Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category
Word Warrior Warren Word Works “Black Market Movies”
Word Warrior Warren
Word Works
“Black Market Movies”
Arghh ! “Pirated DVDs”
This is a selection of “Pirated DVDs” and “Black Market Movies” bought in Manila, Tanauan and Tacloban City, in the Republic of the Philippines. You hear about “Black Market Movies” in Asia, They seem to be as common as “rice in the Pacific” because they can be bought in public. The true challenge isn’t finding a “Black Market Movie”; the challenge is to find a “Legitimate Movie.” Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.
by Samuel E. Warren Jr.
The cliché about, “Once a reporter, always a reporter” is true in my case. I have always been curious. As a child, I would annoy my classmates because whenever I had a question, I would raise my hand and expect an answer from the teacher.
I knew from childhood I would be a reporter because I was simply “too curious” to be anything else in life. I grew up on the old black and white movies where an actor like Cary Grant would portray the crusading reporter, who would get the “Truth” and the presses would roll.
Naturally, reading about Clark Kent and the Daily Planet in the Superman comic books only added to my conviction and passion to satisfy my curiosity.
The honor of serving in the military enhanced my role as a reporter. I didn’t have the “Big Red S” on my chest, but, I had my own “blue suit” to serve “Truth, Justice, and the American way.”
As a senior citizen, I am still curious.
When I get interested in an idea, I begin researching it for my blog, which is, essentially, my “Daily Planet.”
When Christy and I moved to the Philippines, we had to wait for our “household goods” to sail from the United States. We both love movies. While we waited, I looked around to see where I could buy some movies. I began to hear about, “Black Market Movies,” “Pirated DVDs,” and “Illegal Movies.”
I never imagined finding a “legitimate movie” would be an epic quest, but, it became one.
In the Republic of the Philippines, the “Black Market Movies” are everywhere and sold out in the open in public.
The real challenge is to find a “legitimate movie or TV episode” that you can rent or buy and not end up with a “Pirated DVD.”
Fortunately, our “legitimate” movies arrived. But, when a new release hits the theaters; “Where do you go to buy the legitimate movie ?”
I still have no answer to this question. I do have a passion to try and find an answer. I have begun my research. Time to “beat feet to the street” and try to find an answer.
Is there an answer to the proliferation of Black Market Movies in Asia or is it simply a cultural business difference with the West ?
Now, that Christmas seems to be front and center, I imagine my research will have to go on the back burner for a few days.
I would appreciate my regular readers keeping this issue in the back of their minds,then, come the new year, maybe, we can have an answer to the issue or at least know that there might be some issues in life that society, in general,simply shrugs off.
Black Market Movies
“Sucker Punch” The Buyer
You put down your hard earned dollars, pesos, baht or yen on the counter and think you are getting a discount or catching the movie “On Sale.” You get home and pop the DVD into the player and realize, “You’ve Been Had, Dad.” Instead of getting a professional movie, you get a video that usually looks like it was shot by a blind man and recorded by a deaf woman. Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.
Sam
Superb Snack Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.
Superb Snack
W.L. Foods’ Yaahoo Mocha Sandwich snack is one of those snacks that you can’t eat just one. My wife, Christy Warren, brought a small bag of the snacks home after work.
Christy owns and operates the CSW Cafe at 128 Independencia Avenue in Tacloban City.
Christy liked the snack and thought I would. Christy is right. The Yaahoo Mocha Sandwich is one of those snacks that you can’t eat just one. It looks like a golden, crisp Ritz cracker. The taste and flavor reminds me or a graham cracker.
People with dentures will probably want to have a large glass of cold milk, steaming cup of tea or a hot cup of coffee to “dunk” the snack cracker in. I did the “dunk” test. In a cup of coffee, the snack does not fall apart like a doughnut has a tendency to do.
Parents with infants “teething” might want to consider this snack cracker for the infant to nibble on.
I am no food critic, but I know what I like. When I sit down at the laptop to type an article, I keep one of the snacks nearby and it is great to have one of the mocha sandwich snacks handy when you are watching a movie. I put this snack in the movie snack category with Goobers, Malted Milk Balls, Twizzlers red licorice twists and boxes of Junior Mints.
The international grocery wholesalers of the world should at this point be reaching for their cellphones to call the Republic of the Philippines to figure out how to get regular shipments of this snack to put on the shelves of grocery stores, supermarkets and in movie theater snack counters around the globe. Nikon D 70 Photo by Samuel E. Warren Jr.
October Creature Features Satan and The Exorcists
October Creature Features Satan and The Exorcists
Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist
by Samuel E. Warren Jr.
The movie, “The Exorcist,” started it all. In the early 1970s, American troops were still being sent overseas to serve in the Vietnam War, which had “no end in sight.” Students on college campuses kept protesting “American involvement:” and calling for the US Government to “End The War: and send the troops home.
The Vietnam War had served to make people skeptical, jaded and cynical. Religion was “out of fashion” and a younger America simply was not believing in “Good or Evil, “ “God or The Devil.”
Science was suppose to have “All The Answers.” In the late 1960s and early 1970s, “Psychology” had come to the forefront as being able to provide all the answers. Everyone in America, it seemed, “wanted to be a psychiatrist.”
Hollywood cashed in on the “psychiatry fad” and made movie after movie like “Raising Cain,” where psychiatry was suppose to be able to explain everything about the human mind and human nature.
Then, the original “Exorcist” movie arrived in theater. People started going back to church. Once again, people felt “The Need For God” and “A Fear Of Satan.”
An one of the lesser known rituals of the Catholic church had suddenly taken center stage and people were talking about “exorcisms” and “exorcist.”
The movie, “Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist” is a good horror movie. The story basically centers around the character of Father Lankaster Merrin, who is the archaeologist priest who looses his faith and really has to “dig” to find it.
The 2005 movie casts Stellan Skarsgård in the role of Father Merrin and he does an excellent job in the role.
There is a young teenage boy in the movie, who get possessed by the demon, which would be understandable if the plot line was designed to show how the young teenage boy fought against the demon inside him; the story doesn’t go in that direction.
Actor Ralph Brown plays the Sergeant Major in the film and gives an outstanding performance of an enlisted military man willing to step up and take charge on behalf of his troops and his major.
The major problem with this film as a demon creature feature is I got the feeling, “Satan was out of the office, On Vacation” and a low-ranking demon took the call and tried to “wing it” on the Evil aspects in the movie.
As a horror flick goes I give it three stars overall.
Exorcist: The Beginning
“Magnificent,” is the word I use to rate this film, which is also a prequel to the original “Exorcist” film. I liked everything about this film. It is a creative horror film. Many of the original actors from “Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist” are in this film.
I consider “Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist” to be a filmed dress rehearsal for this movie.
Actor Stellan Skarsgård is Father Lankaster Merrin, the Roman Catholic priest archaeologist in this movie as well as in the “Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist” flick.
In this movie, Merrin is a “down on his luck” priest in a bar. Actor Ben Cross walks into the bar as Semelier, a mysterious man to makes Father Merrin an offer he can’t refuse. Mr. Cross has such style in playing villains that automatically I suspected he might be portraying Satan incarnate.
The story, the set, the costumes, the cast — everything works in this movie. The disappointment is the Sergeant Major was written out of this movie.
This movie and “Dominion” uses special effects to tell the story and in both movies the special effects add to, but do not take away from or overwhelm either story.
In this movie, obviously, Satan was back on the job and ready for his close up. The movie allows the viewer to sense the demonic presence and sense it is just around the corner.
Crows, also called, ravens represent an ominous aspect of the supernatural. The crows are everywhere in this movie, when you seem to least expect it.
Skarsgård as Father Merrin wants to be left alone to unearth this buried church. He isn’t interested in giving Communion or hearing confessions, but he is curious about the archaeologist who started the dig, who went mad and ended up hospitalized in a sanitarium in Nairobi.
What is a film without a leading lady ?
Izabella Scorupco plays Sarah, the doctor, who tempts Father Merrin’s heart and soul.
Merrin and Sarah both carry their demons from World War II. She lived in a concentration camp and he. . keeps remembering what the Nazi officer told him, “God, isn’t here today, priest.” Then, he sees the muzzle flashes of weapons in his mind.
Actor James D’Arcy in the role of Father Francis certainly seems like an able-bodied young Vatican administrator sent to look over Father Merrin’s shoulder to protect the interests of the Church.
Children in a movie seem a sure way to get a movie either a G rating or make it attractive to a younger audience.
Obviously based on the gore in the movie, the plan was not to get a G or PG rating.
Remy Sweeney, a little boy plays Joseph, the little boy, in this film. He should of got an Academy Award because he played a little boy the best way to play a little boy by being a little boy.
He is convincing in the role he plays from the moment he begins. He adds to the story and is a part of the story without ever taking away from the story.
Izabella Scorupco in the role of Sarah, definitely earned every cent of her paychecks for this movie. She displayed a wide range of acting talent from the dedicated doctor to the troubled woman. . .and, then, she gets possessed.
Professional movie critics didn’t seem to like either one of these films. I believe “Exorcist: The Beginning” is a credit to the original “Exorcist” movie and does a wonderful job of laying the foundation for that movie.
Mr. Skarsgård lives the role of Father Merrin in the movie and “redeems” the priest who finds his faith and pride in his face to face with Evil. Thus, when Semelier, remarks “Merrin.” The Roman Catholic Exorcist Priest corrects him, “Father Merrin.”
I rate this movie a Five Star Creature Feature. The realistic scary Halloween makeup of the demonic creature is worth Five Stars, in addition, to my rating for the movie.
Sam
God, Satan, Sam Go To The Movies
October Creature Feature Movie Reviews
God,Satan,Sam
Go To The Movies
by Samuel E. Warren Jr.
God brushes his hand over his new crew cut and flicks the dandruff off the shoulder of his tailored navy blue shiny sharkskin business suit. He rubs his chin and smiles that his five o’clock shadow has yet to appear. He lifts the silver carafe and pours himself a piping hot cup of coffee. He loosens his navy blue tie and unbuttons his shirt collar.
He takes the coffee cup and walks toward the plush white sofa. The expensive chessboard is set up for a game on the table, centered in front of the sofa.
Satan, a handsome man, who sports jet black hair and a cleft chin, strolls to the bar and lifts the glass decanter bottle by the coffee pot.
“There is some Benedictine brandy in the short bottle,” offers God.
Satan snickers. “Thanks. I love the warm feeling it gives you gong down, but, the Benedictine monks and I never seem to see eye to eye.”
Satan’s Big Date
Satan adjusts his starched French cuffs and glances at his cuff links. He looks into the large wall mirror and briefly fidgets with his bow tie. To a mere mortal, the man in the expensive tuxedo would seem to be a successful bodybuilder.
“Big date,” asks God ?
“Working,” grins Satan. “It’s Wednesday. It is ‘Hump Day’” for the mortals. You know, the middle of the work week. They are over the ‘hump” and on a down hill slide to the weekend. Fro me, this is a great time to hit the bars and cause the mortals to do silly things like drink too much at the bar.”
God rises and walks up to the bar to get the coffee pot and cups on the silver tray. “Surely, you have time for a quick chess game before you have to put your ‘hooves’ to the grindstone,” teases God.
Satan laughs and sips his whiskey. “You are one of a kind –”
“— Thank you,” God interrupts.
“It wasn’t a compliment,” snickers Satan.
God shrugs and grins.
Satan picks up the crystal whiskey decanter and walks toward the sofa. “I have the whole planet coming apart at the seems and you want to play a chess game.”
God steps behind the bar, kneels down and opens the small refrigerator. “Bless her heart. My wife, Zera, she is a jewel.” He reaches in and takes out the silver platter of prepared sandwiches.
God and Satan Shoot The Breeze
“This is a great hotel. As efficient as their housekeeping staff is they don’t take the love and time to make sandwiches as scrumptious as what Zera makes.” God smiles broadly and places the tray of sandwiches on the coffee table, in front of the chess table.
“I can see it on your face, Satan. You are thinking if I am such a happily married God what am I doing hanging out in a hotel room. It is the whole October, Halloween, time of year. I get in my part The Veil Between The World mode and start to wonder if maybe sometime I shouldn’t just do a little more tweaking and allow some celestial events to move ahead of schedule.
“Zera reminds me the physical laws of the universe are there for a reason. She’s right, of course. Still, around Halloween, I get in my “What If” mode. So, sometimes this time of year, I show up in The Real World or another realm for a few days to just chill out and get a fresh perspective on things. Who would think centuries of working in the universe could be so demanding and taxing on your life force ?
Satan pours himself another drink and smiles.
“Let me see, if I’m getting this right. You. God Almighty. Creator of the Universe. What, after umpteen centuries, you decide to have a mid-life crisis ?
And, hello. You represent all the goody goody stuff of the universe. You call me, Satan, Lord Of The Underworld ? Where did you ever get the idea that we should hang out together?”
God grins. “You are so full of yourself sometimes. I ain’t asking you to help me throw a birthday party. I’m just saying in the Immortal Entity Realm, it is not like we have tons and tons of relatives and family members to hang out with.”
“True,” grumbles Satan.
“Sometimes it is just nice to talk to another Immortal Entity. It is not like we are going to go deer hunting together and we aren’t going to go float fishing in The Real World. I just wanted to ‘Shoot The Breeze’ with you.
“ By the way, help yourself to some sandwiches. Tuna. Egg. Ham salad. Chicken salad. Ham. Roast beef. Hero sandwiches. Club sandwiches. There is even, some baloney and cheese sandwiches. Zera is a wonderful cook.”
“What know peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,”Satan sneers.
Satan’s Marital Problems
“You’re just jealous,” teases God. “Lilith would do right by you, if you ever paid attention to her.”
“Lilith ! Do right by me ! You are unreal ! I am The Prince Of Darkness ! I am The Lord Of Evil ! I am the Embodiment Of All Things Bad In The Universe –”
“— How is that working out for you anyway,” teases God, interrupting Satan’s diatribe ?
“You think, what I send her roses and suddenly The Queen Of Evil is going to get misty eyed and want to have a romantic dinner.”
“It works for Me, the angels and the mortals. You should try it,” grins God, reaching for a sandwich and leaning back on the sofa.
Satan pours himself another whiskey. “I told you I have the planet coming apart at the seams. You didn’t hear me.”
“I heard you,” smiles God. “I chose to ignore you. You forget, I win. Pick the game, time and again, I always win. You always “Overthink” everything. You are the ‘Supreme Control Freak.”
God and Satan Talk Politics
After eons, millennium and centuries, you still haven’t figured out, I beat you the instant I gave the mortals “Freewill.” They get to make their own choices; right or wrong. That is why they always beat you, Satan.
You, Satan, keep doing the Hitler, Hirohito, Saddam Hussein, Idi Amin, Mommar Gadhafi, Osama bin Laden, crazy man, nut job, dictator, call the shots routine and you still don’t realize that “Freewill” is the “Hope” and “Faith” that humanity always hangs it’s hat on,” elaborates God.
“Maybe,” grumbles Satan, who grins, “I have an Ace in the hole.”
“You have the American Presidential Elections in November. Big deal. If I looked at it closely, I might be worried. You are getting better at getting close to politicians and making deals with them. You learned a lot in “The Cold War,” Satan.” God grins and puts his feet up on the coffee table.
“The Cold War,” “The Domino Theory,” the whole “A-Bomb Scare” and “Doomsday Paranoia,” I do have to give you credit. The whole global propaganda and paranoia is, indeed, a stroke of genius. You know how to make people scared of their shadows. But, you forget, people still “think” for themselves. Mussolini ended up on a meat hook and Gadhafi, in the frozen food section, of a freezer.
Americans are always skeptical and cynical of their politicians. They will vote in November. And, they will get what they deserve. The Americans need their election process just like the British need their royal family. Politics in Asia, keeps changing even faster than you can keep up with it, Satan. The global financial crisis has got everyone wide awake. They just aren’t sure what to do next.”
God and Satan Talk Finances
Satan grins. “Money.”
“Try one of the sandwiches,” God offers. “Zera makes a great egg sandwich. You will have to get your own catsup, mustard and relish. I left it in the ice box.”
Satan sits down on the sofa and picks up a chicken salad sandwich. “I do my thing in the global financial markets and you are done for,” threatens Satan.
“Do I look worried,” smiles God. “You don’t know a Bull or Bear Market from your own zodiac sign. For eons, you have been trying to understand Capitalism and Free Enterprise and then, you, wimp out, and resort to bank robbers, terrorists and tempting accountants. Face it, Satan. You are a small picture, guy. You never go for The Big Picture. You are to into instant gratification.”
God stands up and picks up the receiver on the telephone. “Time to call room service. I’m thinking a big, juicy hamburger that it takes to hands to hold. French fries. Make that three burgers. It was a long day and I have an appetite. What about you ? There is a menu there. This hotel has some great foot long hot dogs.”
Hump Day
Satan finishes his sandwich and rises. “Nah.” He glances at his expensive wristwatch. “I’ve gpt to get on the job.”
God laughs. “Chill. It is only 6 p.m. You know, the party people don’t hit the clubs until 8, 9 or 10 at the earliest. Right now, the people in the bars are the guys who are blowing off the day
The old, It was a rough day. Their boss is a bum. Someone else got the promotion. And, of course, the, “Thank God, It Is Hump Day” crowd, who are ready to write off the rest of the week. This early in the evening, people are just crying in their beer.
It is still too early to pick on the church types, who have their Wednesday evening services because they are doing choir practices and the young people are doing their youth ministry and testimonial work.”
God’s Chess Game ?
God orders the hamburgers and hangs up the phone. He nods at the chess board. Satan shakes his head No.
“Get over, JOB,” God smiles.
“That was eons ago. You were still a newbie to the whole Lord Of Darkness occupation. Job worked for a living, so when you made him the “World Is Yours”, you have just won the Powerball of the Universe lottery; he knew it was a scam. He had a hard life and nothing came easy. Come on, one chess game. You have plenty of time. It is not like, you or I punch a clock.”
Satan frowns and sits on the sofa. He picks up the black rook and turns it in his manicured fingers. “I get to be white,” he challenges.
“Fine. You get to be white,” acknowledges God.
Satan scowls and puts the piece on the board. He stands up and puts his hands on his hips.
“Something else,” mumbles Satan. “Let’s do something else other than chess.”
Satan’s Ouija Board
God grins. “You don’t like board games. Other than the Ouija Board – and, you cheat at it.”
Satan smiles. “I’m a bad boy. What can I say?”
“We can’t discuss politics and religion. In politics, you get mad and always toss a politician, out in front of the media to be exposed, or try to set the person up to be harmed. We talk religion and the next thing, I catch you trying to set up racial profiling and influencing public policies on women’s rights and gender issues.”
God smirks. “Honest. Satan, you are too transparent. I see you coming a mile away. If mortals paid attention, they would notice you have the covert skills of a drunk elephant.”
Satan waves off the remark. “Fine ! I don’t want to do chess. We never agree in out discussion on politics and religion. So, what do we do ?”
God and Satan Choose Movies
God picks up the remote and points it at the huge wide screen TV. “Cable, satellite, CDs, DVDs, VCRs; you decide ?”
“No one watches VCR tapes anymore,” grumbles Satan.
“You’re kidding. I have a whole room of VCR tapes. But, I do have a few angels, who are transferring them to CDs and DVDs. My eight track tapes and cassette tapes still work great for music. But, it is getting harder to find parts for the machine,” observes God.
Satan shakes his head. “Just click the remote. Let’s watch the news.”
God shakes his head No. “I know you. You get too upset watching the news. Besides, you always put your two cents in and I can never hear the report.”
God stands up and waves his hand. The wall on the right opens and shelves from the floor to the ceiling appear with movie DVDs.
“I’m not picking the movie,” protested Satan. “The combined television episodes and movies of the world. It would take me decades to find a movie. Besides we never agree on what to watch.”
Send Out For Sam
God smirks and waves his hand. A man appears in a polo shirt, walking shorts and flip flop sandals.
“Satan, I believe you know Sam.”
“Sam,” God nods and smiles. I stand and nod at God and Satan. “Forgive my appearance. I wasn’t expecting company.”
God laughs. “I’m sure I can put you at ease.” He gestures and I stand comfortable in a stylish three piece dark blue suit. God points at the collar. “Not too tight ?”
“No sir, “ I answer. I notice the tie in the reflection on the wall. “Nice Windsor knot.”
“Thank you,” God answers.
Satan shakes his head. “All the movie critics of the world at your beck and call, You blink your eye and poof, here is a top notch Hollywood or Sundance movie critic.” Satan points at me.
“You get this guy. What’s his credentials? What he has been watching movies since he was big enough to turn on the TV?”
“Actually, yes sir. I have been watching TV and movies and paying attention to them most of my life,” I answer.
Satan scowls. “Rhetorical. Human. I’m thinking God is messing with my head. Is it okay, with you, human, if I yank the Creator of the Universe’s chain?”
God laughs. “Satan, he gets in the modes, Sam. Between us, I think, he’s probably jealous of his wife, Li;ith. Plus, I get the feeling that he is probably just a tad guilty about the way he’s been treating her. You know, he gets so wrapped up in his Universal bad guy image. Sometimes, he takes work home with him.”
Sam The Movie Critic
Satan shakes his head. “Ha. Ha. Let’s all have a good laugh at Satan’s expense. Now, then, please answer my question. Why this guy ? An American blog writer in the Philippines. This is the guy, You, God Almighty, Creator Of The Universe, pick to find a movie for you. Why ?”
God laughs. “It is October. Sam has been burning the midnight oil to write movie reviews for Halloween. He does it for his readers; why wouldn’t he recommend a movie to The Forces Of The Universe ?”
Satan scowls and looks at me. Then, he smiles. “I do know you. You really loved to party down in the 1970, 1980s and 1990s.”
“I still do, sir.” I answer and smile.
Satan grins and walks back to the sofa. God leans back on the sofa.
“Amaze us, mortal,” challenges Satan. “Just a moment,” he cautions and gestures.
The room automatically transforms into a classic theatre. I stand on stage. The plush sofa is the front row seats. The long heavy curtains and the large silver screen identifies the room as a theater.
“Satan,” God frowns and points at the flames leaping up around the edges of the stage.
Satan sneers. “Mortals, at least, some, think you have a sense of humor.”
“I do,” smiles God. “I just don’t always appreciate your sense of heating and air conditioning.”
“Say it again, Sam,” teases Satan.
“Gentlemen, since I am here, obviously, you aren’t looking at the recommendations of contemporary movie critics. I grew up in Missouri and Missouri boy, Walt Disney became famous for his cartoons and family entertainment movies. If you wanted a Disney flick or a G rated family movie, you wouldn’t call me.”
God nods. Satan snickers.
“Satan, you know I don’t do “romantic comedies,” I appreciate animated movies, but not anime, so that genre is out.”
God grins. The theater curtains part and action and sci-fi movie clips transition quickly across the screen in the background.
“God, sir, you know, I love action movies, mysteries and science fiction. Since you made reference to my ‘Sam I Am Blog” I know that you are aware that I have been writing movie reviews for October and Halloween.”
“Satan, obviously, you remember horror flicks that I have forgot.”
“Decades of them, no doubt,” he grins.
Suddenly, in the background, on the silver screen behind me a plethora of horror movie clips flash across the screen.
“My guess would be, God, doesn’t mind watching a horror flick now and then. But, if you pick the movies, Satan, sir.” I shrug. “God would probably have to watch all the “Saw” movies, “Jeepers,” and then, the two of you would debate on watching the “Halloween” series, the “Friday the 13th” series, as well as probably the “A Nightmare On Elm Street” series. Plus, I would imagine, Satan would go for “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”
Satan looks at God. “Sam loves his exposition; doesn’t he ?”
“He is in the moment,” smiles God. “Let him run with it.”
Satan leans forward on the edge of the sofa. “The envelope, please ?”
God laughs. “Ignore him. He has no patience. I keep telling him to cut back on his daily kerosene intake.”
“I want to watch a Halloween movie before Halloween,” protests Satan.
“The Rite,” a great movie. Sir Anthony Hopkins plays a priest. “The Order,” not the Jean Claude Van Damme action flick set in the Holy Land, but the Heath Ledger movie.
The Order
“The Order.” A great story, where Ledger plays a young priest. Three cheers to the actor that plays the “Sin Eater.” You really don’t see the “Sin Eater” in a lot of contemporary Hollywood movies. That is a shame. A Sin Eater can be every bit as interesting as a vampire and a lot more interesting than the old “Let Me Eat Your Brains Zombies.”
God laughs. Satan raises a finger. “Are we getting to the point sometime in October.”
I smile. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Today is Wednesday, on earth, anyway. With your permission, I’ll give you a creature feature for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday –”
“— What no Saturday input, “ snickers Satan,
“Fine, Sam,” smiles God.
“Wednesday. The Order. Heath Ledger does a wonderful job of playing a young man caught between Heaven and Hell. The fact he portrays a priest points out how hard it is to live in The Real World and try to live by the Old Rules of religious dogma.”
I look at Satan. “My guess is you, sir, inspired the writer to create the Dark Priest in this story.”
Satan grins, “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.”
Satan leans forward. “I’m curious. What is it about this film that makes it so memorable to you ?
“Heaven and Hell. Good versus Evil. The story is a flip of the coin because you are never sure who is going to choose, which path. The sin eater really confuses the overall story because it is hard to decide if he is a good guy or a bad guy. And I kept guessing to the end, which way the young priest would go.
The Order, may not be a blockbuster that raked in the dough, but I suspect it will become a cult classic because it has all those issues of youth, choosing a path and the conflict of ‘Damn If You Do And Damn If You Don’t.’”
Satan nods and leans back against the sofa. He looks at God. “Okay. So, sometimes Sam surprises even me. I figured he would comment on the photography and special effects.”
The Prophecy
“Thursday, I would recommend, “The Prophecy.” Actor Christopher Walken is scary as an archangel. This is another of those stories that makes mortals feel like they are always caught in the crosshairs of a shooting match between God and Satan.”
“Monkeys,” laughs Satan. “If it is the movie, I think it is, Walken as the angry archangel always criticizes humans and calls them “monkeys.”
“Some actors really seem to become the roles they play. I could believe Christopher Walken as an archangel. But, after watching this movie, if Christopher Walken was an archangel – I would be one mortal that would never upset him,” I admit.
I nod at Satan. “In some movies, sir, you are always portrayed as a creature that wipes out everything in the path and could careless about the results. In this movie, the actor that portrays you allows you to come off like a serious businessman, who realizes he has to pick and choose his battles. The Prince Of Darkness is portrayed as a serious and intelligent entity, who has a plan to rise above his station in the Universe.”
Satan grins, “Touche.”
“Friday ?” God smiles.
Constantine
“Constantine, sir. A great Keanu Reeves film. I love the gold ‘God Gun” in the movie. It is creative to put a round cylinder on a cross and blow away the bad guys.”
“Fire power,” snickers Satan !
“True,” Sam admits. “The story is awesome. The exorcist is in bad need of a vacation. He is ready to toss in the towel on his place in the never ending battle of Good and Evil.”
The Woman
“The woman,” sighs Satan. “There is always a woman.” Satan smiles and gestures. He is transformed into an attractive big, beautiful, buxom, blonde woman in an low cut, strapless V neck red evening gown. The massive diamond necklace and matching earrings glow.
God shakes his head. “Satan, sometimes you are a real ‘Drama Queen.”
Satan strolls over to me and leans up against my shoulder. “There is a woman in this film.”
“Yes, sir. . .er. . .mam.”
“Rachel Weisz plays a dual role as a detective and a victim. She is crucial in getting Keanu Reeves as the exorcist to move forward to help her to solve the case at hand and battle half demons and half angels in the process.”
Satan in the guise of a wealthy woman continues to act in the role of a seductress and moves around me. “Why would I want to watch a film where the hero and heroine is sending demons back to Hell ? ”
“They do it in style,” I answer. Keanu Reeves is wonderful in the role of the exorcist. He knows what need to be done. He is just fed up with the whole Good versus Evil contest. But, when the time comes for the rubber to meet the road. He acts. He is a man on a mission. So determined that nothing in Heaven or Hell is going to stop him. In the movie, he goes literally, “straight to Hell.”
The graphics of being in Hell is intense. You will unbutton your shirt collar and get up to get a glass of water. The hell graphic is so intense, you wonder why your TV isn’t melting.
There is a scene where Rachel Weisz has to lie in a bathtub of water. I found it intense. Anytime someone is under water and doesn’t appear to be breathing, then, you want to gasp for air or rise to the surface. The story needs to hold you under to make a point. The movie makes the point.
I step back and nod respectfully at Satan, “Well, sir. The actor, who portrays you, Peter Stormare, does so in a manner that makes you seem a skilled diplomat. He is dressed in a stylish white suit, which means Lucifer , a.ka., the devil, a.k.a, Satan does not always have to wear black.
“And, in the “Constantine” movie’s Lucifer has his own style, which means that even though Lucifer is immaculately dressed, he is barefoot.
Who but The Prince Of Darkness would dress to the nines and then go barefoot?”
Satan nods and changes back to the man in the tuxedo. “It is nice when mortals portray me as a man with a plan rather than some kind of loose cannon kill crazy psycho.”
“With respect, gentlemen there you have it. Wednesday, The Order with Heath Ledger. Thursday, The Prophecy with Christopher Walken. Friday, Constantine with Keanu Reeves.”
God nods and the table, in front of the sofa, fills with two buckets of popcorn, two large drinks and an assortment of candy bars. God raises his hand and The Order DVD materializes in his hand.
“Sam, would you like to join us for an evening at the movies,” asks God.
“I would love to, sir. But, I really need to work on another creature feature movie review article for Halloween to post for my blog readers.”
“Understood,” he smiles.
God raises his hand. The large red theater curtains part to reveal the huge silver screen. God snaps his fingers and the light above flickers as the opening attractions appear on screen.
God looks at me. “If you are ready ? I’ll send you back.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you.” God raises his hand.
“Wait ! Before you send Sam back. Saturday,” Satan exclaims.
“Sir,” I ask ?
“Not that I would have time to waste on some movie on Saturday,” Satan explains.
“Saturday is one of my busy days. Come Saturday, I am always on the move. But, just for the sake of discussion, if I did want to see a creature feature on Saturday what would you suggest ?”
“Sir, there are plenty of vampire, zombies and monster movies for creature features that you could choose for Saturday,” I reply.
Satan nods. “Okay. Okay. Okay. But, if we stick for awhile longer with demons as creatures, off the top of your head, what movie comes to mind.”
A Devil’s Advocate
I smile, “A Devil’s Advocate.”
“A Devil’s Advocate,” Satan repeats the name with a smile.
Satan looks at God, “I hate to admit it. As mortals go, I find myself sometimes thinking Sam, here, isn’t such a bad guy for a mortal.
“Hang on a second. Mouthpiece. Shyster. Those are words for lawyers. The phrase, “Philadelphia lawyer,” is a phrase for lawyer. Umm, devil’s advocate, as I recall is a phrase for lawyers.”
Satan frowns at me. “I ask for a horror movie and you give me a lawyer movie.”
Satan frowns at me and straightens out his arm to point at God without looking. “Mr. Creator Of The Universe, over there, is the one with a sense of humor. I don’t have a sense of humor. I’m the guy people say who has a short fuse. I am legendary for getting hot under the collar. Tell me, Sam, we are on the same page, here.”
I nod, “Yes,sir. A Devil’s Advocate is a horror flick.”
Satan steps back and looks at me. “Horror flick,” he reminds me.
“Yes, sir. It is a horror flick. It is about lawyers,” I smile.
“In America, lawyers are usually thought to be creatures. Therefore, the lawyers as creatures meets my criteria for creature feature. Some of us, Americans, even think of lawyers more as demons than humans.”
“Sir, as Satan, The Legendary Prince Of Darkness, I would imagine that you could appreciate this movie. First, in this movie, in The Real World, you are a senior partner of a law firm. Your firm is making money hand over fist. You have the best of all worlds and no one can stop you in the Real World because all the talented and smart lawyers work for your firm.
Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron are the lawyer and his young wife, who are rocketing to stardom through the American legal system. There are numerous twist and turns throughout the movie.
What Charlton Heston did for Moses and The Ten Commandments, Al Pacino does for Satan in the role of John Milton, a lawyer, in A Devil’s Advocate.
Satan, the devil, arrives on screen larger than life. He is an outgoing, vivacious, person who never apologizes for being and acting human. It is obvious, the devil enjoys the weaknesses of being human. The irony is you can be bad and have the good life.”
Satan grins. “Sam, do I detect a note of admiration and respect in your voice.”
“Yes, sir. Daddy is a Texan. I was taught Southern hospitality. Momma is a hillbilly, who always demanded I ‘respect’ my elders. I’m in my 50s, but, I know that you and God are much older than I, so, sir, I have to respect my elders and you, gentlemen, are my elders.”
“Admiration,” teases Satan. “This movie makes you admire me; doesn’t it ?”
“Not admire, sir. Understand. The movie points out that while it is really easy for humanity to choose the easy way and the negative choices; it is wiser to follow the longer road to positive choices. In this movie, Satan is humanized because he understands the fears and the needs of people.”
Satan grins. “You enjoyed the payback in the movie. You like it when the bad guys get what is coming to them.”
“Always, sir.”
I look at God, “With all due respect, sir, I have never been a ‘turn the other cheek kind of guy.’ No offense.”
“No offense taken, Sam. Remember, I still have my Old Testament moments, even today.” God smiles.
God raises his hand to send me back.
“Wait !” Satan points at me. “I don’t want you to spoil the ending of this movie for me, but, I sense you really do enjoy this movie. You have admitted that you like watching the bad guys get what is coming to them.
“I sense you like the special effects of the film. It is obvious you like the story overall. But, I’m still getting a feeling that you think this is one of those movies that brings it all together.”
I nod.
“Don’t ruin the ending for me, but what brings this movie all together.”
I laugh. “The reporter ?”
“Reporter ? What reporter,” ask Satan ?
I grin. “ Ask my wife. Ask my cousin, Donna. Ask any of my family and friends and they will tell you, I considered it my life’s calling to be a reporter. I love being a reporter. Being a reporter, is all I ever really wanted to do in life. Being a reporter, is my “dream job.”
“I love it in a movie, when the reporter triumphs over all the odds. I could relate to the reporter in the movie. In this movie, the lawyers all do their own thing. They choose their Heaven and Hell. The smart guy is the reporter.”
Satan shrugs, “What reporter ?”
God laughs. “Watch the movie.”
I nod at the Junior mints box on the table. “May I ?” God nods. “Go ahead, Sam.”
I pick up the box of Junior Mints and step back to be sent back to The Real World.
Satan grimaces, “What reporter ?”
I smile. “The reporter in the movie brings the story around from the beginning to the end. He gets the last word.”
I feel the phase procedure begin. I wave at God and Satan sitting on the sofa, in front of the theater stage. God smiles and nods.
The Legendary Forces Of The Universe begin to become a distant blur, in front of my eyes. I feel my body begin to move back through Time and Space to The Real World,
In the distance, I hear Satan mumble, “What reporter ?”
Sam