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Sam,God At The Tailor by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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The Prologue

of

Book One and Book Two

 

Sam,God

At The

Tailor

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

The handsome, well-dressed man in the tailor-made business suit sits relaxed in the chair in the small tailor shop.

 

He peers up at me through his fashionable glasses and smiles. He gestures to the chair, beside him, and I sit down.

 

God,” I whisper ?

 

In the flesh,” he chuckles. “Welcome to Luzon. Manila, actually. Technically, we are in a tailor shop in Bulacan,” he grins.

 

God turns his head and whispers, “Good Morning, Sam, Ole Buddy.”

I settle into a chair beside God. He nods at the young Asian tailor taking the measurements of the young boy.

 

God takes off his glasses and uses the frames to point at the young boy. “Fernando Dantes is getting measured for a new school uniform.

 

Tomas Tolentino, the young bespoke tailor, is learning the art of becoming a professional tailor. Tomas has five brothers and three sisters.”

 

God winks at me. “It is the Philippines. In this country, they really take the phrase, |”be fruitful and multiply,” to heart.

 

Obvious, economic considerations aside, Tomas is a dedicated young man, who is working hard to make a future for himself and is working on a plan to help support and educate his siblings,”

 

God looks at me. “I figured you had some things on your mind. The old year ending and the new one beginning.”

 

I frown. “I realized since I retired most people don’t even know I exist, but, my wife might miss me.”

 

God chuckles. “The nice thing about being The Creator Of The Universe is you have all the particle physics, quantum physics, string theory and all those other fancy,smancy scientific scholastic theories and natural laws that languish at the back of your mind.

 

Long story short. You are here. At home, there is a genetic golem that is your twin. Your stand-in clone will be you at that point until you return.

 

My clone ?”

 

God laughs. “Haven’t you ever wished there was more than one of you ?”

 

All the time. Especially, back in the days when I was on duty. I took that whole “Fate Of The Free World Rests On Your Shoulders” literally,” I admit.

 

Indeed, you did.” God admits.

 

Relax. I remember you made regular visits to a tailor shop in Okinawa. Even, in Thailand, you used free time to get suits made at the tailor.”

 

I nod. “In the single days, I believed clothes impressed the ladies. The suits did.” I smile. “I did appreciate my tailor-made suits and I loved the comfort and the fit,”

 

Young Dantes dashes past us and out the door. Tailor Tomas Tolentino smiles at God.

 

God points at me. “My friend is overdue for a new suit of clothes. It is my belated Christmas present to him.

 

Three Suits, three shirts, and three ties. Then, we’ll look at the handkerchiefs, shoes and accessories.”

 

Okay, Mr. Godwin.”

 

I step into position. The young tailor uses his cloth tape measure to take the measurements and write down the numbers in the notebook on the desk.

 

I know you have had a year of challenges,” remarks God, still sitting in the chair. “Give me an idea of where you want to head in the new year.”

 

Overwhelmed. All year long,” I remark, my arms outstretched for the tailor to take the measurements.

 

Everyday seemed like an uphill battle. The nice thing about the holidays is you crawl in your cave and lick your wounds,” I retort. God sits in the chair and jots notes in a small notebook,

 

I feel like a gun shy dog, who is shot at and missed. It is one of the few times in my life, where instead of moving forward, I want to turn around and walk back,” I explain.

 

The tailor slips the tape measure under my arms and around my chest. I put my arms down.

 

God nods. “What can I do ?”

 

I grin. “You are a big player in the world economy; fix it.”

 

He laughs. “Even as we speak, people are working on it. Actually, they are ‘arguing’ about it, but, sooner or later, they will have to settle down and be rationale.’

 

God stands up and watches the young tailor work. The tailor takes my neck measurement. I turn around. I feel the tape from the back of my shirt collar go down the small of my back to my belt. The young tailor jots the measurements in his notebook.

 

My guess is your business plan for the year is you want to get everyone on the same page and moving in the same direction,” remarks God.

 

Leadership is a challenge in any culture and when you have a language barrier that only complicates understanding.

 

One of the most difficult tasks is to try to get people to share and work toward a common dream.

 

The tailor measures around my waist and looks at the measurement. He looks up at me and smiles. He takes the waist measurement again.

 

Your tape measure is right. I’ve always been skinny. I’ve always had a slender waist,” I explain. The young tailor nods and jots down the measurement.

 

I shrug. “This year was rough. I feel empty. At this point, I look at the next year as “switch to auto pilot” and hope the turbulence does not slam me into a mountain.”

 

God nods. “It was a rough year for a lot of people. I’m surprised that you are still on the mat.”

 

I grin. “If you stay down, then, you don’t get beat up.”

 

Seriously, the lumps and bruises don’t heal as quickly when you get older. And, disappointment is a difficult emotion to deal with at any age.

 

The real pain is the disappointment, when you get in the ring, you swing for a dream. You figure out too late that the fight is fixed.

 

Everyone apparently thought they would hit it big; if we failed. We failed at what we tried to accomplish. The naysayers lost out too, which serves them right for their lack of support.

 

I was naive. As a child, I learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. As an adult, I should have been more pragmatic and cynical about my fellow citizens,”

 

In the 20th Century people had The Cold War and The Atom Bomb Paranoia. Still, families usually stuck together, despite the persistent paranoia.

 

The early 21st Century seems to have become a global “Dog Eat Dog” culture that relies on the selfish paranoia of the individual, rather, than the strength of family.

 

The young tailor measures the cuff of the trousers and glances up at me.

 

Tomas, you have to forgive my friend he is an old skeptical reporter turned philosopher,” smiles God. The young man nods,

 

The young tailor makes a few quick pen strokes to sketch out the overall design on the notebook page and smile up at me.

 

I have your measurements, sir. Do you want to go ahead and choose the material for your suits.”

 

God speaks up. “I’ll choose the cloth and the fabrics.” I step over and sit in the chair.

 

God takes off his sport jacket and lies it across the desk. He removes his cuff links and puts them in his left trouser pocket. Then, he turns up the sleeves and steps into position.

 

The young tailor smiles. “Mr. Godwin, I already have your measurements.”

 

God grins. “I know. The holidays. I always tend to put on weight, which makes my shirts and trousers tighter.

 

I think we need to revisit my neck size, my last blue satin dress shirt is a perfect fit, but. I think the neck size is about a quarter of an inch too tight, even unbuttoned.”

 

The young man nods and goes to work with his tape measure.

God looks at me. “The Manila to Tacloban City cargo truck idea wasn’t a bad idea.”

 

A day and a half to two days to transport cargo from Manila to Tacloban City is a decent idea,” I admit.

 

Of course, you have to consider the condition of the roads. The wear and tear on the vehicles,and even though it is the tropics, weather conditions are still a factor.

 

Heat, in terms of temperature. Salt, in terms of salt air and how it works on steel and iron, in terms of a truck chassis.

 

Employees means you have to know how many you need, especially, mechanics to keep the trucks on the road.

 

How expensive are the trucks going to be ? Do you buy, rent or lease the trucks ?”

 

God smiles. “You did your homework.”

 

I nodded. “It was a great idea on paper. Of course, the devil is always in the details.

 

The big detail is everyone had details to add to the idea and project. The day to day operating budget only pointed in one direction: mine. I was not in the mood to change my last name to Risk.”

 

Christy has a good head for business on her shoulders,” God acknowledges.

 

She does. She knows how to put any project together and get it to work as long as people are willing to work with her,” I admit.

 

Teamwork isn’t always a concept that translates. Sometimes people only see the short=range quick peso. People don’t always see The Big Picture of trying to build for the future.”

 

The new year means I’ll stick to what I do best – writing and photography.” I grin. “Perhaps, I will inspire someone.”

 

The young tailor puts the tape measure around God’s chest a second time and looks at the measurement.

 

God laughs. “It is all the fruitcake and egg nog of the holidays. The food and drink does a number on the physique.”

 

God straightens up and looks forward for a moment. He glances at me.

 

Another year of writing and photography, then,” He asks ?

 

It is what you put me here to do,” I observe.

 

He smiles. “You, my son, thought you could make a difference in the world by the stories you would write.”

 

The foolish optimism of youth, no doubt,” I reply.

 

God chuckles. “That is what I admire about ‘youth’ the ‘utopian optimism’ to look at the world and see what it should be and not what it really is,” remarks God.

 

The young tailor carefully takes the measurements and then takes them again before jotting them down.

 

God remarks, “Now, that the holidays are ending, I guess it is time to hit the gym again.” He winks at me.

 

The young tailor jots down the measurements on the notebook and steps through a back door in the shop.

 

God fidgets with the open collar of his dress shirt. “I could use a little more starch in this shirt,” He observes.

 

I appreciate the suits and shirts,” I admit rising out of the chair. “I’m curious though, I figure with the whole switch from one year to the next you would have your hands full.”

 

God glances over his shoulder. “Nice thing about ‘The Creator Job’ after ages of new years, millennium scares and the whole switch from one year to the next, “ God pauses for a moment to listen for the tailor’s footsteps.

 

You kind of get your procedures down and know how to roll with the flow.”

 

God looks at his reflection in the shop window and raises up his chin and turns his head from side to side. “Human life is often about image.”

 

I always enjoy my fittings at the tailor. Your tailor is meticulous in creating your suit,” remarks God.

 

You look good in the suit, but, every time you put on the suit; it is the tailor’s reputation that stands out to the world.

 

Tailors and dressmakers may well be the last bastions of craftsmanship left in The Real World,” proclaims God.

 

Tailor Tolentino comes out of the back with two suits in plastic bags. He beams. “Mr. Godwin, your suits are ready.”

 

God smiles like a little boy at Christmas. The young tailor motions to the dressing room. “Feel free to try them on and see if I need to make any alterations.”

 

God takes the suits and walks toward the dressing room.

 

You and Mr. Godwin are friends,” the young tailor asks ?

 

We have been friends for so many years, I can’t even begin to count all the years,” I remark.

 

He has a very definite opinion on fashion and what he wants.”observes the tailor.

 

I nod. “It is safe to say, you will never meet anyone with more style and panache. He knows what he likes. He knows what he doesn’t like.”

 

Mr. Zeus Godwin is definitely a man, who knows the value of a peso and how to get every centavo out of it.”

 

God steps out in the double breasted gray business suit with the slender pin stripe. “This is a masterpiece ! The fit is exquisite.”

 

God grins and rubs a button. “I can pick this suit up on Tuesday of next week. I would like you to take a look at the buttons.

 

My thought is the thread might not be strong enough. You might want to check with an older tailor, I believe it was beeswax that was added to thread to make it stronger.

 

Beeswax,” remarks the young tailor. God steps back into the dressing room to try on the other suit.

 

The young tailor looks at me.

 

I smile. “Mr. Zeus Godwin, knows all. Mr. Zeus Godwin sees all,” I tease.

 

The fact that he is here means you must really be a tailor of merit.”

 

The young man shrugs and smiles. “It is one of those strange stories of Life. The day I went to be measured for my first school uniform. The tailor was being precise in his fitting of a priest in a robe.

 

The tailor checked the hem a couple of times and adjusted how the robe draped on the priest’s instep.

 

The priest told the tailor it was a great fit, but, the tailor convinced the priest to let him make a couple of alterations.

 

Suddenly, a high-ranking Philippine National Police officer and his wife rushes into the shop.

 

The woman was in tears. The poor lady she was coming apart at the seams. She was talking mile a minute Tagalog and crying like it was the end of the world.

 

The man had a doomed looked and put his dress uniform on the desk. The woman had heard of an inexpensive tailor, who could do uniforms in a rush. She had convinced her husband to go to the tailor.

 

I watched the tailor calm the woman down and look over the uniform with the officer.

 

The officer tried on the uniform. The pants were waiting for the flood pants,” smiles the young tailor.

 

The jacket was tight through the chest and the sleeves were short. The uniform look like it had shrunk in a washing machine.

 

My mother put her hand over my mouth, so no one could see me laugh.

 

The tailor hunkered down and used his tape measure to check the hem in the pant’s legs.

 

Then, he stood up and went and took the jacket off the mannequin in the window.

 

He held it up to the officers back to check the width of the shoulders. Then, he suggested the officer try on the jacket.

 

In a few moments, the officer returned and the tailor checked the balance of the jacket and the sleeve length. I saw the officer smile.”

 

The young tailor smiles. “It was a complete catastrophe. Yet, the tailor assured the officer that he could fix the length of the pants and make a slight alteration to the jacket, so the officer would have the uniform for the next morning.”

 

The young tailor closes the notebook on his desk and looks at me. “Like they say, that is the rest of the story.

 

I started hanging out around the tailor shop and noticed how happy people where and how they smiled when they had on a shirt, suit or dress that was made for them.”

 

Pure Michelangelo,” chimes God stepping forward in the navy blue business suit.

 

He flicks the lint off the sleeve and smiles. God smiles at the buttons on the suit sleeve cuff. “Savile Row. The last time I wore a business suit that felt this comfortable I had it tailored for me on Savile Row.”

 

God nods. “Now, let’s look at the bolts of cloth and pick out the material for the shirts.”

 

Tailor Tomas Tolentino smiles. “Wait just a moment, I have put some material back for your next visit, Mr. Godwin.” The tailor turns and steps out the back.

 

God looks at me. “Are you ready for the new year ?”

 

Ready or not, it will come,” I tease.

 

That it will,” God grins. “You put one foot in front of the other and move forward like you always do. You will be back up and running in no time,” God advises.

 

I nod. “I know, no one is getting any younger. I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and realize that this is the point in life that I am suppose to be at.”

 

It is the assurance that your journey in Life brings you to a point to where you feel you are suppose to be.”

 

I nod my head up and down. “Now, I get why God takes me with him to a new tailor.”

 

To shoot the breeze with a mortal and do the cosmic male bonding routine,” teases God.

 

Perhaps.” I grin. “I would interpret it as a Life lesson. When Life doesn’t fit, don’t hesitate to make alterations.

 

Everyday may seem like it is off the rack, but, you should be able to tailor it to fit.”

 

Hemmed in and restricted by seams; you need to find a way to let it out and add some elastic to life.”

 

You shouldn’t always feel like Life is ready to wear and you don’t get to make any changes or decisions.”

 

If you get steamed, relax; you can iron out the wrinkles in your Life.”

 

Like a tailor, take your measurements, look at your patterns and decide how you want your Life to be sewn together.”

 

If you need help, find the tailor, or the professional, who can help you do the job.”

 

In the grand scheme of the Universe, Life can be tailored to allow you to dress for success in almost any event.”

 

God laughs. “Writers. I love you guys and gals. You take a simple act and put universal meaning to it,” remarks God. He lowers His eyeglasses and winks.

 

The tailor returns with the cloth. God smiles, “Now, for the dress shirts.”

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Sam,God,Satan New Year Proposal by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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Book Two

Sam,

God,

Satan,

The

New Year

Proposal

TICK TOCK TRAVEL TIME_resized

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

God brought me to a Time and Space Dimension, outside the realm of The Real World.

 

God and Satan sometimes “Shoot The Breeze.”

 

Today, New Year’s Eve, God decided to select a human to attend the session.

 

It is obvious, that this brainstorming session is setting the stage for A New Year’s celebration unlike any other.

 

Satan did not like the location, so He teleported all of us to His penthouse in another dimension.

 

God in his white tuxedo seems to have a New Year’s Proposal in mind.

 

God crushes out his cigar butt in the ashtray and finishes off His brandy. He stands up.

 

Satan, Ole Buddy. You are just too serious. It is time to lighten up and party. I’m thinking a uniform change is in order,” teases God.

 

No !” Satan shrieks. “No ! I sense where you are going. The idea is not warranted and it certainly is not funny.’

 

God spread His legs into a Parade Rest stance and lifts up His head. A supreme ball of intense white light radiates from within His solar plexus.

 

Satan smirks, “His sense of humor will be the death of me one of these centuries.”

 

The rays of light cascade around God’s human form for a moment and then vanish.

 

Call me, ‘Goddess,” proclaims God, who now, stands embodied in the form of a tall, large redheaded woman in a floor-length eveining gown.

 

Satan shakes his head, “You just had to be a Momma’s Boy; didn’t you.”

 

An unseen force thrusts Satan back and He is on His knees on the floor staring up into a pillar of intense energetic blue light. “Alright. Alright. I get it.”

 

The light vanishes. Satan stands up in the stance that God had used. An intense orb of yellow, then, orange, then, blue light casts our rays around His body. “This isn’t funny,” he groans.

 

Satan drops to his knees and stretches out on the floor. The light radiates under Him against the floor for a moment and then vanishes.

 

A large, tall black woman lies on the floor in the place of Satan.

 

Goddess sashays over and looks down. “The process requires an intense amount of focused energy. If you don’t fight it; it is harmless. Poor Satan, all these centuries and sometimes He forgets to roll with the flow.

 

Satan slowly sits up. “Call Him, Santanna,” remarks God. God reaches down a hand.

 

A flustered Santanna rises to her feet. “i can do it. You and your silly little jokes and pranks.”

 

Goddess grins, “When I do it; it is jokes and pranks. When Satan does it, of course, it is procedure, rules, regulations, i.e., business.”

 

Why,” asks Santanna ?

 

In this dimension of Time And Space, we did The Universal Macho Male Bonding Exercise,” smiles God.

 

You guessed it, Santanna. Sam is a Momma’s Boy. In his Real World dimension, he can and does relate to a woman, whom he trusts, loves and respects. Santanna you are long overdue to feel some human emotion.”

 

Santanna looks down at the evening gown.

 

Goddess steps back and looks at Her evening gown. “Exquisite.”

 

She smiles at me. “Since I plucked this design out of your mind, Sam, you get to explain it.

 

Santanna moans, “Great. Time out for Fashion Week In The Mythic Zone.”

 

I know my terms won’t be fashion terms, but, I’ll try to explain the style and design. Goddess wear a full-length evening gown of satin blue.

 

The bodice is, essentially, a strapless bustier. It is an exaggerated M design to suggest the natural peaks and valleys of a woman’s breast.

 

The M provides two functions. First, it calls attention to the breasts. Second, it can provide a Public or a Privacy function.

 

If you wish to suggest, but not reveal, then, you choose the Superheroine Style that stiffly towers over the breasts and casts a shadow to conceal them.

 

Goddess wears “This is The Freedom Of The Press Style. “ The wearer has nothing to hide.

 

The large M cut design simply shields the breasts behind reinforced comfortable material. The design is suppose to gently lift the breasts and allow them to rest on a comfortable material shelf that feels as natural as if a woman is lifting up her own breasts.

 

To provide the support a woman’s breasts stand out like the prow of a ship. “The design to allow the breast to stick out forward is intentional. Men are men. Women are women. God purposely designed the bodies to be different.

 

The physique of a man’s body and the physique of a woman’s body should always be celebrated.

 

Under the breast is layers of cottonballs arranged to provide a cushion to allow the breasts to stick out forward and rest comfortably. It is the only idea I could come up with to replace an underwire. I’m sure someone in the industry can refine the design.

 

Santanna snickers, “We get it, Sam. You are a breast man.”

 

Goddesses frowns at Santanna.

 

I step out and gesture at the cup area of the evening gown. “If I knew more about synthetics, then, I might have been able to suggest a Kevlar, diamond, lycra or latex alloy or composition that would be sewn into the lining and really protect the breasts from injury.”

 

I point to the bodice. “The body of the garment is suppose to be comfortable because at a formal social fuction then you should look impressive and still be comfortable.”

 

My concern is the way the material is gathered together at the small of the back. I had hoped the overall design would allow for a more natural flow like how drapes hang straight down.”

 

It looks like some of the material may have been bunched and is creating an unnatural padding situation. Perhaps, a heavier weight of satin would provide the vertical flow, although sharkskin would probably be cheaper and maybe easier to work with.”

 

Regardless, I chose to embed two structural supports at the side of the garment to allow the bra section to remain suspended. When a woman puts her arm down to her side you do not see the support.

 

I believe with an evening gown a woman should have the matching gloves that extend half way up past the elbow.

 

I step to the back of Goddess. “The back is open to reveal the shoulder blades. I imagined this peaked V at the bottom of the bustier bodice, to allow the material to flow natually over the posterior.” I hunker down tto show how the material hangs down to the instep. “At least, the design rides to an inch or two above the instep.”

 

I look up and Santanna shakes Her head. “Sam, you really need to get out of the house more often.”

 

Goddess reaches down and help me to my feet. “Pay no attention, Sam. Some people and some entities are just wet blankets.”

 

Goddess winks and whispers. “I think you are on to something. You should sketch it out on paper and go from there.”

 

I shrug. “Basically, it was just a mental exercise. You see an actress at the Academy Awards on TV and you imagine designing her a more eye-catching andcomfotable gown.”

 

Santanna claps and steps forward. “I’m really going to be interested in how you explain this design.”

 

Like the previous evening gown, it draws attention to the woman’s breasts. It has the strapless M design.

 

The inverted W calls attention to without demanding attention. The red satin evening gown material flows down to full-length.

 

I etched in embroidery at the side seams of the bra to outline the front panel of the dress.

 

The gold embroidery suggests an Oriental flavor. I used oversized peal snaps at the seams to suggest a Western flavor.”

 

I open one of the snaps. “ The snaps work. They are in line from the armpit to the top of the hip. Two rows of three snaps are above the top of the hip to prevent the dress from accidentally coming apart in public.

 

This is my East Meets West Evening Gown.”

 

The front panel hangs down. The two inch wide Oriental design originates at the top of the hips from the bottom of the structural piping and flows down, along the bottom and up the other side.”

 

I step back and point at the thigh. “ The graduated slit of the evening gown allows the wearer seductive freedom of movement. Here, of course, Santanna has decided to go with black hose garters to Her nylons.”

 

Santanna steps forward thrust around Her shoulders and casts a seductive look over Her shoulder. “I have to hand it to you, preacher man, you really know how to design a comfortable evening gown.”

 

Then, Santanna winks, “You are going to have to pay attention to the shoes though. “

 

High heels may go with everything, but they are not always the comfortable footwear choice.”

 

I step back and look at Goddess and Santanna. “Thank you.”

 

For what,” smirks Santanna ?

 

It is always nice to see an image from your imagination in The Real World. . .or, at least, in a realistically virtual dimension.

 

Goddess smiles and steps back. She lifts up Her hair and it flows. She smiles into the ornate silver full-length mirror.

 

Roman women’s formal hairstyles were hard to beat. They did make every woman look like a goddess.” Goddesses’ hair finishes and a large silver ornamental comb appears at the back of the hairstyle.

 

Santanna smirks at Goddess. “The Punk Rocker, Spike and Mohawk look I take it are out for this evening gown.”

 

Fine.” Santanna firmly plants her feet on the floor and the scattered strands of hair rise to create a formal Korean hairstyle.

 

The large ornamental gold and jade dragon comb appears in the hair.

 

You know, professor, I think, I’m going to spend more time looking in on your mind.

 

I got a tall, busty, black bodybuilder physique out of your subconscious. The end result is I like how this dress hangs and swings on my body.”

 

Santanna don’t try to intimidate Sam. It is New Year’s Eve. We want to party. I think Sam is in the inner reflection mode.

 

Goddess gestures to me. I step up and take her hand. Santanna steps up and takes mine. “Relax, human. You ain’t my type.”

 

I step forward and the two buxom women in evening gowns stroll toward my front porch.

 

Goddess laughs. “Relax, Sam. You don’t have to worry about your neighbors. We are still doing the old spatial time displacement routine. We are at a level in your world, but we are still transparent.

 

Santanna staggers around on the heels and finally reaches the porch. Santanna takes off the heels and drops them on the porch.

 

The guests in the Real World look for the disembodied sound. Santanna smirks.

 


“Shoes, gentlemen. If we ever play this game again. We bring along a shoe designer.”

 

Santanna sits on a porch railing and begins to massage her feet. “My dogs hurt.”

 

Santanna roughly massages the bottoms of her feet. “Ouch,”

 

Santanna stands up and looks at the evening gown.

 

Well, if I have to be in this ridiculous skin wearing this ridiculous get up I really want to look like a woman. . .”

 

Santanna thrusts out her hip and places her hand on it. “Goddess is American 38G Cup,” Santanna proclaims and smiles.

 

Santanna’s breasts start to grow. “Santanna will be an American 40 G Cup,” Santanna proclaims.

 

Santanna swishes her hips and walks up behind me to breathe on my neck. Santanna whispers her best Mae West voice in my ear, “What do you think, big boy ?”

 

Goddess rises and walks forward. “Stand down, Santanna. If only the humans of earth could see The Ultimate Evil Of The Universe has gender issues. And, He, She still has trouble playing it off.”

 

Santanna nods. “Fine. Gender switch is an issue with me. Lilith will scatter my atoms across the universe if she sees me like this.”

 

God laughs. “You are immortal.”

 

And, Lilith is creative,”

 

God nods. I step forward and Pseudo Sam, the genetic golem, becomes a part of me.

 

I stand back in The Real World. I smell the food and notice the hunger in my stomach.

 

I sit down at the head of the table. Goddess stands to my right and places Her hand on my shoulder. Santanna stands to my left and places Her hand on my shoulder.

 

I express my Real World appetite. The Universal Energy flows in a circle inside me. I look at the porch railing in the distance and there is the momentary reflection of Goddess and Santanna standing by my side.

 

Once everyone finishes eating. The men move to an area to talk. The women sit at the table and talk. I step to the porch, look out into the night and light a cigarette,

 

I exhale the smoke.

 

Suddenly, my golem strolls toward the men.

 

Goddess, Santanna and I watch. “The TV is tuned to the New Year’s Eve countdown. The men are drinking tuba and the women are drinking wine.

 

Even without the spatial time dimension, I doubt anyone would notice us,” remarks Goddess,

 

Oh, no, Goddess. The way you look in that evening gown, you would definitely stand out, “I comment.

 

Goddess smiles. “This is New Year’s Eve. My wife is shopping somewhere in Paris for the evening and your wife, , ,” Goddess looks at Santanna.

 

She is at some party in Florence or Milan. She mentioned something about swinging by Greenwich Village or Haight Ashbury. I swear that goddess is lost without the 1960s.

 

We had better watch Lilith or She is going to gesture and re-create Woodstock right next to The Dome Of The Rock in The Holy Land,”

 

Goddess laughs. “Lilith isn’t the loose cannon, you think She is. You just get jealous whenever She negotiates a successful business deal that you overlooked. Bottom line, She has better control of her emotions than you do.”

 

Santanna leans against the porch railing and massages the bottom of Her feet, “I’m getting out of this ridiculous evening gown.”

 

You will do no such thing,” admonishes Goddess !

 

Relax,Satan ! Every millennium or so, we owe it to ourselves to do something unusual for New Year’s Eve. Who says we can’t put a little Halloween into New Year’s ?”

 

Santanna eases her right foot down on the porch, “I did like the feel of my tux.”

 

Goddess shakes her head. “You are not fooling anybody, Satan.”

 

While you have one presence here, I am aware that you are have your cloned presence suited up in a variety of tuxedos and dinner jackets and are in attendance at various New Year’s Eve Parties around the globe.”

 

Santanna grins. “The problem with being the Dark Half Of The Creator is I am the half, which means that you always know what I am up to.”

 

Goddess laughs. “Ah, the challenge of being a twin.”

 

Santanna slides off the railing and limps around in Her stocking feet. “With only a little time left until the New Year, I’m curious. If you aren’t going to pursue a career as a shoe designer in the New Year; do you have a direction?”

 

I nod. “Yes.”

 

Goddess smiles. “Speak your mind, Sam. Satan’s bark is often worse than His bite. He does have a talent for getting the right people to spread the word to enhance His “EVIL” reputation.”

 

Goddess smiles, “But, even with a reputation; sometimes you have to put your money where your mouth is. He usually comes up short on the follow through.”

 

Says you,” smirks Santanna.

 

Actually, I was going to give Satan credit for snakes, lawyers, Rap music, jocks and computer games,” I smile.

 

Goddess chuckles. Santanna bursts out in laughter and gestures. The porch lengthens and a round dining table with a lace table cloth appears.

 

Two bottles of champagne are in the silver chilled ice buckets standing by the table. A bucket of ice with tongs sits in the middle of the table.

 

Santanna grins at Goddess, “You might want to do your thing and slow time in The Real World. This sounds like fun.”

 

Goddess nods. I notice people in The Real World dimension, do seem to be moving slower.

 

We sit at the table. “I give you credit for snakes. A truly worthless lifeform that causes problems, spreads venom and kills numbers of people each year.”

 

Since the snake bite fatalities of a single incident don’t rank up there with bomb explosions; humanity at large doesn’t pay attention.”

 

Santanna nods. “They are worthless. I figured within a week, the slow-witted humans of old would have had them wiped out from the planet.

 

Of course, it only took one fool to look at a snake and decide it reminded him of a certain part of his anatomy.”

 

Santanna laughs. “There have always been stupid people in the world. But, for an ancient twit to look at an ugly snake and make that connection is the height of stupidity.

 

Of course, other slug-witted humans come along and the next thing you know, the nuisance creation genetic material is being plugged in as a symbol in stories and religious cults.”

 

Santanna hold up Her hand and the silver cigarette case appears. “Lawyers,” smirks Goddess. Santanna lights her cigarette and offers me one. I accept. I light the cigarette and exhale.

 

Lawyers,” I smile.

 

Granted. A lawyer does solve problems. The catch is when they solve a problem, often they are only setting things up to create more and bigger problems.

 

Humanity will never evolve to the point to where people can compromise, so, unfortunately, you will always need the occupation of a lawyer in humanity.”

 

Santanna grins, “Rap music is cuss words set to noise.”

 

I nod. “Simple. When it starts up, the promoters whine that once society rejected to rock and roll, jazz and other forms of music. No one wants to be guilty of stopping a valid art form, so suddenly you have rhythmic noise pulling down big bucks,” I decree.

 

Santanna leans across the table and looks me in the eye, “Jocks ?”

 

I lean across the table and look Santanna in the eye.

 

Pure Satanic Genius,” I grin.

 

The gladiators were true athletes, who used their brain and brawn to earn their freedom,” I point out. Santanna and Goddess nod.

 

I lean back in the chair and blow a smoke ring. “A jock is a man or woman, who never grows up. As a child, they are usually a bully or hang out with bullies.

 

They may make tons of money playing in public, but, they never really do anything for anyone other than themselves.

 

People buy into the whole silly fairy tale because it is suppose to be physical fitness.

 

Jocks are just supreme time wasters that drags along tons of people with them to waste their money and lives on primitive grunt and groan theatrics,” I explain.

 

Santanna laughs loudly and wipes at a tear in Her eye.

 

Goddess lights a cigarette. “Sam, why do you think Satan created computer games.”

 

I was yanking His chain,” I grin.

 

Computer games can be important to teach hand and eye coordination and to teach someone how to use a computer, the Internet and other tasks,” I explain.

 

A major downside of humanity is how quickly humanity can get addicted to something.

 

Whether a computer game is simple or complex, if the right person sits down in front of the screen, hours of their lives slip away wasted and unused.”

 

Everyone fights boredom. Computer games are a great way to fight it.”

 

When the entertainment becomes an obsession then it is a habit, which is an addiction, which is basically a way to waste large chunks of your life. Everything in moderation.” I smile.

 

Santanna laughs loudly. Goddess exhales smoke and grins. “I have a game for you.” Goddess winks. “If you were granted immortality and God status, what would you change ?”

 

World peace,” teases Santanna

 

I shake my head. “World Peace is a silly fantasy. No way to achieve it on an earth full of humans,” I retort.

 

Really,” inquires Santanna. “Do tell.”

 

God could wave His hand and walah, suddenly there would be Peace throughout the world.

 

Peace is boring. Everyone would deal with their happy, happy, joy,joy modes for a few hours, days, weeks, months. Humanity might even make it to a decade.”

 

Sooner or later, one person, a few people, or a group will get upset or disgruntled over something. Dissension Discontent, Disappointment, Discord. Disagreement.”

 

I shrug. “Whether it is one person, a few people or a group; once people don’t see eye to eye on an issue and they can’t reach an agreement, then, the stage is set for all that negative energy to grow and multiply.

 

World Peace is an unrealistic fantasy of humanity.”

 

Santanna lies back in the chair and points at Goddess. “If you did have immortality and God-like powers what would you do ?”

 

I smirk. “Grant my wife, immortality and God status.”

 

I inhale and exhale the smoke. “Then, I would convince Christy move to a distant planet in the universe. There we could try to enjoy our immortality.

 

Of course, once we got to the planet, we might give up the immortality to return to a mortal life. Life without end, never sounds as attractive in your senior years as it does in your youth.”

 

Santanna waves her cigarette. “Humanity. If you had to use your God powers for humanity what would you do ?

 

Honest,” I ask ?

 

Honest,” grins Santanna.

 

I look at Goddess. “I would thank God for the magnificent opportunity, but I would request not to be given The Power.”

 

Yeah, right,” smirks Santanna. “You have been offered The Power to be a God and you turn it down.”

 

I nod. “As a child, I was optimistic about humanity. I have lived in The Real World.

 

People don’t want to be “Holy.” People just want to live their lives.

 

People don’t even really care about “The Big Picture” issues of Life unless they think it will affect them.”

 

At Christmas, people go out of their way to help the homeless. Pick any day of the year before the Christmas season and people usually ignore or don’t think about the homeless.”

 

There are people, who can live their lives and still help others.”

 

You don’t know where to start,” grins Santanna ?

 

I wish I could be more optimistic about the human race,” I smile.

 

Unfortunately, in the Grand Scheme Of Gods, You, Satan have The Best Job. You get to put obstacles in front of people and challenge them to overcome them.”

 

I look at Goddess. “With all due respect, God has the worst job because He gives people the benefit of the doubt and tries to help them.

 

People usually only really drop to their knees to “worship”, during an extreme personal crisis. God always gets the short end of the stick.”

 

Santanna frowns. “You want my job ?”

 

No. It is obvious you, Satan, enjoy your job immensely.”

 

If I had The Power and could fly, teleport between dimensions, change the molecular structure of items just by thinking or wishing about them. . .obviously, all these aspects of The Power would be great to have.”

 

Imagine being a human with super hero powers. The catch is the universe expects you to use those powers to help your fellow humans.”

 

But, when you try to help one human, then, sometimes you cause problems for another human. It is a proverbial, endless loop cycle,”

 

The temptation, then, is to become just a selfish God intent on satisfying your own needs.

 

You can be human and be selfish; you don’t need God-like powers to be selfish,” I explain.

 

I shrug. “I want to live out my little,mortal Life and then go Permanent Change Of Station into The Afterlife.”

 

Goddess leans on the table and looks me in the eyes. “If you were offered The Power Of Creation And Immortality To Be A God; you would reject it ?”

 

I nod. “Yes.”

 

Where humanity is concerned. Evolution is a slow process. Earth is a classroom. People live and learn lessons. “

 

I doubt humanity will ever evolve anywhere near being “Holy” or a God-like status. It is too easy for humans to get sidetracked by trivial issues in The Real World.”

 

Santanna grins. “I have to hand it to you, human. It is rare, when I meet a human, who has actually examined their hopes and dreams.”

 

Goddess rises from the table and walks around the porch. Santanna watches.

 

Santanna looks around. “Retirement is nothing like you expected,” Santanna asks ?

 

Not in my wildest dreams,” I reply and open one of the cold bottles of rum.

 

Can I help,” offers Santanna ?

 

Probably not,” I grin.

 

Santanna snickers, “You’re still holding that Misawa Air Base thing against me; aren’t you ?”

 

I nod. “Until The Day Eternity Ends.”

 

Santanna shrugs. “Life is a slow pace in the country, huh ?”

 

I nod. “I’m not going to ask for your help, if that is what you are waiting for. I simply, don’t have any issues that require your level of expertise,” I smile.

 

Nothing,” whines Santanna ?

 

I sip the rum. “For the last year, it has been frustrated dealing with the electric company.

 

But, electric companies, internet service providers, cell phone companies, telephone companies, satellite companies – they are all alike. They give you ho-hum service and send you a huge bill each month.”

 

The electric company. Is that a request ?”

 

No. It is not a request,” I emphasize.

 

I understand the challenges the electric company faces. Weather, terrain, budget – I know all those issues play into the kind of service a company can provide. I get it.”

 

Nonetheless, every business in the world ends up with the dead weight employees, who get their game down pat. They don’t rock the boat and stay under the radar.

 

The dead weights go high enough to be comfortable, but, never high enough to be noticed. Then, they sit back and “Fat Cat” off the system. They collect a paycheck for the least amount of work possible.”

 

Santanna smiles, “You think one of the electric companies in Leyte has gone ‘Fat Cat’?”

 

I shrug. “As a human, I’m not impressed by their so-called service.”

 

I’m sure an Immortal, perhaps, a God, might have the opportunity to see behind the press releases.”

 

Santanna leans across the table and grins. “Are you sure this is not a request ?”

 

This is not a request,” I emphasize.

 

I am simply calling your attention to a matter that may have escape the attention of God and Satan.

 

I’m sure one of you or both of you might check out the matter when you have time on your schedule,” I explain.

 

Santanna sits up in the chair and sips Her liqueur, “Sam, do you think we will do any business in the coming year ?”

 

I shrug. “Anything is possible, I guess.” I reply.

 

Good enough,” grins Santanna.

 

Goddess returns and sits down at the table. “Remodeling ? Renovation ? What are you thinking,” asks Goddess ?

 

Inspiration,” I reply. “Once I am inspired I will move ahead with an idea.”

 

My wife, Christy is a pro-active person. She has an idea; she goes for it. My drawback is I stroll toward an idea. I don’t charge, head-first into it.

 

The last couple of years. I have tried to be a nice guy and be kind of laid back.”

 

In the New Year, I’m going to pursue the dream Christy and I want. I’m ready,” I proclaim.

 

Santanna holds up her hand and an open bottle of Benedictine brandy appears. A glass appears in her hand and She pours the liquid. “I like the irony.”

 

The story s that the Benedictine monks came up with the drink. The story isn’t true, but, it has been told so often that the brandy is associated with the monks,” Santanna teases and takes a swig.

 

A champagne flute appears in Goddess’ hand and She sips. “A few minutes until the New Year,”

 

A cold bottle of rum appears in my hand. I sip.

 

Goddess leans against me and whispers, “Remember, even in the tropics, there is a colds and flu season.”

 

Goddess steps forward and stands in front of me. She looks me in the eyes.

 

Your mother asks that I pass along her love,” smiles Goddess, who raises Her arms and an intense beam of light radiates from each palm into my body for about five minutes.

 

Santanna stands up and steps to the other side of the table. She uses her half-filled crystal glass to point at the TV screen. “The countdown to the New Year has started.”

 

I stand up. Goddess winks at me. “You will be okay.”

 

Everyone yells, “Happy New Year !”

 

I stand near the TV. Everyone is shouting, “Happy New Year !”

 

I embrace and kiss my wife, Christy.

 

I look up.

 

A cold shiver runs up my spine, I hear Santanna’s whispered smirk in my ear, “Go get ’em, country boy !”

 

A feeling of warmth causes me to turn and look at the porch entrance. The rest of the guests are laughing and talking and watching the TV coverage of the New Year being celebrated at the precise instant in various locations in the Philippines.

 

Santanna nods, smiles and fades into the dimension of Time and Space.

 

Goddess appears and smiles. “ Samuel, you are more ready than you realize for this year.”

 

I watch Goddess fade into the dimension of Time and Space and only a small dot of light remains.

 

Christy steps up to my side. “Look, a lightning bug.”

 

Happy New Year, honey.” I put my arm around her.

 

I watch the firefly flutter around past the banana plant.

 

The firefly flies further out into the yard into the night.

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

I Welcome Readers’ Comments by Samuel E. Warren Jr,

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Readers are welcome to write back

 

I

Welcome

Readers’

Comments

My Classic U S Air Force Photographers Camera and Flash Gun of the 1980s_3825 (1)_resized

 

Ready, Aim, Flash !

My Nikon F3 with motor wind, flash bracket and the Nikon flash gun is the basic photography setup that U.S. Air Force photographers assigned to base photo labs and as “Combat Camera” photographers carried to “shoot” photo assignments in the 1970s and 1980s.  Some of the photographers actually used a Sunpak flash gun.  I used a Canon AE-1 Program camera to shoot the majority of my military photography for base newspaper articles. 

Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

I love to write.

 

My Quill Pen ThumbnailI enjoy reading feedback from readers.

 

I know there are those Spam robots out in cyberspace that lock on and generate all kinds of junk.

Human Readers Welcome

 

Humans, real readers are always welcome to send me comments and I do reply.

 

My blog platform is Word Press. My theme is the FREE Word Press Journalist theme.

 

I let Word Press catch the majority of the spam and then check the folder to make sure, real comments aren’t being vaporized into oblivion.

 

If I have answered a particular question numerous times, then, I don’t respond because the answer or one exceedingly similar is already in the reader’s comment section of my blog.

 

I like to get feedback from readers. I like to know I inspired a reader or gave them an idea that they can use in their life.

 

 

 

 

Alien Readers Welcome

 

However, every few days I sit down and read my blog comments from readers.

I glance at the comments and the first ones that get deleted are the ones that look like a warehouse full of adding machines exploded because there are strings of numbers thrown into the message.

 

If an extraterrestrial intelligence is trying to communicate with me: “Dear Alien Life Form of Unknown Origin. My name is Sam. I ain’t a mathematician. Disengage your communications keypad and use the alphabetic one. Thank you.”

 

To all my friends at the Search for Extraterrestrial Life, i.e., SETI, if the Andorians, Klingons, Romulans, Vulcans or little green men email me, then, I’ll forward a copy of the email to you guys and NASA.

 

Relax, Mutual Unidentified Flying Object Network, I’ll forward a copy of the same email to you and The Center For UFO Studies In Rockville, Maryland.

 

Back in the world of human readers, I do glance over every email comment that I get on my blog. Some are obvious “Locked On And Trying To Use Your Blog To Be A Spam Spreader,” which means when it is obviously a ploy to use the blog, then, I delete the spam.

 

Advertisers Buy An Ad

 

I watch for the advertisers that try to promote everything from ambulance chasing legal services to spiffy new SEO software to up your statistics to search engines. Those emails get vaporized by the delete key.

 

I’m An English Bad Boy

 

Bad boy that I am; I break English rules. I write English to communicate.

 

I do not write English to teach it.

 

As a child, English teachers engineered “All The Rules Into My DNA”

 

The English teachers hardwired the information by requiring me to “Diagram Sentences.”

 

Then, as a reporter, I had to memorize the “Strunk and White” gospel on grammar and nit-noy English to the extreme.

 

Uncle Sam demanded that I “memorize”, live and breathe, “The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual.”

 

I see correct and proper English in my sleep.

 

English To Communicate

 

I am not on Her Majesty’s official staff and I am not writing a book for publication, so I write to communicate.

 

I write for fun.

 

Two – Ton Type

 

One of the major rules of English that I break often is the “Old All The Same Thoughts In One Paragraph Rule.” Back in the days of Shakespeare that silly rule might of made sense.

 

Then again, Will Shakespeare didn’t have a cell phone.

 

Poor Shakespeare, he never got a facebook account or got to type: LOL.

 

Legions of lawyers, doctors, academics and others who love those bureaucratic English paragraphs with their 40 sentences and the jargon bloated sentences don’t realize that all the professional vernacular words are weighing down their eyes.

 

The two tons of type that scholarly documents and legal paperwork rely on to make a point are a format technique that scares off readers. When your eyes scans a page and there are thick blocks of type, your eyes want to jump somewhere else.

 

Two tons of small artistic squiggles on a page tells your brain this is going to take some digging to get through all this type and make sense of it.

 

English Always Fashionable

 

I use the journalism layout technique.

 

Reporters know the eyes dance over words.

 

Important words get uniforms and ball gowns, which translates to big point size type and fancy fonts.

 

Too many sentences in one paragraph is a badly tailored suit. It doesn’t appeal to the eye and suit the mind.

 

English has to be “fashion conscious” to be read and understood. Words have to tempt the eye to get the reader.

 

English In A Bikini

 

I try to put my English in a bikini.

 

I go for short sentences. If the idea is too long and too many sentences start to fill out the paragraph, then, it is breast augmentation time for the paragraph.

 

English In A Bustier

 

If the paragraph starts to look to busty to my eye, then, I step into the literary closet of my mind and look at the wardrobe. I space between the sentences. If the paragraph still seems busty, then, I will add line art or a photo.

 

If I can’t find the appropriate art or photo I step back into the literary closet. I look at the sentences and chose a nice bustier.

 

After all, the right subhead pushes the copy up and out at the reader.

 

The point of any article is to get the words in your face and before your eyes so they will be noticed.

 

Comma Conversion

 

I like commas. They are cute and cuddly in their own way. English teachers do not like comma splices.

 

The cuddly comma outlines a series of words and sets off phrases for the eyes.

 

I worked in a radio station and sometimes we had to splice tape to splice out “Ah,” “Umm,” “Dah,” “Ur,” “Er”, and other unintelligent sounds. I like commas. I like splices.

 

Samuel E. Warren Junior English

 

The English speaking countries of the world have their own take on how to use, communicate, spell and arrange English to make sense in their countries and cultures.

 

Americans spell theater with the er. British spell theatre with the re.

 

Americans spell Manila one way. Filipinos spell there capitol city, Maynila.

 

English is a global language because it is flexible and adapts. English never lets silly rules drown out the language’s natural communications ability.

 

English’s flexibility is the reason why English thrives.

 

English as a language adapts.

 

Even a writer can tweak the Commandments Of English and “Yea, though, thou, might offend scores of English professors; who cares ?

 

If the message gets through to readers and your communication is understood, then, English as a language did what it is designed to do – it communicated !

 

In the 1970s, IMHO scribbled on paper would not mean anything to anyone.

 

Thus, like the BFF teenagers with their text messaging cell phones, I tweak English to suit my communication needs.

 

Warren Wonder Words

 

I like words.

 

Some words like War, Death, Land, Life, Love, and some others are not suppose to be capitalized because they are not “Nouns”, which, a noun is “a proper name of a person, place or thing.”

 

I capitalize War because War kills people, destroys property and lays Land to waste for decades to centuries.

 

I capitalize Death because it comes to us all.

 

I capitalize Land because the bloodiest Wars in history are always fought over Land, whether the War is a domestic Civil War or a foreign War, the bloodshed and Death toll demand that Land not be trivialized as lower case.

 

I capitalize Life because we all live it.

 

I capitalize Love because it is a significant human emotion.

 

From time to time, I will capitalize those English words known as articles and prepositions like The and Of. In a phrase, I want the words to stand out. When I put the word The with a word like car, I want the reader to know I am writing about The Car and not simply a car someone on the planet.

cabins in the Ozarks_resized

These two cabins are in Galena, Missouri on the banks of the James River in the Missouri Ozarks.  Galena, Missouri in The Ozarks is the sight of The Last Official Public Hanging In The United States Of America and The Show Me State Of Missouri.  Famous United States 7th District Congressman Dewey Short is a native son of Galena, Missouri.  Galena gained notoriety in the 1930s as The Hometown of George Leonard “Shock” Short one of the most successful bank robbers of The Depression Era because his O’Malley Gang robbed banks throughout the Midwest and is one of the only gangs to successfully pull off two bank robberies at the same time. 

Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Ozarks English

 

 

I grew up in the Ozarks. Thus, if I am in my country boy mode: “Reckon I is gona’ go and write them thar little ole’ words any way I darn well please. If’n ya don’t like it. Well, yous don’t have ta’ read my article. I hain’t gona loose none of my shut eye time over it.”

 

cabins in the Ozarks thumbnailAl Capp made a living poking fun at The Ozarks and “The Beverly Hillbillies” made the TV studios money poking fun at The Ozark hillbillies.

 

I grew up in The Ozarks, so if I want to use, talk or write “Ozarks’ English”, I reckon I have a better right than the people who never set foot in The Ozarks.

 

Spelling

 

Spelling, I believe is important. However, I will misspell an English word to make a point.

 

Magick – I always spell the word magick with a k.

 

Aleister Crowley’s spelling idea works. With the k on the end of the word, then, the reader knows that you are writing about supernatural, paranormal, or universal unseen forces in Life, which I call, “magick.”

 

When I write the word, “magic” it means I am writing about entertainment or stage magic.

 

I usually am a good boy when it comes to spelling. I might do the old Photo or Foto word switch every now and then,but usually I do not “purposely” misspell a word.

 

Spiritual English

 

I, God and Satan are “old drinking buddies.”

 

From time to time, I write about my immortal friends.

 

I will capitalize He when I write about Satan. After 21 Centuries, He has earned a captial H and daily headlines, show He isn’t retiring anytime soon.

 

God understands that I am one of those people that believes every object in Life has to have at least two parts. Everything in Life, at some level, is at least, one half of a whole.

 

Genetics reveals, all little boys genetically are first little girls. If the genetic material moves in a certain direction then the little girl is born a little boy – so, much for “The Macho World Concept.”

 

God grins when I capitalize the S and put it in front of he to create She. I sometimes write about Him, The Creator Of The Universe, in a Her sense.

 

Incidentally, when you are a Supreme Being; you don’t have “gender” and “orientation” issues. God asked me to pass that along the next time I did some religious English writing.

 

Now, that I have told readers to feel free to email me there comments, your writng is up to you.

 

English Professors Chill Out

 

I have outlined my use of English, so that the English Professors Of The World canMy Quill Pen Thumbnail relax with a glass of sherry or port and curl up with their favorite leather bound Shakespeare play or Lewis Carroll’s “Alice In Wonderland” tale.

 

English Professors relax and chill out. English is a language that changes. The beauty is English can change and still communicate ideas that are understood.

 

I have outlined my approach to spelling English words, which means I know how to use my “Spell Checker” software and usually I do.

 

However, alas, I am still a mere mortal, so I make mistakes. Sometimes a word sneaks by me.

 

Oops, I’m human.

 

I have outlined my religious and spiritual approach to English, so “The Holy People In The World” can go ahead and bad mouth me.

My On Duty Camera Bag Thumbnail

 

 

 

 

I am Sam The Writer. I am Sam The Photographer.

 

If you want to send me comments about the articles and photos in my blog, I am sure I will enjoy reading them. I do reply. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I appreciate the readers, who take time to comment.

 

My Nikon F3 setup thumbnail

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Halloween II

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Eyewitness Account “All Saints’ Day” in Leyte

Halloween II

“The Day Of The Dead”


Every culture has rituals for the passing of loved ones.  Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Today is November 1, 2012, “All Saints’ Day” in the Republic of the Philippines. In the Spanish and Latin American culture, the day is known as, “The Day Of The Dead.” When I lived in the United States, I always heard about the annual “Day Of The Dead” celebrations in Mexico, but, I never had the opportunity to go to Mexico.

Essentially, “The Day Of The Dead” in the Philippines is “Memorial Day” in the United States. The names, “All Saints’ Day” and “The Day Of The Dead” seem to both be used for the annual observance in Leyte. The major difference, of course, is the way that the two holidays differ in terms of observance between the Philippines and the United States.

In the United States, wreaths and flowers are placed around the headstones. If you recognize friends and neighbors, then, you stand and “visit”, while usually another family member “decorates” the graves with flowers.

This evening, in Leyte, my wife, Christy, I, and members of her family went to Tanauan to the cemetery for the “All Saints’ Day” and “The Day Of The Dead” observances.

I took my trusty Nikon D 100 camera, but the low-light levels did not allow me to get any photos. The obvious difference began the moment, we stepped out of the trike. A woman offered to sell my wife slender white candles.

The lit candle is an important symbol to remember loved ones who have left The Real World.”

We walked toward a canopy structure. The canopy is a wise investment in the Philippines because it provides shade in the intense sunlight and heat. October is “Monsoon Season”, so a canopy helps you get in out of the rain. Four uniformed Philippine National Police officers were on duty, under the canopy, which had the black magic marker hand lettered signs that proclaimed: Entrance” and “Exit.”

When was the last time you went to a cemetery that had “traffic control” as a concern ?

In watching some television coverage of “All Saints Days” and “The Day Of The Dead” observances around the Philippines today, the crowds going into and coming out of cemeteries were enormous, especially in the television coverage of some of the more well-known cemeteries in Manila.

Imagine a stadium full of Super Bowl attendees strolling across the street into a local cemetery, then, you have a visual picture of the crowd that was entering one cemetery in Manila on the television.

The police officers at the San Miguel Cemetery in Tanauan were there to provide traffic control as well as security. The Entrance point under the canopy was a local narrow city street that passed between two concrete walls.

Cemetery Capitalism

The concept of “American Capitalism” was not lost on the holiday. On both sides of the narrow street, there were small stands of vendors “selling” everything from candles, matches, butane cigarette lighters, to cotton candy, Filipino snack food and even some trinket type jewelry.

While some people in the United States would be uneasy about “buying and selling” activities going on so close to a cemetery; the culture in the Philippines is a “life-oriented” culture. The people do their best to “enjoy” their lives, so they usually have an almost carnival environment around everything they do. The crowd of people flowed in both directions with people “shopping” their way to the cemetery.

City Of The Dead

As you approach the actual entrance to the cemetery, it reminded me of the Louisiana cemeteries, which are sometimes called, “The City Of The Dead.” Louisiana like the Philippines has the soil and flooding issues with water, thus, people are laid to rest inside a concrete casket on the ground and there are paths between the graves. There is a variety of grave sites, which have the basic concrete casket to rebar framework that creates tall, compact mausoleum.

One grave, I noticed, had a statue of a man in his formal white barong and black dress slacks forever standing at the head of his grave and looking into eternity. Some of the grave sites even had canopies in place to allow people to sit by the graves and “visit” with their friends and neighbors. The sun was setting as we took the trike ride to Tanauan, so the candle flames were welcome sights in the darkness.

I noticed three members of a family who had the slender white candles sitting on the concrete casket. The tiny candle flames in the distance gave the young children a warm comfortable glow.

Lapida Markers

Each of the concrete caskets had a placard on it that contained the information found on headstones in cemeteries in the United States. Some of the “Lapidas”, the placards, had the information hand painted.

Other lapidas, showed the skill of local “Lapida Makers”, who carve in the information and sometimes add artwork like a cross or embed photographs into the lapida. We strolled past the graves toward the church. People, who have the graves of loved ones to visit settle in by the graves.
People, whose loved ones grave site has disappeared through the years visit the church. The sturdy stone church looked like it belonged to the era of “The Crusades”, except for the tin roof overhead. The well-worn wooden church pews suggested this church had had Spanish soldiers in the congregation in the early days of the Philippines.

The Saint Michael The Archangel Statue rested on a concrete out-cropping on the back wall. The priest used the microphone to preach his sermon in Waray. The congregation in the pews listened to his sermon, while people quietly filtered into the back of the church to listen and position candles on the floor by the wall. The white candles were put on the floor by the churches’ stone walls.

The candles are then lit, in honor of a loved one and allowed to burn down into a puddle of wax. Sometimes the burning candles would fall over and burn away at the church’s stone wall until the candle had become a puddle of drying wax.

Once your candle is a puddle of wax, then, you leave the church with the knowledge that you have sent your prayer and blessings into the Afterlife to your loved ones.

Halloween’s Hallowed History

Halloween is the holiday, which is the ancient “holy day,” when the ancient Celtic farmers thanked their pagan gods for the year’s crop harvest, they asked for the blessings for the coming year and there was the belief you could “talk” to or ask for the blessings from your ancestors.

Halloween was “The Point Of No Return.” Spring and summer were gone. Winter was on the horizon. Halloween was when the “Living” ask the “Dead” for advice and counsel to make it through the fall and winter months. Since the “Living” farmers were actively seeking the advice and counsel of “Dead” ancestors – in effect, the “Living” were inviting souls or spirits in the Afterlife to return for a short period of time.

Thus, the idea of “The Veil Between The Worlds Being Thin” has merit because the “Living” were trying to make it easy for their “Loved Ones” to “visit.” The ancient Celt farmers in their practice were known to use huge bonfires, during their “Samhain”(pronounced “Sow – win”) celebrations. The smart farmers would clear their fields of stubble, dead cornstalks and brush by burning their large brush piles, while sending a very visible signal to their “ancestors” in the Afterlife.

Since some of those spirits may have accepted the invitations; it is little wonder that Halloween became the evening when “Ghosts” were suppose to be “out and about.”

Cemetery Caretaker Concerns

During this week, people have been going by with the tools needed to fix up around the grave sites, in anticipation, for today’s “All Saints’ Day” and “Day Of The Dead” observance. Local people explain how some family members have spent the past few evenings sleeping in the cemetery getting ready for today’s “celebration,” which allows the “Living” to share some of their life with their deceased loved ones.

Where in the United States are you going to find families spending a few days and nights “camped out” in the cemetery and celebrating life with deceased loved ones ?

The rituals of Halloween is about “Inviting ghosts to briefly walk among us.” Halloween is also about wearing “costumes”, in the hopes that the disguise, will keep us “masked” against those spirits that we do not wish to deal with.

Halloween II – The Day After Halloween – “All Saints’ Day”,“The Day Of The Dead”, November 1 – then, is the polite reminder from the “Living” to the deceased loved ones that they are probably ready to return to their Afterlife and leave The Real World until next year.

When the sun rises, November 2, the “All Saints’ Day” and “The Day Of The Dead” celebration for the island of Leyte, in the Republic of the Philippines will be over for this year based on what I have learned in talking with Filipino family members.

"Ancestor Worship"

I have learned over the years that the World’s Major Religions do not like the term “ancestor worship.” And, the World’s Major Religions discourage the “Living” from trying to “talk” to the dead.

Nonetheless, in the History Of Human Civilization, the various rituals are a form of “ancestor worship” and people throughout history have tried to “talk” to a loved one in the Afterlife, in spite of, different religion’s strict dogma.

The message is simple: “We humans have the “gut instinct” that we are all “connected” to a Universal Force that lived before us and will continue after us and we need to know we are always a part of that Universal Force.”


Halloween’s Humanity Heritage

Halloween is the holiday that has always survived religious persecution because it offers hope of an Afterlife and the belief that reincarnation is a reality.

The other significant benefit of Halloween is that it reminds people of the “Darkness” in each person and other people and to be ready to deal with the negative, rather than to try to “ignore” it.

Even more important, Halloween is one of those “holy days” that has evolved beyond the different segregated religions into a “Secular Holiday” to become a day with it’s own agenda that involves everything from kids going “Trick Or Treat” to people seeking out paranormal sites and searching for supernatural answers.

Halloween is “Humanity’s Holiday”. Halloween is the one time, each year, when people around the world, take the time, to venture into the less than “logical” and “rationale” areas of life and can usually kick their shoes off inside their heads and finally make the time to look around their mind for answers.

Halloween II – The Spirits’ Roundup

Halloween II, is one of those holidays that probably still needs work. Saints and martyrs, of course, are suppose to be able to convince any procrastinating spirits to leave The Real World and return to The Afterlife. The big flaw in getting saints and martyrs to “ride roundup” on the “Absent Without Leave” spirits is: Saints and Martyrs are All Dead. Sending a “Dead” spirit or soul to roundup the spirits who linger; is probably, not an award-winning idea.

If you don’t have your “Exorcism Ritual” on the nightstand by the bed, you might want to make sure the phone number of a local exorcist is loaded into your cell phone.

Sam

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Written by samwarren55

November 1, 2012 at 11:56 PM

Saint Michael On Duty In The P. I.

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Saint Michael On Duty In The P. I.

 

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

SAINT MICHAEL ON THE GROUND IN COUNTRY AND ON DUTY IN THE P.I. I

Saint  Michael, On The Ground, In Country and On Duty In The P.I. – Photo by Retired United States Air Force Staff Sergeant Samuel E. Warren Jr. – My wife, Christy Warren purchased this statue of Saint Michael The Archangel as a gift for me from the Holy Rosary Religious Store in Tacloban, City, Republic of the Philippines, March 13,2012.  Saint Michael The Archangel is known as The Patron Saint of all soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines of all nation’s armed forces in peace and war.This Saint Michael is on the ground, in country, and on duty at my home in the Philippine Island of Leyte.  The coconut trees stand at attention against the blue skies of Barangay Baras.  Photo by Retired United States Air Force Public Affairs Staff Sergeant Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

I am not a religious man.

I am a spiritual man.

As a child, I always knew “There Is A God.”

There is a supernatural entity beyond humankind’s logical and scientific frame of references.

Everyone knows that “Angels Are The Messengers Of God.”

In paintings, books and movies I have always been attracted to The Military Angels Of God, even as a child.

I believe The Armed Forces Of God, like any professional military unit stands ready to carry out their objectives.

I believe that Saint Michael is the ranking “six-star” Commanding General Of Heaven, who oversees, directs and answers to his Supreme Commander-In-Chief.

As the Patron Saint Of Global Military Forces Saint Michael – I believe, there has never been a man or woman who joined the military or went into combat that Saint Michael did not know about.

The Seraphim, are “The Enlisted Angels” and they are “ on the ground” and “in the action” – they are responsible for being alongside their human counterparts. Seraphim as “Sergeant Angels,” know they are tasked to make sure the mission is completed.

I believe, in human combat, The Sergeant Angels are always alongside their human counterparts fighting “the good fight” to survive and obtain the objective. And, Saint Michael sword in hand is always on the field of battle, land, air and sea.

Since I believe that God Almighty has his standing Heavenly Armed Forces, I believe that Saint Michael and the other Archangels are the “Celestial Pentagon” that serves alongside humans in combat and on active duty in peacetime.

I believe that once a man or woman has donned a uniform of their nation to serve as a soldier, sailor, airmen or Marine, that the members of the Celestial Pentagon are always with them. Once that human veteran or military retiree goes off active duty, I believe, they remain on the Active Duty Roster Of The Celestial Pentagon until the human warrior retires his or her earthly life. “Once a G.I., Always a G.I., In Heaven, or On Earth “ – Samuel E. Warren Jr.

While everyone will not share my beliefs about God’s Armed Forces – that is alright. I have worn and served in my nation’s armed forces, so I have earned the right to my Military Angels Beliefs.

SAINT MICHAEL THE ARCHANGEL STATUE PURCHASED AT THE HOLY ROSARY RELIGIOUS STORE IN TACLOBAN CITY PHILIPPINES

 

This Saint Michael The Archangel statue was created in Manila and shipped to the Holy Rosary Store in Tacloban City, Leyte, Philippines.  This statue is about four feet tall and the wing span of the sculpture is also about four feet.  Prices always fluctuate in all businesses, but on the day of purchase this sculpture cost 7,000 pesos.  Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

In the Philippine Islands, the sunshine, blue skies, coconut trees, and sapphire ocean waves are my Real World version of The Garden Of Eden. But, even in the P.I., you have to go about the daily matters of your life to earn a living and put food on the table. In the course of daily affairs in the barangay or in Tanauan or Tacloban City, my wife, Christy, often makes the time to stop by a church. The statues of Saint Michael always catches my eye.

A couple of weeks ago, when my wife, Christy,was shopping, near The Santo Nino Shrine in Tacloban City, we browsed the religious artifact vendors near the church and strolled along to the religious supply stores nearby. My eyes automatically scanned the religious merchandise and my eyes always “lock on” to the statues of Saint Michael from the smallest to the biggest statue. After all, a G.I. Always Recognizes Another G.I., In Uniform Or Out.

 

 

 

 

Christy had noticed me intently studying the colors, artistic composition,sculpture, and craftsmanship of all the Saint Michael statues and listened as I asked the saleswoman, “Do you have any Saint Michael SMALL SAINT MICHAEL STATUEmedals ?”

Tuesday, March 13, 2012 – Christy, Marife, Ninoy and I strolled into the Holy Rosary Store in Tacloban City. My eyes widened when the smiling salesman walked past me carrying the large Saint Michael statue and I watched Christy takes the pesos from her wallet to pay for the statue.

This small Saint Michael statue is about 10 inches tall and has an approximate wing span of about 7 inches.  The size of this statue would allow it to ride on an automobile dashboard or to be sat on a dresser.  Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

In the Real World, when a general or admiral walks into a room, the modern day warrior rises out of protocol and respect. At home, I rearranged things to give Saint Michael, his place of honor. A senior military commander, officer or NCO, should always be treated with honor and respect. Since the statue of Saint Michael represents a Heavenly Host Commander and the Ultimate Armed Forces, it was only appropriate to find the statue the proper “Command Post.”

My Saint Michael statue arrived with “Permanent Change Of Station” orders to go “PCS” to my home. This General Saint Michael is now “On Duty” in my home, which in a military literary sense, makes my home a “Base Of Operations,” for Saint Michael. I trust that the general will watch over this old soldier and his family. I believe, Saint Michael is now “In Position” to watch over any of my nieces and nephews, who may answer their nation’s call to don the uniform and serve their country, on land, in flight in the air, and afloat on the sea.

“Present Arms !”

SALUTE 001A

“Order Arms !”

“Hoo-rah !”

 

New Year – New Look – New Focus

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The Sam I Am Blog started as a way for me to try to reach out to potential buyers interested in more than 70 acres of real estate in southwest Missouri.  That was the initial reason that I went on the Internet and set up this blog.

This blog – Sam I Am – now, has a new focus.  Effective immediately, it is now a Personal Blog.  I have always believed it is important to be plugged into the Political progress.  I believe, in the United States, each American does make a difference.

While this blog is now primarily a Personal blog, it will undoubtedly contain My Personal Political Opinions from time to time.

I changed the blog template to reflect the new focus.  I welcome spirited political conversation and comments.

Internet surfers consider this blog Personal.

While there will undoubtedly be political opinions that I express in this blog, I also reserve the right to write about other topics that I am interested in from time to time.  Please visit often and don’t hesitate to leave your comments.

Thank You.

Sam

Written by samwarren55

January 6, 2010 at 12:58 AM

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