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Your Birthday Editorial by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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The Most Sacred Day Of Your Life

Your Birthday

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Elson Tanhale celebrated his 15th Birthday, Saturday, April 6, 2013. Your Birthday should always be a special day that you celebrate. Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Your Birthday is the most unique and special day of all.

 

Before you were born, no one ever celebrated “Your Birthday.”

 

Once you die, it is doubtful, anyone will celebrate, observe, commemorate, or even honor “Your Birthday.”

 

Once you have died, family, friends and relatives,in time, will forget “Your Birthday.”

 

I, Samuel E. Warren Jr., am the Self-Appointed and Self-Anointed “Your Birthday Prophet” Of Planet Earth. My calling is to remind you to never “blow off” or “ignore” Your Birthday

 

The Citizens Of The World love holidays. Holidays are a legitimate excuse to party.

 

Saturnalia

 

Christmas is One Of The World’s Oldest Holidays.

 

It is a Lie to say Christmas celebrates The Birth Of Jesus Christ; it does not. Christmas is an ancient winter celebration.

 

The Christmas holiday originally honored The First God Of Rome Saturn, who ruled generation, plenty, wealth, agriculture, endings,new beginnings and liberation.

 

The Roman Saturnalia Feast ran from December 17 through December 23.

 

Early Christians simply “stole” the holiday and “hijacked” it to December 25.

 

Christmas has always been celebrated and will probably always be celebrated because winter is a cold, dank,dark,dismal, depressing time at the end of the year.

 

People from antiquity to the present need to reassure themselves winter will end and a new year will begin with promise and warmth.

 

Christmas, the winter holiday, serves the logical purpose based on centuries of tradition and historical survival of the human race.

 

Christmas is simply The Global Holiday That Confirms Human Life Will Survive Winter’s Death Of Cold And Ice To Feel The Warmth Of Spring And The Continuance Of Life.

 

Civil Rights’ Leader’s Birthday

 

The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr’s Birthday became a legal Federal United States holiday to celebrate the birthday of the American Civil Rights Leader and Baptist preacher.

 

I was a boy, when the reverend was going around the United States making his speeches and preaching sermons that made people nervous and uncomfortable.

 

April 4, 1968 – Opal M. DeLong Warren, my mother, had got in the old white 1962 Chevrolet stepside pickup to go up the road and visit Grandma DeLong and Uncle Richard. I had decided to stay home and do homework in front of the TV.

 

April 4, 1968 – A few minutes after Momma left the familiar CBS News black and white eye logo filled the TV screen and I looked at the words, “Special Bulletin.” I do not recall, the actual words, but the report stated that the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr., had been shot.

 

America as a nation seemed to fight The US Civil Rights Movement “tooth and nail” every step of the way. Even as a young boy, I knew if the Reverend King died from an assassin’s bullet. “All Hell Would Break Loose.” I was right.

 

Five days of race riots broke out in Washington D.C. The evening news reported riots in other American cities like Chicago and Baltimore for several days after King’s assassination.

 

King, a Baptist preacher, had made some powerful enemies. He was assassinated. Riots destroyed American businesses, homes and people died in the social change process that would move America beyond the policy of segregation

 

The irony is in 2013, people get the legal holiday of Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday “off from work” and few, if any, stop to consider the meaning of the legalized birthday holiday.

 

General Washington’s Birthday

 

When I was a little boy General George Washington’s Birthday on February 22 was a legal Federal United States holiday.

 

When I was a little boy Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday on February 12 was a legal Federal holiday.

 

Americans got two legal Federal “days off from work with pay” in the short month of February.

 

The Lame

President’s Day

Birthdays

American leaders in the 1970s decided it would be better to “prostitute all the presidents’ birthdays together” and celebrate one holiday for all of them called “President’s Day.”

 

Thus, Americans could honor a creative, revolutionary Renaissance Man like General George Washington, but the day got diluted with the inclusion of Loser Lincoln the political patsy and pawn of The American Civil War.

 

Even President Herbert Hoover, the portly president could be honored on “President’s Day.” Hoover’s presidential incompetence during The Great Depression may always be debated by historians.

 

Portly, Porky President Herbert Hoover is on the public record, of giving “The Order” to the use of United States Armed Forces against World War I military veterans.

 

Republican Herbert Hoover gave “The Order” to use “military force against his own citizens,” which kicks him to the historical curb next to Dictators Joseph Stalin, Adolph Hitler, Emperor Hirohito, Saddam Hussein.

 

Why would any American want to celebrate “President’s Day” when one of the historical honorees is a incompetent politician who “authorized” the use of military force to “put down” or “kill off citizens’ who made the leader uncomfortable?

 

I always took “the work day off”, but Republican Presidents Theodore Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan are the only Republican presidents that I respect and acknowledge their birthdays.

 

Most of America’s Republican presidents I view as “Crooks”.

 

I cuss and curse American Republican Presidents, but I will never “celebrate, observe or honor the dismal days they took their first breath of air.”

 

The bad thing about America’s “Presidents’ Day” is it lumps American Democrat Presidents’ birthdays together with the birthdays of the Republican “Crooks”.

 

Thus, Your Birthday in the future could easily get dumped into a national observance of some of “the biggest crooks that ever lived” if you ever get elected to The White House.

 

There are 365 days in a year. The number of days in a leap year is 366. As time goes by and more people get elected to the Office Of President Of The United States Of America, each person will have their own birthday.

 

Already more than 40 people have served as president of the United States and the number approaches 50; which means at some point if every presidential birthday was a “legal holiday”, then, the time would come when people could legally take off 365 to 366 days and the result is no one would work for a year.

 

American Presidents are controversial in their Administrations and often the place they earn in history.

 

I believe Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday should always be celebrated as “National Fool’s Day”, instead of “April Fools Day” on April 1.

 

Lincoln, the dumb old country boy became America’s Political Patsy and the ultimate “Sacrificial Scape Goat.”

 

Lincoln was more a political puppet of his political party and the business people, who made fortunes in the American Civil War.

 

I believe President Herbert Hoover’s Birthday should always celebrate National Toilet Tissue Month.

 

As chief executive of the United States, Herbert Hoover was “full of it.” The American economy collapsed and sucked other nations into the global economic sinkhole.

Naturally in retirement, Hoover and supporters claimed he had all these great ideas to “Stop” or “Slow” The Great Depression.

 

However, On the job, in The Oval Office, Hoover, the self-made millionaire sat on his portly rump and watched his nation “Go Broke.”

 

Hoover’s Administration, like toilet tissue served a purpose. Once used – toilet tissue becomes “waste.” The Hoover Administration was “waste”; it allowed citizens to suffer, lose their livelihoods, homes and businesses, while an incompetent politician sat on his rump, rather than take aggressive action and do what was needed to stop or slow The Great Depression.

 

Hoover had no problem giving “The Order” to use the military force of The United States Armed Forces against World War I veterans exercising Freedom Of Speech and Freedom Of Assembly; thus, he would not of lost sleep violating The Constitution Of The United States Of America to save the economy. The fact that he did not take aggressive action suggests Hoover was either a fool or had no ideas.

 

Since an American President can be such a controversial celebrity in their lifetime; Congress rather than trying to choose the birthdays of Great American Presidents to be celebrated simply decided to dump the trash in with the gold and create “President’s Day” – a really lame Federal holiday.

 

If you are a politician, then, people in your lifetime and after your death, may choose not to celebrate Your Birthday.

 

Your Birthday might even become a paid Federal holiday that people “take off” and never even consider, who you were or what you did.

 

In the present, You should always celebrate Your Birthday because everyone only gets so many birthdays, which serve as the recognized anniversary of your birth.

 

You can celebrate your birthday with a single candle on a cupcake.

 

You might be able to arrange a monumental news making celebration that has television networks on scene and people streaming the celebration to facebook, twitter, You Tube and writing about Your Birthday festivities in their blogs.

 

Regardless, of how you decide to celebrate or observe Your Birthday – you should always celebrate Your Birthday.

 

Once you die people may forget Your Birthday, worse yet they may prostitute it by combining it with a legendary collection of global fools, freaks and clowns, who should be “forgotten” and not honored.

 

The Most Special Holiday Of Your Life

 

In your lifetime, Your Birthday should be The Most Special Holiday Of Your Life because it represents the anniversary of your birth and recognizes that each passing year is bringing progressive change into your Life.

 

Whenever possible, legally take Your Birthday “off from work” to observe your special day.

 

No one really wants to work on their birthday. The day you were born, you were moving your arms, hands, legs, feet and trying to experience the new sensation of Life; you were not worried about your contribution to The Global Workforce Of Humanity.

 

Wherever you are in the world, you should always celebrate Your Birthday.

 

Different nations and cultures have different ways to celebrate Your Birthday. Whenever feasible celebrate Your Birthday your way because it is your day.

 

Why was I born on this particular day ?

 

A person’s birthday is always the most underrated day of their Life because no one really stops to consider: “Why was I born on this particular day ?”

 

There are 365 to 366 days in a year. Obviously, the intimate relationship between your mother and father led to your creation, but that is not Your Birthday because sometimes an infant is born early.

 

Sometimes an infant is born late.

 

Sometimes medical professionals from midwives to surgeons are required to bring you into The Real World to begin Your Birthday.

 

No birth is ever an “accident.”

 

The situations surrounding your birth might be unique, out of the ordinary, unusual or appear to be “unexpected” (which is a kind of silly word to use for a pregnancy, since a pregnant woman is almost always noticeably “with child”,i.e.. pregnant.).

 

The day of your birth is NOT coincidental, happenstance, chance,dumb luck, or a gamble of the flow of time, nature and biology all coming together at a precise time.

 

Every birth is monumental.

 

Every birth is unprecedented.

 

Every birth is legendary.

 

Every birth is unique because there is only one of you.

 

Even a clone is not a precise replica of a lifeform.

 

The Immortality Of A Birthday

 

Once you die, The Universe does seem to “Remember Your Birthday” because an event of your lifetime will come to light within a few days of Your Birthday.

 

The Birthday Fact tends to be noticeable in the Lives Of Famous People, who have died, but, if you will pay attention to the birthday of a Loved One in your family who has died; you should notice within a week to three days before their birthday, usually, an event or situation will happen that will tend to provide information about the person’s Life.

 

If you want to experiment with The Birthday Immortality Experiment, go online and look up Elvis Presley’s Birthday, then, research news releases and the information that came to Life, after his Death, near or on his birthday.

 

Granted, in the case of celebrities, family, friends, fans and publicists can time the release of information to coincide with a birthday.

 

Look at the event and the information that became public knowledge.

 

The revelation of information, an item, or an event around the time of a birthday is not always positive. Usually family, friends, fans and publicists release positive information;

 

Fate, The Universe, An Intelligent Universal Entity, or the progress of Time does not seem to judge Positive or Negative – the event just reveals the information, item or event and let’s people decide the classification.

 

Besides The Birthday Of Elvis Presley, research the birthdays of other famous people, who have died, and notice the revelations about their Lives that came to light, near or on their birthday. Then, you may wish to research the information within your own family. (Perhaps, at long last the family will finally discover Great Aunt Tillie’s Long Lost Jewels.)

 

Family and friends might “forget” Your Birthday.

 

You should never “forget” or “blow off” Your Birthday.

 

Your Birthday is Your Immortal Eternal Torch That Burns Unmolested Throughout The Night Of Humanity.

 

Enjoy Your Birthday !

 

There is only one of you alive at any given point in history, the present, or the future of The Universe – You are Unique.

 

Your Birthday is the Immortal Point Of Origin Of Your Existence In The Real World.

 

Always honor, observe and celebrate Your Birthday.

 

Try to make sure Your Birthday will not be “prostituted” after your death.

 

Be selective in your choice of friends that you choose to share your birthday with.

 

Christmas and all the holy days converted into holidays will probably always be observed and celebrated because human nature is always looking for a reason to party.

 

In your lifetime, there should be events and even “public” holidays that will hold a special meaning or purpose to you.

 

Enjoy your Life; observe, celebrate and honor those special days.

 

However, keep one day sacred and special in your mind and heart – Your Birthday

 

Enjoy Your Birthday !

 

Your Birthday should always be The Most Revered And Special Day Of Your Life.

 

Let me be among the first, from my place in time and space, on Your Birthday to wish you:

 

Happy Birthday !

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Business Creativity In The 21st Century Photos by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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Business Creativity In The 21st Century

 

Jun Jun Tanhale, a rice farmer, and a “trike” motorcycle operator, of Barangay San Antonio, Palo, Leyte, Republic Of The Philippines, places empty coconut shell husks on the fire to cook a pot of rice cake.

 

The husks essentially work like charcoal briquets they become hot, burn slowly and consistently to give off an amount of heat that allows the food to cook through and through.

 

While the actual procedure is a fairly common cooking procedure in the rural Philippines; it points out that Filipinos tend to be creative in finding ways to stretch the budget and make the ends meet. Jun Jun and his wife, Esmeralda have six children. Photos by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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Rice cake cooks in the pot. Photos by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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My March Madness by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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My

March Madness

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Every March, Uncle Sam would hand me a set or “Orders.”

 

The Orders” meant to have my bags packed.

 

I would either be “Ordered” to proceed with the Permanent Change Of Station procedure to a different military base or assignment; or, I would be “Ordered” to head to the nearest bus station or airport to go T-D-Y.

 

The TDY Orders” – temporary duty – meant I would take a duffel bag, suitcase and my camera bag and get ready to “deploy” somewhere on planet earth “to do my job” on a temporary basis.

 

Now, I am “Officially Retired”.

 

Still, every March I “get ready” “to travel.”

 

My Ides Of March

 

If I do not have somewhere to go; I become “restless.”

 

We, humans, are creatures of habit.

 

My personal “March Madness” and My personal “Ides Of March” always comes down to the “need to move.”

 

March 2013, I had no “travel orders”, so I became “restless.”

 

My March Mission

 

My “March Mission” came about as the result of Pope Benedict XVI’s decision “to quit.”

 

My “March Mission” came down to “Research.”

 

Pope Benedict XVI had been regarded as a “powerful man”.

 

Pope Benedict XVI He rode shotgun on 1.2 billion people worldwide in various nations. Whether he had a “great idea” or a “dumb idea”, many of those people “stood ready” to carry out his wishes.

 

As “The World’s Single Greatest Religious Dictator”, Pope Benedict XVI held “The Lives An Fortunes Of Numerous People”, in the palm of his hands.

 

Pope Benedict’s various online biographies reveal that he had spent his entire Life training for a “Position Of Power.”

 

In 2005, Pope Benedict XVI was given “The Keys To The Kingdom.” He had earned “Universal Carte Blanche”, he had a palace, real estate around the world, his own private bank, a corps of professional lackeys from lawyers and diplomats through social workers and housekeepers worldwide to carry out his slightest whim.

Worldwide War Lords

Alexander The Great spent years of Warfare that destroyed countless human Lives “To Conquer The Known World.”

 

Adolf Hitler engaged in years of Warfare, “wasted” countless human Lives in his attempt “To Conquer The Known World.”

 

Emperor Hirohito of Japan engaged in years of Warfare, “wasted” countless human Lives,in his attempt, “To Conquer Asia And The Pacific.”

 

Benito Mussolini of Italy, a newspaper editor, “wasted” countless human Lives in his attempt “To Conquer Italy.” Alas, Benito would not be “Caesar”, nor, would he become a “Roman Emperor.”

 

Religious War Lord

 

In 2005, a group of more than a hundred old men, gave Pope Benedict XVI “The Power” that Adolf Hitler, Emperor Hirohito and Benito Mussolini had all “lusted after” – “World Domination”.

 

Alexander The Great succeed in getting “World Domination”, but he paid an extreme cost in men, real estate, munitions, money and time in just “reaching” his goal. To maintain “World Domination” is another matter entirely.

 

In a matter of hours, a bunch of old men, handed Pope Benedict XVI “World Domination On A Silver Platter”. Without a single bullet or bomb, the Pope achieved “Limited World Domination”.

 

A Religious War Lord is more “dangerous” than a Real World War Lord because The Religious War Lord “inherits centuries of religious superstition and propaganda” that allows him to send “The Zombies Of Faith” willingly to their deaths.

 

A Real World War Lord has no guarantee that his citizens and soldiers are going to ‘waste” their Lives for his personal philosophy and profit.

 

The Real World War Lord always has to create his propaganda from “scratch” using ideas and a perverted form of emotional patriotism to rally the rebels and radicals into the street and on to the capitol.

 

Faithful Fools

 

People in the Pope’s kingdom would carry out his “Orders”, without question, because they are “The Faithful,”

 

The people not in the Pope’s kingdom would not carry out his “Orders,” because these people Live In The Real World and are not “fans” of “Religious Theater”.

 

When Pope Benedict XVI decided he was tired of “playing Super Saint”; he “Quit.”

 

The entire “Religious World Of Planet Earth” had a “hissey fit.”

 

Catholics felt “Judas Iscariot In The White Dress” had “betrayed” them because the pope did not die in office.

 

Worldwide reactions on The Internet, reveal Christians, Protestants, even Islamists, Muslims and Jews were all “Shocked”

 

The Power

 

Human History is full of stories of people who have given everything they own for a chance at “The Power Of World Domination.”

 

Suddenly, you have a man who has “The Power Of Limited World Domination” and he “throws ‘The Power’ away like an empty grocery bag.’”

 

Human History teaches “No one” ever gives up “Power” willingly.

 

Orange Prison Jumpsuit

 

My March Mission became to try and discover “The Loaded Gun Pressed Against Pope Benedict XVI’s Head” that would make him “give up the power.”

 

Health as “The Official Reason” and “The Official Statement” is a lame excuse because global history and tradition “demands” the pope “die in office.”

 

I am satisfied that “The Fear” of the “Global Clerical Sex Abuse Scandal” meant Pope Benedict XVI was afraid he would have to turn in his white pope dress for one of “The Secular World’s Orange Prison Jumpsuits.”

 

Criminal Conspirator

 

Times have changed.

 

It does not matter that Pope Benedict did not sexually abuse, molest and rape boys and girls around the world because he “protected” the men and women who did “commit the crime.”

 

In the Real World, a conspirator, who finances, supports and directs the criminal activities of his legion of lackeys is held accountable in a court of Law.

 

The Organized Crime Godfather or The War Criminal can go to prison or be executed.

 

The Pope’s White Dress “saved” him from a prison cell and a criminal conviction.

 

As a visual, living, breathing symbol of one of The World’s Oldest Traditional Religions and overall a symbol of ALL of The World’s Traditional Religions .

 

The Pope In Prison” is not a newspaper headline that global citizens were anxious to read or see.

 

Many people did not want to see “The Old Man Of Religion” as a mugshot online with a scheduled date to appear before “The World Court.”

 

Religious Radiation ; Political Fallout

 

Legal documents had been filed.

 

It was obvious to some people in The Real World that Pope Benedict XVI had become “John The Baptist Of Clerical Sexual Abuse Worldwide.”

 

The pope made his “I Quit” announcement.

 

Press releases state the pope had requested “Immunity” from The President Of Italy.

 

The Vatican lost “No Time” in reclassification of the Pope as “Emeritus Pope” and rushing him into “Exile” in a maximum security “castle.”

 

Meanwhile, The Vatican waged “The Politically Correct Propaganda Campaign For The Hearts And Minds Of The Religiously Addicted Worldwide.”

 

Master Showman – Pope Enron

 

To Redeem The World’s Kingdoms Of Enron Religious Empires”, The Vatican and The Religious World needed another “sucker” to be pope.

 

The Next John The Baptist Wandering In The Wilderness And Howling At The Sun would have to be someone who could be a “Master Showman”, who would befuddled and bamboozle the critics and the world public at large.

 

Pope Francis I hits the ground running.

 

He talks. He talks a lot about The Poor. He talks about Nature. He talks about Mercy. He talks about Compassion. He talks about Peace.

 

Pope Francis I talks about anything and everything; it would seem, except Clerical Sexual Abuse Of Children By Pedophile Priests And Nasty Nookie Nuns.

 

Back To Business

 

Hallelujah ! The Religious World Is Saved.

 

Business As Usual continues in The Religious World.

 

Global Justice ignores Clerical Sexual Abuse Of Children Worldwide because The World’s Old Traditional Religions find it easier to “deny” the criminal acts,

 

The World’s Old Traditional Religions decide to toss out “sheckles of silver”, and offer “hot air apologizes to victims, their families and their lawyers” than to aggressively push for the “prosecution and conviction of religious criminals.”

 

Religious Research Revelations

 

February 2013, – the final two weeks – and the month of March 2013, I did numerous hours of research on Catholicism, the history of the popes, news releases on religion, research on Christianity, and research on Islam.

 

I grew up exposed to and “pestered by” Protestant religions in childhood and adult Life, so I didn’t really “waste” time on the Protestants, who really are just “spin offs” and “sequels” of Catholicism’s Jesus Christ Franchise.

 

I did not do very much research on Judaism because I went after “The Big J” to see if Jesus Christ really ever spoke out on child abuse.

 

After more than a month of research, notes and writing, I have decided: “The World’s Old Traditional Religions Are Stupid Superstitions “ that fail repeatedly The Common Sense Test Of Daily Life.”

 

As I get older I find less need for “Religion” and more need for “Spirituality” in my personal Life.

 

I define “Spirituality” as the daily belief that there is a Reason For Life – Life Is Meant To Be Lived. Morality and ethics of Spirituality means you decide how to relate with your fellow human beings.

 

My Personal Spirituality “believes” a Supreme Universal Entity exists The Entity knows I Live Life to the best of my ability and do my best to help my fellow man and woman, whenever it is humanly possible.

 

Sacrifice The Children

 

Life goes on.

 

The World’s Old Traditional Religions are all back on track.

 

The World’s Old Traditional Religions have their Religious Theater Companies and their Religious Theater Schedules back in business.

 

The Emeritus Pope remains in “Exile” and “hidden from the world.”

 

The Presiding Pope, a diplomatic head of state and an ‘absolute ruler’, still maintains The Church’s “prime global real estate”, has his “own” private bank and still “preaches” the fairy tales of a lazy, dead Middle Eastern Hippie confidence man as “The Good News Of Global Humanity.”

 

The Bombastic Brouhaha of 2013 quickly fades from the dignity of human rights and the protection of children to the age-old religious themes of “Sacrifice The Children.”

 

Abraham the hallowed revered Father Of Humanity was ready to “Sacrifice His Son” until the ram arrived.

 

The politically perverted story of “The Slaughter Of The Innocents” claims God Almighty and The Holy Spirit were The Mass Murderers Of The First Born Male Infants Of Pharaoh’s Ancient Egypt.

 

Historians debate the historical accuracy or the political propaganda that Herod Antipas “ordered” the slaughter of first born infant boys, who could have been the Jewish or Christian Messiah. Here again, religious people seem to have a fetish that suggests “The Sacrifice Of Children.”

 

The Most Famous Historical Sacrifice Of A Child is the biblical story of The Sacrifice Of An Adult Child.

 

Once again, God Almighty is the reputed Murderer because He demanded The Death Of His Own Son – the suspicious Jesus Christ.

 

What is the Universal Global Psychological Hangup that religious people have with the fetish that demands the “Sacrifice Of The Children ?”

 

Yesterday’s News:

Youth Sexual Abuse By Clergy

 

The World’s Best Con Games remain the most successful – Superstitious Religions For Profit.

 

I am grateful my mother, father and relatives never allowed me to be in the care of any brand of religious clergy.

 

I still remember the title of a religious song for children from my childhood: “Jesus Loves The Little Children.”

 

 

The Sexual Abuse Of Children By The World’s Old Traditional Religious Clergy seems to be “yesterday’s news.”

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

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April 5, 2013 at 7:57 PM

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The World Goes Stupid ! Editorial by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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Pope Francis I Mesmerizes Planet Earth

 

The World Goes Stupid

Rotated_THE CRUCIFIXION SCENE HOLY WEEK 2012 PHOTO BY SAMUEL E WARREN JR_EMAIL

 

Roman Crucifixion

In The Extreme

The Ancient Romans’ idea of Capital Punishment meant they executed enemies of the Empire by Crucifixion, thus the person was nailed to a wooden cross. If the person had really upset someone then the crucified person was nailed upside down on the cross to die.

 

When it seems a person’s life is turned “upside down”, then, it is hard to focus on the daily task at hand.

 

Pope Francis I’s simplistic lifestyle message has turned the global humanitarian philosophy of the world “upside down.” Time will tell if the approach works or simply rots in the sunlight. Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

The World has gone stupid.

 

 

The majority of the people on planet earth in a few short days have gone – stupid.

 

Pope Francis I steps up to a microphone and begins to speak.

 

Video footage reveal the smiling faces listen and nod.

 

He tells them what they want to hear.

 

In the course of his message, he tells them things they can only image and want to hear those words come out of someone’s mouth.

 

The world on a daily basis is an uphill battle.

 

The world’s trials and tribulations take their toll on every mortal soul.

 

The world’s economy is in the celestial toilet.

 

World leaders seem clueless at how to get the global economy up and running by restoring their own nation’s economies.

 

Foreign and domestic violence is always rampant, but the level of outright insanity of the individual violent acts, crimes and terrorists actions seems to be multiplying at an alarming rate.

 

The world’s religions preach their little messages of hope and a better life ahead to the deaf ears of the faithful and the rest of the citizens of the world.

 

The World is always crazy.

 

Now, The World has gone stupid.

 

Pope Francis I continues his message to the smiling faces, who absorb his words through the pores of their skin into their minds.

 

The Citizens Of The World are so hard up for a breather amidst the day-to-day insanity of Life that Pope Francis’ age-old Hippie economics message of the ancient world is like a hot shower that opens their skin’s pores and makes their souls feel renewed and “Reborn.”

 

Believers, non-believers, atheists, agnostics, Orthodox Christians, Jews, Christians, Muslims in speech footage of Saint Peter’s Square all seem “Mesmerized”by the simple words and the simple ideas of the sunlight through the leaves on to the ground of a young planet earth.

 

Browsing the Internet, you read messages, where people are rolling up their sleeves and ready to go to “Fist City” with other social media comment makers because, “The Pope ain’t Jesus Christ. The Pope can’t heal or cure nobody. The Pope can’t “Save” nobody.”

 

Religious propaganda has finally overwhelmed the world and people are beginning to drown in their own humility fantasies.

 

People seem ready to strip off their business suits and their blue collar uniforms, to slip on the sackcloth and ashes gowns and pick up the wooden walking staffs and stroll into the sheep pastures of antiquity in search of salvation and burning bushes.

 

Like lemmings to the sea, The Citizens Of The World seemed programmed to respond to “The One With Nature And All Men Are My Brothers”philosophy.

Like the children of the Pied Piper, Pope Francis I’s tantalizing notes is leading people skipping, dancing and laughing their way right out of the reality of the Real World into a lethargic limbo of willingly mindless submission.

 

Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Benito Mussolini,Ayatollah Khomeini, Saddam Hussein all got into people’s minds and programmed people using intense emotions, charismatic gestures and messages of hate to purse the selfish goals of the madman of the moment.

 

Madman Evangelist Jim Jones and David Koresh had the skills to mentally seduce people, but, neither had the “Propaganda Power” to persuade their flocks to journey the path of extinction, without resorting to violence.

 

Pope Francis I has trumped all the charismatic instigators of history by preaching love, mercy, and sacrifice to activate those quite,subtle human emotions to inspire the flock to move forward.

 

Perhaps, the pope is a good, humble man.

 

His message and public humility gestures have neutered the Common Sense of humanity at large and the majority of the Citizens Of The World seem to stand ready to do Pope Francis I’s bidding.

 

A single religious aristocratic absolute monarch of a city-state that is the smallest nation on earth has citizens and world leaders in the palm of his hand and everyone seems willing to follow his agenda.

 

Ironically, Pope Francis I has not commanded an army, navy, Marines, coast guard, reservists or an air force and he has conquered the world.

 

Telling people what they had hoped to hear has been the message that has robbed them of their Common Sense and made them sublime sheep, which wait for pontifical guidance to move forward in their Lives.

 

The world has been conquered without a single shot fired.

 

Words and gestures have disarmed critics and zombiefied humankind into puppets.

 

Perhaps, global selfless love will work.

 

However, I am a country boy, who worked in the woods, and nature’s reality of the physical laws remain survival of the species.

 

Saint Francis of Assisi may not have came face to face with to many cougars, coyotes and wolves wandering through his woods.

 

Yet, if The Citizens Of The World and world leaders wish to continue to be mesmerized into their state of pubescent children all I can do is watch.

 

Work – not wandering through the woods brings lasting change to Life.

 

I will make a pot of coffee.

 

Once this global hangover wears off you all will really need something strong to bring everyone back to the realistic sobriety of the Real World.

Sam

Sam,God,Satan New Year Proposal by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

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Book Two

Sam,

God,

Satan,

The

New Year

Proposal

TICK TOCK TRAVEL TIME_resized

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

God brought me to a Time and Space Dimension, outside the realm of The Real World.

 

God and Satan sometimes “Shoot The Breeze.”

 

Today, New Year’s Eve, God decided to select a human to attend the session.

 

It is obvious, that this brainstorming session is setting the stage for A New Year’s celebration unlike any other.

 

Satan did not like the location, so He teleported all of us to His penthouse in another dimension.

 

God in his white tuxedo seems to have a New Year’s Proposal in mind.

 

God crushes out his cigar butt in the ashtray and finishes off His brandy. He stands up.

 

Satan, Ole Buddy. You are just too serious. It is time to lighten up and party. I’m thinking a uniform change is in order,” teases God.

 

No !” Satan shrieks. “No ! I sense where you are going. The idea is not warranted and it certainly is not funny.’

 

God spread His legs into a Parade Rest stance and lifts up His head. A supreme ball of intense white light radiates from within His solar plexus.

 

Satan smirks, “His sense of humor will be the death of me one of these centuries.”

 

The rays of light cascade around God’s human form for a moment and then vanish.

 

Call me, ‘Goddess,” proclaims God, who now, stands embodied in the form of a tall, large redheaded woman in a floor-length eveining gown.

 

Satan shakes his head, “You just had to be a Momma’s Boy; didn’t you.”

 

An unseen force thrusts Satan back and He is on His knees on the floor staring up into a pillar of intense energetic blue light. “Alright. Alright. I get it.”

 

The light vanishes. Satan stands up in the stance that God had used. An intense orb of yellow, then, orange, then, blue light casts our rays around His body. “This isn’t funny,” he groans.

 

Satan drops to his knees and stretches out on the floor. The light radiates under Him against the floor for a moment and then vanishes.

 

A large, tall black woman lies on the floor in the place of Satan.

 

Goddess sashays over and looks down. “The process requires an intense amount of focused energy. If you don’t fight it; it is harmless. Poor Satan, all these centuries and sometimes He forgets to roll with the flow.

 

Satan slowly sits up. “Call Him, Santanna,” remarks God. God reaches down a hand.

 

A flustered Santanna rises to her feet. “i can do it. You and your silly little jokes and pranks.”

 

Goddess grins, “When I do it; it is jokes and pranks. When Satan does it, of course, it is procedure, rules, regulations, i.e., business.”

 

Why,” asks Santanna ?

 

In this dimension of Time And Space, we did The Universal Macho Male Bonding Exercise,” smiles God.

 

You guessed it, Santanna. Sam is a Momma’s Boy. In his Real World dimension, he can and does relate to a woman, whom he trusts, loves and respects. Santanna you are long overdue to feel some human emotion.”

 

Santanna looks down at the evening gown.

 

Goddess steps back and looks at Her evening gown. “Exquisite.”

 

She smiles at me. “Since I plucked this design out of your mind, Sam, you get to explain it.

 

Santanna moans, “Great. Time out for Fashion Week In The Mythic Zone.”

 

I know my terms won’t be fashion terms, but, I’ll try to explain the style and design. Goddess wear a full-length evening gown of satin blue.

 

The bodice is, essentially, a strapless bustier. It is an exaggerated M design to suggest the natural peaks and valleys of a woman’s breast.

 

The M provides two functions. First, it calls attention to the breasts. Second, it can provide a Public or a Privacy function.

 

If you wish to suggest, but not reveal, then, you choose the Superheroine Style that stiffly towers over the breasts and casts a shadow to conceal them.

 

Goddess wears “This is The Freedom Of The Press Style. “ The wearer has nothing to hide.

 

The large M cut design simply shields the breasts behind reinforced comfortable material. The design is suppose to gently lift the breasts and allow them to rest on a comfortable material shelf that feels as natural as if a woman is lifting up her own breasts.

 

To provide the support a woman’s breasts stand out like the prow of a ship. “The design to allow the breast to stick out forward is intentional. Men are men. Women are women. God purposely designed the bodies to be different.

 

The physique of a man’s body and the physique of a woman’s body should always be celebrated.

 

Under the breast is layers of cottonballs arranged to provide a cushion to allow the breasts to stick out forward and rest comfortably. It is the only idea I could come up with to replace an underwire. I’m sure someone in the industry can refine the design.

 

Santanna snickers, “We get it, Sam. You are a breast man.”

 

Goddesses frowns at Santanna.

 

I step out and gesture at the cup area of the evening gown. “If I knew more about synthetics, then, I might have been able to suggest a Kevlar, diamond, lycra or latex alloy or composition that would be sewn into the lining and really protect the breasts from injury.”

 

I point to the bodice. “The body of the garment is suppose to be comfortable because at a formal social fuction then you should look impressive and still be comfortable.”

 

My concern is the way the material is gathered together at the small of the back. I had hoped the overall design would allow for a more natural flow like how drapes hang straight down.”

 

It looks like some of the material may have been bunched and is creating an unnatural padding situation. Perhaps, a heavier weight of satin would provide the vertical flow, although sharkskin would probably be cheaper and maybe easier to work with.”

 

Regardless, I chose to embed two structural supports at the side of the garment to allow the bra section to remain suspended. When a woman puts her arm down to her side you do not see the support.

 

I believe with an evening gown a woman should have the matching gloves that extend half way up past the elbow.

 

I step to the back of Goddess. “The back is open to reveal the shoulder blades. I imagined this peaked V at the bottom of the bustier bodice, to allow the material to flow natually over the posterior.” I hunker down tto show how the material hangs down to the instep. “At least, the design rides to an inch or two above the instep.”

 

I look up and Santanna shakes Her head. “Sam, you really need to get out of the house more often.”

 

Goddess reaches down and help me to my feet. “Pay no attention, Sam. Some people and some entities are just wet blankets.”

 

Goddess winks and whispers. “I think you are on to something. You should sketch it out on paper and go from there.”

 

I shrug. “Basically, it was just a mental exercise. You see an actress at the Academy Awards on TV and you imagine designing her a more eye-catching andcomfotable gown.”

 

Santanna claps and steps forward. “I’m really going to be interested in how you explain this design.”

 

Like the previous evening gown, it draws attention to the woman’s breasts. It has the strapless M design.

 

The inverted W calls attention to without demanding attention. The red satin evening gown material flows down to full-length.

 

I etched in embroidery at the side seams of the bra to outline the front panel of the dress.

 

The gold embroidery suggests an Oriental flavor. I used oversized peal snaps at the seams to suggest a Western flavor.”

 

I open one of the snaps. “ The snaps work. They are in line from the armpit to the top of the hip. Two rows of three snaps are above the top of the hip to prevent the dress from accidentally coming apart in public.

 

This is my East Meets West Evening Gown.”

 

The front panel hangs down. The two inch wide Oriental design originates at the top of the hips from the bottom of the structural piping and flows down, along the bottom and up the other side.”

 

I step back and point at the thigh. “ The graduated slit of the evening gown allows the wearer seductive freedom of movement. Here, of course, Santanna has decided to go with black hose garters to Her nylons.”

 

Santanna steps forward thrust around Her shoulders and casts a seductive look over Her shoulder. “I have to hand it to you, preacher man, you really know how to design a comfortable evening gown.”

 

Then, Santanna winks, “You are going to have to pay attention to the shoes though. “

 

High heels may go with everything, but they are not always the comfortable footwear choice.”

 

I step back and look at Goddess and Santanna. “Thank you.”

 

For what,” smirks Santanna ?

 

It is always nice to see an image from your imagination in The Real World. . .or, at least, in a realistically virtual dimension.

 

Goddess smiles and steps back. She lifts up Her hair and it flows. She smiles into the ornate silver full-length mirror.

 

Roman women’s formal hairstyles were hard to beat. They did make every woman look like a goddess.” Goddesses’ hair finishes and a large silver ornamental comb appears at the back of the hairstyle.

 

Santanna smirks at Goddess. “The Punk Rocker, Spike and Mohawk look I take it are out for this evening gown.”

 

Fine.” Santanna firmly plants her feet on the floor and the scattered strands of hair rise to create a formal Korean hairstyle.

 

The large ornamental gold and jade dragon comb appears in the hair.

 

You know, professor, I think, I’m going to spend more time looking in on your mind.

 

I got a tall, busty, black bodybuilder physique out of your subconscious. The end result is I like how this dress hangs and swings on my body.”

 

Santanna don’t try to intimidate Sam. It is New Year’s Eve. We want to party. I think Sam is in the inner reflection mode.

 

Goddess gestures to me. I step up and take her hand. Santanna steps up and takes mine. “Relax, human. You ain’t my type.”

 

I step forward and the two buxom women in evening gowns stroll toward my front porch.

 

Goddess laughs. “Relax, Sam. You don’t have to worry about your neighbors. We are still doing the old spatial time displacement routine. We are at a level in your world, but we are still transparent.

 

Santanna staggers around on the heels and finally reaches the porch. Santanna takes off the heels and drops them on the porch.

 

The guests in the Real World look for the disembodied sound. Santanna smirks.

 


“Shoes, gentlemen. If we ever play this game again. We bring along a shoe designer.”

 

Santanna sits on a porch railing and begins to massage her feet. “My dogs hurt.”

 

Santanna roughly massages the bottoms of her feet. “Ouch,”

 

Santanna stands up and looks at the evening gown.

 

Well, if I have to be in this ridiculous skin wearing this ridiculous get up I really want to look like a woman. . .”

 

Santanna thrusts out her hip and places her hand on it. “Goddess is American 38G Cup,” Santanna proclaims and smiles.

 

Santanna’s breasts start to grow. “Santanna will be an American 40 G Cup,” Santanna proclaims.

 

Santanna swishes her hips and walks up behind me to breathe on my neck. Santanna whispers her best Mae West voice in my ear, “What do you think, big boy ?”

 

Goddess rises and walks forward. “Stand down, Santanna. If only the humans of earth could see The Ultimate Evil Of The Universe has gender issues. And, He, She still has trouble playing it off.”

 

Santanna nods. “Fine. Gender switch is an issue with me. Lilith will scatter my atoms across the universe if she sees me like this.”

 

God laughs. “You are immortal.”

 

And, Lilith is creative,”

 

God nods. I step forward and Pseudo Sam, the genetic golem, becomes a part of me.

 

I stand back in The Real World. I smell the food and notice the hunger in my stomach.

 

I sit down at the head of the table. Goddess stands to my right and places Her hand on my shoulder. Santanna stands to my left and places Her hand on my shoulder.

 

I express my Real World appetite. The Universal Energy flows in a circle inside me. I look at the porch railing in the distance and there is the momentary reflection of Goddess and Santanna standing by my side.

 

Once everyone finishes eating. The men move to an area to talk. The women sit at the table and talk. I step to the porch, look out into the night and light a cigarette,

 

I exhale the smoke.

 

Suddenly, my golem strolls toward the men.

 

Goddess, Santanna and I watch. “The TV is tuned to the New Year’s Eve countdown. The men are drinking tuba and the women are drinking wine.

 

Even without the spatial time dimension, I doubt anyone would notice us,” remarks Goddess,

 

Oh, no, Goddess. The way you look in that evening gown, you would definitely stand out, “I comment.

 

Goddess smiles. “This is New Year’s Eve. My wife is shopping somewhere in Paris for the evening and your wife, , ,” Goddess looks at Santanna.

 

She is at some party in Florence or Milan. She mentioned something about swinging by Greenwich Village or Haight Ashbury. I swear that goddess is lost without the 1960s.

 

We had better watch Lilith or She is going to gesture and re-create Woodstock right next to The Dome Of The Rock in The Holy Land,”

 

Goddess laughs. “Lilith isn’t the loose cannon, you think She is. You just get jealous whenever She negotiates a successful business deal that you overlooked. Bottom line, She has better control of her emotions than you do.”

 

Santanna leans against the porch railing and massages the bottom of Her feet, “I’m getting out of this ridiculous evening gown.”

 

You will do no such thing,” admonishes Goddess !

 

Relax,Satan ! Every millennium or so, we owe it to ourselves to do something unusual for New Year’s Eve. Who says we can’t put a little Halloween into New Year’s ?”

 

Santanna eases her right foot down on the porch, “I did like the feel of my tux.”

 

Goddess shakes her head. “You are not fooling anybody, Satan.”

 

While you have one presence here, I am aware that you are have your cloned presence suited up in a variety of tuxedos and dinner jackets and are in attendance at various New Year’s Eve Parties around the globe.”

 

Santanna grins. “The problem with being the Dark Half Of The Creator is I am the half, which means that you always know what I am up to.”

 

Goddess laughs. “Ah, the challenge of being a twin.”

 

Santanna slides off the railing and limps around in Her stocking feet. “With only a little time left until the New Year, I’m curious. If you aren’t going to pursue a career as a shoe designer in the New Year; do you have a direction?”

 

I nod. “Yes.”

 

Goddess smiles. “Speak your mind, Sam. Satan’s bark is often worse than His bite. He does have a talent for getting the right people to spread the word to enhance His “EVIL” reputation.”

 

Goddess smiles, “But, even with a reputation; sometimes you have to put your money where your mouth is. He usually comes up short on the follow through.”

 

Says you,” smirks Santanna.

 

Actually, I was going to give Satan credit for snakes, lawyers, Rap music, jocks and computer games,” I smile.

 

Goddess chuckles. Santanna bursts out in laughter and gestures. The porch lengthens and a round dining table with a lace table cloth appears.

 

Two bottles of champagne are in the silver chilled ice buckets standing by the table. A bucket of ice with tongs sits in the middle of the table.

 

Santanna grins at Goddess, “You might want to do your thing and slow time in The Real World. This sounds like fun.”

 

Goddess nods. I notice people in The Real World dimension, do seem to be moving slower.

 

We sit at the table. “I give you credit for snakes. A truly worthless lifeform that causes problems, spreads venom and kills numbers of people each year.”

 

Since the snake bite fatalities of a single incident don’t rank up there with bomb explosions; humanity at large doesn’t pay attention.”

 

Santanna nods. “They are worthless. I figured within a week, the slow-witted humans of old would have had them wiped out from the planet.

 

Of course, it only took one fool to look at a snake and decide it reminded him of a certain part of his anatomy.”

 

Santanna laughs. “There have always been stupid people in the world. But, for an ancient twit to look at an ugly snake and make that connection is the height of stupidity.

 

Of course, other slug-witted humans come along and the next thing you know, the nuisance creation genetic material is being plugged in as a symbol in stories and religious cults.”

 

Santanna hold up Her hand and the silver cigarette case appears. “Lawyers,” smirks Goddess. Santanna lights her cigarette and offers me one. I accept. I light the cigarette and exhale.

 

Lawyers,” I smile.

 

Granted. A lawyer does solve problems. The catch is when they solve a problem, often they are only setting things up to create more and bigger problems.

 

Humanity will never evolve to the point to where people can compromise, so, unfortunately, you will always need the occupation of a lawyer in humanity.”

 

Santanna grins, “Rap music is cuss words set to noise.”

 

I nod. “Simple. When it starts up, the promoters whine that once society rejected to rock and roll, jazz and other forms of music. No one wants to be guilty of stopping a valid art form, so suddenly you have rhythmic noise pulling down big bucks,” I decree.

 

Santanna leans across the table and looks me in the eye, “Jocks ?”

 

I lean across the table and look Santanna in the eye.

 

Pure Satanic Genius,” I grin.

 

The gladiators were true athletes, who used their brain and brawn to earn their freedom,” I point out. Santanna and Goddess nod.

 

I lean back in the chair and blow a smoke ring. “A jock is a man or woman, who never grows up. As a child, they are usually a bully or hang out with bullies.

 

They may make tons of money playing in public, but, they never really do anything for anyone other than themselves.

 

People buy into the whole silly fairy tale because it is suppose to be physical fitness.

 

Jocks are just supreme time wasters that drags along tons of people with them to waste their money and lives on primitive grunt and groan theatrics,” I explain.

 

Santanna laughs loudly and wipes at a tear in Her eye.

 

Goddess lights a cigarette. “Sam, why do you think Satan created computer games.”

 

I was yanking His chain,” I grin.

 

Computer games can be important to teach hand and eye coordination and to teach someone how to use a computer, the Internet and other tasks,” I explain.

 

A major downside of humanity is how quickly humanity can get addicted to something.

 

Whether a computer game is simple or complex, if the right person sits down in front of the screen, hours of their lives slip away wasted and unused.”

 

Everyone fights boredom. Computer games are a great way to fight it.”

 

When the entertainment becomes an obsession then it is a habit, which is an addiction, which is basically a way to waste large chunks of your life. Everything in moderation.” I smile.

 

Santanna laughs loudly. Goddess exhales smoke and grins. “I have a game for you.” Goddess winks. “If you were granted immortality and God status, what would you change ?”

 

World peace,” teases Santanna

 

I shake my head. “World Peace is a silly fantasy. No way to achieve it on an earth full of humans,” I retort.

 

Really,” inquires Santanna. “Do tell.”

 

God could wave His hand and walah, suddenly there would be Peace throughout the world.

 

Peace is boring. Everyone would deal with their happy, happy, joy,joy modes for a few hours, days, weeks, months. Humanity might even make it to a decade.”

 

Sooner or later, one person, a few people, or a group will get upset or disgruntled over something. Dissension Discontent, Disappointment, Discord. Disagreement.”

 

I shrug. “Whether it is one person, a few people or a group; once people don’t see eye to eye on an issue and they can’t reach an agreement, then, the stage is set for all that negative energy to grow and multiply.

 

World Peace is an unrealistic fantasy of humanity.”

 

Santanna lies back in the chair and points at Goddess. “If you did have immortality and God-like powers what would you do ?”

 

I smirk. “Grant my wife, immortality and God status.”

 

I inhale and exhale the smoke. “Then, I would convince Christy move to a distant planet in the universe. There we could try to enjoy our immortality.

 

Of course, once we got to the planet, we might give up the immortality to return to a mortal life. Life without end, never sounds as attractive in your senior years as it does in your youth.”

 

Santanna waves her cigarette. “Humanity. If you had to use your God powers for humanity what would you do ?

 

Honest,” I ask ?

 

Honest,” grins Santanna.

 

I look at Goddess. “I would thank God for the magnificent opportunity, but I would request not to be given The Power.”

 

Yeah, right,” smirks Santanna. “You have been offered The Power to be a God and you turn it down.”

 

I nod. “As a child, I was optimistic about humanity. I have lived in The Real World.

 

People don’t want to be “Holy.” People just want to live their lives.

 

People don’t even really care about “The Big Picture” issues of Life unless they think it will affect them.”

 

At Christmas, people go out of their way to help the homeless. Pick any day of the year before the Christmas season and people usually ignore or don’t think about the homeless.”

 

There are people, who can live their lives and still help others.”

 

You don’t know where to start,” grins Santanna ?

 

I wish I could be more optimistic about the human race,” I smile.

 

Unfortunately, in the Grand Scheme Of Gods, You, Satan have The Best Job. You get to put obstacles in front of people and challenge them to overcome them.”

 

I look at Goddess. “With all due respect, God has the worst job because He gives people the benefit of the doubt and tries to help them.

 

People usually only really drop to their knees to “worship”, during an extreme personal crisis. God always gets the short end of the stick.”

 

Santanna frowns. “You want my job ?”

 

No. It is obvious you, Satan, enjoy your job immensely.”

 

If I had The Power and could fly, teleport between dimensions, change the molecular structure of items just by thinking or wishing about them. . .obviously, all these aspects of The Power would be great to have.”

 

Imagine being a human with super hero powers. The catch is the universe expects you to use those powers to help your fellow humans.”

 

But, when you try to help one human, then, sometimes you cause problems for another human. It is a proverbial, endless loop cycle,”

 

The temptation, then, is to become just a selfish God intent on satisfying your own needs.

 

You can be human and be selfish; you don’t need God-like powers to be selfish,” I explain.

 

I shrug. “I want to live out my little,mortal Life and then go Permanent Change Of Station into The Afterlife.”

 

Goddess leans on the table and looks me in the eyes. “If you were offered The Power Of Creation And Immortality To Be A God; you would reject it ?”

 

I nod. “Yes.”

 

Where humanity is concerned. Evolution is a slow process. Earth is a classroom. People live and learn lessons. “

 

I doubt humanity will ever evolve anywhere near being “Holy” or a God-like status. It is too easy for humans to get sidetracked by trivial issues in The Real World.”

 

Santanna grins. “I have to hand it to you, human. It is rare, when I meet a human, who has actually examined their hopes and dreams.”

 

Goddess rises from the table and walks around the porch. Santanna watches.

 

Santanna looks around. “Retirement is nothing like you expected,” Santanna asks ?

 

Not in my wildest dreams,” I reply and open one of the cold bottles of rum.

 

Can I help,” offers Santanna ?

 

Probably not,” I grin.

 

Santanna snickers, “You’re still holding that Misawa Air Base thing against me; aren’t you ?”

 

I nod. “Until The Day Eternity Ends.”

 

Santanna shrugs. “Life is a slow pace in the country, huh ?”

 

I nod. “I’m not going to ask for your help, if that is what you are waiting for. I simply, don’t have any issues that require your level of expertise,” I smile.

 

Nothing,” whines Santanna ?

 

I sip the rum. “For the last year, it has been frustrated dealing with the electric company.

 

But, electric companies, internet service providers, cell phone companies, telephone companies, satellite companies – they are all alike. They give you ho-hum service and send you a huge bill each month.”

 

The electric company. Is that a request ?”

 

No. It is not a request,” I emphasize.

 

I understand the challenges the electric company faces. Weather, terrain, budget – I know all those issues play into the kind of service a company can provide. I get it.”

 

Nonetheless, every business in the world ends up with the dead weight employees, who get their game down pat. They don’t rock the boat and stay under the radar.

 

The dead weights go high enough to be comfortable, but, never high enough to be noticed. Then, they sit back and “Fat Cat” off the system. They collect a paycheck for the least amount of work possible.”

 

Santanna smiles, “You think one of the electric companies in Leyte has gone ‘Fat Cat’?”

 

I shrug. “As a human, I’m not impressed by their so-called service.”

 

I’m sure an Immortal, perhaps, a God, might have the opportunity to see behind the press releases.”

 

Santanna leans across the table and grins. “Are you sure this is not a request ?”

 

This is not a request,” I emphasize.

 

I am simply calling your attention to a matter that may have escape the attention of God and Satan.

 

I’m sure one of you or both of you might check out the matter when you have time on your schedule,” I explain.

 

Santanna sits up in the chair and sips Her liqueur, “Sam, do you think we will do any business in the coming year ?”

 

I shrug. “Anything is possible, I guess.” I reply.

 

Good enough,” grins Santanna.

 

Goddess returns and sits down at the table. “Remodeling ? Renovation ? What are you thinking,” asks Goddess ?

 

Inspiration,” I reply. “Once I am inspired I will move ahead with an idea.”

 

My wife, Christy is a pro-active person. She has an idea; she goes for it. My drawback is I stroll toward an idea. I don’t charge, head-first into it.

 

The last couple of years. I have tried to be a nice guy and be kind of laid back.”

 

In the New Year, I’m going to pursue the dream Christy and I want. I’m ready,” I proclaim.

 

Santanna holds up her hand and an open bottle of Benedictine brandy appears. A glass appears in her hand and She pours the liquid. “I like the irony.”

 

The story s that the Benedictine monks came up with the drink. The story isn’t true, but, it has been told so often that the brandy is associated with the monks,” Santanna teases and takes a swig.

 

A champagne flute appears in Goddess’ hand and She sips. “A few minutes until the New Year,”

 

A cold bottle of rum appears in my hand. I sip.

 

Goddess leans against me and whispers, “Remember, even in the tropics, there is a colds and flu season.”

 

Goddess steps forward and stands in front of me. She looks me in the eyes.

 

Your mother asks that I pass along her love,” smiles Goddess, who raises Her arms and an intense beam of light radiates from each palm into my body for about five minutes.

 

Santanna stands up and steps to the other side of the table. She uses her half-filled crystal glass to point at the TV screen. “The countdown to the New Year has started.”

 

I stand up. Goddess winks at me. “You will be okay.”

 

Everyone yells, “Happy New Year !”

 

I stand near the TV. Everyone is shouting, “Happy New Year !”

 

I embrace and kiss my wife, Christy.

 

I look up.

 

A cold shiver runs up my spine, I hear Santanna’s whispered smirk in my ear, “Go get ’em, country boy !”

 

A feeling of warmth causes me to turn and look at the porch entrance. The rest of the guests are laughing and talking and watching the TV coverage of the New Year being celebrated at the precise instant in various locations in the Philippines.

 

Santanna nods, smiles and fades into the dimension of Time and Space.

 

Goddess appears and smiles. “ Samuel, you are more ready than you realize for this year.”

 

I watch Goddess fade into the dimension of Time and Space and only a small dot of light remains.

 

Christy steps up to my side. “Look, a lightning bug.”

 

Happy New Year, honey.” I put my arm around her.

 

I watch the firefly flutter around past the banana plant.

 

The firefly flies further out into the yard into the night.

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Sam, God, Satan New Year’s Eve Analysis by Samuel E Warren Jr,

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Book One

Sam,

God,

Satan

New Year’s Eve Analysis

TICK TOCK TRAVEL TIME

 

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

I hold the hot cup of coffee.

I take a deep drag of the cigarette and stare into the dense jungle vegetation in front of me.

I step out on to the porch.

Two bright globes of light appear on the horizon and transform into two human figures.

 

The first man to step out of the light is handsome, in his mid-20s, sports the physique of a bodybuilder. His parted sandy hair and cleft chin makes him a stereotype for a Hollywood leading man of the 1940s.

 

He wears a white double breasted tuxedo jacket. A pink carnation is visible on the lapel. The tied white satin tie compliments the collar of the formal shirt. The ruby studs in gold glow in the distance.

 

His white tuxedo trousers display the stripe along the out seam. His glossy, shined white western boot footwear I am certain is a message that he shares my fondness for the footwear – pointed toe and all.

 

I am surprised to notice he is wearing a white evening waistcoat over the formal shirt. The style of his tuxedo jacket, there is no need for the vest, other than, perhaps, personal choice.

 

I watch the jangle of the gold watch chain and realize the vest has a smaller buttonhole for the end of the watch fob. The tradition of the unbuttoned bottom button is maintained.

 

His broad smile has already arrived ahead of him. He strides confidently through the jungle vegetation through the porch.

 

The second man is less enthusiastic about his visit.

 

Combed jet black hair frames a handsome face. He shares the youth of the mid-20s and the bodybuilder physique. His evening attire displays his precise convention for tradition.

 

He wears a midnight blue tuxedo. The tied black bow tie is a conservative size to compliment and not compete with the collar of the shirt. His determined walk reveals that the painted on formal shirt is being held in place by shirt garters attached to his dress socks.

 

The shirt displays traces of movement, but maintains the painted on appearance, which means he is wearing shirt garters attached to his dress socks.

 

The buttoned tuxedo jacket gives only a hint of the cumber bun. The responsive rise and fall of the tuxedo trousers suggest the man is wearing formal suspenders beneath his coat.

 

His precise attention to detail makes the tuxedo seem painted on. The black onyx in silver studs of the formal shirt matches the cuff links. The gold wristwatch is worn to impress.

 

The white satin handkerchief peaked in the breast pocket is no surprise. The single rosebud boutonniere swaddled in baby’s breath is pinned on the lapel, which has no buttonhole. The boutonniere is strategically placed to attract the eyes of the ladies.

 

The highly polished black western boots means he was told to wear boots. His dubious look ripples toward the porch.

 

I put out my hand to the first man. “Welcome, God.”

 

Hey, Sam. Happy New Year’s Eve.”

 

Thank you, sir.”

 

I put out my hand to the second man, who gestures it away with his formal walking stick. He takes a step and his boot slides into the mud.

 

Welcome, Satan,” I reply.

 

He scowls at me and steps up on the porch. “This was not my idea. God said I should come with Him. You know me, I’m not fond of mortals.”

 

Any friend of God’s is a friend of mine,” I smile.

 

I didn’t say I was a friend of God. He just told me I should come with Him,” elaborates Satan.

 

I’m honored and surprised you gentlemen would show up here for New Year’s Eve.”

 

I will be leaving later, I’m sure,” sneers Satan.

 

God laughs. “You will have to forgive Satan His rude manners. The holidays always gets Him down.”

 

Coffee, soda, water, can I get you something to drink,” I ask ?

 

We’re fine,” smiles God. He looks around at the decorations on the porch. Satan hunkers down, grumbles and wipes the mud off his boot.

 

God sits on the porch railing and looks at me. “This isn’t what you signed up for is it, Samuel ?”

 

No, sir,” I answer, in my yellow short sleeve barong and denim jeans. “I had a Beverly Hills mansion on the Leyte beach in mind. Of course, with the fickleness of nature, I would probably only live there about a week before the ocean would swop in and wash it out to sea.” I smile. “You have taught me Life is always changing.”

 

Satan looks up and glances around. “One place is as good as another.”

 

Satan looks at God, “The evening is young and I’m ready to party.”

 

Cool your jets,” orders God. “You don’t have a hot date. You don’t even have a plan for the evening. Your biggest decision all day was in the selection of your wardrobe. Can’t you just be among mortals without always having an agenda ?”

 

I don’t know,” replies Satan. “I really have never tried. You know me, I’m the King Of Soap Operas.”

 

‘Asawa, taste this,” implores Christy, who holds up the steaming table spoon. “Umm. Good.”

 

Does it need salt, she asks ?

 

No, honey. The shrimp fried rice tastes fine.” I smile.

 

You, okay. I noticed you have been standing there awhile just staring out into the jungle,” she asks ?

 

I’m fine. New Year is coming. I’m thinking. Always thinking about new story ideas. It is a writer thing.” I smile. Christy heads back into the kitchen.

 

Obviously, Christy does not see God and Satan.

 

Writers and storytellers understand the multiverse concept that allows you to stand on your porch in The Real World and converse with entities in another dimension.

 

If you’re doing “The Taste Tester” routine,” Satan snickers, “forget ‘The Boys Night Out’ because Momma ain’t going to give you a Kitchen Pass.”

 

God smiles and gestures. My genetic golem stares back at me holding a hot cup of coffee and a burning cigarette. “Understudy time,” chuckles God. “He will do the things you do and say the things you say because he is a shade version of you designed to operate on The Real World level.”

 

God grins at me. “Congratulations. You’ve just been upgraded. You are now at a different vibrational frequency. You can see them, but they can’t see you.”

 

Am I in trouble,” I ask ?

 

God laughs, “Of course not, Satan and I know that if there is any place on earth that we can just chill out and shoot the breeze, chew the fat and just talk, it is where you live.”

 

I visit some people and they freak out. Satan visits people and they usually really freak out. We visit you and you are respectful and courteous. You don’t have the traditional preconceived notions of God and Satan. You give us the benefit of the doubt.”

 

You are a strange mortal,” quips Satan.

 

God nods at me. “Sam you have never learned the meaning of the term, “hold back.” If a question comes to mind, then, you ask it. If a comment comes to mind, then, you say it. You have the same approach with mortals and deities; except with us entities you add the courtesy titles into your comments and responses.”

 

Satan frowns and throws up his arm. Walls rise. A shiny hardwood floor appears under my feet. Two black plush sofas are arranged in a semi circle around a coffee table. A wall-sized big screen TV is on the wall at the end of the room. A gaudy, glassy, chrome, silver industrial theme fills the room. An outer wall becomes vertical sheets of glass.

 

Satan steps to the end of the room and a bar rises up around him. God looks at Satan.

 

What,” smirks Satan ? He grins and sits a glass pitcher on the counter. “Want a martini ?” He looks at the labels of the gin and vermouth bottles that appear.

 

Sam, I know you want a martini. I make them really dry,” He smiles.

I’ll wait,” I reply.

 

Satan shrugs. “Suit yourself. You guys are wasting a good new year’s eve.”

 

God sits on a sofa. He reaches inside his dinner jacket and takes out a pack of cigarettes. He lights one.

 

I light a cigarette.

 

I’m curious, Sam,” He smiles.

 

Sir ?”

 

The previous year have you thought about it,” He asks ?

 

I nod. “Everyday.”

 

Talk to me,” He offers. “Christy and I came back to the Philippines to be with her family. Her mom wanted her to keep the family together. My mom always told me family was everything.”

 

And,” God asks ?

 

Families change,” I shrug. “Times change. Over time, I guess the whole concept of family has changed. Humanity supposedly is in the process of evolving. I don’t mean to be a pessimist; but, I’m not sure humanity is evolving. I;m beginning to think, humanity is like a gerbil on an exercise wheel. We run in place and tell ourselves we are moving up the rungs of the ladder.”

 

Satan places his bulbous glass pitcher of martinis on the silver antique serving tray. The filled ice bucket, tall bottle of green olives, and a cocktail toothpick container. He places the tall, inverted pyramid martini glass on the tray. Then the carries the tray to the coffee table.

 

He pours a mixed martini into the glass. He uses the silver ice bucket tongs to plop two ice cubes into the liquid. He thrusts a cocktail toothpick into two olives and drops them in the martini. He raises the glass and smirks. “I love my martinis shaken. . .like my humans.”

 

Satan gets comfortable on the end of the sofa across from me. He sips His martini. “Mortal, I have a question for you.”

 

Sir ?”

 

I have watched you through the years. When God enters someone’s presence they usually tremble, go all weak at the knees, They never look Him in the face, Often, they drop down with their face in the dirt and their butts sticking up in the air, They start all their shrieking, groaning, crying, moaning, pleading, begging and theatrics. I enter the presence of humans and it is basically the same reaction plus I sense centuries of fear pouring from the pores of their bodies. “

 

God smiles at me, while Satan pauses in his narrative to sip His martini.

 

God enters your presence. I enter your presence. You do not act like the majority of the mortals. You look us in the eye. You offer us your hand. And, you welcome us. Why is that ?”

 

Respect, sir. I respect God. I respect You, Satan.”

 

Satan frowns. “Why don’t you tremble in Fear ?”

 

I smile. “With all due respect, sir, Daddy is a Texan. Momma is a Hillbilly. I was taught to respect people, not to fear them.”

 

God burst out in laughter. Satan scowls at me.

 

With all due respect, sir, the old prophets got it wrong. They preached “The Fear Of God.” You do not Love someone you Fear. Why would you want to Love someone you Fear ? Love and Respect should always be one and the same If you Respect, understand and admire someone, then, you should be capable of giving Love to that person or entity. If you have to Fear a person or entity then the person is not worth knowing and the entity is not worth worship.”

 

Satan shifts on the sofa and leans forward to look me in the eye.

 

You do not fear, me ?”

 

As a child, sir, I was taught to Fear You. The Global Mindset is You Fear Satan. As an older adult, I am Leery of you. You have your own agenda. I doubt it is in my best interest. However, while the World credits You with complete Evil, I realize an important scientific principle that if You were the complete entity of negative energy that You are suppose to be, then, You could not exist because that much negative energy would destroy itself. Your ultimate success would be your oblivion.”

God laughs loudly. “For the scientifically-challenged, Satan, Sam, is saying if your bark was really as bad as your bite, your own rabies would of killed you centuries ago.”

 

Satan whirls around and his face flashes anger to God. “I get it !”

 

He scowls back at me, “You should Fear me, mortal. A mere thought and your molecules are in the wind. You cease to exist”

 

I nod. “With respect, sir. You do not have to threaten me to destroy me. A mere thought and I am no more. If you have decided to destroy me, then, no amount of pleading, begging, protestations, oaths, prayers, whining, crying, groping, lying on the ground or crawling around on the ground will save me. Let us forget the Soap Opera theatrics and cut to the chase.”

 

Satan frowns, sips his martini. He eats his olives and sips His martini once more. He sits the glass on the coffee table. He unbuttons His tuxedo jacket, and leans back on the sofa with a smirk.

 

Sam, you are one arrogant human. The only reason I can appreciate, and even tolerate such mortal arrogance, is because it has been eons since I met a human, who did not cringe in fear the instant that I materialized in their presence.”

 

Satan removes His slender silver cigarette case from inside His jacket pocket. He takes a cigarette and offers me one. I take a cigarette. He takes the lighter from his pants pocket and lights His cigarette. He hands me the lighter. I light my cigarette and hand Him back His lighter that He places by His cigarette case.

 

He points His lit cigarette at me. “This is what I mean. A simple gesture. I offer you a cigarette and you accept. You have any idea through the ages, how many times I have offered a human a cigarette and they have turned me down ? The Fear of humans, their paranoia, their insecurity that is what enslaves people. They are prisoners of their own mind.

 

Granted, I always have my own agenda. Nonetheless, even Satan is capable of protocol, civility and manners. Anyone who is aware of my reputation realizes I don’t need a cigarette lighter to burst someone into flames. Nor, do I need Freon or Liquid Nitrogen to chill them into oblivion.” Satan smiles.

 

Satan,” God interrupts. “You were the One who said He didn’t want to talk religion, spirituality or business tonight.”

True,” Satan remarks. “I seldom find a ‘thinking mortal” to talk to. Most humans just regurgitate what has been preached at them since Day One their Lives began. This human actually tries to form thoughts to think for himself. It is rare to find a human that tries to use the brain God gives a human.”

 

I shrug. “I am, who I am, sir.”

 

God rises and crushes out his cigarette in the huge glass astray on the coffee table. In an instant, the ashes disappears and the glass sparkles once more. “You, gentlemen, talk.”

 

God steps back and unbuttons His white tuxedo. “Since Satan tends to like ritzy penthouses, I imagine this establishment,is at the very least, below us a five star hotel, which means there is a complete catering staff. Translation. I’m going to find a menu and call, Room Service. Can I order anyone else anything ?”

 

Satan turns and points at the back wall to the bar. “There is a menu on the counter.”

 

Satan pours himself another martini and offers me one. “No, thank you. I would appreciate some coffee, when it is convenient”

 

A silver serving tray of a hot pot of coffee, a creamer and a sugar bowl appear. Six plain white china coffee cups appear on their saucers. I pour a fresh cup of hot coffee. Satan settles back on the sofa with His fresh martini. He sips.

 

I take it, you do not believe the traditional human, global views of Satan.”

 

No, sir. The ideas are silly.” Satan laughs. “Please, explain. I am anxious to hear this,” He leans forward and lights a cigarette.

 

I light a cigarette. “First, sir. The old prophets meant well, but they tried to stack the deck in God’s favor. You are suppose to be God’s arch enemy. The old prophets claim that you are a fallen archangel. That can not be. An archangel, even the senior most ranking archangel of Heaven, would never have The Power to triumph over God. They stacked the deck in God’s favor.

 

Satan smirks. “You don’t think I could defeat God ?”

 

I smile. “What I believe is irrelevant. In order for You to be the Supreme Threat to God, You would have to be an entity, who shares the ability to acquire and use The Power Of The Universe. I have no doubt that You, sir, are more than capable.”

 

Then, why haven’t I,” teases Satan ?

 

Why would You ?” Satan smiles and leans forward to look me in the eye. “What would you have to gain ? Triumph. Victory. You win. Then, the work of rebuilding begins. You would have to institute some type of government and create a framework for the various segments of humanity. With all due respect, sir, Your area of expertise is negative energy; not positive energy. Even in Chaos there needs to be a level of Order or the anarchy and destruction becomes an endless loop of creation and destruction.”

 

Satan smiles widely and sips His martini. He leans back against the sofa and stretches out his arms. “You have it all figured out,” He asks ?

 

I shrug. “I have figured out what I needed to understand for my Life to make sense. An Eternal War is not only insane, but, silly because nothing would ever be achieved. The violence, pain and suffering would be never-ending. A Constant State Of War is Complete And Total Chaos because the process of creation and destruction is never-ending. It is a cycle with no beginning and no end. War. All War has to end, otherwise, War has no meaning and Peace has no meaning.”

 

Satan grins broadly. He stands up and removes His tuxedo jacket. He lies it on the back of the sofa and sits back down. He crouches over the coffee table. I sip my coffee.

 

I am intrigued, mortal. You reject that I am a senior-ranking archangel. You reject that I am the Ultimate Military Commander Of All The Evil Forces In The Universe. I sense you respect, but, don’t buy into the whole “Aristocratic” view, so you won’t be impressed by my titles of “Prince Of Darkness” and “Lord Of The Underworld.” Tell me, then, what or who do you think I am ?”

 

For the record, sir, you want me to express my ‘honest opinion’ and you will hear it out before you react ?”

 

Satan smirks. “Okay. I’ll let you have your say before I get upset and turn you to ash on the sofa.”

 

What or Who do you think I am ?”

 

I sip my coffee and sit the cup on the saucer.

With all due respect, sir, I believe, You are The Dark Side Of God.”

 

Satan grins and leans back on the sofa. “How did you arrive at that conclusion ?”

 

I lean across the coffee table. “The Ancient Art Of Common Sense, sir. Humanity states One God is the Ultimate Force Of Time, Space And Creation In The Universe. Humanity ignores the Duality Factor. One of Anything Can Always Be Divided Into Two. A Half Is Always A Part Of A Whole. Therefore, for God to be One, He also has to have a Duality within. To be Holy, all of the positive energy of God would have had to encounter all of the negative energy within God – His Dark Side.”

 

Satan grins. “And, walah ? God creates Satan.”

 

I smile. “I am a writer, sir. I would bring the story on down.”

 

Satan leans forward and smiles. “Then, by all means, please, do.”

 

God The Entity would have realized that He would have to ‘cast out” the negative energy. Thus, at the instant of Creation, God became positive and Satan became negative.”

 

And, The Eternal War Of Good And Evil Rages For All Eternity,” trumps Satan raising his glass and finishing off his martini. He sits the glass on the table.

 

You ain’t buying the old Good versus Evil routine; are you,” asks Satan ?

 

With respect, sir. No. You and God are Victims Of Your Own Success. Sodom and Gomorrah are prime examples. As the Supreme Positive Intellectual Energy Of The Universe there was no need for God to destroy the two cities. A gesture and the complete infrastructure of the cities would of changed. The government, the society everything within the walls would of changed and God could of simply Rained Down Thornless Roses on the population. People would have been dancing and singing in the streets.”

 

Freewill,” retorts Satan !

 

With respect, sir. Freewill is a cop-out. The lamest excuse of humanity. Freewill is mankind’s excuse to put God and Satan on the bench for all of humanity. Freewill is mankind’s excuse to justify stupid decisions and allow people to get away without accepting responsibility.

Freewill is a crock. Freewill is still a choice. A choice always comes with responsibility. Freewill is cowardice impersonating courage.

 

Freedom means a person makes a choice and realizes they have to accept the responsibility that comes with the choice.

 

Freewill is for fools. The world is full of fools.

 

God had the Freedom Of Choice to decide how to deal with Sodom and Gomorrah Had He choose to change all the minds of all the citizens into a positive frame of mind, He would of maintained “The Holy Perfection Concept.”

 

Satan laughs. “You believe because God went all Good Ole’ Boy on Sodom and Gomorrah, He destroyed His credibility and integrity ?”

 

No, sir. When God went “postal”, He proved that even God understands Revenge, Payback, Vengeance, and “Setting The Record Straight.” Plus, He gave the Dumb Dumb Doomsday Prophets Of Planet Earth Their Best Doom And Gloom Story. Every pessimistic prophet who comes along simply takes the Sodom and Gomorrah story to the extreme for the latest version of Armageddon, Apocalypse, The Four Horsemen, The Rapture, and any other end of the world tale they wish to tell.”

 

The glitch God made was that His decision to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah meant that He was capable of violence, which is almost always considered a negative act.

 

How could A Pure, Supreme, Perfect, Holy God Of The Universe carry out a negative act ?

 

Satan laughs, “You are on a roll, professor. Please, answer your own question.”

 

He could not, sir. Based on the strictest definitions of the words involved, there is no loophole that would apply. There can be only one explanation. For all the supreme positive perfection, at least, an iota of negative energy had to remain for God to be able to understand and relate to His negative side.

 

Satan laughs. He unbuttons his shirt collar and pours a fresh martini. He plops the ice and the olives in the glass. He grabs up the glass and crouches over the coffee table to look me in the eyes.

 

Hallelujah ! Preacher ! Bring it on home,” teases Satan. “Of course, in the New Testament, God has become more laid back. Your explanation will have to take that into account, reverend.”

 

I pick up my coffee cup and finish it and sit the empty cup on the saucer. I smile and sit back on the sofa. “I am a mere mortal.”

 

Satan laughs and shakes his head. “I’m not letting you off the hook that easy. I want to hear the rest of this story.”

 

I point at Satan’s cigarette case and he offers me one. With a lit cigarette, I exhale the smoke and smile.

 

If God has an iota of negative energy, sir.”

 

Satan leans across the coffee table. “Have I ever mentioned I do not appreciate writers who keep their readers in suspense ?”

 

No, sir.” I smile. “If God has an iota of negative energy, then, sir, You must have an iota of positive energy.”

 

Satan spills his drink on the table. He sits down the glass and rises. He walks behind the sofa. He frowns. He thrusts a finger into His chest.

 

Me ! The Supreme King Of Negativity ! Lord Of The Underworld ! The Oldest Evil The World Has Ever Known ! I ! You see that I have. . .an iota. . .of positive energy flowing through my Immortal Veins !

 

Satan turns, thrusts out His arm, opens His hand and a wide corridor of flame sprays forward. The floor length drapes over the monolithic vertical windows are incinerated in an instant. Then, a blast of cold air from his palm freezes and whisk away the ashes. He smirks. “I really did like those drapes.”

 

He puts His hands on His hips and scowls at me. “I am The Bad Guy !”

 

Yes, sir. I did not mean to offend or infer anything else,” I explain.

 

Satan sits back down and sips His martini. He puts the olives between His teeth and gnashes down.

 

In Your world view, God is the positive energy. I am the negative energy. Since you reject the traditional view of your fellow humans in my role. What is the role You cast for Me ?”

You are, sir, The Businessman. You realize humans don’t get out of bed, in the morning, without a reason. You gave them a reason; they work or they starve to death. No one likes the feeling of hunger.

 

Satan laughs. “You see me as a businessman.”

 

The Businessman, sir. The world is and always has been full of insane evil. Horrific acts that are executed without any logic or rationale. You can attribute the insane evil to demons, denizens of Hell or just really sick humans, who have their own warped worldview.

 

Evil or Negative Acts With A Universal Purpose, I attribute to You, sir. If you were simply interested in violence, then, Chaos would be never-ending. Your Evil always serves a purpose. You are not the type of impulsive entity that waste time, energy and effort to satisfy a short-term gratification.”

 

Satan rises and brushes the lint of His tuxedo pants. He looks at me and smiles.

 

Samuel. You are dangerous. You think for yourself. You don’t ‘conform to the norm’ unless you have a reason. Right or wrong, you choose to use the brain God gave you.”

 

God strolls back into the penthouse, wearing a white buttoned single breasted tuxedo with his matching western boots. Satan snickers. “You ran into your wife, I can tell by the wardrobe change. She didn’t like what you was wearing.”

 

God smirks and steps aside. A large rectangular table appears. The pristine silver serving trays in the center contains a cornucopia of various and delicious delicacies. “Supper time,” smiles God, seating Himself at the head of the table. Satan sits to God’s right. I sit on God’s left.

 

It all looks delicious,” I remark. “But, Christy is cooking supper.”

 

God nods. “Understood, Sam. You will have an appetite in that dimension. Here, you need to eat to keep up your strength. Let’s bypass the science lesson and go straight to the aesthetics and philosophy. Think of the food on this table as ‘Food For Thought’ and ‘Food For The Imagination” and “Food For The Soul.”

 

Angelic waiters and waitresses, in their uniforms appear, and begin to place plates of food, in front of us. “Bon Ape-tit,” chimes God.

 

Satan smiles. “God, your mortal, Samuel, here, has some real interesting ideas about religion, humanity and your lifeforms on planet earth.”

 

God nods. “I am completely aware of Sam’s ideas.”

 

God smiles at me and looks at Satan. “You know as well as I anytime we are on earth, we are usually expected to play by the old ideas, rules, concepts and mythologies. When I get bored, I swing by Sam’s dorm room, barracks room or house.”

 

Satan smirks. “All these years and you haven’t been able to change His Freewill ?”

 

God grins at Satan. “He is a human, who has the Freedom Of Choice.”

 

God dabs the napkin at the corner of His mouth. “Satan, why would you complain ? He gave you a Portfolio Personality. He attributes Method To Your Madness. Most people just view you as a global infection of insanity that sweeps humanity.”

 

Satan nods. “My style usually doesn’t go unnoticed and therefore unappreciated.”

 

Satan sit back in the chair. “He is humanizing us.”

 

Don’t be silly,” God remarks. “Sam explains us in human form, but, we retain all our powers.”

 

God looks at me. “Forgive, my manners, Sam. I am putting words in your mouth.”

 

It is fine, sir. What you said is true. Humanity fears what it can not or will not try to understand. When God or Satan is thought of as a universal mist in an unreachable dimension, then, people, when they do worship, only worship out of fear and not respect.”

 

Ah,” smirks Satan. “You wish to bring back The Old Pagan Gods And Goddesses ?”

 

I finish chewing my bite of food and smile up at Satan. “Not without, a shave, a haircut, and a complete entourage of human professionals to assist them in everything from fashion to child-rearing.”

 

Satan frowns. “Why do you find the Old Gods and Goddesses so interesting ?”

 

I dab the napkin to my lips. “They were engaged. They were on the ground, They were in country. They worked with their citizens. They inspired their citizens. They gave their citizens faith, hope, inspiration, purpose, ambition, drive and the initiative to work for better lives in The Real World and beyond.”

 

Satan shrugs. “Modern religion does the same.”

 

God laughs and smiles at Satan. “You have opened a can of worms.”

 

With all due respect, sir, No. The One God deity is a couch potato watching the wide screen TV of the universe. The Soap Opera lives of humans are in a distant dimension. Humanity is a never-ending Reality TV broadcast that God allows because if He ever clicks off the remote.”

 

Well,” asks Satan ? I dab the napkin to my mouth.

 

God would simply have to begin The Creation Process Of Earth or an Earth-like planet all over again. You both like to watch the humans. Humans love to live. Earth allows the humans the opportunity to try and relate to and identify with The Creator.”

 

God scoots back his chair and rises from the table. He reaches inside His tuxedo jacket and takes out a cigar. He smiles at Satan and uses the cigar cutter to nip off the end.

 

Relax. Your wife went with my wife. They are doing the New Year’s Eve party circuit,” smiles God.

 

Satan frowns as God lights his cigar and puts the lighter back in His pocket. God blows at the embers in the cigar. “Satan, You keep frowning like that and you will have all kinds of wrinkles on your horns.”

 

I rise from the table and God offers me a cigar that I accept and light. We retire back to the living room.

 

Satan approaches with a cigar and snaps his fingers to light it. “Centuries Of Immortality and The Lord Of Darkness is still doing kid’s party tricks.”

 

Satan smirks. “If you got it; flaunt it.”

God blows a smoke ring. “Incidentally, Lilith said to remind you to behave.”

 

Right,” sneers Satan. “Like she is going to go out tonight and be so responsible. “ Satan puffs on his cigar and looks at the images passing on the TV.

 

He gestures with His cigar. “If we are going to do The Real World New Year’s Eve Party, we probably should get back to that dimension.

 

No rush,” smiles God. “There is plenty of time. We have put the old year to bed.”

 

God grins, “Now, let’s move forward with our plans to welcome in the New Year.”

 

Could we, maybe, speed it up to have the celebration sometime this century,” smirks Satan ?

 

Relax, Satan,” God remarks. A gold pocket watch appears in his hand. He opens it and shows us the hands point to nine pm.

 

I have this Time thing down to a fine art and science,” smiles God.

 

Satan looks at me.

 

If God said there is plenty of time; who am I to question God,” I smile.

TICK TOCK TRAVEL TIME THUMBNAIL

Sam

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Flip Flop Pitchers’ Contest Photos by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

with one comment

 

 

2005-04-09_00008_resized

 

Flip Flop Pitchers’ Contest

Elyza Tanahale dashes to claim her “Flip Flop.” Ranyiel Saldana, Elyza’s cousin watches in the background and awaits his turn.

Children have a knack for finding a way to entertain themselves. When Elyza, her brothers, sisters and cousins got together New Year’s Day in Barangay Baras, Leyte in the Republic of the Philippines, they found a way to entertain themselves.

“Flip Flop” is the nickname given to sandal footwear in the Philippines. Many of the “flip flops” that children and adults wear are the basic “shower clogs” that Americans wear getting into and out of the shower.

 

My Cousin, Bill DeLong, had a reputation in the DeLong Family of being a champion horseshoe pitcher.

 

My Filipino and Filipina, nephews and nieces “flip flop” pitching is basically the idea of horseshoe pitching, which is a popular past time sport in the United States. Instead of stakes, my nephews and nieces placed an empty tin can several yards away from the starting point.

Nikon Photos by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

2005-04-09_00009_resized

 

 

 

Links

National Horseshoe Pitchers’ Association of America

http://www.horseshoepitching.com/

 

Horseshoes Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseshoes

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Welcome to 2013 by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

with 2 comments

New Year’s Eve Party sings the year in in style

 

Welcome to 2013 !

CHRISTY WARREN AND LENEIL SALDANA SIT DOWN TO DINNER_resized

Silent Supper

 

Christy Warren and Leneil Sadana sit down to a silent New Year’s Eve supper. Mano Bito, in the background of the snapshot, watches TV news coverage of the countdown to 2013. After I take this snapshot, I take a plate and sit down to supper.

The conversation is sparse. We all wonder if Ranilo Saldana’s classmates will attend the New Year’s Eve Party. Snapshot by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

 

Supreme.

 

I rate Ranilo Saldana’s New Year’s Eve Party,”Supreme.”

 

Ranilo Saldana had the idea for a New Year’s Eve Party to welcome in the new year. “Aunt Christy” Warren liked the idea as well.

 

Even before Christmas was over, they discussed ideas and started small tasks. December 26, 2012, Aunt Christy was already, “swabbing the deck.” She had water and a mop and was mopping over the porch floor.

 

The furniture seemed to take on a life of it’s own. The final days of December 2012, the bamboo chairs, coffee tables and end tables kept moving around the porch in the morning, in the afternoon and in the evenings.

 

By December 30, 2012, it was mentioned that in rural Leyte people stay around home on New Year’s Eve. The classmates might not show up for the party.

 

The Whole Hog Concept Of Partying

 

Nonetheless – New Year’s is New Year’s. In the United States, the day embodies the hope and optimism of the coming year. Thus, you gear up to welcome the new year. As we say,in the Ozarks, “You go whole hog.”

 

The “whole hog” times of life means you set aside conservative thoughts and go liberal. You pull out all the stops and do what you want to do. Common sense, of course, reminds you that you are not going to do something that will hurt you or others. Common sense, further reminds you, not to spend your last centavo on a celebration or party because you will want to be able to eat again tomorrow.

 

Overall, the”whole hog”concept as it relates to a party means you will do what it takes to have fun for you and your friends without you going broke or doing something that will put you behind bars for breaking the law.

 

Christy and Ranilo set up the karaoke arrangement of the TV, DVD player, speakers and the temperamental microphone. Mano Bito cut the bamboo limbs to use as decorations. The disco ball was in place.

 

New Year’s Eve evening the only thing missing was the guests.

 

Christy Warren and Leneil Saldana had been busy in the kitchen and the table had been set.

 

Would the guests show ?

 

While I wait for the guests to arrive, I jot down a note to outline men’s fashion issues in my New Year’s Eve article for my readers. The article within the article would address the barong and business suits. The article would point out my successes with these styles of attire.

 

My Business Barong

 

I put aside my T-shirt and walking shorts and went with denim jeans and a yellow barong. A barong, is a formal shirt in the Republic of the Philippines.

 

The holiday significance of the evening tempted me to consider wearing my military mess dress uniform. However, since the guests were suppose to be teenagers; I didn’t want to walk in and “Freak Them Out.” A duty military uniform can make some adults uncomfortable just walking past you on a sidewalk in the United States.

 

I decided the chevron and the medals would of probably made the young guests feel like they were in a military recruiter’s office and I would leave recruitment to the professionals, who get paid to do the job.

 

The barong has all the prestige of a tuxedo and the formal appeal of a white dinner jacket with slacks or a white sport coat with slacks. The message is simple: “This is a social function, but my professional attire means I am willing to talk and do business.”

 

The beauty of the Philippines’ barong is it is a designed article of clothing that is conscious that weather can and does affect formal dress. The barong is always comfortable like a T-shirt or polo shirt.

 

Business suits and military mess dress uniforms are always impressive, sometimes stylish, but, seldom comfortable, especially if you are in a situation where you will be wearing the clothing for a long period of time.

 

The barong has the debonair and panache of a tuxedo and escaped associations with the leisure suit. Leisure suits were popular in the United States in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

 

Leisure Suit Lament

 

The Leisure Suit is basically a long shirt and slacks. Leisure suits are comfortable attire. On a temporary duty assignment to the Kingdom of Thailand, in Bangkok, I located a tailor, who was willing to try my designs and deliver my tailored leisure suits.

 

I designed seven. One for each day of the week. I looked at the bolts of cloth and choose a rainbow of colors. I had a light blue leisure suit and a dark navy blue leisure suit. I had a dark green leisure suit, but I did not choose red because there were no casual or formal functions that a red leisure suit would work at at that point in my life.

 

I kept the leisure suits and wore them out. Even after the “fad” passed, I kept the leisure suits because they were comfortable and functional. In essence, a leisure suit is really a combination of a barong and a matching pair of slacks.

 

In the tropics, the leisure suits were really a brilliant idea because they were comfortable and provide a bridge between casual walking shorts, jeans and business suits.

 

Unfortunately, negative publicity quickly made leisure suits obsolete. The Leisure Suit Larry computer game was hitting big in the United States about the same time that the fashion fad of leisure suits was gaining ground.

 

Leisure suits seemed to quickly disappear as a man’s fashion choice in the States and men were back to either denim jeans, sport coats and slacks or business suits.

 

Leisure suit-style uniforms can still be found as fashionable in some places in Asia and the tropics.

 

Common Fashion Sense

 

Women have no problem wearing colored pants; men sometimes have the “macho” mindset that men should not wear brightly, colored or loud pants. Women have always had “fashion sense”, which explains why the fashion businesses or the world concentrate on trying to impress a woman.

 

A man’s concept of “fashion sense” is “Barbarian Basic.” If the religious, political, moral, business and social ethics of the world would allow, a man would wander around the world, naked, or only wearing a towel or a pair of denim jeans.

 

Thank God for Mothers ! Thanks to mothers, a boy learns at an early age not to mix plaids and stripes to wear out in public. A loving mother does not let her little boy grow up without some “common fashion sense.”

Suddenly, the global publicity took a negative spin on leisure suits. The attire became yesterday’s news. People began to associate the clothing with grandfathers whose fashion sense seemed antiquated.

 

Coveralls’ Culpability

 

The people who didn’t like leisure suits would point to overweight men in polyester coveralls and snicker that the man looked like a guy in a leisure suit. Dumb comparison.

 

Coveralls are basically bathrobes with legs. Instead of a terry cloth bathrobe belt coveralls have a zipper or Velcro fly. Coveralls are important work uniforms. You slip on a pair of coveralls and you go out and feed hay to the cattle in winter. Those type of coveralls contain insulation to keep you warm.

 

Men’s coveralls really do not work for casual or formal dress functions because once a man gets past his 20s or 30s, then, the physical silhouette of his body changes and men usually look like they have a “Beer Belly.”

 

The skintight, form fitting polyester men’s coveralls of the 1970s unfortunately called attention to a man’s physical appearance. Any man on the planet past age 22 always “looked like an old sow about ready to drop a litter of pigs.”

 

God’s “Beer Belly “ Design For Men

 

When God designed Man, He knew Men had no need for a wider or larger pelvic girdle like women, so He didn’t add that design detail to a Man’s body. Thus.men need a belt or suspenders to hold their pants up.

 

With or without alcohol, over time a Man’s body ages and gravity pulls at the stomach. “The Middle Age Spread” for men means nature has lowered your stomach and around your hips your favorite belt is going to “fit” differently.

 

Look in the mirror. A young man puts on a belt and the buckle “Points Out At The World” and that image is reflected in the mirror.

 

A middle age man puts on a belt and the buckle “Points Down At The Ground” and that image is reflected in a full length dress mirror.

 

Readers, notice for yourself, that at a certain age men have “The Beer Belly Flaw.” Look at the pictures in newspapers and magazines, especially at the side views of men and you will notice that “the belly pushes the belt buckle down.”

 

No article of clothing really hides or melts away “The Beer Belly Flaw.” In pictures of Arab leaders you will notice that in their robes that age has elaborated and elongated their bellies as well.

 

Appearance conscious men realize that age does their physical appearance no favors and they try to work around “The Beer Belly Flaw” with a suspender option; it doesn’t work. Suspenders and overall galluses pull the pants up and actually make the beer belly more noticeable.

 

I don’t wear suspenders often because to me they are uncomfortable. In my case, they would always rub over and feel like a weight on my shoulders. Whether the suspenders were clip on or the button-hole type, I could never get the suspenders to adjust to my level of comfort.

 

Some men resort to girdles for physical appearance or health issues like a back injury. The health issue is an understandable concern. A girdle looks uncomfortable.

 

God has a sense of humor. He gave women the pain of childbirth to remind them as a mother that she has a responsibility to love and care for her child. Men did not get off “Scott Free”. God gave men “The Beer Belly” to remind them of their responsibility as a father to love and raise their child.

 

For nine to 10 months, God made it obvious that a woman is “Pregnant.” Forget the”Healthy Glow” and look at a woman’s body – the obvious physical appearance screams, “I’m Pregnant !”

 

God’s sense of humor is evident with Men because while a woman carries and gives birth to a child, God reminds the father and grandfather’s of their responsibility by giving them “The Beer Belly.” The sense of humor is: “Pregnancy lasts around ten months. Parental Responsibility lasts a lifetime.”

 

The vanity of physical appearance is a personal issue of a man. You can’t beat age, but, you can reach an acceptable compromise with common sense and some effort.

 

In my lifetime, I have never noticed or discovered an article of clothing that will remove the physical design of “The Beer Belly.” However, leisure suits do seem to make a man’s middle-age and senior citizen “bulk” less obvious.

 

Leisure Suits Conceal Beer Belly

 

The nice thing about fashion is if something in the past had many people that loved the clothing or the style then the item will return. The bad thing is bad fashion ideas come back also.

 

Leisure suits’ main trump card with men is they were comfortable. For dress or business, once, a man had his slacks on, all you had to do was slip on a clean, white, cotton athletic T-shirt over your body and then slip on and button up the leisure suit shirt.

 

Leisure suits’ secondary trump card is they were functional and fast. Business suits require matching shirts and matching ties to the color and style of the suit. For instance:You don’t wear a wide tide with narrow lapels.

 

Sam’s Style

Business Appearance

Rules For Men

 

In the Real World, in your lifetime you will, no doubt, have an event where you need to at least look like a business man or a business women. I was fortunate to have a mother, who from an early age noticed my appearance. If I crawled out of bed looking like a creature from the sewer, she would not letting me go out in public until I at least looked human.

 

Around 1973, I learned about “Gentlemen’s Quarterly” magazine. For years I bought monthly copies. Momma had taught me all of the basics of public and business dress. “GQ” pointed out style changes, fads and used the terms that a man would use in working with his tailor for a new business suit or tuxedo.

 

Thanks to Momma and GQ, whenever I don a business suit, I know I will be successful.

 

I am passing on these rules that I have used and hope they will benefit my readers. Keep in mind, “Everything changes.” so what worked a week ago; may not work today. Life is usually cyclical, which means at some point the 1940s hairstyle for women will be a fashion focus for a time for women.

 

A major point to remember in business dress is to “Dress Conservative.” Women would not wear a PVC,Spandex or Lycra dress to a business interview. Women know better.

 

Men should not wear a sport coat and basketball shorts to a business interview; but, someone usually has to tell a man because men don’t always listen when their mothers are trying to tell them not to go outside looking like a dork.

 

The Business Of Business Suits

 

Business shirts and dress shirts, means the neck size has to be comfortable for a man. If the buttoned collar is too tight, then, you unbutton the collar and find a tie stay or tie bar to slip under the necktie that will hold the collar down and give the collar the appearance of being buttoned.

 

Learn To Tie Your Tie

 

Business suits require neckties or bow ties. Clip on neckties and bow ties have to be manufacturer by fashion designers, who know how to make the tie seem natural when worn.

 

If you do not know how to tie a necktie or a bow tie: Learn. A badly tied necktie is a “Visual Eye Sore.”

 

Business Bow Ties

 

A bow tie can work with a man’s business suit and look professional. The secret is the man has to select the bow tie.

 

Before you buy the tie, look at your face in the mirror and hold up the bow tie. The bow tie calls attention to your neck and the area around your nose. If you look like an “Off Duty Clown”; choose another bow tie or select a necktie.

 

French Cuffs

 

Business suits require dress shirts that may have French cuffs. I love French cuffs on my business shirts. French cuffs require cuff links since there is “No Button” to hold the cuffs.

 

White Suits

 

Business suits require the right material. Forget “The Memorial Day White Sale Mentality” that says you never wear white until after Memorial Day. That idea disappeared around 1965 or 1966, when women started wearing white anytime of the year. Mark Twain loved his white suits. He must have had closets full. There are many pictures of Mark Twain in a white suit.

 

Men can wear white. Men can wear white business suits. Men who wear white business suits should be conscious of the style – because if you look like a “Bozo”, someone will smile and give you directions to the circus.

 

Business Suit Weather Considerations

 

Business suits rely on climate for comfort material choices. You do not wear a paper thin tropical business suit to Alaska, Russia, China, Korea, Missouri or any other cold climate in the dead of winter unless you want to rush out and buy a heavy parka. If you do business in states or countries with cold, winter climates then choose wool or a heavy fabric for your business sport coats and suits to remain attractive, comfortable and warm.

 

Salute To Sharkskin Suits

 

Sharkskin Suits” are the shiny business suits. I loved my sharkskin suits. When I found a tailor in the Kingdom of Thailand, while on a temporary duty assignment, I sketched out the design I wanted and ended up with two beautiful business suits, a shiny silver and a light blue shiny suit. I wore them out going to parties, instead of board rooms.

 

The sharkskin suits are beautiful material that plays with the lights. Entertainers love shark skin suits because they seem wired with electricity because light brings out the sheen of the material, even in a dark room.

 

Sharkskin business suits are beautiful and do work in a business setting, but, you have to match your accessories from your wrist watch down to your cuff links and your socks to make sure the accessories compliment and do not challenge or make the sharkskin suit seem gaudy or garish.

 

Sharkskin suits were popular business suits in the late 1970s and early to mid-80s. Unfortunately, the late 1970s to the mid-1980s was “The Era Of The American Televangelists”. Every two-bit con man with a Holy Bible and a buddy with a video camera started their own “Ministries” and empty your pockets for God scheme.

 

The televangelist became so associated with the sharkskin suits that it did not matter whether a minister was credible or a conman because the shiny suits got unjustly associated with the “crooked preachers” of the era and the suits went into storage.

 

Business Suits Genius Of Style

 

Business suits usually require accessories. The overall business suit design for a man or a woman is a pure work of genius because the suit gives an overall uniform appearance to people committed to being, acting and dressing in a professional manner.

 

Women have the option to choose a skirt or slacks to go with their business suit attire. Women have learned since they were little girls how to “accessorize.”

 

The Breast Pocket Handkerchief

 

Men need to learn to pay attention to the accessories they choose to compliment there business suits. In the early 21st century, men are still “ignoring” the breast pocket of the business suit.

 

For the record, guys: A handkerchief goes in the exterior breast pocket of a business suit. The handkerchief is functional because it can be removed to wipe sweat from your brow in an emergency. It is wiser to carry a clean, folded, white cotton handkerchief in a rear pants pocket.

 

The breast pocket handkerchief is an important accessory. The presence on the business suit states, “I Pay Attention To Detail.” In the good old days of business suits, breast pocket handkerchiefs came boxed with a matching necktie.

 

Always Carry A Handkerchief.”

 

Gentlemen, if you ignored your mother; listen to me, “Always carry a handkerchief.” The second handkerchief is the most important and should always been in a rear pants pocket or an inside breast pocket of a suit. It can be used to wipe sweat off your forehead, take care of tears or sneezing. And, any one of a bazillion situations that come up from a wound dressing to waving down a taxi; you can use a white handkerchief for.

 

Business suit accessories include your watch and your rings. Silver, gold, black or brown leather watchbands are business staples. Pay attention to the rings you wear with your business suit. Pay attention to the socks you wear with your business suit.

 

Slip On The Shoes

 

Shoes are important with the business suit, They should be stylish and comfortable. If you wear basketball sneakers with your business suit, I would hope the company calls building security and either has you escorted off the premises or transported to the nearest mental institution. Basketball shoes are for the basketball court; never for the world of business.

 

Boots ? If someone is from a western or southern state of the United States or some part of the world where the boots are normal footwear, then, they should be accepted as business footwear. The key is to go with the traditional colors of black and brown to compliment and not overwhelm the suit.

 

Hat Headliners

 

Hats ? Hats have style. Hats are functional because they keep the sun out of your eyes, keep the rain off your head, hold your hair back and in cold climates a hat helps to retain some of your body heat. Fedoras were popular business hats of the 1940s through 1960 in the United States to be worn with a business suit.

 

Western hats should be considered a cultural tradition for people who live in the American south or west, so they should be considered a part of the business attire. The key with an appropriate Western hat is the crown and the brim. The crown and the brim should compliment the wearer’s face and not overwhelm or hide the wearer’s face. Leave “The Goat Roper” wide brim, tall crown western hat in the pickup and choose a more conservative style like a Stetson stockman hat to wear with your business suit.

 

Baseball caps are not hats. Baseball caps are for playing baseball. If you wear a baseball cap with your business suit I would hope building security removes you from the premises and possibly has you transported with the “basketball sneaker” wearer to the nearest mental facility. Baseball caps look dumb with business suits and a business suit is designed to be professional.

 

Quick Change

 

One of the greatest selling points of “The Leisure Suit” is the “Quick Change.” Just like Clark Kent running into the phone booth to change into “Superman,” the Leisure Suit gave men the ability to quickly change into a professional business style of dress that looked presentable, professional, and comfortable.

 

A business suit is a professional form of dress that require conscious effort in the selection and wear of the suit. The leisure suit allows men to bypass a whole series of decisions that should be made in the wear of a business suit.

 

The leisure suit being a comfortable and functional designed shirt with matching slacks solves a majority of the issues that have to be considered with a business suit. Plus with a leisure suit you do not wear a necktie or a bow tie. It is acceptable to keep the top button unbuttoned.

 

The other major plus of a leisure suit is age makes a man’s “beer belly”predominant. Some men their stomachs literally shout,”In Your Face !” The leisure suit seems to overcome the physical appearance issue by design. The material like any shirt rests on a man’s shoulders and the length of the material hangs down long enough to cover the stomach without drawing undue attention to it.

 

Forget the belt with a leisure suit. The belt brings back the “Beer Belly.”

 

Super Supper

 

I look at the clock on the wall and realize that 2012 is about to be history. Ranilo’s young guests have not arrived.

 

While Christy and Leneil cater dishes to the table. Mano Bito arrived, The black disco ball light slowly spun colored lights out around the bamboo decor

 

Everyone anxiously awaited the Noche Buena feast, a few days ago. I love food. I am always anxious about dinner.

 

The magick furniture had at last settled into positions that would allow people to be able to use the microphone and TV for “Karaoke Night.” A large enough area of the floor remained vacant to allow for dancing.

 

My appetite recognized the containers of Pancit Canton and fried rice. The platter of lumpia confirmed that 2012 was being sent into oblivion with a full dinner table of delicious food. The last platter had watermelon, pineapple and an assortment of nuts.

 

I lost no time, seating myself at the table and satisfying my appetite. Christy, Leneil and Ramon joined me.

One nice factor of being a writer, you can use your imagination to look at the end of the table and watch women in evening gowns and men in tuxedos and white dinner jackets with pink carnations stepping out on to the dance floor. Balloons bob about, while the orchestra in their dinner jackets play the music of the evening. My “Secret Life Of Walter Mitty” mindset is interrupted by the brief visit of Rafael and Virgie Saldana

 

Rafael and Virgie Saldana stopped by to say, “Happy New Year !” They didn’t stay for dinner.

 

The black disco ball spins out it’s colored lights across the bamboo decor I notice the lights briefly wash over the Christmas Tree. It reminded me of Aunt Bill and Uncle Audrey Irwin’s small silver artificial tree and the color wheel still decorating one of my holiday memories of the 1960s.

 

After supper, dreams of a Waldorf Astoria New Year’s Eve Party were vanishing. The hours had become minutes. Each passing minute cast aside a New Year’s Eve Party dream.

 

The clock on the wall displayed the civilian digits of 1-0 and I smile at the military memory of “2200 hours.” I smiled at Christy and remembered the New Year’s Eve Party at Clark Air Base, where famous Filipina singer, Regine Velasquez sang in the new year.

 

Carry Out The Plan

 

Life has taught me you never give up on a plan.

 

A celebration is always a celebration. New Year’s Eve is one of those celebrations that you should always celebrate because everyone only gets so many holidays and celebrations in their lifetime. It is silly and senseless to waste a single one.

 

I Am A Party Of One

 

The nice thing about having grown up an “only child” is I can appreciate “The Party Of One” concept. You maybe “alone”, but, you are not “lonely”, unless you choose to be.

 

If I want to party, whether I am in the middle of the Sahara Desert or in an igloo at the South Pole, I will find a way to “Par – tay”.

 

In my lifetime, I have made it my mission to “uproot wall flowers” and try to get them out on the dance floor. I stroll to the karaoke setup and browse through Christy’s collection.

 

I play the “One Night In Bangkok” selection and begin to dance. The nice thing about your senior citizen years is the “Liberation.” People look at your white hair and wrinkles and, no doubt, consider your possible “senility.”

 

Alas, my friends, if you live long enough, you too will sport the snow on the roof.

 

Sam’s Psychology Of Dancing 101

 

The kids and the adults watch Sam slippin’ and slidin’ across the dance floor. At first, they snicker, giggle and laugh. Minutes pass and before long, I am not alone on the dance floor.

 

Years of people watching and barroom boredom have taught me that people like to dance; few are willing to be the first to “get out on the dance floor.”

 

An empty dance floor simply means I have room to dance. Once a person or a couple begin to dance, then, other people who really wanted to dance will sneak or proudly strut out on to the dance floor.

 

After all, whether they realize it or not, people come to a dance – to dance. Sam’s Psychology Of Dancing 101 seldom fails because people do like music and people do like to dance.

 

Sometimes in the Real World people become so grown up that they forget sometimes to allow the “kid within” to slip on his dance shoes and party down.

 

The kids were enjoying kid style dancing and the adult were making brave attempts to overcome their “nervous knees” and actually cut loose and dance.

 

The kids were having fun. I’m too old not to have fun. I put in the“Rock Around The Clock” selection, closed my eyes and mentally time traveled back to a dance of my youth.

 

Dynamic DeMolay Dance

220px-Brasao_DeMolay_jpeg

 

The Ozarks Chapter of the Order of DeMolay boys went to the dance in Republic. Missouri. It was a formal function, which meant we wore coats and ties to the dance. Rainbow Girls and Job’s Daughters in their evening gowns waited patiently for the DeMolay boys in their stylish 1970s attire to ask “the girls to dance.”

 

A nice blessing of having been “A Momma’s Boy” in my youth is I put my mother on a pedestal. My allegiance to my mother meant that I have always respected and been attracted to girls and women. Therefore, anytime as a youth I noticed an attractive girl or woman, she became “Helen Of Troy Incarnate.”

 

At the dance, under the spinning disco ball of light, across the room I noticed a beautiful young brunette woman in an evening gown, Donna Knight. She did me the honor of walking out on the dance floor with me.

 

I have always hoped that I did not embarrass her. My formal dance training consisted of copying the moves of Elvis in his movies, My dance philosophy has always been, “Let the music move you.” This dance was the first time that I had ever been permitted to dance in public. Stone County, Missouri’s religious values outlawed “dancing” and denied seniors a “prom.”

 

This night, my heart was beaming. My mind raced, My body reacted. Joy, exhilaration, excitement, celebration – No English dictionary on the planet contains enough words to describe the overwhelming positive emotions flowing through my body. I cloud dance. And, dance I did.

 

Although films like “Dirty Dancing,” and “Footloose,” had not been made,yet, like the leading men of those dance films, I was out on the dance floor dancing my heart out. My young lungs ached and my leg muscles went numb.

 

I love to dance.

 

Anytime I am in a situation, where people come to dance, but are reluctant to take the first step; I do.

 

I think back to the DeMolay dance. I realize one of the pleasures of life is being able to move your body in ways you never realized that your body could move.

 

Regardless of your age, if you do a freestyle form of dancing and allow the “music to move you”, you will shock and offend some people, so, be aware of not only how you dance, but where you dance.

 

To me, dancing and the right music is just too precious to waste sitting it out on the sidelines. When you see the digits 6 and 0 vaguely on the horizon, you might have to back off of the “No Pain, No Gain” approach to dancing, which means you might not want to spend as long out on the dance floor.

 

I left our dance floor to sit out the next song, Ranyiel stops dancing and picks up the microphone to sing. He kept the karaoke microphone warm with his Tagalog and English songs until his brother, Ranilo, returned with a guest.

 

Chrismar Mora, Ranilo’s cousin, stopped by.

 

A better karaoke microphone got plugged in and passed around. Sarge, our blue heeler, and Smiley, our mixed breed wooly dog, became our resident music critics and let loose their canine howls.

 

Forget the judges of “American Idol”, Sarge’s bass howl is a loud piercing ambulance siren wail that raises the hairs on the back of your neck.

 

Smiley’s tenor bark is rapid and persistent.

 

The canine karaoke judges voted with their barks only a couple of times during the evening. I realized it was time for me to quit trying to sing Beatles tunes.

 

 

Whenever Chrismar Mora took the microphone, it became as quiet as a church and you could hear a pin drop.

 

I can’t play an instrument; but, I can play a radio or a record player. I’m no musician, but I know what I like in instrumental and vocal music.

 

My Music Memories

 

My mother had always had a radio on somewhere around the house, when I was growing up, so country music became part of my genetic code. I got exposed to opera,jazz and various forms of music.

 

When I was working my way through college at KSOZ-FM at Point Lookout,Missouri, I would pay attention to singers and new releases.

 

I learned how to dance watching Elvis Presley movies and would imitate “The King’s”vocal style as a child. In grade school and high school, there had been the great hard charging rock and roll music of the 1960s.

 

As I remember, the early to mid -70s gave the world Bachman Turner Overdrive, ZZ Top, Boston, Rush and the “Heavy Metal” that reached into the souls of musicians and stress tested the absolute limits of instruments from guitars to pianos.

 

From Iron Butterfly’s In A Gadda Da Vida to Jethro Tull’s Aqualung, the music came in through your ears and the pores of your skin. It seemed the tone vibrations of the music always rattled the red and white blood cells flowing in your blood stream.

 

You might doze off on an elevator playing “Elevator Muzack”, but, “Heavy Metal” music seemed destined to flow through your body and attempt to bond to your immortal soul.

 

I love Rock and Roll and Heavy Metal because both types of music seem to flow into your bloodstream and challenge you to react. Rock and Roll and Heavy Metal music call to mind the Black Oak Arkansas lyric about standing in the Hall of Commons between the devil and God.

 

Bubble gum” rock like Partridge Family music had a following. The movie “Saturday Night Fever” sent ever man in America to the tailor to find a white suit and try to learn to dance. Disco became a definite form of music overnight thanks to the movie.

Rap or Rat music?

 

I had been exposed to a lot of styles of music and could accept them all until “Rap.”

 

The introduction of “Rat” music “tuned me out,”

 

Take a boring, repetitive, rhythmic beat and apply it to the dirtiest words in the English language and you have a “Rap Hit” on your hands. Early rappers all seem to be “tone deaf convicted drug dealers on their way to Federal lockup.”

 

Like disco, everyone predicted “Rap” music would end; unfortunately, “Rat” music survived. As always the “Doomsday Prophets” were wrong and fast talking vulgar noise became an accepted part of the music industry.

 

By the 1990s, I might hear a song, but unless there was something special from the 1980s on, I didn’t get all that excited about music,with a few notable exceptions like Pat Benatar, Bonnie Tyler and Huey Lewis and the News.

 

This young man can sing !”

 

My skepticism and cynicism of global music “took the night off.” Chrismar Mora proved there are still people in the world who can sing and bring back the feeling of a song. As we say, in the Ozarks, “This young man can sing !”

 

Chrismar Mora’s voice singing along to the words on the karaoke screen reminded me that music could be beautiful, interesting and soothe the soul.

 

Happy New Year 2013 !

 

The TV shuttled back and forth between the ABS and CBN countdown and the GMA countdown to midnight. The family, began the remarks of “Happy New Year !” The fireworks in the distance exploded to signal the arrival of the new year. A slight breeze stirred through the tropic night and Christy commented, “A cool breeze.”

 

After the welcome of 2013, family members began easing off to bed. I really appreciated Chrismar’s singing,so I stayed on the bamboo loveseat until 2 am. Ranyiel relinquished his microphone and went to bed. Ranilo would take a turn at the mike now and then. Sarge and Smiley had voted against my singing earlier in the evening, so I sat back and listened.

 

My eyes became heavy. I remember a lyric about “singing until the break of day.” Perhaps, Ranilo and Chrismar did. I felt the party had been a success.

 

My recognition of the definite presence of 2013 came thanks to a familiar song I heard on New Year’s Day. Family members and friends arrived to spend some time with us on New Year’s Day/

 

In the midst of the conversations, I heard music coming from a distance through the jungle. I recognized the voice of Bonnie Tyler, singing. “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

 

For my readers, I wish you the best that 2013 can bring to you.

 

Happy New Year

2013 !

Sam

 

New Year’s Party Links

 

Regine Velasquez

Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regina_Encarnacion_Ansong_Velasquez

 

Barong Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barong_Tagalog

 

Tuxedo Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuxedo

 

Military Mess Dress Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mess_dress

 

 

Sharkskin Suits Wikipedia

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharkskin

 

Gentlemen’s Quarterly “GQ” Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GQ

 

GQ Magazine Online

http://www.gq.com/

 

Secret Life Of Walter Mitty

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Secret_Life_of_Walter_Mitty

 

One Night In Bangkok Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Night_In_Bangkok

 

Rock Around The Clock Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_Around_The_Clock

 

Order of DeMolay Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_DeMolay

 

Rainbow Girls Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow_Girls

 

Job’s Daughters Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job%27s_Daughters

In A Gadda Da Vida Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_A_Gadda_Da_Vida

 

Black Oak Arkansas Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Oak_Arkansas

 

Saturday Night Fever Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturday_Night_Fever

 

Helen Of Troy Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Of_Troy

 

Total Eclipse of the Heart Wikipedia

lhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Eclipse_of_the_Heart

 

Waldorf Astoria Hotel Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waldorf-Astoria_Hotel

 

13th Air Force Crest Thumbnail

 

Clark Air Base Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clark_Air_Base

Pacific Air Forces Crest Thumbnail

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Written by samwarren55

January 3, 2013 at 6:08 AM

Posted in Bloggers, Blogs, Business, Current Events, Editorial, Family, Holidays, Leyte, Money, Nature, Philippines, The Ozarks

Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Christmas In The P.I. 2012 by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

with 4 comments

After Action Report Christmas Eve 2012

 

Christmas

In

The

P.I.

Everyone sits down to the Noche Buena 2012 feast  at One Warren Way_resized

Noche Buena Feast 2012

The Warren and Saldana families sit down to the December 24, 2012 “Noche Buena” feast at One Warren Way, Barangay Baras, Leyte, Republic of the Philippines. Nikon D 70 Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

I had a childhood full of Christmas Days, where I got up with goose bumps. I would dash to the old worthless stone fireplace.

 

I would stand with my back to the dancing flames on the wood. The cold draft of air down the chimney always seem to make the flames seem more like a child’s coloring book page than actual warmth.

 

I would spend a few minutes in front of the fireplace trying to warm up. Then, I would dash to the Christmas Tree . My cold fingers would rip at the Christmas wrapping paper to free the toys.

 

I learned to associate cold with Christmas.

 

CHRISTMAS IN THE PI PHOTO ONE THUMBNAIL PHOTO BY SAMUEL E WARREN JRYou would bundle up like “Nannook Of The North.” Swaddled in yards of flannel,cotton and wool, you would waver, walk and waddle to the front door.

 

Push the door open. A deep blanket of fresh snow always seems to rise a foot or two, pushed away from the door. A beautiful vanilla quilt that blankets the ground in all directions to the horizon.

 

Sunlight would always charge certain snowflakes to twinkle before your eyes. The twinkling diamond illusions would, for a moment, allow you to forget the bone-chilling air rushing toward you like an invisible tidal wave.

 

The next step always seemed to be that of a disoriented lunar astronaut. Your foot drops down into the snow and you are off balance for a moment. You stand in knee-high snow and look out to the driveway at the snow-covered pickup.

 

The heat of the running engine against the cold air creates wispy columns of smoke around the pickup’s hood. You lean forward to resume your “Moon Walk.” Through the deep snow, you finally reach and open the passenger’s side pickup door. You climb up into the truck and sit on the seat.

 

Momma backs the grumbling pickup out of the driveway and on to the ice-covered slick highway. You lean your head back against the seat and realize, “ We are headed to grandma’s house for Christmas Dinner ! ”

 

For the briefest of moments, you wonder why your mother didn’t just hook up the Alaskan Husky dog team to the sled. Then, you, remember this is the Missouri Ozarks and not the Yukon Territory of Alaska.

 

As you shiver from the cold, you wonder, “Is there really a difference in Missouri and Alaska in the winter other than temperature and wind chill factor?”

 

By adulthood, I have had so many cold, snowy Christmas Days genetically hardwired into my memory that by October 1, I would pick up a local newspaper to glance at the flag to check out the date and my location on planet earth.

 

Shop For The Egg Nog

 

A cold location means I stock up on the Hiland egg nog. I would snatch up my “Nannook Of The North” Official United States Air Force issue parka, grab my wallet and head to the Commissary to shop for “egg nog.”

 

The parka was always an ugly battleship gray with wide silver sewed on strips of a metallic duct tape material over the zipper front flap and around the cuffs. The synthetic white fake fur lining around the hood made you look like an old French fur trapper. You always looked like an inebriated alien wandering lost in the snow. Nonetheless, it was warm.

 

At the BX I would check for a good snow shovel to be ready to shovel open my front door.

 

A warm location means I lean back in the chair and smile:

Hallelujah ! No Snow for Christmas !”

 

There is a theory, that there are people in the world: “Who Like Snow”

 

I have no use for Snow.”

 

Christmas 2012 is not the first Christmas, I celebrated in the Republic of the Philippines. Christmas 1988 was my first Christmas in the Philippine Islands, which is a “Single G.I. Christmas Story,” I have yet to publish.

 

One major difference between the Philippine Islands and The Ozarks on Christmas is the dinner celebration. Filipinos target Christmas Eve. Ozarkers and Americans usually set their sites on Christmas Day.

 

In the Philippine Islands – “The P.I.” – “Noche Buena”, known as “The Good Night”, is the Christmas Eve Dinner.

 

In the 1980s on the island of Luzon, the cultural tradition of the feast is Filipinos attend Mass and then have dinner, which means you eat around 7 pm or 8 pm. Some families would attend Midnight Mass first, which means you sit down to supper around midnight or 1 or 2 am in the morning.

 

In the Philippine Islands – “The P.I.” – the “Noche Buena” Christmas Eve Dinner on the island of Leyte at One Warren Way, meant, “We eat when the cooks are finished preparing the dinner.”

 

The week before Christmas, every morning the kids would get up at “O – Dark- Thirty” and go to church before school. The sun would be rising and the rooster crowing, when they returned to get ready for school.

 

December 22, 2012 – Christy Warren and Leneil Saldana began preparing the “Noche Buena” feast. Christy got out her yellow legal pad and ink pen and sit down to come up with the holiday menu.

 

Christy, Leneil and Ramon went to the public market for fresh vegetables. Ramon and Mano Bito had the task of providing the meat for Christmas dinner.

 

In the United States, Christy had a kitchen full of appliances,a gas stove and oven, two refrigerators and an upright freezer to prepare birthday meals, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinner.

 

In the Philippines, the kitchen is still a work in progress. There is the double butane hot plate, which is the stove. She has no oven. There is one refrigerator. Cooking tends to be more of a “Never-Ending Camping Trip” than food preparation in a kitchen.

 

In my childhood, I had the rustic Ozarks environment and Grandma DeLong’s kitchen was the basics for the Ozarks. Now, in the Philippines, I find, we have basically a tropical version of a rural 1960s Ozarks kitchen.

 

My eyes and my mind do not appreciate the “Twilight Zone Reality Of The Kitchen,” so, I simply stay out of the kitchen, while the food is being cooked.

 

Meanwhile, the kids got to be kids, which meant they played and looked forward to Christmas. Me, I kept working to gather the data, words and photos to keep publishing articles in my world-famous, “Sam I Am Blog.”

 

Christmas Eve, December 24, 2012, Christy sat the table and Leneil began bringing in steaming platters of white rice. Family members began arriving and watching. Esmeralda, Christy’s sister, placed the platter of banana pancakes on the table.

 

Potato Pancakes

 

 

In the Ozarks, in the morning on the wood burning hot cook stove, you would hear the sizzle and Grandma DeLong would move the metal spatula to move the “Potato Pancake” around to brown in the cast iron skillet.

 

The Potato Pancakes were delicious, but they were slightly larger than an American silver dollar.

Banana Pancakes and a platter of steaming white rice for Noche Buena

 

Banana Pancakes and a platter of rice.

The steaming Banana Pancakes piled high on the plate reminded me of the trucker’s breakfast style pancakes of “The Hob Nob Cafe” in DeQueen, Arkansas.

 

The Hob Nob Cafe

DeQueen, Arkansas

 

Momma and I always considered “DeQueen” the halfway point between Houston, Texas and Galena, Missouri. The acres of statuesque Christmas Trees growing and rising into the morning mist meant the surrounding “Arkansawers” were “loggers.”

 

The plethora of semi tractor trailer trucks on the highway sporting huge logs and the empty flatbeds rushing along behind the groaning and moaning Kenworth, Peterbilts and Macks meant “forestry” is serious business in this section of the Ozarks.

 

The 18-wheelers would groan into a parking spot and the truckers in their straw cowboy hats and tractor baseball caps, in western shirts, or coveralls, and wearing cowboy boots or steel-toed work boots, would climb down out of the cab and bring their Texas-sized appetites through the door.

 

Breakfast at “The Hob Nob Cafe” was like Christmas Dinner in The Ozarks. The aroma of fresh scrambled eggs and omelets would tease your childish nose.

 

The mound of strips of fried “taters” with flour gravy, sausage, ham and bacon overwhelmed the senses. Then, a “short stack” or a mound of “flapjacks” would arrive and I would reach for the small pitcher of maple syrup for my pancakes.

 

Lechon

 

My Ozarks’ appetite ignored the white bowls of “blood pork” being placed on the table, but, I waited anxiously for the macaroni salad and the potato salad.

 

Anyone who has ever watched a Henry the VIII movie can appreciate “the pig on the platter” with the apple in it’s mouth. In the Philippines, “Lechon” is the whole pig prepared for special events like baptismals, wedding receptions and of course, Christmas. Mano Bito took charge of the pork preparation.

 

Instead of “the whole hog” ending up on the table, the pieces of cooked pork was also added to white bowls to place on the table.

 

Christy Warren places the silverware on the Noche Buena table_Photo 2

Christy Warren places the silverware to set the Noche Buena table.

Mrs. Warren – Christy had nieces, Junea and Vanissa put on the tablecloth.

Mrs. Warren placed the silverware around the plates before anyone got near the table.

 

In the rural areas of the Philippines, it is not uncommon to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with your fingers. In the States, of course, Americans have their “finger foods” like hamburgers and hot dogs for sporting events, backyard barbeques and the Fourth Of July outdoor picnics.

 

Mrs. Warren told the guests before they sat down at the table,

Merry Christmas ! Everyone this is Christmas. You will use the silverware.”

 

Christy has been in enough social situations, in her lifetime, to know it is the hostess’ responsibility to brief the “guests” on any questions of “etiquette” before the event begins.

 

Leneil Saldana removes pieces of the young coconut to be used as filling for the Coconut and Cheese Salad and the Mississippi Mud chocolate candy for the Noche Buena feast_Photo OneChristy and Leneil kept the hot platters of rice coming to the table. Esmeralda and Virgie Saldana kept an eye on the kids and made sure that they got food on their plates.

Leneil Saldana scrapes out pieces of young coconuts for Coconut and Cheese Salad and for the Mississippi Mud chocolate candy.

 

At dinner, I realized that Christmas Day would not be what I had hoped for this year. I could blame only myself for that part of the holiday, but, I decided I needed to put more emphasis on Christmas Day 2013 because I had not paid attention to the focus of the holiday for the kids.

 

After dinner, the kids spent time playing with their cousins until overwhelmed by The Sandman. They crashed out on palettes.

 

Tuba Time

 

Virgie Saldana Esmeralda Tanahale Leneil Saldana and Christy Warren have red wine and Tuba to relax after the Noche Buena feast of 2012

Virgie Saldana, Esmeralda Tanahale, Leneil Saldana and Christy Warren relax with a bottle of red wine after the Noche Buena feast.

Once the ladies cleared away the table, then, Mrs. Warren opened a bottle of red wine. Leneil Saldana, Esmeralda Tanahale and Virgie Saldana had some red wine and some of the ladies drank some Tuba.

Left to Right Jun Jun Tanahale Ramon Q Saldana Jr Rafel Saldana Virgillio Natividad Romel Barbosa talk and drink tuba_resized

Left to Right  –  Jun Jun Tanahale, Ramon Q. Saldana Jr.,Rafael Saldana (back to camera) Virgillio Natividad, Leneil Saldana’s father, and Romel Barbosa talk and drink tuba.

 

The men: Virgillio Natividad, Leneil’s dad, Ramon Q. Saldana Jr.,Rafael Saldana Romel Barbosa and Jun Jun Tanahale retired to The Christmas Tree area to talk and enjoy “Tuba,” the Philippines’ coconut wine.

 

I pass on “Tuba” because, even though it is drank with Pepsi as a “chaser”, to my picky palette the flavor has “too much of a vinegar whang. I always feel like I need a large chef salad in front of me to drink Tuba. Then, I am never sure if I should drink the Tuba or pour it over the salad as a dressing.”

 

I finished my coffee and put aside the cup for the night. I got to enjoy “My Christmas Present” – Tanduay Ice. Unfortunately, for “Romel”, when I sat down my frosty bottle of bright white rum, he snickered and added,”Ladies’ Drink.”

 

I told him, “Pirates weren’t wimps. They sunk ships and stole cargo and sailed the high seas for centuries. Sometimes the pirates were fired up on rum, so don’t snicker off my drink as a watered down ladies’ drink.”

 

I had not intended to defend the rum industry, but, I’m a Texas and Missouri country boy, so holiday civility and protocol aside, there are just sometimes when, “You need to set the record straight.”

 

My line of Warrens of Texas and DeLongs of Missouri are social, hard-working people, who welcome strangers under their roof as family to celebrate the holidays and social events.

 

Common Sense Social Etiquette

 

In the Hollywood movies, you will see a guest bring a bottle of wine as a “Housewarming Present” or as a “Gift” to the host or hostess for a dinner invitation. In “The Real World”, in civilian life, I have not witnessed this act very often.

 

In “The Military”, guests were always thoughtful enough to bring a bottle of wine for the dinner.

 

One idea of “Common Sense Courtesy,” is for a man or woman to talk to the host before the dinner and ask if they can bring a dish of some sort of food.

 

Some host or hostesses will suggest a dish you can bring, usually these are the “Pot Luck Suppers.”

 

Pot Luck Suppers

 

In The Far East in the 1980s, Asians would always smile, “You can tell if an American is hosting a formal dinner because they always want you to bring a dish for a pot luck.” I was told this comment time and again.

 

Pot luck style dinners are not popular in Asian cultures because if you are hosting a dinner then it is expected that you already have the food to host the dinner or you would not be hosting it and inviting people.

 

West And East Cultural Dinner Differences

 

In the West, around the 1970s, weight issues became frequent stereotypes for people. In the United States, for instance, if a person has a heavy weight they were considered as being “Lazy” and “not willing to work.” The stereotype, never took into consideration “medical” or “health issues” or even, “genetics.”

 

In the Far East, when I was stationed in the Pacific, in the late 1980s, the irony was a “heavy-set person” was respected for their wealth. The belief was that if someone had a lot of weight, then, they ate plenty and they ate often. Thus, heavy-set, chubby and obese people were seen as smart, industrious and wealthy.

 

The idea of the heavy-set person in the Orient explains why in Asian cultures the host or hostess is expected to provide all the food. If you can’t afford to provide the food; why are you having a party ?

 

Single Person Protocol

 

In the case of a single man or a single woman, who gets invited to dinner at someone’s home, it is not expected that a single person bring a bottle of wine, a gift for the host or hostess or even a dish.

 

The reason is usually in the case of a young person, who went away to work, went away to college or went away to serve in the military: the host or the hostess realizes this is a time in life, when a young person needs their money to pay bills and buy groceries,

 

Therefore, the host or hostess knows the single man or single woman would appreciate a “home-cooked meal” and usually all the single man or single woman is expected to bring is “your appetite.”

 

Life can be difficult for anyone at anytime. If something happens – an accident, a natural disaster — and a middle-aged or senior-aged person, experiences an event, that puts them “down on their luck”, then, when they are invited to a dinner or supper, they are just expected to bring “the appetite.”

 

The dinner or supper invitation to someone “down on their luck” is an act of human kindness that recognizes at “family times of the year” like Thanksgiving and Christmas, “no one should ever be or feel alone.”

 

Warrens Of Texas, DeLongs Of Missouri

 

The basic rule of the Warrens of east Texas and the DeLongs of southwest Missouri is: “ Guests are always welcome to make themselves at home. Common sense and civility is expected. And, guests should always realize,”My house; my rules.” If you don’t wish to observe my rules, “The highway, in front of the house, runs in two directions. Pick one.”

 

In Tagalog, Merry Christmas is “Maligayang Pasko”, which is pronounced as, “MAL– Lee – Guy -Young, Pass – koh.”

 

Maligayang Pasko !

 

Merry Christmas !

 

Sam

CHRISTMAS IN THE PI PHOTO THREE THUMBNAIL PHOTO BY SAMUEL E WARREN JR

 

Noche Buena Links

 

Hiland Dairy Foods Egg Nog

http://www.hilanddairy.com/products/egg-nog

 

History of Egg Nog

http://howtomakeeggnog.com/history.php

 

How To Make Egg Nog

Holiday Recipe

http://howtomakeeggnog.com/holiday.php

 

The Traditional Noche Buena

in the Philippines

Yahoo

http://voices.yahoo.com/the-traditional-noche-buena-philippines-4683911.html?cat=22

 

Noche Buena

Filipino Recipes

http://pinoyfoodblog.com/category/celebrations/noche-buena/

 

Nochebuena Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nochebuena

 

Pirates Piracy Wikipedia

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirates

 

Captain Morgan Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Morgan

 

Captain Morgan Rum Website

http://www.captainmorgan.com/

 

Tanduay

http://www.tanduay.com/

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Written by samwarren55

December 30, 2012 at 12:20 AM

Posted in Bloggers, Blogs, Current Events, Family, Holidays, Leyte, Nature, Observances, Philippines, Photography, Photos, Tourism, Tropics

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