satan grins and leans back on the sofa. “How did you arrive at that conclusion ?”

 

I lean across the coffee table. “The Ancient Art Of Common Sense, sir. Humanity states One God is the Ultimate Force Of Time, Space And Creation In The Universe. Humanity ignores the Duality Factor. One of Anything Can Always Be Divided Into Two. A Half Is Always A Part Of A Whole. Therefore, for God to be One, He also has to have a Duality within. To be Holy, all of the positive energy of God would have had to encounter all of the negative energy within God – His Dark Side.”

 

Satan grins. “And, walah ? God creates Satan.”

 

I smile. “I am a writer, sir. I would bring the story on down.”

 

Satan leans forward and smiles. “Then, by all means, please, do.”

 

God The Entity would have realized that He would have to ‘cast out” the negative energy. Thus, at the instant of Creation, God became positive and Satan became negative.”

 

And, The Eternal War Of Good And Evil Rages For All Eternity,” trumps Satan raising his glass and finishing off his martini. He sits the glass on the table.

 

You ain’t buying the old Good versus Evil routine; are you,” asks Satan ?

 

With respect, sir. No. You and God are Victims Of Your Own Success. Sodom and Gomorrah are prime examples. As the Supreme Positive Intellectual Energy Of The Universe there was no need for God to destroy the two cities. A gesture and the complete infrastructure of the cities would of changed. The government, the society everything within the walls would of changed and God could of simply Rained Down Thornless Roses on the population. People would have been dancing and singing in the streets.”

 

Freewill,” retorts Satan !

 

With respect, sir. Freewill is a cop-out. The lamest excuse of humanity. Freewill is mankind’s excuse to put God and Satan on the bench for all of humanity. Freewill is mankind’s excuse to justify stupid decisions and allow people to get away without accepting responsibility.

Freewill is a crock. Freewill is still a choice. A choice always comes with responsibility. Freewill is cowardice impersonating courage.

 

Freedom means a person makes a choice and realizes they have to accept the responsibility that comes with the choice.

 

Freewill is for fools. The world is full of fools.

 

God had the Freedom Of Choice to decide how to deal with Sodom and Gomorrah Had He choose to change all the minds of all the citizens into a positive frame of mind, He would of maintained “The Holy Perfection Concept.”

 

Satan laughs. “You believe because God went all Good Ole’ Boy on Sodom and Gomorrah, He destroyed His credibility and integrity ?”

 

No, sir. When God went “postal”, He proved that even God understands Revenge, Payback, Vengeance, and “Setting The Record Straight.” Plus, He gave the Dumb Dumb Doomsday Prophets Of Planet Earth Their Best Doom And Gloom Story. Every pessimistic prophet who comes along simply takes the Sodom and Gomorrah story to the extreme for the latest version of Armageddon, Apocalypse, The Four Horsemen, The Rapture, and any other end of the world tale they wish to tell.”

 

The glitch God made was that His decision to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah meant that He was capable of violence, which is almost always considered a negative act.

 

How could A Pure, Supreme, Perfect, Holy God Of The Universe carry out a negative act ?

 

Satan laughs, “You are on a roll, professor. Please, answer your own question.”

 

He could not, sir. Based on the strictest definitions of the words involved, there is no loophole that would apply. There can be only one explanation. For all the supreme positive perfection, at least, an iota of negative energy had to remain for God to be able to understand and relate to His negative side.

 

Satan laughs. He unbuttons his shirt collar and pours a fresh martini. He plops the ice and the olives in the glass. He grabs up the glass and crouches over the coffee table to look me in the eyes.

 

Hallelujah ! Preacher ! Bring it on home,” teases Satan. “Of course, in the New Testament, God has become more laid back. Your explanation will have to take that into account, reverend.”

 

I pick up my coffee cup and finish it and sit the empty cup on the saucer. I smile and sit back on the sofa. “I am a mere mortal.”

 

Satan laughs and shakes his head. “I’m not letting you off the hook that easy. I want to hear the rest of this story.”

 

I point at Satan’s cigarette case and he offers me one. With a lit cigarette, I exhale the smoke and smile.

 

If God has an iota of negative energy, sir.”

 

Satan leans across the coffee table. “Have I ever mentioned I do not appreciate writers who keep their readers in suspense ?”

 

No, sir.” I smile. “If God has an iota of negative energy, then, sir, You must have an iota of positive energy.”

 

Satan spills his drink on the table. He sits down the glass and rises. He walks behind the sofa. He frowns. He thrusts a finger into His chest.

 

Me ! The Supreme King Of Negativity ! Lord Of The Underworld ! The Oldest Evil The World Has Ever Known ! I ! You see that I have. . .an iota. . .of positive energy flowing through my Immortal Veins !

 

Satan turns, thrusts out His arm, opens His hand and a wide corridor of flame sprays forward. The floor length drapes over the monolithic vertical windows are incinerated in an instant. Then, a blast of cold air from his palm freezes and whisk away the ashes. He smirks. “I really did like those drapes.”

 

He puts His hands on His hips and scowls at me. “I am The Bad Guy !”

 

Yes, sir. I did not mean to offend or infer anything else,” I explain.

 

Satan sits back down and sips His martini. He puts the olives between His teeth and gnashes down.

 

In Your world view, God is the positive energy. I am the negative energy. Since you reject the traditional view of your fellow humans in my role. What is the role You cast for Me ?”

You are, sir, The Businessman. You realize humans don’t get out of bed, in the morning, without a reason. You gave them a reason; they work or they starve to death. No one likes the feeling of hunger.

 

Satan laughs. “You see me as a businessman.”

 

The Businessman, sir. The world is and always has been full of insane evil. Horrific acts that are executed without any logic or rationale. You can attribute the insane evil to demons, denizens of Hell or just really sick humans, who have their own warped worldview.

 

Evil or Negative Acts With A Universal Purpose, I attribute to You, sir. If you were simply interested in violence, then, Chaos would be never-ending. Your Evil always serves a purpose. You are not the type of impulsive entity that waste time, energy and effort to satisfy a short-term gratification.”

 

Satan rises and brushes the lint of His tuxedo pants. He looks at me and smiles.

 

Samuel. You are dangerous. You think for yourself. You don’t ‘conform to the norm’ unless you have a reason. Right or wrong, you choose to use the brain God gave you.”

 

God strolls back into the penthouse, wearing a white buttoned single breasted tuxedo with his matching western boots. Satan snickers. “You ran into your wife, I can tell by the wardrobe change. She didn’t like what you was wearing.”

 

God smirks and steps aside. A large rectangular table appears. The pristine silver serving trays in the center contains a cornucopia of various and delicious delicacies. “Supper time,” smiles God, seating Himself at the head of the table. Satan sits to God’s right. I sit on God’s left.

 

It all looks delicious,” I remark. “But, Christy is cooking supper.”

 

God nods. “Understood, Sam. You will have an appetite in that dimension. Here, you need to eat to keep up your strength. Let’s bypass the science lesson and go straight to the aesthetics and philosophy. Think of the food on this table as ‘Food For Thought’ and ‘Food For The Imagination” and “Food For The Soul.”

 

Angelic waiters and waitresses, in their uniforms appear, and begin to place plates of food, in front of us. “Bon Ape-tit,” chimes God.

 

Satan smiles. “God, your mortal, Samuel, here, has some real interesting ideas about religion, humanity and your lifeforms on planet earth.”

 

God nods. “I am completely aware of Sam’s ideas.”

 

God smiles at me and looks at Satan. “You know as well as I anytime we are on earth, we are usually expected to play by the old ideas, rules, concepts and mythologies. When I get bored, I swing by Sam’s dorm room, barracks room or house.”

 

Satan smirks. “All these years and you haven’t been able to change His Freewill ?”

 

God grins at Satan. “He is a human, who has the Freedom Of Choice.”

 

God dabs the napkin at the corner of His mouth. “Satan, why would you complain ? He gave you a Portfolio Personality. He attributes Method To Your Madness. Most people just view you as a global infection of insanity that sweeps humanity.”

 

Satan nods. “My style usually doesn’t go unnoticed and therefore unappreciated.”

 

Satan sit back in the chair. “He is humanizing us.”

 

Don’t be silly,” God remarks. “Sam explains us in human form, but, we retain all our powers.”

 

God looks at me. “Forgive, my manners, Sam. I am putting words in your mouth.”

 

It is fine, sir. What you said is true. Humanity fears what it can not or will not try to understand. When God or Satan is thought of as a universal mist in an unreachable dimension, then, people, when they do worship, only worship out of fear and not respect.”

 

Ah,” smirks Satan. “You wish to bring back The Old Pagan Gods And Goddesses ?”

 

I finish chewing my bite of food and smile up at Satan. “Not without, a shave, a haircut, and a complete entourage of human professionals to assist them in everything from fashion to child-rearing.”

 

Satan frowns. “Why do you find the Old Gods and Goddesses so interesting ?”

 

I dab the napkin to my lips. “They were engaged. They were on the ground, They were in country. They worked with their citizens. They inspired their citizens. They gave their citizens faith, hope, inspiration, purpose, ambition, drive and the initiative to work for better lives in The Real World and beyond.”

 

Satan shrugs. “Modern religion does the same.”

 

God laughs and smiles at Satan. “You have opened a can of worms.”

 

With all due respect, sir, No. The One God deity is a couch potato watching the wide screen TV of the universe. The Soap Opera lives of humans are in a distant dimension. Humanity is a never-ending Reality TV broadcast that God allows because if He ever clicks off the remote.”

 

Well,” asks Satan ? I dab the napkin to my mouth.

 

God would simply have to begin The Creation Process Of Earth or an Earth-like planet all over again. You both like to watch the humans. Humans love to live. Earth allows the humans the opportunity to try and relate to and identify with The Creator.”

 

God scoots back his chair and rises from the table. He reaches inside His tuxedo jacket and takes out a cigar. He smiles at Satan and uses the cigar cutter to nip off the end.

 

Relax. Your wife went with my wife. They are doing the New Year’s Eve party circuit,” smiles God.

 

Satan frowns as God lights his cigar and puts the lighter back in His pocket. God blows at the embers in the cigar. “Satan, You keep frowning like that and you will have all kinds of wrinkles on your horns.”

 

I rise from the table and God offers me a cigar that I accept and light. We retire back to the living room.

 

Satan approaches with a cigar and snaps his fingers to light it. “Centuries Of Immortality and The Lord Of Darkness is still doing kid’s party tricks.”

 

Satan smirks. “If you got it; flaunt it.”

God blows a smoke ring. “Incidentally, Lilith said to remind you to behave.”

 

Right,” sneers Satan. “Like she is going to go out tonight and be so responsible. “ Satan puffs on his cigar and looks at the images passing on the TV.

 

He gestures with His cigar. “If we are going to do The Real World New Year’s Eve Party, we probably should get back to that dimension.

 

No rush,” smiles God. “There is plenty of time. We have put the old year to bed.”

 

God grins, “Now, let’s move forward with our plans to welcome in the New Year.”

 

Could we, maybe, speed it up to have the celebration sometime this century,” smirks Satan ?

 

Relax, Satan,” God remarks. A gold pocket watch appears in his hand. He opens it and shows us the hands point to nine pm.

 

I have this Time thing down to a fine art and science,” smiles God.

 

Satan looks at me.

 

If God said there is plenty of time; who am I to question God,” I smile.

TICK TOCK TRAVEL TIME THUMBNAIL

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

The World Is Still Here Doomsday Editorial by Samuel E.Warren Jr.

with 2 comments

The Mayans Got It Wrong

 

The

World

Is

Still

Here !

THE GLOBE_resized

Ho- Hum !

The Globe Spins On !

Today is December 21, 2012. Alas, the sun will shine December 22, 2012. Grandparents and parents you will still have to “pay off” those Christmas purchases; “Newsflash” – The World Didn’t End ! All the religious brouhaha could have been avoided and global paranoia settled by the realization that the Mayans had a reputation as serious astrologers like the Babylonians. Using their calendar and almanac system they computed “The End Of Their Astrological Age”, which they may have gotten right. But, global society seems to have an “End Of The World Fetish”, so people hunkered down for another silly “Doomsday Prophecy.” Someone tell the groundhogs they can come out of their holes, now.

Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

Today is Friday, December 21, 2012. The time is 4:57 p.m.

 

Today is suppose to be, “The Last Day Of Planet Earth.”

 

Today is suppose to be, “The End Of Days.”

 

The Mayans got the end of the world prediction wrong. Obviously.

 

The end of the world for the Mayans came a long time ago.

 

Missing Mayans

 

Scientists,archaeologists and historians are still trying to figure out the day the Mayans vaporized into mist.

 

They may have simply stepped into their space ships and punched up the engines to fly away.

 

They could of activated a talisman or amulet and stepped into a time and space wormhole to travel to another Earth Class planet across the cosmos. They forgot to leave a note saying, “We will be back. Feed the cat.”

 

They may have gotten a really bad case of “food poisoning” and all dropped dead overnight.

 

Of course, the Mayans ingrained ecology consciousness kicked in as they died and their biodegradable enzymes activated and they became “dust in the wind.”

 

The “End Of Days for the Mayans happened a long time before December 21, 2012 – so, “the Mayans got it wrong.”

 

The world is still here.

 

It is now, 6:16 pm and the sky hasn’t burst into flames. Huge chunks of rock aren’t flying up into the sky. The earth ain’t opening up into huge cracks. Raging, roaring rivers of water aren’t emerging out to the sides of coconut trees.

 

The Dumb, Dumb Doomsday Dudes” got it wrong again !

 

Earth’s Favorite Con Game

 

A Doomsday Prophet has to be the best job on the planet:

 

You tell the fairy tale. People throw tons of money at you. Businesses sprang up overnight to cater to the global paranoia.

 

Once the date passes, the prophet shrugs it off and says, “Back to the drawing board.”

 

Smart Old Dudes

 

The ancient doomsday prophets were smarter than their modern counterparts. The ancient guys and gals picked a date far enough out in the future that they would be dead and gone as dust in the wind before anyone ever realized “You’ve Been Had, Dad.”

 

The ancient guys knew a date way out in the future would provide them with a livelihood for their lifetime. The modern doomsday prophets are greedy, they want the “fat paycheck now.”

 

The Dumb Young Dudes

 

The modern doomsday guys and gals are counting on the e commerce revenue streams, product endorsements, book sales, talk shows, and news coverage to generate the capital that they can sock into the bank and live off of.

 

Unfortunately, when “Zero Day” arrives, the sun shines and the day naturally wears on – then, the modern, i.e., “young” dumb dudes have to “back pedal” their stories as “End Of An Era” or at the last moment enough people on earth “changed their wicked ways” and global disaster didn’t happen.

 

Around the mid to late 1980s there was the “fear” that earth’s pole might tip too far back or forward and cataclysmic weather would result. It didn’t happen, of course. Some religious nut job types claimed their all night prayer vigil had “saved the world.”

 

Of course, none of the “Planet Savers” came forward with any actual proof like real-time satellite imagery showing the earth tipping slightly forward or back with a time code clicking away in the corner, with a picture in picture inset of the planet savers streaking through the night sky to change earth’s rotational axis.

 

There were no cinema footage of the planet savers on their knees praying while a biological beam of light shoots out of the top of their little heads into the stratosphere to move the clouds and correct glitches in the Van Allen Radiation Belt.

 

The religious soothsayers didn’t even have any video of their group on their knees praying or dancing around naked out in the moonlight.

 

Once again, humanity had to imagine the Planet Savers disrobed and hanging their Lycra leotards and their spandex super suits back in the closet to await the next planetary peril.

 

Earth Heals

 

Planet Earth is a self-healing, living spaceship rotating through space. It is going to take more than some religious nut job doomsday prophets or a civilization thereof of religious nut job doomsday prophets for Planet Earth to “Cash In Her Chips” for the last time.

 

Every few years, some nut job comes along and plays on a basic human fear of humanity.

 

Death,” is a basic human fear.

 

The Big D” causes people to tremble at the thought of it.

 

Mass Extinction Events

 

Mass Extinction” for humanity seems to provide humankind a weird sort of comfort.

 

People usually “fear” “their own mortal death”.

 

People seem to take a weird comfort in the fact that some “event” is going to happen and “End Massive Amounts Of Human Lives At One Time.”

 

People “worry” about the end of the world. It is a “dumb worry.”

 

If God had stamped an “expiration date on Planet Earth” it would be obvious. Satellites in space would photograph the “Heavenly Bar Code” stamped into a mountain and the world would know.

 

If Spaceship Earth was coming apart at the seams, people would realize it because the structural cracks wouldn’t be limited to small areas of the planet.

 

The faults would all open up and spread out the energy around and through the globe and the planet would crumble like a cake.

 

The Universal Earth Engineer did a great interior design that allows Momma Earth to heal from within as well as from without.

 

Now, if a sun, asteroid, meteor, comet, or another planet is closing in on planet Earth; let us hope, NASA, the European Space Agency and the others who have “An Eye On The Sky” are watching.

 

Back Pedal Time

 

Already in the world news, the “Doomsday Predictors” have started to “back pedal” and come up with a reason, i.e., an “excuse” that the world didn’t “explode”, “crack apart like a dropped egg”, or “shimmy apart like the global stock markets.”

 

God, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, He, She, Goddess, Zeus, Hera, Diana, Isis, The Man Upstairs, The Woman Upstairs, The Big Super Dude, The Big Super Dudette – God, is a better universal engineer than man.

 

Humankind builds space ships. The Supreme Intellectual Entity Of The Universe builds suns and planets.

 

Never fear, by tomorrow, the “Doomsday Prophets” will have had time to lick their wounds and sleep off their hangovers.

 

By end of business tomorrow – Saturday, December 22, 2012 – there will be another “Doomsday Date” for generations of humanity to grow up in “fear” over.

 

Wait ! Saturday is the weekend !

 

The world will have to wait until Monday for the next Dumb, Dumb Doomsday Date.

 

Monday,December 24, 2012, while they do their “last minute Christmas shopping” – “The Dumb, Dumb Doomsday Dudes” will have another “End Of The World” date ready to generate global paranoid for future generations.

 

The Real World Armageddon Events

 

Apocalypse, Armageddon and the End Of The World usually happens several times a month and people just don’t notice.

 

Typhoons, tornadoes, tsunamis are natural apocalypses that occur as Momma Earth heals and changes herself. The large loss of human life is an apocalypse event.

 

Bomb explosions, large aircraft accidents, where planes “fall out of the sky”, and huge ships that “go down at sea” are all “Acts Of Armageddon.” Whether accidents or terrorism, there is a huge loss of human life, so this is an Armageddon event.

 

The reason why “The Real World Tragic Events” aren’t recognized for the “Apocalypse” and “Armageddon” events that they are is because the major religions of the world “NEED” their “Mass Extinction Event” to keep people coming back to the churches, synagogues and mosques of the world.

 

Otherwise the “Holy Men Of The Planet” would have to get “real jobs” to “earn a living.”

 

History is full of Apocalypse and Armageddon events: World War I, World War II, The San Francisco Earthquake of 1907, ( The New Madrid Earthquake in the 1800s, “when water flowed backwards”) The Bombing Of Pearl Harbor, The Battle Of The Alamo, The World Trade Centers Towers Terrorists Attack. All these events were “Apocalyptic.”

 

The fact that some religion’s hero didn’t show up to “Save The Day” is irrelevant.

 

All of these events were events that resulted in “Mass Extinction Of Human Lives.”

 

Every nation has a history of natural and man made disasters that are “Apocalypse” and “Armageddon” events, since people starting jotting down information for The Maintenance Record Of Planet Earth.

 

If a street corner holy man or holy woman comes up to you with his or her doomsday prophecy, just smile and give him or her some “small sheckles of silver” out of your pocket. Then, he or she can go get their brown bag of cheap wine.

 

Earth Built To Last

 

Earth ain’t going away. It is here to stay.

 

If the internal mechanics of the planets get seriously out of whack, then, it will be obvious.

 

If an external threat from space is en route, then, hopefully, the professional stargazers will reveal it to people in time to come up with a Plan A and a Plan B.

 

Go ahead, put your DVD of “2012” into the DVD player and lean back to watch the movie.

 

Again, Momma Earth is getting bad publicity from the “Doomsday Soothsayers.”By sunrise, some conman or con woman will have come up with another date for Doomsday.

 

Humanity’s Favorite

Doom And Gloom” Story

 

Without Humanity’s Favorite “Doom and Gloom” Story major sections of the global economy would suffer “The Holy Men And Holy Women Of The World Would Have To Get Real Jobs To Earn A Living.”

 

After centuries of parasitic storytelling, “Don’t expect them all to jump up at once to go out and get real ‘elbow grease’ and ‘sweat of the brow’ jobs. They can continue to rest comfortable on their backsides because the old ‘End Of The World Story’ is just “too good” to ever go away.

 

In the “Fear Of The Unknown Column” there is that microscopic fear that one day – “God The Father” – might just of had enough and starts tossing out “The Number 12 Lightning Bolts” right and left.

 

Zap ! Giant man salt shaker ! Zap ! Giant woman salt shaker !

 

Zap ! Zap ! Zap ! Giant Dead Salt Sea !

 

Wait, God has already done those numbers. After 21 Centuries, no doubt, he still has some Nuclear Number 12 Lightning Bolts to wreak out some havoc that has yet to be documented.

 

Is “The Big Boss Man” or “The Big Boss Woman” going to go “Planetary Postal” ?

 

Not likely. Pick up a newspaper and look at the headlines.

 

Another day of terrorism, rape, murder, crime, corruption,war, pain, suffering, hate and general discontent of humanity on planet Earth.

 

After centuries of controversy, conflict, calamity and catastrophe, God knows what to expect from mankind. Not much.

 

He isn’t going to waste time cleansing the world, when people simply need to “Grow Up” and act like evolved individuals.

 

Why should God destroy one of his best life creations just because the spoiled brats of earth don’t know how to play with their toys in the global living rooms of the planet ?”

 

Too Good A Story To Let Go Of

 

Besides, “The End Of The World” is a great story and movie idea. It is too good an idea for citizens of the world to “sluff off.”

 

End Of The World movies always provides a “Genesis” for a new film maker to make a name for himself or herself as a director.

 

End Of The World is always an “In the beginning” at the box office for a movie studios box office receipts.

 

America’s 1970s Cold War End Of The World Nuclear Annihilation movies were like blades of grass because they were everywhere.

 

While one Nuclear Winter End Of The World movie was on the screen in theaters, others were being shot in Hollywood back lots as soon as scripts could be written, actors could be hired and cameras loaded with film.

 

The population of the world could not seem to get enough of “The Global Suicide Story”

 

Four Horsemen Supreme Mythology

 

The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse is a timeless classic.

 

All a modern writer or storyteller has to do is change something like use four horse women, put the four heroes or heroines on camels,caribou, motorcycles or use four super human people or four angels.

 

Since some places in the Orient have a hangup on the number “Four” you change the number to 3, 5, 6, 10, 12 or some non-four number.

 

The writer or storyteller puts his or her “spin” on the basic story and you have a comedy, a fantasy, a drama or whatever type of script or manuscript that the writer was going for.

 

Do a really “burn the midnight oil job” on the story and don’t be surprised if the “spinoff” becomes a religion.

 

Fear Of The Unknown

 

The End Of The World is too good a story for Citizens Of The World to ever let go of. The story helps people to face their “Fear Of The Unknown.”

 

You take the basic human “Fear” of “Death” and you put it up on “The Big Screen” in Panavision, Technicolor, surround sound and watch “Poor Old Planet Earth Come Apart For The Umpteenth Time.”

 

A big box of buttered popcorn and a huge soda, in hand, you get to watch the world disappear in your lifetime. You do not have to run and scream into the night as burning chunks of meteors blaze down out of the sky on top of your head.

 

Of course, the “Hercules hero” or the “Athena heroine” is usually suppose to show up in the nick of time to scratch Atlas’ shoulder blade and keep the earth in place in space.

 

No need to fear your death. Death comes when Death comes.

 

We all live; we all die. Life is a natural process.

 

The End Of The World comes for us all.

 

Enjoy your life !

GLOBE THUMBNAIL LOGO ONE

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Written by samwarren55

December 21, 2012 at 10:11 PM

Posted in Bloggers, Blogs, Business, Current Events, Ecology, Editorial, Family, God, Holidays, Money, Nature, New Age, Observances, Opinion, Soap Box Religious Opinion, Zera, Zeus

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