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World’s Greatest Dating Advice

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Ozarks Relationship Wisdom — Move over King Solomon – make room for Opal Warren

World’s Greatest Dating Advice

by Samuel E. Warren Jr.

Armageddon. Apocalypse. Extinction Of Life On Planet Earth. Welcome to Dating In America.

When a young man or a young woman finally decides that they are interested in finding someone that they can share their life with, then, they begin the most dangerous journey of their life. You try to find someone you can trust and someone you can love.

In a world, where everyone has their own agenda – a young man or a young woman always believes everyone other than themselves will find:Love.

In the 21st Century, even middle age and senior citizens, are once again stepping back into The Arena Of Dating And Relationships.

The World’s Greatest Dating Advice, I ever got came from my mother. I was 13.

Opal M. DeLong Warren, my mother, gave me the only dating advice that ever proved to be of any real value.

Canon AE-1Program Photo by Samuel Warren

Son, quit wearing your heart on your sleeve. When you find the woman you want to marry; you won’t have to look for her. She will find you. You won’t have to chase girls and women. The woman that you want to marry will find you.”

When you are a 13 year old teenager, interested in girls, listening to the advice of teenage guys around you and dealing with the other cultural influences of television and movies, then, you figure your mother is just being a good mother and telling you something to make you feel good.

I was wrong.

Momma was right.

Momma’s advice may not work for every man and woman on the planet, but I believe it is a good starting point.

A person who loves you will find you and you will find them.

I decided to write this article because the age old torture of finding a person that you can love and who will love you – in return – never seems to get any easier..

This article is about Relationships and Love; not Sex. Sex is a whole different Human Campaign that rates right up there with World Wars and other Great Conflicts of History.

Computers and the Internet have made meeting people easier, but they still haven’t solved the age old questions: “Is this the person for me ? Is this the love of my life ?”

I’ve noticed on social networking sites that young men and women, even middle age and senior people, are still asking the same questions that I asked back in the 1970s. Their results don’t seem any more impressive than mine did.

Everyone seems to worry about the same things I complained about to my buddies. Technology has made meeting people easier, but it still doesn’t guarantee a working relationships and it doesn’t promise that you have found your soul mate.

I tried everything I could think of to find Mrs. Right in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s.

I had completely ignored and forgotten Momma’s advice until I was in the Republic of the Philippines in the late 1980s. A woman began talking to me. She found me and started up the conversation.

All the garbage, drivel and noise that we hear, see, read and learn about relationships gives us someone else’s concept of what is important in a life partner from age, weight, sex, race, creed, skin color, national origin and all the other factors that get programmed into our minds like a computer virus always waiting to confuse and frustrate our efforts.

The Head and The Heart are different operating systems that look at life differently. Life isn’t logical. Love isn’t logical.

Reach deep inside your Head and run a soul-searching Diagnostic on everything that you think you know about Love. Just like your computer, pick a time when you have plenty of time to reload your Operating System because just like your computer, when it comes to Love – there are tons of junk files, worms, viruses, trojans, cookies, APIs, widgets and all kinds of hidden code that Society, friends, family, acquaintances, churches, schools, clubs, companies, organizations and even people on the street have uploaded to your Mental Hard Drive.

If you are willing to Scrub and Reformat your Mental Hard Drive to be open to new information about Love that You decide is important, then, you’ll probably find that – Mrs. Right or Mr. Right is logged on to the Universe and looking for you.

When the girl named Christy first spoke to me and tried to start a conversation I had a cold beer and some food, in front of me. I had already decided that I would be single for the rest of my life. I had had too many bad experiences with women in dating situations for most of my life. I had already decided my life’s calling was to be a writer. Loneliness, a feeling I never liked, is simply a feeling that I would learn to live with.

I’m sure I was a jerk that evening. I remember the evening to be a Friday, which meant I would get drunk to drink away the weekend. I was a lonely single G.I., who lived for his job. Probably around Sunday or Monday, I happened to meet Christy again. And, this time we talked for awhile.

By now, I am in my 30 something years, and well past any traditional beliefs about “hearing music,” “feeling electricity,” or “a sense that curls your toes in their shoes,” et cetera. Still, the image of this woman remained in my mind. I enjoyed her company. I did know that I really hoped that I would see her again.  My other idea was to check out my Zodiac sign and her Zodiac sign in my astrology books.

I remembered what my mother had told me, “A person who loves you will find you…”By the late 1980s, I had earned my fair share of rejections, dating scars and battered heart wounds.

Cynicism and Skepticism were my drinking buddies with me always picking up the check and suffering the consequences. By now I had convinced myself that the concept of A Man And A Woman Loving One Another was basically a fairy tale like Cinderella.

Back in the 1970s, my mother had taken the time to explain her statement, in detail, “You won’t have to chase after a woman if she loves you. And, that is true for men and women. If you have to chase after someone, then, you don’t really want to be with that person because the people you chase after have something else in mind. Either they are interested in someone else or they are probably playing a game involving a way to get more money. Don’t chase after a woman. Let her come to you.”

Parental advice never seems to register with teenage logic until years later. I had forgotten momma’s advice and her explanation.

Like youth today, I wondered what my mother could possibly know about dating. The irony and humor in life is kids never want to think about there mom and dad as teenagers or 20 somethings making the same mistakes that they make. It is one thing to flip through the pages of a Playboy magazine, but you freak out if a friend comments, “Wow ! Look at her ! She looks like your mom !”

It took me years to remember and pay attention to momma’s advice. I don’t know if it will work for everyone, but you might want to jot the advice down on a sticky note or a scrap of paper and put it away for future reference.

Although Momma had given me the advice, naturally, I wanted to make my own decisions.

I followed my own path for a lot of years through the dating world. Hell – doesn’t have to be a place to go to after you die – sometimes- Hell is simply trying to reach out to another person in the belief that they might love you.

My belief is you can find your soul mate in this life.

All the crap that so-called Society told me, the ideas of culture, plus input from friends and other sources wasn’t worth spit. Romantic comedies are fun to watch on TV and in theaters. Romance novels are great if you like to read that literature Relationships are built in The Real World, you have to be your own contractor. You can choose to put this advice in your toolbox if you want to. I believe the advice works. You will have to decide if it works for you.

As a young single G.I., I had the opportunity to meet a lot of young single women.

Overseas, the cultures are different than in the United States. Cultural differences always magnifies the Dating Factors by at least to the Power of 10. The Head will take note of Cultural Differences. The Heart will smirk, “Get a Life.” You will have to decide what you believe in the issue of Love.

To go beyond Dating to be willing to walk down the aisle and into Holy Matrimony, you have to know in your gut that this is the right decision for you. This is one decision in Life that is never easy to make.

My buddy, Uncle Sam had always came charging to my rescue. In the past, whenever I found myself becoming too attached to a woman – “Poof”- the designated amount of time to be assigned to a certain base would be ending and Permanent Change Of Station Orders would arrive.

With PCS Orders, in hand, and a big smile on my face I would do “the duffel bag drag” to the awaiting aircraft ready to fly off into the sunset and the next base.

Meanwhile, back in the Republic of the Philippines, I was getting fond of Maria. The normal procedures of PCS Orders for me was still months off into the future.

I continued to see and date Maria. I didn’t know where the dating would lead.

By the time, I had reached my 30 something years; I didn’t believe I would ever marry. Through the years I had come to view the concept of Marriage as Life on Death Row.

I was living in a time where statistics listed Marriage as being as stable as the U.S. Economy in The Great Depression. Single Parent Families seemed to be the rule and not the exception.

Even Uncle Sam had acknowledged that military duties had to take into account the changing family dynamic. Single Air Force fathers and mothers had to periodically review documents that outlined who would legally raise a child if the parent died on active duty.

I had decided I was not the marrying-type. Any concepts and ideas I had about Marriage had been crated up and stood ready to ship off to the Smithsonian.

Life never just lets you sit on the bleachers and watch.

The Game of Life deals us all Jokers from time to time.  Nikon D 40 Photo by Samuel Warren

Good Old Uncle Sam walks in humming Kenny Rogers “The Gambler.” Somewhere in the Universe, the Joker twirls and lands on top of the dealt cards. The message: “Put up or shut up!” Uncle Sam had forced my hand and called my bluff.

Before me on the desk, the paperwork. The official notification that I had PCS Orders coming. It was time to move on. Sam the Newspaperman – Staff Sergeant Sam had to make a choice.

I don’t know if Momma’s Advice will work for you. If it does please drop me an email and let me know. I’d like to know if Momma’s advice was, in fact, a form of King Solomon’s wisdom.

Are you still curious about how my mystical Poker Game played out in the Real World ?

Uncle didn’t hold all the cards this time. I pick up and put on my black dress Stetson. I rise from the table. I smile. I toss my card at the pile. “Patty, cash me out,” I call and head out the door. The card smiles up and out at the remaining players. I’ve always liked the smile on The Queen of Hearts.

My Texas Queen Of Hearts Stetson Nikon D 40 Photo by Samuel Warren

I got My Queen Of Hearts.  Christy Warren.

Thanks, Momma.

Good Luck on finding your Mrs. Right or Mr. Right.

Sam

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Written by samwarren55

January 20, 2010 at 3:03 PM

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